I’ve
tried sending people imaginative messages but if I’ve spent time on it and they
don’t respond it pisses me off, so now I start with a ‘Hi’ and if they respond
we go from there.
He
responded and then asked if I was a Londoner, bollocks thought I, I don’t swipe
and travel as it’s a pain if you match with someone at the other side of the
country, however when I said no he said that he lived in Warwick which as I
live in Northants is pretty close (18 miles to be exact) it was worth
continuing the conversation.
We
talked for around 10 days on Bumble before he asked if I had Whatsapp and then
transferred over to there, we messaged several times a day, I found out during
this time that he’s a massive Cat Lover, how brilliant is that? Finally, one
that doesn’t moan about them or how many I have (5)
I
had just started to wonder if he was ever going to get round to asking me out
when he did just that, we arranged to meet for a drink on the Sunday and meet near
to where he lives (I normally go for the middle but there is nothing where I
live (apart from a couple of places in the village where I’d know people) and
neither of us knew anything in the middle, it’s also super rare for me to match
with someone that close!)
He
told me where to park my car and he came to find me there, we recognised each
other immediately which is a good sign! I had managed to sneakily ask a couple
of days before how tall he is and he told me he was 6.075 which I thought was
quite a specific measurement but he really is that tall, which is nice as it
means that he’s taller than me in heels (I wore heeled boots so I could check)
We
went to a nice pub and had a drink, well I had diet coke as I was driving and
he had a couple of drinks, he’s a big wine fan and likes wine tasting, so I
suggested that I chose and he tried to work out what it was, after him paying
for the first round he gave me his card to go to the bar with, I obviously
refused, I ordered him a wine and he didn’t get it right, he’s very competitive and was a bit
disappointed in himself, the next round he gave me his card and I ordered
again, he got it this time but apparently I have a brilliant poker face as when
I told him he got it wrong again he believed me!
We
had a really nice evening, laughed a lot and he kept coming to hug me, which
was a little strange and a first for a first date, although Cunt Face was a
little bit like that the first time we met (lets hope that’s not a bad omen
eh?) the pub was closing so we left and he asked if I wanted a little tour so
we went for a walk round, he showed me the castle, the old hospital, the church
and the stars (how romantic does that sound?!)
I
didn’t really have anything in the way of negatives which is highly unusual for
me, he lives fairly close (18 miles is really close for me, I’m used to up and
down the other end of the country) he’s tall, dark haired (although he does
have a bald patch coming on the back of his head) he’s got a good job, owns his
own home, is funny and sweet………. 30, if I was being picky I’d maybe like him a
couple of years older.....
He
said he’d had a great time and we continued chatting, by Wednesday I wondered
if he was going to ask me out again, the chat seemed to indicate that he liked
me and had a good time but I find that they usually mention seeing each other
again really early on. He then asked what I was doing at the weekend, as the
weather was due to be nice we decided on a trip to the Zoo, it meant going upwards
on the map for me so I said I’d collect him on the way through.
By
Friday I thought that the zoo might be a bit ambitious for a second date as it
meant us spending quite a lot of time together, I was a little nervous as I
thought I might have felt a little chemistry on date 1, he had messaged asking
if we were eating after the Zoo, again this seemed like a lot to commit to (do
I sound like I’m commitment phobic? Maybe I am, it’s over 8 years since I’ve
been in a proper relationship, I had around a year with Blue Eyes but it was
never very serious and I made that very clear so there was never any pressure
on me)
Dressing
for a sunny day at a Zoo is a nightmare, I went for knee length shorts and a
vest top, super casual. I arrived at his
house, he got in the car and kissed me acting like we’d known each other for
years and it was perfectly normal, it was at that point I noticed the piercing
Blue eyes I’d somehow missed on the first date, I love Blue eyes and I’m not
sure how I missed them to be honest.
We
had a great day, he apologised early on for him being ‘quite affectionate’ and
he really was, he touched, kissed and hugged me at every opportunity but not in
an odd way, I’ve been single so long that I really miss a bit of affection so
it was good.
On
the way back he said that there was a pub he’d like to take me to but on the
way we passed signs for Stratford-upon-Avon and decided to stop there, it was a
lovely evening, we had dinner and he was the same as he was in the Zoo, super
affectionate, we do maybe take the mick out of each other a bit too often
though and that seems to continue.
Spending
12 hours with someone on a second date is a first for me, again the nearest
I’ve got to that in the past is with Cunt Fact where we spent around 6 hours
together.
I
was out with the Space Cadet on the Sunday, we went to watch the GT Racing at
Silvertone, it was almost a little odd as we went with his brother (the one
that messages me A LOT) his girlfriend and their parents, kinda felt a bit
coupley, we had a nice day but I got ridiculously burnt (it’s rarely anything
but cold and windy at Silverstone so warmth was quite a surprise) there is more
of a story with the brother and GF which I’ll do a separate post on at some
point)
The evening before date three we were talking and Bumble came up, he was a little bit miffed to think I'd still been using it, which I have to admit I kind of understand but in the past largely people have continued using it so I deleted it, as had he.
The evening before date three we were talking and Bumble came up, he was a little bit miffed to think I'd still been using it, which I have to admit I kind of understand but in the past largely people have continued using it so I deleted it, as had he.
Since
then we’ve had three more dates, he came and spent the night at mine twice and
the second time we both worked from home, I have to say that over 24 hours was
too long together and I was happy to see him go home, I don’t know if it’s that
I’m not that into him or that I’ve been alone so long that it just totally freaks
me out. He also earned brownie points on date three by bringing flowers with him, I LOVE flowers.
The
third time I went to his, he had planned a few things to do, then asked if I
minded watching the Rugby, which I didn’t really. We didn’t go on the picnic as
the weather wasn’t amazing, so I dragged him out and we went for a walk around
a park, we didn’t go out for dinner as we had picnic food so really it was too
much time together not doing anything for me, I think I would have felt less
hemmed in, if we had been doing things?
By
lunchtime on the Sunday I’d really had enough and went home, all ready to call
it a day because again I felt a bit claustrophobic, I drove home the long way
with the feeling that I just wanted to run away but it’s my own head I want to
run away from really but that’s the bit that I can’t get away from no matter what
I do.
I
did something I don’t do often enough, instead of reacting I slept on it and by
Monday had decided that I wasn’t sure I really wanted to call it a day, he has
some traits that I really like, it hadn’t felt on the Saturday like we had much
in the way of chemistry but we definitely had on the first couple of dates, I’ve
not been past date three in years (I got to date three with Cake Destroyer last
year) and I don’t know if it just scares me or whether genuinely it’s just not
going to work out but I’ve now not seen him for just over a week and I have
felt like I’ve missed him.
I
find the Internet dating age difficult, I used to hear from him every day without fail,
would I miss that or him? He was away for the weekend and I didn’t hear from
him as much as usual (I didn’t expect to) and did miss it but again what do you
actually miss?
Another thing to consider is that we are both Cancerian's which means that we are both confusing and confused and a bit crabby, I'm not sure that this helps us but he's been really good at picking up on my fears, for one of the dates he suggested a time and then asked if it was 'too much togetherness' for me.
Another thing to consider is that we are both Cancerian's which means that we are both confusing and confused and a bit crabby, I'm not sure that this helps us but he's been really good at picking up on my fears, for one of the dates he suggested a time and then asked if it was 'too much togetherness' for me.
On
another note we’ve slept together three times now but we’ve not had sex and I
don’t know if that muddies the water a bit? I’m not the sort of girl that
rushes in and don’t sleep with someone before three dates but I’ve never met a
man that’s gone this long without putting in a bloody good effort to get in my
knickers, I know that it’s not that he doesn’t like me, what he says’ and does
is contrary to that, the only thing that I can think of is that we had a
conversation about penis size (I called him a knob head and it went from there)
and he said that unfortunately nobody likes a small penis…………..
Now
22 had a massive penis and after having sex twice I never want to put myself through
that again so size isn’t everything, however I guess it depends what the
definition of small is?
We both had birthdays, I got him lovely thoughtful presents, including a wine tasting event, he got me an IOU for a night away (that never got used)
He went away for the week in the September, I was quite surprised that I missed him like I did, we spoke while he was away but the minute he landed he said he'd missed me and could he come over, which he did, it was nice, he only stayed a few hours but it felt nice to have someone rushing back to see me.
We both had birthdays, I got him lovely thoughtful presents, including a wine tasting event, he got me an IOU for a night away (that never got used)
He went away for the week in the September, I was quite surprised that I missed him like I did, we spoke while he was away but the minute he landed he said he'd missed me and could he come over, which he did, it was nice, he only stayed a few hours but it felt nice to have someone rushing back to see me.
So, we continued to see each other, we made it about six months in the end (STILL NO SEX) a couple of failed attempts, which, I of course blamed on me not being attractive enough, because that's what we do.
We saw each other several times a week, most weekends, we stayed over, we did dinner, we went to nice places, we did nice things, we went walking, we watched films, we cuddled on the sofa, we tried to have sex but he couldn't get an erection, I got upset, I told him it wasn't his fault while thinking it was my fault.
As a last ditch attempt I booked us into an amazing hotel for 2 nights, I mean AMAZING! It is owned by a company I use a lot and get on really well with the team, so I asked if they'd do me a deal on the rate, the deal was pretty incredible as they did two nights, including meals as a gift for me.
So; off we went, up North to a beautiful city, we checked in and although the teams are always amazing, they'd obviously been told they had special guests in, as she walked us to our room she told us it was the honeymoon suite (amazing as they had a wedding in, oops sorry!) my heart sank a little at that, the last thing he needed was pressure!
There was a massive four poster bed, a room bigger than the flat I lived in, looking out onto the beautiful grounds. We'd planned to use the Spa and dinner that night.
We laid on the bed and he started to make a move, which was nice and unusual, maybe all wasn't lost? Then there was a knock on the door, he got up and answered it and it was housekeeping with something, the moment was ruined and we toddled off to the Spa for a swim, we came back and got ready for dinner.
I'd spent a fortune on this weekend where the hotel cost me nothing, it's the kind of hotel where you dress for dinner, I'd hoped that we'd finally have sex so I had all new underwear too, a couple of nice dresses for the evenings and casuals for the days, which we had planned to spend walking and going to one of the best zoo's in the country, which I'd been wanting to do for years.
He said I looked lovely and we had a gorgeous meal and wine before back to the room and playing card games, he made no moves and we went to bed, the next morning he made a move before breakfast, it ended, as usual with him not being able to get an erection, as usual I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't a problem, he made no effort to get the job done other ways.
We had breakfast in silence, he asked if I was ok and I wasn't far off crying at that point, I said yes and carried on, we spent a very quiet day walking around the City, I wasn't ok. There is absolutely no one to blame in these circumstances but at the same time I totally blamed myself. Was it me? Didn't he like me? Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I'm fat? Is it because I'm older than him?
We had another lovely dinner, another night dressed up, another night back in the room playing games, I gave him a hug goodnight and turned over, I absolutely couldn't do another rejection this weekend, it was meant to be special (I've never taken anyone to those hotels before, they (particularly the one near me) are very special to me and I'd wanted it to be perfect.
The following day I was a bit more upbeat and the zoo was incredible, I'm at my happiest around animals and they had loads of babies, we were close, he was huggy and hand holdy and it made me think perhaps I was wrong. On the way home he had his hand on my knee and said that he didn't really want the weekend to end.
I spent the two hour journey trying to utter the words that we should call it a day but couldn't quite get them out, I had tears on the way from his to mine once I'd left.
Things very much carried on like that for a few more weeks, I think we tried sex once more before I avoided it completely, I just couldn't take it anymore, I knew it was doomed but we did quite like each others company, such a weird situation.
I started looking at houses and wasn't really sure where I wanted to me, he came to look at some with me and when we went for a drink afterwards he said that we should think about buying somewhere together as we'd be able to buy a massive house, I told him he was mad and laughed it off, he also pissed me off as he was really handsy in public and I find that quite tacky and well also in the current circumstances when he's not massively like that at home........... so I went home and told him I didn't think it would work.
He apologised and said he was an idiot and we patched things up for another couple of weeks, then on a Wednesday he messaged asking if I'd like to go to his brother and girlfriends on the Saturday for dinner, if I'm honest, with where we were it's the last thing I wanted but we'd been together about six months, I knew they were important to him and I didn't feel like I could say no, so I agreed, reluctantly.
On that note, I already didn't think I'd like the brothers girlfriend, earlier in our relationship I'd had some tickets for an event, he had mentioned it to her and she said she'd like some, I offered four tickets but she then wanted 6, so I got them, I gave her around £500 of tickets and she didn't even tell him to tell me thank you, this is now two years later and I'm still pissed about it, so no, I didn't want to go!
Thursday was normal, he was meant to be coming round on the Friday, we were messaging and he told me that he was depressed and life is shit, I tried to get a bit more out of him, his answer was 'work, phone, tomorrow' I asked if he could try adding some words to make some sentences.
His message said 'work was stressful, broken phone pissed me off, not sure about tomorrow as Beth is gonna annoy me' I suggested the best option was not to go then and asked why she annoyed him, to which he said she 'gets involved in my relationships' I responded with 'I won't go then, problem solved' he said no, he'd said I would, I was also a bit annoyed about that, he said he was probably being a bit of a drama queen (which he was very good at)
My final message said ' I'm not bothered about going tomorrow so if you want to go on your own I'm fine with that' he didn't respond and arrived shortly after, his favourite food is pie and I'd gone to the effort in the day of making him a chicken and mushroom pie, honestly why I fucking bother is totally beyond me.
Things were fine when he arrived, pretty normal, he was cuddly and chatty.
We got up the next day and I was quiet, I didn't want to go but I didn't want to upset him by telling him that, by late afternoon he said he was going for a sleep and asked me to go with him, I said no as I needed to get a bath etc in and get ready, he went to my room, while I did that and sorted the cats out. I got dressed, put some makeup on and walked into the lounge with my boots to put on, he let me sit on the sofa and put my shoes on before saying 'I don't think this is working' Surprisingly I was surprised, I knew it wasn't working but I guess I thought it would be me that called it a day.
I said fine, I agreed it wasn't working and said it was hard to have a relationship when we couldn't even manage sex, for the first time I asked if it had happened before, he said yes.
I bundled him out of the door pretty quickly, came back in, took clothes and makeup off and sat on the sofa in a bit of a daze really.
I knew it needed to happen, I knew it would happen, I guess I expected it to happen on my terms, I'd been single a long time and I enjoyed having someone to do nice things with, I liked that he was tactile and huggy.
He left it until the Sunday before messaging and I was a bit livid, he apologised and said the dinner had put him under pressure and he'd made the decision as we were ready to walk out of the door, he spent weeks convincing me we should be friends still and I tried, I did but it's hard to be friends after all that, we spent a couple of days together, he came to see the cats, we went for a walk, he came to see Cirque du Soleil with me last year (another friend there too but that was the last time we saw each other, I saw every reason that day why we didn't work, the way that he tried to be so superior and belittle others, the turning up late and making me late to meet the other friend, the way that he got on everyone of the 7 trillion nerves in my body, I stepped back again at that point.
I moved in July 2019, after a really stressful six months, into my dream home, it's brand new, detached, huge, looks out onto beautiful countryside, it really is everything I've ever wanted (apart from an extra mile in between neighbours who are just lovely!) I have genuinely worked my arse off for it, he kept asking to visit and I just wasn't feeling it, in the flat even once we'd split he'd go to the cupboards and help himself, I can honestly say I think that would make me go mad here.
You may wonder why I let it go like that for so long, what he said and did always made me feel like he was keen, he used to moan that it was always him that wanted to see me, that he always invited me over or asked if he could come over, he used to cuddle and kiss me all the time, I FELT that he was keen, he'd told me he'd never had a relationship that lasted as long as we had, he wasn't very experienced with women, you could tell, you can talk yourself into most things if you try hard enough.
We've had no contact now since Halloween (when I asked him the name of a board game that we'd played and I do think that's the best way, I really do think you can be friends after a relationship but I think it's hard when it's been one like this, that played out so badly.
Cat Lover - The End.
We saw each other several times a week, most weekends, we stayed over, we did dinner, we went to nice places, we did nice things, we went walking, we watched films, we cuddled on the sofa, we tried to have sex but he couldn't get an erection, I got upset, I told him it wasn't his fault while thinking it was my fault.
As a last ditch attempt I booked us into an amazing hotel for 2 nights, I mean AMAZING! It is owned by a company I use a lot and get on really well with the team, so I asked if they'd do me a deal on the rate, the deal was pretty incredible as they did two nights, including meals as a gift for me.
So; off we went, up North to a beautiful city, we checked in and although the teams are always amazing, they'd obviously been told they had special guests in, as she walked us to our room she told us it was the honeymoon suite (amazing as they had a wedding in, oops sorry!) my heart sank a little at that, the last thing he needed was pressure!
There was a massive four poster bed, a room bigger than the flat I lived in, looking out onto the beautiful grounds. We'd planned to use the Spa and dinner that night.
We laid on the bed and he started to make a move, which was nice and unusual, maybe all wasn't lost? Then there was a knock on the door, he got up and answered it and it was housekeeping with something, the moment was ruined and we toddled off to the Spa for a swim, we came back and got ready for dinner.
I'd spent a fortune on this weekend where the hotel cost me nothing, it's the kind of hotel where you dress for dinner, I'd hoped that we'd finally have sex so I had all new underwear too, a couple of nice dresses for the evenings and casuals for the days, which we had planned to spend walking and going to one of the best zoo's in the country, which I'd been wanting to do for years.
He said I looked lovely and we had a gorgeous meal and wine before back to the room and playing card games, he made no moves and we went to bed, the next morning he made a move before breakfast, it ended, as usual with him not being able to get an erection, as usual I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't a problem, he made no effort to get the job done other ways.
We had breakfast in silence, he asked if I was ok and I wasn't far off crying at that point, I said yes and carried on, we spent a very quiet day walking around the City, I wasn't ok. There is absolutely no one to blame in these circumstances but at the same time I totally blamed myself. Was it me? Didn't he like me? Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I'm fat? Is it because I'm older than him?
We had another lovely dinner, another night dressed up, another night back in the room playing games, I gave him a hug goodnight and turned over, I absolutely couldn't do another rejection this weekend, it was meant to be special (I've never taken anyone to those hotels before, they (particularly the one near me) are very special to me and I'd wanted it to be perfect.
The following day I was a bit more upbeat and the zoo was incredible, I'm at my happiest around animals and they had loads of babies, we were close, he was huggy and hand holdy and it made me think perhaps I was wrong. On the way home he had his hand on my knee and said that he didn't really want the weekend to end.
I spent the two hour journey trying to utter the words that we should call it a day but couldn't quite get them out, I had tears on the way from his to mine once I'd left.
Things very much carried on like that for a few more weeks, I think we tried sex once more before I avoided it completely, I just couldn't take it anymore, I knew it was doomed but we did quite like each others company, such a weird situation.
I started looking at houses and wasn't really sure where I wanted to me, he came to look at some with me and when we went for a drink afterwards he said that we should think about buying somewhere together as we'd be able to buy a massive house, I told him he was mad and laughed it off, he also pissed me off as he was really handsy in public and I find that quite tacky and well also in the current circumstances when he's not massively like that at home........... so I went home and told him I didn't think it would work.
He apologised and said he was an idiot and we patched things up for another couple of weeks, then on a Wednesday he messaged asking if I'd like to go to his brother and girlfriends on the Saturday for dinner, if I'm honest, with where we were it's the last thing I wanted but we'd been together about six months, I knew they were important to him and I didn't feel like I could say no, so I agreed, reluctantly.
On that note, I already didn't think I'd like the brothers girlfriend, earlier in our relationship I'd had some tickets for an event, he had mentioned it to her and she said she'd like some, I offered four tickets but she then wanted 6, so I got them, I gave her around £500 of tickets and she didn't even tell him to tell me thank you, this is now two years later and I'm still pissed about it, so no, I didn't want to go!
Thursday was normal, he was meant to be coming round on the Friday, we were messaging and he told me that he was depressed and life is shit, I tried to get a bit more out of him, his answer was 'work, phone, tomorrow' I asked if he could try adding some words to make some sentences.
His message said 'work was stressful, broken phone pissed me off, not sure about tomorrow as Beth is gonna annoy me' I suggested the best option was not to go then and asked why she annoyed him, to which he said she 'gets involved in my relationships' I responded with 'I won't go then, problem solved' he said no, he'd said I would, I was also a bit annoyed about that, he said he was probably being a bit of a drama queen (which he was very good at)
My final message said ' I'm not bothered about going tomorrow so if you want to go on your own I'm fine with that' he didn't respond and arrived shortly after, his favourite food is pie and I'd gone to the effort in the day of making him a chicken and mushroom pie, honestly why I fucking bother is totally beyond me.
Things were fine when he arrived, pretty normal, he was cuddly and chatty.
We got up the next day and I was quiet, I didn't want to go but I didn't want to upset him by telling him that, by late afternoon he said he was going for a sleep and asked me to go with him, I said no as I needed to get a bath etc in and get ready, he went to my room, while I did that and sorted the cats out. I got dressed, put some makeup on and walked into the lounge with my boots to put on, he let me sit on the sofa and put my shoes on before saying 'I don't think this is working' Surprisingly I was surprised, I knew it wasn't working but I guess I thought it would be me that called it a day.
I said fine, I agreed it wasn't working and said it was hard to have a relationship when we couldn't even manage sex, for the first time I asked if it had happened before, he said yes.
I bundled him out of the door pretty quickly, came back in, took clothes and makeup off and sat on the sofa in a bit of a daze really.
I knew it needed to happen, I knew it would happen, I guess I expected it to happen on my terms, I'd been single a long time and I enjoyed having someone to do nice things with, I liked that he was tactile and huggy.
He left it until the Sunday before messaging and I was a bit livid, he apologised and said the dinner had put him under pressure and he'd made the decision as we were ready to walk out of the door, he spent weeks convincing me we should be friends still and I tried, I did but it's hard to be friends after all that, we spent a couple of days together, he came to see the cats, we went for a walk, he came to see Cirque du Soleil with me last year (another friend there too but that was the last time we saw each other, I saw every reason that day why we didn't work, the way that he tried to be so superior and belittle others, the turning up late and making me late to meet the other friend, the way that he got on everyone of the 7 trillion nerves in my body, I stepped back again at that point.
I moved in July 2019, after a really stressful six months, into my dream home, it's brand new, detached, huge, looks out onto beautiful countryside, it really is everything I've ever wanted (apart from an extra mile in between neighbours who are just lovely!) I have genuinely worked my arse off for it, he kept asking to visit and I just wasn't feeling it, in the flat even once we'd split he'd go to the cupboards and help himself, I can honestly say I think that would make me go mad here.
You may wonder why I let it go like that for so long, what he said and did always made me feel like he was keen, he used to moan that it was always him that wanted to see me, that he always invited me over or asked if he could come over, he used to cuddle and kiss me all the time, I FELT that he was keen, he'd told me he'd never had a relationship that lasted as long as we had, he wasn't very experienced with women, you could tell, you can talk yourself into most things if you try hard enough.
We've had no contact now since Halloween (when I asked him the name of a board game that we'd played and I do think that's the best way, I really do think you can be friends after a relationship but I think it's hard when it's been one like this, that played out so badly.
Cat Lover - The End.
