tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48696822314000868352024-02-18T23:13:47.270-08:00www.kissingfrogs.co.ukWe have moved, please come and visit us at:
www.kissingfrogs.co.ukKissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.comBlogger202125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-57077759460776953842020-08-28T05:06:00.004-07:002020-08-28T13:58:20.562-07:00www.kissingfrogs.co.uk <p>It you’d like to read the next instalment of The Pilot we have finally moved to our own domain:</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">www.kissingfrogs.co.uk</span></h2><div><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: x-large;"> Come on over</span></div>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-54963015128993643152020-08-27T05:55:00.003-07:002020-08-27T05:55:26.719-07:00The Pilot - Black Box Edition<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">This is a post that I very much don't want to write, you'll see from my blog that it's rare that I meet someone that I want to pursue things further with, it's even more rare that I'm pretty excited about them and am really keen on seeing again, it's rare that those feelings seem reciprocal and it's rare that they tick all of those little boxes on my quite long list but The Pilot did.......................</span></div><p></p><p>Now I think there is a limit to the feelings you can have for someone in a couple of dates like we have, so it's not heartbreak like it is when you're in love, it's the feeling that something good could have been and you'll never know. </p><p>We had conversations that I wouldn't normally have with people I don't know very well, we talked about the things we had in common, things we'd like to explore in (and out) of the bedroom, the list of things we have in common was long, when we asked each other questions, more often than not the other answered with 'me too' </p><p>For three weeks I woke up to a 'Morning' message daily, followed by a photo and we talked most evenings until we said goodnight, it's a hard habit to break, let alone for it to be gone in an instant. </p><p>You'll see in the last two posts about him that I've said all along he was too perfect and too good to be true, I also desperately wanted to be wrong, sadly I wasn't. </p><p>I said in my last post that his contact had changed slightly on Friday and Saturday, just morning messages and then no contact during the day/evening, I am always concerned about changes in habit, it usually means something is happening in the background but by Sunday it was back to normal so I thought I was probably being stupid and overthinking. </p><p>Sunday we talked from when he got home until we both went to bed, swapping photos and messages until gone midnight. </p><p>Monday morning he sent me the usual 'Morning' message with a photo in his shirt as he was going into training and I responded with one of me in bed and that was it................... sometimes it takes a while to respond but he always does and it's usually quite fast, it set me on edge a bit but I knew he'd been in training and tried to put it down to that, while having the feeling in my stomach that this was the beginning of the end, following the change at the weekend. </p><p>On our last date he'd talked about how it was his turn to give me the house tour at his and show me around the area, he was super fast in booking in dates one and two, so I thought I'd mention meeting to gauge what was happening, he'd been talking about it during the second date and since. </p><p>I sent him a casual message at 19:40 asking how he was and asking if he fancied meeting for a drink one night, he responded at 20:58 in his usual manner but saying he had an annoying week but free next week if any good. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgysluTJBcHYvnqRcYGVrtjIBRRKS2Suzyd_0oGbRjUdtk3H4HjXP5y5Py203P4kdzEpF30FCdPJ65mI7RYk7v1ghFCzYZ0gjZ_G-BJkfC_FbJ79EvswhLDMYupzNGwjGRxf5ep_LJcTuw/s1125/12C2744C-11CC-4D2B-A5A9-C978DA0CF758.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="908" data-original-width="1125" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgysluTJBcHYvnqRcYGVrtjIBRRKS2Suzyd_0oGbRjUdtk3H4HjXP5y5Py203P4kdzEpF30FCdPJ65mI7RYk7v1ghFCzYZ0gjZ_G-BJkfC_FbJ79EvswhLDMYupzNGwjGRxf5ep_LJcTuw/w210-h170/12C2744C-11CC-4D2B-A5A9-C978DA0CF758.jpeg" width="210" /></a></div><p>I'm pretty sure the good friend is the ex, we'd chatted about past relationships over the weekend and he'd said that they are very good friends and see each other often but I don't see a major issue with that, usually I'd think that if they don't hate each other it's positive and he's likely not a wanker, he also said they'd split as they ended up being little more than friends.</p><p>Also; normally he'd tell me why the week was annoying, like this week he had two days training. </p><p>Should I have sent the message I did? Who knows? I never will but I genuinely would rather know if someone is checking out, you can then move on and I'm a big fan of closure, I think it's important but I do need to remember that no matter what you do, you don't always get closure, in fact I don't think you often get closure, people find honesty difficult but is honesty really more difficult than deception?</p><p>Even though I know ALL of this I'm a Cancerian who isn't good at taking her own advice. I struggle to walk away from people I've connected with, whether it's friendly or romantically, I'm still friends with most of my exes, the Ex Best Friend is part of my life again, even after hurting me badly. </p><p>I genuinely don't let people into my life easily, I'm not great at making friends and early days in new relationships are difficult for me as I have to lower the walls that I surround myself with and although I know this has to happen I find it incredibly hard, why lower a wall to enable someone to hit you with a baseball bat five minutes later. </p><p>I don't think that I was harsh in the message? I was just asking a question and I guess giving him the opportunity to check out if he wanted to, unusually for me, I also stated that I did like him and would like to see him again, maybe that's where I went wrong?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFrvQFgSmdQqFUJ6GcQAI6B7IKy4WHH9b5kla-3WSvxPy_Ojl6PtzueFXwM63E1cPiDx-Iiy4JqxCWq7KynfOe8ktIyU8YvMTS4xG9Vh6yIDq8xkq0olYpvrBl01jzZwPAdSkJx0Ao9dM/s1125/4C0F83F2-EACA-492D-919F-CD166320020C.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="1125" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFrvQFgSmdQqFUJ6GcQAI6B7IKy4WHH9b5kla-3WSvxPy_Ojl6PtzueFXwM63E1cPiDx-Iiy4JqxCWq7KynfOe8ktIyU8YvMTS4xG9Vh6yIDq8xkq0olYpvrBl01jzZwPAdSkJx0Ao9dM/w210-h171/4C0F83F2-EACA-492D-919F-CD166320020C.jpeg" width="210" /></a></div><br />The message was initially unread for the evening and I did wonder if it would stay like that indefinitely but at 07:58 the next morning it went to blue ticks and then 23 minutes later, after staring hard at the phone and my legs shaking wondering what it would say, I got a reply.<div><br /></div><div>I expected it to be stroppy, or telling me to fuck off or something but it wasn't.<div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="329" data-original-width="959" height="88" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSpRaNAIJba2WirySkIDccx8fpOKkV9mA6V7cYaPUlDt54QSMaHDvS0uuFvdzaHvTS05sWueOCajCAhA6ZScSYci3UodRQIxm6HTzmEQErw6siKV96ZTmDFJx1X31WNwU92ieSo5q2aw8/w256-h88/BC76AB0D-9C2C-40E7-94AD-3C8DC9991BA6.jpeg" width="256" /></div></div><div><br /><div><br /></div><div>I was so pleased to see the message, that he wanted to see me again too but I did still have that feeling that something had changed, for the messaging to slow down, for the message to stay unread for so long, I left it a bit before responding as I knew he was in training and was unlikely to read it anyway and tried to respond in a similar vein to normal, despite what was happening in my head and stomach. </div><div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="586" data-original-width="1125" height="109" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh25cm5uLeQlVzPm8sncv6cmsf9YmRKXfIgz4RUDczA880xEwZ8tg4UNnLEeXIcWW-GZbR3EouONj4hCcMNVweTmpOGic2O6r9GT_zFrwtZtMwBYazjokDcRQvC0gknb2hyRf06yOiI9Lw/w210-h109/F9BD72CC-3A10-4246-9E3B-F09D83C2A65D.jpeg" width="210" /></div><br /><p>It was read about five hours after it was sent and that's how it stayed, I looked at my phone, I saw him appear online, I got annoyed, I got upset, I stared at the phone harder to see if that would make it ping, I checked his Bumble location and it remained at home (he didn't check in from work on Monday or Tuesday, which has been ususual for him and it still remains at his home location) Met someone maybe? Girlfriend? </p><p>If that was the case though why couldn't he have sent me a message saying that? I've met someone and I'd like to pursue it? I'd actually have had a respect for him (while still being hurt, I'm sure that bit wouldn't have changed) </p><p>I've joked all along that he's so good he's got to have a wife or six girlfriends stashed in cupboards but the photos he's sent of him have all been carefully inspected for any signs of a woman or another person but thinking on it today, he does a lot of RAF work and his ex is a Pilot, so maybe she's been away while we've been talking and seeing each other? </p><p>I actually have no idea why I'm speculating this because I'm never going to know. </p><p>Yesterday, I thought 'maybe he was just busy, read the message and forgot to respond' because if I'm honest I do this all the time, a message comes in, I read it, go to respond, get distracted and that's it, a day, a week or a month later I remember and feel like a terrible person and apologise, so with that in mind I sent what would be a 'normal morning message' </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6qiLw15_15ri9mkuBpPG04UJlWaWB83evQViPL-dnIw8ltEh5fTPqy3vsNotG-252CVw_85j0kwDNrCNJ4ULqJ4a6MF2af2dettTwNH8FrXEkB9ChiKou-z5s1cKw81ZIjFp_3S5cjLA/s781/3E77E63A-16B8-49C7-B6A9-7E08A2BFB661.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="180" data-original-width="781" height="48" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6qiLw15_15ri9mkuBpPG04UJlWaWB83evQViPL-dnIw8ltEh5fTPqy3vsNotG-252CVw_85j0kwDNrCNJ4ULqJ4a6MF2af2dettTwNH8FrXEkB9ChiKou-z5s1cKw81ZIjFp_3S5cjLA/w210-h48/3E77E63A-16B8-49C7-B6A9-7E08A2BFB661.jpeg" width="210" /></a></div><p></p><p>And then ends this story because it's been sitting for over 24 hours; Unread. </p><p>I feel sad, it was only three weeks but I feel and overarching sadness that I finally thought it was my turn for something good to happen when it came to dating. I cried yesterday, like really cried, over someone I barely know, which is just totally bizarre to me. </p><p>This morning I woke up feeling terribly sad and teary again, I was in tears while on a work call, all very unlike me. </p><p>And it took me back to four years ago; when I found out that Cunt Face's lodger was his girlfriend of 7 years. One of the boys walked past my desk and said 'You look really sad today KF' and it totally summed up what was going on at the moment and I'm feeling it all again now. </p><p>I'm a really weird mix of half introvert, half extrovert - an Ambivert. I get anxious over walking into a room, despite knowing that I'll be fine when I get in there. I absolutely hate small talk and am appalling at it but love conversations that engage me. I can be somewhere totally calm and be happy and be in the loudest of nightclubs and having a great time, I'm really good at finding our details that people wouldn't normally know and I'm well known as the joker. </p><p>If someone asks me if I'm ok, the answer is 'I'm fine thanks, how are you' no matter what the real answer is, when W@nk Bag and I broke up I cried every day for two weeks on the three hour round trip to work and back but you'd have never known it had happened when I walked into a meeting but I'd see friends and be happy, close my front door, crash against it and sob, I guess what I'm saying is for someone to pick up I'm sad it's pretty bad! </p><p></p><p>The last time I really hoped like this was four years ago, with Cunt Face, again right from date one there was something there and date two was even better, lots of chemistry, lots of laughter and that feeling of hope that this could be something. </p><p>Being the person I am, that struggles to leave things I'm going to send one more message in a few days, asking if he can send the Black Box Data; because it seems his planes gone down over the ocean with radio silence. </p><p>I know it won't help, I know it won't make me feel better, I know he'll likely leave it unread but sometimes you have to do something because you feel that you need to and this is one of those times. </p></div></div></div></div><div><br /></div>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-62496611668028390362020-08-25T05:05:00.008-07:002020-08-25T05:05:00.133-07:00EXFX - Continued...........<p>I've seen him a couple of times since the night I got soaked on the way home from his house. </p><p>His flirt game has upped in his very own quite niche way, which is using terminology such as his 'balls are always happy when I'm around' (I know, go figure) or do I want him to make a diversion and come to mine after he's been out (it's a small village and he lives approx 3 minutes walk away from me and has to not far walk past my road) </p><p>He came over one evening on the pretext of giving me a massage but he's not very good at massage apparently so didn't, however he did take me to bed for a bit (still didn't quite get to sex) but he did actually remember it was was a two person event this time, that's positive right?</p><p>He's not the best communicator, it can be every day, once a week, longer, who knows, I usually let him initiate contact though, he's normally first and it's rare I suggest we see each other, he does the leg work. </p><p>I guess we still talk fairly regularly but I like a bit more consistency and I probably do favour at least daily communication and it's quite rare we have that between us, although sometimes we do...... yeah, I guess it's a bit like that really! I am used to it with him though and I've now learned not to overthink it with him. A phrase I'm going to use is one I'd like to live by more really 'it is what it is' </p><p>He works in timber and I've had some stuff from them recently for the garden (that was a funny conversation when my carpenter called them and he answered and the phone was passed to me - he said he nearly didn't recognise my posh voice, I mean I've never spoken to him on the phone before so why would he?! I've been waiting on the developer to make changes to the wall and then for the trellis from his company to go up, once the wall was up I sent him a photo, he said he didn't think I needed the trellis anymore but said he'd come over and have a look if I wanted a second opinion, which I did. </p><p>We had a couple of days of his version of flirting and asking me if I'd put the pool up yet and when he asked me on the Sunday I said that I was going to put it up but that he would be going in it, he said he didn't want to go in it, he'd asked me for several days if I'd put it up yet, why wouldn't you?</p><p>He messaged a little later and asked if I was in, said he'd pop round and that I would see him before I heard him, meaning he was driving, I told him that was very lazy and he should leave the car at home, he said he was already out. </p><p>He turned up, minus the car and I commented that it was nice he had actually done as he was told for once, we went to sit outside with a drink, he had said in the week he had a pop rivet gun and would fix my kitten pen for me, so he got me to take me up and show him, realising that it was more complicated than he'd originally thought. </p><p>As we walked back downstairs he said something about not having eaten so I offered a sandwich, he said he was fine but he'd like a kiss and pulled me into him, he got a bit hot and steamy in the hall and he suggested going up to bed, I told him that he'd be getting in the pool first...... I mean it did seem like he needed to cool off?</p><p>As I pulled my shorts off he commented about me getting ready for the pool, I said that I'd always been getting in and had my bikini on underneath, he changed into his trunks and got in the pool, I mean it took him ages and he moaned a lot about how cold it was (it really wasn't that cold, it was over 30 and sunny, the pool was lovely) he stayed in about half hour and then got out, I got out too and came in to go to the loo, as I walked back through the house he was standing there, keen to get back to where we'd been before the pool, we went up to my room and I think we may have got to sex this time apart from 'have you got any protection' to which I explained that not even condoms have that long on their expiry date! </p><p>I've not had sex with anyone in 4/5 years so any I have had in that time have gone out of date and been chucked away, in fact not even just one box has met its fate like this, if I was seeing someone I think I'd have time to preempt it moving on and rectify that but I've not been sure that we'll ever get there. </p><p>Again we never quite got there, I'm still not back on that horse. He cuddled me for a bit and we chatted for a while before he got dressed and went home. </p><p>Although it was more normal as it was an afternoon I still feel like the getting dressed and going home bit makes it feel a bit transactional? </p><p>I had to order some hinges for the kitten pen, so I messaged him when they arrived, he said he could possibly do it that day and then a bit later that he was tired, when I didn't hear anymore from here I assumed he wasn't coming over.....</p><p>It was just over a week later that I heard from him but he has been away for the weekend with friends and only got back Monday night. </p><p>The Trellis has posed a problem, it needs to go back but my carpenter wants to take it back when he's there so has asked me to contact him to find out when he is in work but I didn't want to contact him because it's rarely me that makes the first move, the carpenter just knows we're friends, so he probably wonders why I'm stalling, instead of being more keen on getting my money back, truth is I'm stalling because I didn't want to be making the first move at getting in touch. </p><p>On Tuesday night I had the lovely date with The Pilot, you know the sort of date that you get carried away from, when you turn up and they actually look and sound how you expect, they haven't lied about themselves, they look like their photos, the conversation flows and you get home and get a message saying they'd like to see you again, followed by actually arranging to see you again............ yes, those weird and wonderful dates that nearly NEVER happen to me! </p><p>And a few hours later XBFX sends a message about coming over, I'd had nothing in over a week..... I didn't want to make a decision because I don't know what's going on in the background with either of them. I do worry about ruining the friendship between XBFX and I but it was only just over a week ago that we were talking about a group of guys that go away on 'boys weekends' and cheat on their respective partners, he said that 'chance would be a fine thing' when he's away and I'm not sure that didn't really tell me all I need to know. </p><p>Then Thursday brought Date Two with The Pilot, which was just as good as Date One, all of my multi dating theories went out of the window as I now wouldn't want to go on a date with anyone else until we know where we are and have explored things further. I said that there wasn't a hurry as the date I originally needed it for had passed and I had a few weeks before the next one, we had a quick chat, he's still got things going on at work and that was it...................</p><p>Until I bumped into him on Saturday night, while I was walking home with his ex, her boyfriend and one of his mates, he's read my message and hasn't replied, so I'm guessing that I'm in the dog house. </p><p>He also appeared on my Tinder feed last night (I'm not on there because I'm looking to date, I'm on there because I feel if The Pilot's still dating I should at least be looking) </p><p>I had a Facebook notification this morning reminding me that it was a year ago he first came to the house after getting in touch again, we spent the evening in the garden, having a drink while looking at the stars in my beautiful new house (it wasn't romantic like it sounds!!) </p><p>Life is never simple around here is it?</p>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-64648813638622660322020-08-24T04:30:00.004-07:002020-08-27T03:37:39.023-07:00The Pilot - Date TwoTwo dates in three days, this is totally unheard of for me, two dates in two weeks maybe, three days, I don't think has ever happened before.......<br /><p style="text-align: left;">I was terribly nervous, you can't dress up for a date at home, it was hot so I was in jean shorts and a black vest top, no makeup, freshly washed but 'un done' hair. </p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="763" data-original-width="1125" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhgXhSePOQdqtkK9SNPOW4oDYtGvWnImbPy4I51wENlyTEGlNkqUy86gWX3cq4F4XHMG5Bm4mhSNbjtqK8yZVGDjEQ93UduKLrSony-OiImUtrcWPPLFaXfvSbJH3CPo0TcT1x3I5kc_g/w210-h143/E5199808-6867-4B07-9A55-95EED860487D.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="210" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>He said he was excited to come over, the girls in my response being the cats, obviously, he gave me his ETA as he left home and I really did feel all of the pre date nerves. <div><br /></div><div>He arrived in shorts, T-Shirt and Flip Flops and took them off when he walked in, it was nice that I didn't need to ask him to, which happens so often. </div><div><br /></div><div>I asked what he'd like to drink and he said Tea, he was admiring the view from my front window and moved behind me and started rubbing my shoulders, to put that into context we've messaged a lot that we both like being massaged and are quite tactile, so it didn't feel odd. </div><div><br /></div><div>He's like a big, bouncy puppy, he went out into the garden for a look and said how lovely the house and garden was and again as I was stood talking to him about the garden he moved behind me and rubbed my shoulders.</div><div><br /></div><div>We sat and chatted and a little way in he commented on my painted toe nails and said he'd try some reflexology on my feet, again we'd discussed this in messages previously, he wasn't that good at it but ya know, willing is good right?</div><div><br /></div><div>He knew I had friends coming round in the evening and checked what time so that he wasn't getting in the way of cooking, which was thoughtful, I said I was good for a while and offered another cup of tea, he said if I was sure I had time and kept saying he was fine if I needed to answer emails etc (he was on standby and I was working but had arranged it so I'd not be very busy) </div><div><br /></div><div>When we came back in I said if he sat on the floor I'd massage his shoulders before he hit the motorway, he sat on the floor between my legs and I massaged his neck and shoulders through his T-Shirt, it was nice, he smelled AMAZING and has broad shoulders and strong arms, honestly it felt like such a chore!! 😉 He then decided that he should return the favour, so he did, with a bit of a rest stop to rest his arms on my chest at points. He said that it's the best second date he's had and much better than his usual stop at a service station, I mean, you'd hope so. </div><div><br /></div><div>We sat and chatted some more and he was asking about the house, so I offered a tour, he again took the opportunity to be rubbing my shoulders where he could but him being behind me kind of fits better due to the 10 inch height difference! As we walked round the house, he commented about how big it was and how clean it was, I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't expecting guests but I guess I have turned into a bit of a clean freak since I moved here, it's hard not to in a new house. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then we went up to my room...........</div><div>Again the view was admired (my house looks onto fields and it is beautiful, it was one of the reasons for buying the house)</div><div><br /></div><div>He asked if he could try my bed, I said yes and he laid down and asked which was my side, we discussed it and we both sleep on the same side, he pulled me into a spoon and hugged me tightly, it felt nice. </div><div><br /></div><div>I already knew at this point that I wasn't going to let it go any further, not that I didn't want it to, I really did but second date is too early for me, I'm not sure we'd get past third though if I'm honest. </div><div><br /></div><div>I turned over and we kissed properly for the first time, it was slow and gentle but definitely with some passion in there, he did try to take things a bit further but on his hand being moved stopped immediately. </div><div><br /></div><div>It got a bit heated and I suggested that it was probably time he hit the road and I got ready for friends that were coming for dinner, that was done really to save myself from wanting to rip his clothes off in reality. We went downstairs and he kissed me goodbye. </div><div><br /></div><div>I got a message about an hour later, to which I replied and then never heard from him until the Morning message on Friday. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpgoPuNE1Mh5UfZ_gMoykohRVDev7_CYTTOdL3vK4UwFHLQe-Q58_cIQ5BM1SzViahA9rav6Va1xqTN6_ihNv-NUuoJHLHIU6FEY7Xr7Zi0U4RDmG1Ay9uWWIEceGwVgyOBBvrYxR5Fhc/s1125/F6924416-9E4D-4C7D-A51E-3FC45640AB6F.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="1125" height="46" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpgoPuNE1Mh5UfZ_gMoykohRVDev7_CYTTOdL3vK4UwFHLQe-Q58_cIQ5BM1SzViahA9rav6Va1xqTN6_ihNv-NUuoJHLHIU6FEY7Xr7Zi0U4RDmG1Ay9uWWIEceGwVgyOBBvrYxR5Fhc/w262-h46/F6924416-9E4D-4C7D-A51E-3FC45640AB6F.jpeg" width="262" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>We had our normal morning chat and on most mornings we send a photo, one of us is usually ready for work and one in bed. We had a chat as usual, I was working and he was up north and was going out drinking with friends in the afternoon. I sent him a photo in the afternoon of my new desk and chair and he responded, I then didn't as he was out and the next I heard from him was the morning message the next day. </div><div><br /></div><div>We chatted for a bit and swapped photos as per usual, he was off to his brothers to help in the garden, I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day and my message was unread from 11:40 to 23:15 - now it had no questions, so he didn't need to answer but it sent me into overthinking mode fairly easily.</div><div><br /></div><div>Overthinking isn't difficult for me, I overthink everything and if there was an overthinking Olympics I would easily be a Gold Medallist. I overthink everything from have I locked the door to why I'm terrible at my job, maybe I said something to upset someone, what if we get locked down again, what if I lose my job, what if I can't afford my mortgage. </div><div><br /></div><div>Honestly I am terrible, I also rarely meet anyone I'm remotely interested in seeing again, so it adds another element for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I can't see why he'd like me, or want to see me again, I'm chubby and outspoken and probably a bit bloody annoying if I'm honest, another element to this is that Bumble shows where you are in real time, so I can see he's checked into it when he's been in the places that he's told me he's been (they match up) </div><div>There is no reason for him not to use it, we have had two dates but it doesn't help my anxiety and I actually wish they'd can the feature if I'm honest. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was going out Saturday night anyway, into the village with the Ex Best Friend so at least that would be a good distraction for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I decided to take my gorgeous Louis Vuitton purse out that was gifted to me when my friends Mum died, knowing that I could put my phone into it and only get it out at times when I wanted to check it, rather than it being on the table (I rarely have a bag unless I'm in a dress) </div><div><br /></div><div>I didn't know the night out was going to be her, me, her boyfriend and his friend (who I've known for 10 years and has tried to get in my knickers a few times in that time, however I've not seen him for around two) to make it clear at this point he has a long term partner of 20 odd years, although they have apparently been broken up for some of that time - it never had been an option for me and even without that never would be, with that in mind I wouldn't touch him anyway though. </div><div><br /></div><div>I met her and she said they'd be coming along shortly and I was, if I'm honest a bit disappointed but it is what it is, they joined us later and the guy gave me a big hug and said how pleased he was to see me, we then spent the rest of the evening with them but I ran into a few people that I'd not seen in ages, which was lovely, it was a good evening, while The Pilot stayed in my mind, he didn't dominate it. </div><div><br /></div><div>At the end of the night we walked home, the four of us. On the way home we walked past XBFX which was a bit awkward, I didn't even see him until we'd gone past but turned around and said Hi, at that point her boyfriend called him the Geek, I thought this was unfair and said that if either of them were geeks it was him as he works in IT - we had what I think was a light hearted argument where I told him that XBFX was a decent guy and he shouldn't be a knob, I hope we're still friends! </div><div><br /></div><div>The friend said he'd walk me home and I told him not to be stupid, I was literally round the corner but he insisted, he works for a builder and said he'd like to see the house, he'd looked at the friends houses for snagging, so I made a cup of tea and we chatted, in general about the friends and how happy they look together (she is seriously all over him, it's quite shocking to what I'm used to) etc, he asked for a tour of the house (yes, I know I've been here before but I assure you the tour from my point of view was just about the structure) he brought some useful things up as we walked around, missed most of the things I'd noticed but said he thinks its a pretty good build. </div><div><br /></div><div>We talked about the shower tray which had just started to be a bit wobbly, I got in to demonstrate and then he got in too (it's a big, walk in, so we still weren't that close) he thinks it's not properly packed out but at that point decided that It would be a good idea to try to kiss me, I pushed him away and then he tried again, to which I pushed more firmly and said that wasn't an option, we went downstairs, finished tea and I told him that it was time to go home as I was tired. </div><div><br /></div><div>He gave me a hug as he left, apologised for the kiss but said that he just had to try. </div><div><br /></div><div>I put the cups in the sink and went up to bed, clothes off, toothbrush in my mouth and I hear the doorbell, the beauty of this is that I have Ring, so I checked on the cameras and it was him, I did what seemed like the most sensible option and turned off the lights so that it looked like I was asleep, he kept ringing, I kept getting ready for bed. </div><div><br /></div><div>He then Facebook messaged me, saying he'd lost his keys and were they at mine, at this point I went down to check (in darkness) if his keys were at mine I wanted to ensure that he had them, surprise, surprise the keys weren't there, so I messaged him saying that the keys weren't there and that I was in bed and can't hear the doorbell there. He still tried the doorbell a couple of times after but I wasn't answering the door.</div><div><br /></div><div>He messaged the next day saying how nice it was to see me, that he'd had to walk to meet his daughter and had found the keys in his pocket, sounds suspicious if you ask me. I've only remembered today that he used to do this in my old place, leave and then try to get me to answer the door to come back it, it didn't work then, not sure why he thought it would now. </div><div><br /></div><div>I messaged XBFX saying I hadn't seen him until he had walked past - he's not responded, so I'm assuming that I'm in the dog house there too.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Pilot send his Morning message as usual yesterday and then messaged from the services on the way home and when he arrived, we spoke for most of the evening. </div><div><br /></div><div>We still don't have a third date set as yet but it has been mentioned a few times, so we'll see if it happens, I might actually ask what he's doing this week. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've swapped more photos with him than I ever have (nothing with body parts, maybe a little suggestive but that's it, I have a strict rule of they don't see anything in photos that they haven't seen in person) </div><div><br /></div><div>I think he tried to test the water a little over the weekend, saying that he'd had to retake a shot as showed a little too much in it, I reiterated that if I see his cock it needs to be in person, he's very sexual but remains respectful at the same time which I think is good. </div><div><br /></div><div>We talked previous partners last time, he said he's had three four year relationships, the last one lived with him and they are still very good friends, I asked why they had split up and added that he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to, he said that he's happy to answer questions as we find out about each other and that they had been little more than friends in the end. </div><div><br /></div><div>Last night's messaging was particularly flirty, I said I was disappointed that he's not in his Captains uniform today for work and he sent through a Morning photo today of him in his shirt and tie. </div><div><br /></div><div>And that's currently where we are with The Pilot, I really do have that 'this could be something' stashed away with 'but he's obviously got a girlfriend stashed away or is dating 10 other people and that he does continue to use Bumble (I know this is allowed and he's doing nothing wrong) but I definitely have no interest in anyone else at the moment. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've popped a hairband around my wrist today, to see if I can stop myself overthinking a bit. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm going out tonight, my gorgeous goddaughter got amazing GCSE results last week so I'm taking her out to celebrate, I won't be interrupting our evening with the phone, so if he and I talk tonight it will be later on. </div><div><br /></div><div>Going on dates with men where you know you aren't interested within 30 seconds of meeting them is a LOT easier! </div><div><br /></div>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-4358128561065533262020-08-19T09:55:00.001-07:002020-08-19T09:55:30.426-07:00The Pilot..............<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">The Pilot and I matched early on in the year but lost touch just before the world started turning mad, I remember thinking it was a shame at the time, the conversation had been good and he ticks a lot of my boxes but there you go.</span></div></div></div><p></p><p>We matched on Bumble again two weeks ago, I said 'We must stop matching like this' and he replied saying 'it's obviously meant to be' we've kept up a good level of conversation since, switching over to Whatsapp just before this weekend and then asked me if I had any free evenings this week, so we planned to meet up on Tuesday. </p><p>I can't remember when I felt this nervous about going on a date, maybe four years ago with Cunt Face? So we all know a fall is coming don't we? Even before meeting he did seem too good to be true. </p><p>He's 38 which is pretty age appropriate for me, I do like them younger but sometimes I veer on the side of 'young' I suppose (as in early 30's not 19) but if I could pick an age I'd pick early 30's/late 40's. </p><p>He's 6'4 and I do love a tall guy, I like to be able to wear heels and them to still be significantly taller than me, if I was to pick a perfect height for me it would be 6'2 but who's going to complain about an extra couple of inches?! 😉</p><p>From the title of this post you'll know what job he does, he's career minded and driven which I find attractive.</p><p>He's consistent with his messaging, I find that really attractive, I can live with someone that gets in touch sporadically (like EBFX) but it's not something I enjoy, I guess with EBFX I'm used to it now but I hate lack of communication. This morning The Pilot sent me a photo in his flying suit (in exchange for one of me in my dress for work) and then messaged saying he was just heading towards the Aircraft which meant I'd not hear from him for a couple of hours. He messaged Monday saying that he needs to find somewhere for us to meet tomorrow, so there is no is it happen, isn't it happening; although he is on standby so it could be cancelled at the last minute but I'm prepared for that as he's already pre warned me. </p><p>His consistent conversation is good, enough flirtation to think he'd not fuck around when it comes to erm fucking around but not enough for being too pushy or dick pics, he's good with compliments without being sickly. </p><p>He's got his own house, it's nice to find someone that doesn't live with their parents or house share, so that's a plus. </p><p>He's about an hours drive away, which isn't the end of the world but he's already said that when he's on standby he has 90 minutes to get to work and that as long as he had his uniform with him being at mine wouldn't be an issue - again it's nice that he's thought about that. </p><p>He's offered to come to a pub a couple of miles from my house, most would (and nothing wrong with it) want to meet in the middle.</p><p>He is very attractive; dark haired, blue eyed, of course being attractive and saying he's a Pilot I've checked him out on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, all of the info checks out, he sends ad hoc photos if I ask for them, so it seems legit (who'd have thought you'd need to go to that much effort to check someone out?!) </p><p>He messaged yesterday saying he was excited and I was too although also quite nervous, it's nice to not spend the day wondering whether it's going to happen or not. I've met people in the past that I've spoken with and it's sounded like it's going to be a great match and it's not been once we were there so that's always a concern. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9uDHAr-3Yu5Ub18WUuh5nhVf3ZJ35SMm6m-uCKuPdBUoTFIVwwJWQBSsjGIvqqVRrKt41QKzYB6Bky9tWR53zqt6suWsg0FEgRkFK6oy60rNXvIGUXYeWUTtDrYYyMWvizzJ6psziXv0/s1125/2C6E69A9-B688-4302-8ED3-730B4B3173C1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="505" data-original-width="1125" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9uDHAr-3Yu5Ub18WUuh5nhVf3ZJ35SMm6m-uCKuPdBUoTFIVwwJWQBSsjGIvqqVRrKt41QKzYB6Bky9tWR53zqt6suWsg0FEgRkFK6oy60rNXvIGUXYeWUTtDrYYyMWvizzJ6psziXv0/w210-h94/2C6E69A9-B688-4302-8ED3-730B4B3173C1.jpeg" width="210" /></a></div><p> </p><p>I was getting ready to go out when I managed to smash a plant pot in the kitchen (honestly?!) then I came down and realised that my car keys weren't where they should be, I searched all the places I could think of but they weren't there, so I dived in the drawer and got my spares out, hoping that they worked as I'd never tried them, went out to the car, all good so came back and sorted my other bits out, while telling myself to calm down and I can stress over pots and keys later!</p><p>I messaged when I got to the pub, he said he'd got us a table in the garden and off I went, thankfully I recognised him straight away, he looks just like his photos, smiley, very tall, he stood as I got to the table and gave me a hug and a kiss before offering me a drink. </p><p>I told him about the plant pot and keys and he said that with all that I'd got there on time and we swapped losing key stories. </p><p>The conversation flowed all evening, we met at 7:30 but he was on call until 8 so I had a Rose Spritzer while he had a coke and we swapped over later on once he could have a drink, I could only have the one as I was driving.</p><p>He walked me back to my car and gave me a hug and friendly, end of first date kiss, he's a good talker, there were no awkward silences, which is always good, difficult to know on chemistry I think, until you kiss (properly) but all signs were good. </p><p>I always think that if they don't message that day to ask if you got home ok it's not a great sign and for the second time this year (and not many times in total) I was a bit nervous about whether that would happen or not. I do think that dates are a bit like interviews, unless I don't want the job (Which is more often than not) I walk away having absolutely no idea about what they thought of me. </p><p>Within an 45 minutes I got a message so I didn't have to wait for long, he talked about 'next time' and we both said we'd like to see each other again</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSuUOC56vQe-UlfhBg3R87MoDNRr8fCcIsyg5ej-qEqq4XQdpnXNht8AOWtB6PnvE12jBNAEiPRtqylGCBK0NTo79PrNyxOvNBS84KSvTtZKmn6Ux3sZdeUf_eiSukc3_f2nyhncP3mGI/s1125/21C850E8-65F1-4B8A-BDE6-8CAE834D434D.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="415" data-original-width="1125" height="74" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSuUOC56vQe-UlfhBg3R87MoDNRr8fCcIsyg5ej-qEqq4XQdpnXNht8AOWtB6PnvE12jBNAEiPRtqylGCBK0NTo79PrNyxOvNBS84KSvTtZKmn6Ux3sZdeUf_eiSukc3_f2nyhncP3mGI/w200-h74/21C850E8-65F1-4B8A-BDE6-8CAE834D434D.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p>He messaged me Good Morning first thing, we appear to have a lot in common, so with all that in mind, the real question is; what's the catch? I mean there has to be one, or a million, so far the only thing that raised spidey senses was seeing on Bumble that he'd been online at the pub (location change) but there is nothing wrong with that (I mean I'd rather he didn't but it's not like I've not done it myself and you have to keep your options open these days) it's also not like there isn't a XBFX and J in the background either is it...............</p><p>He's messaged saying he's heading up North tomorrow to see his brother and some friends and as he'll be passing within a few miles and said he could pop in for a cup of tea if I fancied but no worries if I'm busy as it's within work time, I've quite surprisingly said yes, I'd not normally have someone here after a first date but it's just a cup of tea and famous last words, he doesn't seem like a murderer!!</p><p>So, thats The Pilot who appears too perfect to be true, so do we think he has a wife and six girlfriends stashed? Or he's a serial shagger? It's got to be something right? I'm really trying not to overthink it but I'm really rubbish at that! I'm sure we'll find out. </p><p>Cunt Face has made dating difficult for me, I can't help meeting someone where I think there might be something there without thinking back to the chemistry I felt with him and the web of lies he pulled me into, honestly what a fucker! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-16853052733424476442020-08-17T08:31:00.003-07:002020-08-17T08:33:26.058-07:00J - Second Date..............Not long after the date I asked J what he was looking for, he said casual dating and it put me right off, despite the connection we'd had, I don't want to get married on a second date but neither do I want to go into something that's going nowhere from the outset. <div><br /></div><div>I've done this before, gone in casual and then they've wanted more but my walls were up so high that I'd not let them get emotionally close, I think with casual there is usually a loser, a bit like Knight really, I don't think FWB can work on many occasions and I genuinely think that was a one off. </div><div><br /></div><div>We met a bit last minute (J is always last minute which I'm not great with) on a sunny Sunday evening for a walk in a park, about half an hour from my house. </div><div><br /></div><div>He really is lovely, there is definitely some chemistry there but he's a bit too keen to get in my knickers and that does put me off a bit, while I wouldn't want to be six months in and no sex like cat lover I also don't want to rush into something so that bothers me a bit. </div><div><br /></div><div>He hugged me when I got there and then went in for a snog not that long after, it was nice but I could smell smoke, I didn't know he was a smoker but I did have my suspicions from the first date, smoking for me is a deal breaker, so that's an issue. </div><div><br /></div><div>I said he came across as a bit too keen to get in my knickers, he said it was just because he really liked me and he's not usually like that (yeah, yeah, of course you aren't) and that if he was just interested in getting into knickers he'd have found someone else by now (that could be true, I've done a fair job of putting him off) </div><div><br /></div><div>He kept half joking about coming back to mine and I was sticking with that being a no, I don't want to go head first into something I'm not sure about. </div><div><br /></div><div>His communication isn't daily, it's probably a couple of times a week, I'm used to it now though so I'm ok with that. </div><div><br /></div><div>I do kind of like that he's so upfront and there is no fucking around with him, he tells me how much he likes me all the time but do I just fit the parameters of his older woman fantasy?</div><div><br /></div><div>I could go with it and see how it goes, if I do need to get back on the horse maybe that's a way to do it? I'm just not sure I'm wired for casual?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div><br /></div></div>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-27131258970400625292020-08-04T05:21:00.004-07:002020-08-04T05:33:39.321-07:00Did I miss the boat for getting back on the horse?It's been a LONG time since I've had sex, I'm pretty sure it's over five years now, the last person I slept with was Knight in Shining Leathers, it was the night that I realised that my feelings had changed from something that ranged between friendship and more to just friendship. It was disappointing (not the sex, that was always good) <div><br /></div><div>I have seen him twice this year though and have to say that I doubted that decision when he nearly kissed me the first time but the second time I knew it was the right decision (wine might have been involved on the first occasion!)</div><div>
<br />
Since him the only person I've really dated to the point of sex is Cat Lover and he had some real issues, he was never able to get and/or keep an erection, which in turn made me feel like I was a terrible person and I couldn't do anything right and wasn't attractive enough for him to get excited over, not good enough for him, I know you shouldn't feel that but it doesn't mean you don't. <div><br /></div><div>It caused a lot of turmoil in the six months that we were together, I should have really called it a day but we'd already been together for a few months before anything sexual was initiated (I know, I know I should have guessed there was something up) <div><br /></div><div>It wasn't until we split up that I broached the subject and he said that the problem wasn't only with me, it had happened before, why the bloody hell didn't he tell me that? I wish he'd told me. </div><div>
<br />
I remember discussing it with a male friend after who said that I shouldn't get wound up about it, by the end of our relationship I'd put off any signs of trying as I just couldn't face the feeling of rejection when it didn't happen (it never happened successfully)</div><div><br /></div><div>We went away one weekend to a stunning hotel, we were in the honeymoon suite for the weekend, I was nearly in tears at breakfast because I was so upset about what was happening, all of the way home I was going to tell him it wasn't working but the words just wouldn't come out. My friends that knew told me to bin it, it was his issue, not mine but I don't think that stops you beating yourself up over it. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know it was no one's fault but I think I could have been saved a lot of anxiety if he'd told me, maybe after the first time?<br /><br /></div><div>We're now two years later and all I've done is a few first dates and one second, I'm not totally convinced I'm not too scared to get involved with anyone because the thought of getting sexually involved with someone terrifies me currently and it's taken me a while to realise that could be an issue.</div><div><br /></div><div>We've also got the XBFX - we've got to not far off sex but it's still not happened (yet?) I wind myself up with anxiety over it, what if it doesn't work, what if it is me? What if I can't remember what to do? Am I past relationships and sex? Have I been on my own for too long?<br />
<br />
Should I have slept with someone as soon as Cat Lover and I split? If I got bitten by a dog I'd still stroke another dog and when I've come off a horse I've made myself get back on, they say if you don't you never will.......<br />
<br />
I'm now wondering if it's why I've done such a good job of putting off dating? Relationships are always better in my head than they are in reality. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm an amazing over thinker............<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div></div></div>Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-43178799770769437462020-07-22T13:40:00.000-07:002020-07-22T13:40:44.170-07:00Another socially distanced date.............My last post was about the EBFX, it didn't take long for the story to be continued, he messaged on the Friday asking what I was up to on Saturday and I was free (I mean although lockdown is pretty much over, life isn't as normal so I'm free a lot more than usual!)<br />
<br />
His messages had that different tone to them again, a bit more flirty than normal, he came in the more confident version, unlike last time when I was at his.<br />
<br />
I was showing him something on my phone so sat next to him, he put his arm around me and when I finished showing him the map I moved away, he said 'is that it then?' I was getting my drink but moved back and we chatted while he cuddled me, he kissed me and it went a bit further this time, not as far as sex though.<br />
<br />
That was just over a week ago.<br />
<br />
It's a bizarre old situation......<br />
<br />
J has been in touch quite regularly, he wants to meet up again but keeps saying about coming over, I'm nervous that he's more keen at getting in my knickers than he is at getting to know me, I'm tempted, there was definitely some chemistry there and that's rare.....<br />
<br />
On that note I doubled the amounts of dates I went on in 2019 last week, I've had TWO first dates and it's only July (my one in 2019 was December) We matched in January and spoke for a little while before losing touch a bit and then he messaged me on Instagram as we'd followed each other.<br />
<br />
I was off for the week as it was my birthday (why have a day if you can have a week) so we arranged to go for a walk, I'd been out for lunch with a friend first, as soon as he got out of the car I knew he wasn't for me, he kind of looked like his photos but they were obviously a while ago, he was a fair big larger in real life than he is in the pictures, including in his face.<br />
<br />
He was nice enough, a little shy (what is it with me and shy boys at the moment?) he also lives with his Mum, he's 40. He's just been made redundant which I know is difficult at the best of times but especially at the moment.<br />
<br />
I know that people do live at home or move back for short periods for good reason but he's been there for years and I just couldn't really see myself with someone like that, I knew from the minute we met that there was nothing there, we spent about an hour walking round the reservoir, he's messaged since, I'm hoping he felt the same as I did!<br />
<br />
So, that's my little round up...........<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-1467362984266683422020-07-07T13:31:00.005-07:002020-08-04T08:26:18.510-07:00The Ex Best Friends Ex.............The Ex Best Friend and I shared a lot in common, including our birthday, although she is five years older than me, we met on a night out, she suggested swapping numbers and we were best friends through a lot, then I stopped making the effort because it felt like it had got one sided when she got a new boyfriend and it confirmed that it was the case, the last real conversations we had were in late 2016.<br />
<br />
She had a long term boyfriend when we first met, they rarely went out together but I can remember walking into the pub to meet her one night and thinking the guy at the bar was quite good looking, tall, dark haired, my type, she then introduced me to her boyfriend...... you guessed it!<br />
<br />
He came out with us on probably a handful of occasions over the years, birthdays, Christmas etc and we saw each other when I went to the house.<br />
<br />
We were all going out for New Year and I was seeing Blue Eyes at the time, who she'd introduced me to. I was having a rubbish time with neighbours being absolute arseholes and I was nervous to be on my own that Blue Eyes had not far off moved in, which worked out great for him but I wasn't as involved as he was.<br />
<br />
As I was getting ready to go to the party that night I discovered they'd put a brick through my car window and I was an absolute wreck, I really wanted to go though and I didn't want to let the people I was going with down.<br />
<br />
We arrived at the local club to find that the neighbours were there, which meant that I was on edge the whole time, Blue Eyes got drunk and decided he was going to fight the neighbours which made me quite angry, as I tried to explain, it was ok him causing trouble but it was me that would pay for the repercussions, already I was scared to be in the flat on my own and scared to leave as all I did whether I was there or not was worry about what they'd do, I'd also sent the cats to live with my family for a few weeks to see if it would die down as I was terrified something would happen to them.<br />
<br />
This turned into a big argument and he stormed off on the way home, to have a go at the neighbours who had also left, by the way he likely couldn't have fought his way out of a paper bag, so even if he'd confronted them it would have been pretty useless!<br />
<br />
He stormed off, the Ex Best Friend went after him to try to talk some sense into him and told her (now) ex to take me back to theirs.<br />
<br />
He walked me back and told me that Blue Eyes was no good for me, I knew this already and even when we'd started seeing each other I told him that I wasn't looking for anything serious. Just as we got to the front door he said 'you should have had me' which I was a little taken aback by if I'm honest, we went in, got drinks and the comment was never mentioned again (in fact I'd completely forgotten about it until a couple of months ago) everyone arrived back, including Blue Eyes and we continued drinking despite Blue Eyes being blatantly in the dog house (EBF's now boyfriend was also with us)<br />
<br />
I finished things with Blue Eyes shortly after, it was going nowhere and I needed to finish it before he got more involved.<br />
<br />
The Ex Best Friend (EBF and formerly Evil Twin on here) and I saw each other at least weekly but it was quite rare that there were just the two of us, more often than not it was us two and a group of the guys, we used to do messy Sunday weekly and more often than not meet up in the week too.<br />
<br />
EBF often joked about how much better suited the (now) Ex and I would be, as she said we had a lot more in common, I always used to wonder about the references as they were happy and appeared to get on, even though lot of the time they did both do their own things.<br />
<br />
Around five years ago she told me she was moving out and asked me to go and look at a house with her, all I knew before that was that things weren't amazing but I was fairly surprised, they were really amicable about it and he helped her move out, it was an easy split as the house was his anyway.<br />
<br />
Time moved on and a few months later she told me she was seeing one of the guys that we regularly spent time with, at this point I should probably tell you that his wife had finished it a few months before and moved out of their house.<br />
<br />
I asked some questions at this point and discovered something that I found quite shocking, it had been going on for YEARS, while they were both with partners and I always had an inkling she liked him but would have never guessed that something had been going on that long.<br />
<br />
The year before she'd been 40 and I'd turned 35, she was adamant that she was going away on her own for 'our' birthday and I was a little put out by it, as was EBFX. I also thought it was really strange, two nights in a hotel, on your birthday, just up the road, on your own. Well she wasn't on her own was she, it all came out. I'd always thought it was strange that she was quick to judge the wife for moaning when I thought (and voiced to him!) that she was justified.<br />
<br />
During this time he was a bit of a dick, wanted her, didn't want her, didn't know what he wanted and she was hurt, we were out one night and a new guy to the village came over and started chatting, she went home and slept with him because she was feeling a bit unloved and unwanted.<br />
<br />
Then things started to get messy, she was between the two, it's a small village, she didn't want them to meet, let alone talk and I guess I was the shield between them, it wasn't long after this that I started to realise our friendship was a little one way and backed away, as I backed away she didn't come forward.<br />
<br />
Another friend works where she does and regularly tells me what she's up to, says she always asked about me and due to that I'm careful what I tell her, I've heard a few times during that time that they've broken up and got back together, I know when we were still friends that she was annoyed after the lease ended in her flat that he said no to her moving in.<br />
<br />
I moved last summer, into my dream house and she'd obviously been told by the mutual friend, she sent me a text the day I moved saying she was happy for me and good luck, I responded and said thank you.<br />
<br />
A few weeks later I got a friend request from EBFX who I'd not spoken to since before they split (about four years) I accepted and sent a 'how are you' pm, he responded and we had a bit of a catch up, he said we should meet for a drink, I'd not long moved and said I didn't really want to go out but he was welcome to pop up, he said he'd message me the next day and I didn't really expect to hear anything else.<br />
<br />
On the Sunday I got a message saying he'd be up in half hour if that was ok, it was a lovely weekend and we sat out in the garden with a drink and caught up on the last four years, he said he was selling the cottage and looking at a new build, one was where I am and one on the site next door, TBF's daughter lives on the next road to me with her bf and was telling me that he still sees her occasionally, they keep in touch which I thought was nice, he did say that TBF's bf doesn't like her seeing him so they just say hi now if they bump into each other as he doesn't want to cause issues.<br />
<br />
We chatted about dating, that neither of us meets anyone with any spark and that we're both useless cases and too fussy, we both said if we don't feel a connection we're out before we've ordered a drink!<br />
<br />
As he left he gave me a hug and said that he'd have to get me actually out of the house one night for a drink.<br />
<br />
We speak by message intermittently, he finally managed to sell the cottage and buy the house he wanted, I got a message one weekend asking if I'd go and help him choose flooring, which I did.<br />
<br />
When he moved in he had a bit of time between completing on the house he'd sold and the new one so he used one of my spare rooms for storage for a month or so.<br />
<br />
We continued to speak weekly or so and every so often he'd message and pop up for a drink or invite me over, we'd chat about all sorts, work, dating etc, he'd give me a hug and leave and I never really thought much of it.<br />
<br />
We joked about TBF seeing him coming out of my house, it happened one day while he was moving out.<br />
<br />
I knew she was moving (onto my road believe it or not) but I didn't want to send her a text and open up dialogue again, I knew which house it was, worked out the door number and sent her and the new boyfriend a new home card - that'd be it I thought.<br />
<br />
That was the Friday before lockdown, that same day EBFX had messaged saying he'd had a crap week and did I fancy a bottle of wine, I was stressed out too and said yes, I'd love one.<br />
<br />
His tone changed a bit that day, he was talking naked twister and we both laughed about it, when he arrived he seemed different in his manner, he also mentioned he'd not been able to get hold of naked twister but we could make it up as we went along.<br />
<br />
The alcohol went down fast and we were a little merry.<br />
<br />
We chatted as usual about dating and all sorts, he always says that we're both too fussy, which is why neither of us has found anyone, I'm not totally convinced he isn't right.<br />
<br />
I can't really remember how it happened but he kissed me, which developed a little, I made it clear that he wasn't staying, which I think he was a little disappointed about, the thing is when he kissed me it wasn't great, I didn't feel anything, I certainly didn't feel I wanted to drag him into my bed but it's quite rare I meet someone that does make me feel like that.<br />
<br />
The next day EBF messaged me thanking me for her card and saying that we should catch up at some point, I felt all the guilt in the world, I'd kissed her ex the night before.<br />
<br />
A few weeks passed, EBFX was in touch intermittently, nothing about that Friday night, we'd gone into lockdown the Monday after so we couldn't see each other but there were no signs of him initiating anything else.<br />
<br />
Time went on, I spoke with both EBF and EBFX and then lockdown rules relaxed a bit and EBF came to look at something at mine after we'd bumped into each other, it was awkward, we were like strangers, instead of the two people that had been so close.<br />
<br />
During the lockdown I dropped off some baking a couple of times to EBFX and we chatted at the door.<br />
<br />
Facebook had released a new 'care' emoji and as much as some people seem to love lockdown I'm feeling pretty affection starved, I'd seen or touched no one in what felt like forever but was likely about 10 weeks (since the kiss)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXzaFOxif179HFvFeKLFydWveH4R9sPl-FvOSOiw6vn8ro217OCFWPDsubFe_x2yJm8ASvqXkIlUuJJxzBcw5SQ2CSdWu6v6KkYf2nfU_k7cUrEF44aMo_ktkvy1wXknvigwTlxkTj654/s1600/BB823B4F-20A8-448D-A078-2FDF8482C3D9.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="224" data-original-width="1125" height="63" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXzaFOxif179HFvFeKLFydWveH4R9sPl-FvOSOiw6vn8ro217OCFWPDsubFe_x2yJm8ASvqXkIlUuJJxzBcw5SQ2CSdWu6v6KkYf2nfU_k7cUrEF44aMo_ktkvy1wXknvigwTlxkTj654/s320/BB823B4F-20A8-448D-A078-2FDF8482C3D9.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Shortly after posting that, this arrived....................</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGb86bRqs29_m0cp4elUjVLZ4nbklYSJH-ygp7yOggswz7yKBjsctnc7uCasLqWOZEJcZk-bucsy6yg8NaD4JKXYE0GROsHrVAYjiA9GQ_1JHbXKtynPdlDkgUS9yDnZW9ofcCzOBAPY/s1600/3DC19F77-AAFE-40E0-A63A-9BBB010DC6DD.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="227" data-original-width="872" height="83" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGb86bRqs29_m0cp4elUjVLZ4nbklYSJH-ygp7yOggswz7yKBjsctnc7uCasLqWOZEJcZk-bucsy6yg8NaD4JKXYE0GROsHrVAYjiA9GQ_1JHbXKtynPdlDkgUS9yDnZW9ofcCzOBAPY/s320/3DC19F77-AAFE-40E0-A63A-9BBB010DC6DD.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I put it off for a couple of weeks and then he came over for the evening, we talked about EBF and me seeing her, he said we'd be best friends again soon, which I didn't think would be the case. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He went to leave and said 'I'd better give you that hug' which he did and that was that, totally different to the last time.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
So, that was that, EBF and I saw each other again, over a couple of drinks this time, it was much more relaxed than it had been before and definitely had a feeling of how things used to be, I'm keen that we don't become best mates again as I don't like allowing myself to get bitten twice in a row but it's hard when we used to get on so well. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He came over again a couple of weeks later and we had a couple of drinks, he asked if I was going to give him a cuddle and I did, he kissed me and it felt different to last time, I did feel something, it wasn't fireworks but definitely something. It escalated a little but not massively. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We speak by message intermittently in between times, he's not much of a talker by message though so it is limited. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
It wouldn't be me if it weren't complicated and most people would think that their ex best friends ex would be complicated enough but not for me, EBFX works with someone that's an important part of this blog................................................ Knight in Shining Leathers. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
A couple of weeks ago I got a message from Knight, telling me that he had something he wanted to show me and could he come up, it was a nice evening and we had a cup of tea (and his much loved hobnobs that I usually have a packet of in the cupboard for him) in the garden as he showed me his new (vintage) bike, I'm pleased that I'm still the first person he comes to when something exciting or upsetting is happening to him. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I have always loved him in leathers, so I did wonder if it would give me that feeling that I'd had for so many years when we were doing the FWB thing, he took his helmet off revealing his long, unkempt lockdown helmet hair that looked much more grey that last time I saw it and I felt nothing but friendship still, so that's positive right? </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I was doing lots of baking (mainly to stop me from drinking with work being so stressful) and XBFX had doorstep deliveries a couple of times, he suggested that next time I was bored I might like to make chocolate brownies that are his favourite, so next time I fancied baking I did. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He was meant to come over on the Saturday to collect them but he cancelled as he wasn't feeling well, I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing him and baking takes effort, he messaged the next day asking if I was around for him to collect the brownies, I said I was but only for an hour so he popped in, he had a migraine and to be fair he looked rough. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He made a comment when he was here about us always drinking, I'm not totally sure that he doesn't think I'm always drunk when something happens and that's the reason - it isn't but we all know that a drink gives us a bit of courage!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He came over, was here for an hour and then left before I went out, we had general chat but I made sure I mentioned that Knight had popped up, if it came up I didn't want him to think I was trying to hide anything (although I don't think he knows that we haven't always just been friends but we are now and anything else is in the past) </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
As he left he said 'Come and give me a hug then' I hugged him and he kissed me, more than a friendly kiss but less than anything else and off he went. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Then we were due to see each other again (I did offer tea but he said he doesn't drink it!) and he cancelled again, I was a bit pissed to be honest - he said he 'had stuff to sort' </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
My heads been quite confused during this time, I don't know if I want anymore from this, I don't know if he does, I don't know if we're just friends but the lines have definitely been blurred. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
EBF and I have got closer and she has been in my thoughts a lot, whether she'd feel betrayed if she knew we are friends, how she'd feel about it, what if she bumps into him coming or going from here and I do feel totally torn between them, I like them both. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I decided that I was going to tell her we're friends, I mean currently that's all we are, she came round on one of the heatwave evenings, sat in my pool drinking vodka, it was nice but it was definitely playing on my mind and then she gave me an opening, as soon as I saw the opportunity I went in and took it. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
She was talking about the new housing estate and mentioned the houses looking really small, I casually said 'EBFX bought one of those and its huge' she said she knew he had (he still sees her daughter) which opened up the dialogue, I then told her we see each other, he'd done a couple of bits around the house for me etc, she said they'd still be friends if it weren't for her boyfriend being so jealous about it. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I also said that for my birthday I'm having two friends staying but for 3-4 local friends I'd be inviting them for a drop in across the evening, so there is a chance they'll run into each other, she said she was totally fine with it, so..... that's all out in the open - I only have a couple of really close friends that know anything outside of the friendship bit so it's no different here (ok, well maybe a little) </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Then a couple of weeks after that we said we'd get together on the Saturday, I said I'd go to his as I've not been there since December and he's been here a fair bit, after the last two occasions I was half expecting him to cancel and if he did it was last chance saloon, he messaged asking what time I was going over.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I'd gone through lots of scenarios in my head of what 'stuff to sort' could be and was expecting it to be something really trivial that would annoy me or that he'd met someone, it wasn't either, it's some quite serious work stuff that's really playing on his mind and I totally understood why he'd cancelled, so all was forgiven.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We chatted for the evening, from separate sides of the sofa (he has a much bigger sofa than I do!) it started hammering with rain, he said that I could stay if I wanted and he'd drop me off in the morning (I live a five minute walk away) I said I'd be fine, it's only water, he offered to drive me home, again I said I'd be fine. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I could have stayed but I didn't want to stay because it was raining, if I stayed I wanted it to be because that's what we both wanted. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We said goodbye and I gave him a hug, he kissed me but properly kissed me and I left. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I messaged him when I got home, saying I'd got soaked, he said that he'd offered to bring me home. I said I kinda felt like we are tiptoeing around each other a bit and I don't really know why, he said he knows what I mean and that is currently where we are.................</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-43677046447145055202020-07-01T07:45:00.000-07:002020-07-01T07:46:51.429-07:00Socially Distanced Dating...........................This week I had my first and (with how many dates I have in an average year) likely last date of 2020.<br />
<br />
J and I have been talking for quite some time on and off, for what he thinks is about a year.<br />
<br />
We just kept matching, on every site I tried, occasionally I get bored with them and have a restart, as soon as I did we'd match again, we'd always chat, it was so long ago I can't really remember why it didn't get any further (I'll investigate this next time we talk) but every time we matched it then became a 'hello stranger', 'here we are again', 'why haven't we met?'<br />
<br />
Late last year we matched again and he asked for my number, so we spoke via Whatsapp and talked about arranging a date, however I was ill, this went on for about 8-9 weeks and involved antibiotics, hospital appointments etc and I was concerned about being contagious so I kept saying no (I also felt pretty crappy and my skin looked awful as it was reacting to antibiotics that I'm allergic to)<br />
<br />
Then in December I was feeling better, so we arranged a date. On the day he messaged saying he wasn't feeling great but was still happy to meet, I said that since I was not long recovered myself I didn't want to risk it (my friends Mum was also dying and I didn't want to not be able to see her, which would be the case if I was ill) so we put it off and then with everything going on couldn't reschedule.<br />
<br />
We've been in contact on and off, usually at least monthly but to be honest there is little to say during lockdown; 'so what have you been up to?' 'Well, I've been locked up in my house, the same as you' dating has been off the menu really.<br />
<br />
Last week he popped up and suggested meeting now that we could have a socially distanced walk.<br />
<br />
Now I didn't say yes straight away as the Ex Best Friends Ex (EBFX) and I have been getting closer over the last few months (he needs his own post too) but I really don't know where we are so I don't really want to put things on hold until I do. He kissed me again on Saturday but not until I was leaving and also of all the dates I've had in my 10 years of singledom not many have had me wanting a second, so it seemed a pretty safe bet that it wouldn't be an issue.<br />
<br />
After a couple of dates laming at the last moment I tend to think that the date is off, unless I hear from them on the day but he checked in yesterday and suggested a place and I headed over, as I was trying to find a parking space I saw him walking up the road, I recognised him straight away, which is always a good sign!<br />
<br />
As we met he said he'd normally give me a hug but obviously can't at the moment, the Corona Ice Breaker hey?!<br />
<br />
The conversation flowed, we had no awkward silences and we seemed to get on well. We walked round the woods pretty quickly and decided to continue to walk round the village, we were admiring the gorgeous Cotswold houses and then ended up at an estate agents so had a look at prices, he suggested that the date must be going really well as we were looking at houses already!<br />
<br />
We said goodbye and I actually walked away thinking I'd be a little upset if I didn't hear from him following the date, which doesn't happy to me very often.<br />
<br />
I headed back and did a few jobs on the way, by the time I arrived home I had three messages in a row, I hate the post date game playing and it was quite refreshing to think that he might not be into it either.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitEOGhwxKvLiZ_NCJ8C8P1i0Rnefv0UMMAHDFNsLU1Pmik5GT1dVEjIOHkyPkSQIUj30U1B6JwdYSH97xh4ZHQzN93QZNRo9TZRSbNebYeyOX3iW2scRvzjbtrXKSWphCA8tgIakq-jyI/s1600/119A89EE-525C-4BCC-A6EF-87B2A7244407.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1077" data-original-width="1119" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitEOGhwxKvLiZ_NCJ8C8P1i0Rnefv0UMMAHDFNsLU1Pmik5GT1dVEjIOHkyPkSQIUj30U1B6JwdYSH97xh4ZHQzN93QZNRo9TZRSbNebYeyOX3iW2scRvzjbtrXKSWphCA8tgIakq-jyI/s320/119A89EE-525C-4BCC-A6EF-87B2A7244407.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He suggested that we see each other again on Friday, I can't as I have a friend over for the weekend but we've settled on next week, I did say with our history that we should probably leave it until next year but he wasn't keen! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This has been going on for so long I couldn't remember how old his is, I thought he was mid 30's but I think he's 31 so he's 10 years younger than me, ideally I'd prefer a bit older but I can't go back in time and make him be born earlier, so it is, what it is. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I'm quite smiley today, which is always a good sign for me and feels pretty rare, also; for once he was actually better than his photos. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
To be continued..................?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br />Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-64460838900922563812018-06-18T04:22:00.002-07:002020-05-13T11:03:04.256-07:00Cat Lover..............<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Cat Lover and I matched on Bumble while I was working in London on my big
Awards do, back in April 2018.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I’ve
tried sending people imaginative messages but if I’ve spent time on it and they
don’t respond it pisses me off, so now I start with a ‘Hi’ and if they respond
we go from there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He
responded and then asked if I was a Londoner, bollocks thought I, I don’t swipe
and travel as it’s a pain if you match with someone at the other side of the
country, however when I said no he said that he lived in Warwick which as I
live in Northants is pretty close (18 miles to be exact) it was worth
continuing the conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We
talked for around 10 days on Bumble before he asked if I had Whatsapp and then
transferred over to there, we messaged several times a day, I found out during
this time that he’s a massive Cat Lover, how brilliant is that? Finally, one
that doesn’t moan about them or how many I have (5)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I
had just started to wonder if he was ever going to get round to asking me out
when he did just that, we arranged to meet for a drink on the Sunday and meet near
to where he lives (I normally go for the middle but there is nothing where I
live (apart from a couple of places in the village where I’d know people) and
neither of us knew anything in the middle, it’s also super rare for me to match
with someone that close!) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He
told me where to park my car and he came to find me there, we recognised each
other immediately which is a good sign! I had managed to sneakily ask a couple
of days before how tall he is and he told me he was 6.075 which I thought was
quite a specific measurement but he really is that tall, which is nice as it
means that he’s taller than me in heels (I wore heeled boots so I could check) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We
went to a nice pub and had a drink, well I had diet coke as I was driving and
he had a couple of drinks, he’s a big wine fan and likes wine tasting, so I
suggested that I chose and he tried to work out what it was, after him paying
for the first round he gave me his card to go to the bar with, I obviously
refused, I ordered him a wine and he didn’t get it right, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>he’s very competitive and was a bit
disappointed in himself, the next round he gave me his card and I ordered
again, he got it this time but apparently I have a brilliant poker face as when
I told him he got it wrong again he believed me! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We
had a really nice evening, laughed a lot and he kept coming to hug me, which
was a little strange and a first for a first date, although Cunt Face was a
little bit like that the first time we met (lets hope that’s not a bad omen
eh?) the pub was closing so we left and he asked if I wanted a little tour so
we went for a walk round, he showed me the castle, the old hospital, the church
and the stars (how romantic does that sound?!) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I
didn’t really have anything in the way of negatives which is highly unusual for
me, he lives fairly close (18 miles is really close for me, I’m used to up and
down the other end of the country) he’s tall, dark haired (although he does
have a bald patch coming on the back of his head) he’s got a good job, owns his
own home, is funny and sweet………. 30, if I was being picky I’d maybe like him a
couple of years older.....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He
said he’d had a great time and we continued chatting, by Wednesday I wondered
if he was going to ask me out again, the chat seemed to indicate that he liked
me and had a good time but I find that they usually mention seeing each other
again really early on. He then asked what I was doing at the weekend, as the
weather was due to be nice we decided on a trip to the Zoo, it meant going upwards
on the map for me so I said I’d collect him on the way through. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">By
Friday I thought that the zoo might be a bit ambitious for a second date as it
meant us spending quite a lot of time together, I was a little nervous as I
thought I might have felt a little chemistry on date 1, he had messaged asking
if we were eating after the Zoo, again this seemed like a lot to commit to (do
I sound like I’m commitment phobic? Maybe I am, it’s over 8 years since I’ve
been in a proper relationship, I had around a year with Blue Eyes but it was
never very serious and I made that very clear so there was never any pressure
on me)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Dressing
for a sunny day at a Zoo is a nightmare, I went for knee length shorts and a
vest top, super casual. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I arrived at his
house, he got in the car and kissed me acting like we’d known each other for
years and it was perfectly normal, it was at that point I noticed the piercing
Blue eyes I’d somehow missed on the first date, I love Blue eyes and I’m not
sure how I missed them to be honest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We
had a great day, he apologised early on for him being ‘quite affectionate’ and
he really was, he touched, kissed and hugged me at every opportunity but not in
an odd way, I’ve been single so long that I really miss a bit of affection so
it was good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">On
the way back he said that there was a pub he’d like to take me to but on the
way we passed signs for Stratford-upon-Avon and decided to stop there, it was a
lovely evening, we had dinner and he was the same as he was in the Zoo, super
affectionate, we do maybe take the mick out of each other a bit too often
though and that seems to continue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Spending
12 hours with someone on a second date is a first for me, again the nearest
I’ve got to that in the past is with Cunt Fact where we spent around 6 hours
together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I
was out with the Space Cadet on the Sunday, we went to watch the GT Racing at
Silvertone, it was almost a little odd as we went with his brother (the one
that messages me A LOT) his girlfriend and their parents, kinda felt a bit
coupley, we had a nice day but I got ridiculously burnt (it’s rarely anything
but cold and windy at Silverstone so warmth was quite a surprise) there is more
of a story with the brother and GF which I’ll do a separate post on at some
point) <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">The evening before date three we were talking and Bumble came up, he was a little bit miffed to think I'd still been using it, which I have to admit I kind of understand but in the past largely people have continued using it so I deleted it, as had he. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Since
then we’ve had three more dates, he came and spent the night at mine twice and
the second time we both worked from home, I have to say that over 24 hours was
too long together and I was happy to see him go home, I don’t know if it’s that
I’m not that into him or that I’ve been alone so long that it just totally freaks
me out. He also earned brownie points on date three by bringing flowers with him, I LOVE flowers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">The
third time I went to his, he had planned a few things to do, then asked if I
minded watching the Rugby, which I didn’t really. We didn’t go on the picnic as
the weather wasn’t amazing, so I dragged him out and we went for a walk around
a park, we didn’t go out for dinner as we had picnic food so really it was too
much time together not doing anything for me, I think I would have felt less
hemmed in, if we had been doing things? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">By
lunchtime on the Sunday I’d really had enough and went home, all ready to call
it a day because again I felt a bit claustrophobic, I drove home the long way
with the feeling that I just wanted to run away but it’s my own head I want to
run away from really but that’s the bit that I can’t get away from no matter what
I do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I
did something I don’t do often enough, instead of reacting I slept on it and by
Monday had decided that I wasn’t sure I really wanted to call it a day, he has
some traits that I really like, it hadn’t felt on the Saturday like we had much
in the way of chemistry but we definitely had on the first couple of dates, I’ve
not been past date three in years (I got to date three with Cake Destroyer last
year) and I don’t know if it just scares me or whether genuinely it’s just not
going to work out but I’ve now not seen him for just over a week and I have
felt like I’ve missed him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I
find the Internet dating age difficult, I used to hear from him every day without fail,
would I miss that or him? He was away for the weekend and I didn’t hear from
him as much as usual (I didn’t expect to) and did miss it but again what do you
actually miss? <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Another thing to consider is that we are both Cancerian's which means that we are both confusing and confused and a bit crabby, I'm not sure that this helps us but he's been really good at picking up on my fears, for one of the dates he suggested a time and then asked if it was 'too much togetherness' for me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">On
another note we’ve slept together three times now but we’ve not had sex and I
don’t know if that muddies the water a bit? I’m not the sort of girl that
rushes in and don’t sleep with someone before three dates but I’ve never met a
man that’s gone this long without putting in a bloody good effort to get in my
knickers, I know that it’s not that he doesn’t like me, what he says’ and does
is contrary to that, the only thing that I can think of is that we had a
conversation about penis size (I called him a knob head and it went from there)
and he said that unfortunately nobody likes a small penis…………..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Now
22 had a massive penis and after having sex twice I never want to put myself through
that again so size isn’t everything, however I guess it depends what the
definition of small is? <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We both had birthdays, I got him lovely thoughtful presents, including a wine tasting event, he got me an IOU for a night away (that never got used) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He went away for the week in the September, I was quite surprised that I missed him like I did, we spoke while he was away but the minute he landed he said he'd missed me and could he come over, which he did, it was nice, he only stayed a few hours but it felt nice to have someone rushing back to see me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">So, we continued to see each other, we made it about six months in the end (STILL NO SEX) a couple of failed attempts, which, I of course blamed on me not being attractive enough, because that's what we do. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We saw each other several times a week, most weekends, we stayed over, we did dinner, we went to nice places, we did nice things, we went walking, we watched films, we cuddled on the sofa, we tried to have sex but he couldn't get an erection, I got upset, I told him it wasn't his fault while thinking it was my fault. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">As a last ditch attempt I booked us into an amazing hotel for 2 nights, I mean AMAZING! It is owned by a company I use a lot and get on really well with the team, so I asked if they'd do me a deal on the rate, the deal was pretty incredible as they did two nights, including meals as a gift for me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">So; off we went, up North to a beautiful city, we checked in and although the teams are always amazing, they'd obviously been told they had special guests in, as she walked us to our room she told us it was the honeymoon suite (amazing as they had a wedding in, oops sorry!) my heart sank a little at that, the last thing he needed was pressure! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">There was a massive four poster bed, a room bigger than the flat I lived in, looking out onto the beautiful grounds. We'd planned to use the Spa and dinner that night. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We laid on the bed and he started to make a move, which was nice and unusual, maybe all wasn't lost? Then there was a knock on the door, he got up and answered it and it was housekeeping with something, the moment was ruined and we toddled off to the Spa for a swim, we came back and got ready for dinner. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I'd spent a fortune on this weekend where the hotel cost me nothing, it's the kind of hotel where you dress for dinner, I'd hoped that we'd finally have sex so I had all new underwear too, a couple of nice dresses for the evenings and casuals for the days, which we had planned to spend walking and going to one of the best zoo's in the country, which I'd been wanting to do for years. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He said I looked lovely and we had a gorgeous meal and wine before back to the room and playing card games, he made no moves and we went to bed, the next morning he made a move before breakfast, it ended, as usual with him not being able to get an erection, as usual I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't a problem, he made no effort to get the job done other ways. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We had breakfast in silence, he asked if I was ok and I wasn't far off crying at that point, I said yes and carried on, we spent a very quiet day walking around the City, I wasn't ok. There is absolutely no one to blame in these circumstances but at the same time I totally blamed myself. Was it me? Didn't he like me? Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I'm fat? Is it because I'm older than him?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We had another lovely dinner, another night dressed up, another night back in the room playing games, I gave him a hug goodnight and turned over, I absolutely couldn't do another rejection this weekend, it was meant to be special (I've never taken anyone to those hotels before, they (particularly the one near me) are very special to me and I'd wanted it to be perfect. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">The following day I was a bit more upbeat and the zoo was incredible, I'm at my happiest around animals and they had loads of babies, we were close, he was huggy and hand holdy and it made me think perhaps I was wrong. On the way home he had his hand on my knee and said that he didn't really want the weekend to end. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I spent the two hour journey trying to utter the words that we should call it a day but couldn't quite get them out, I had tears on the way from his to mine once I'd left. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Things very much carried on like that for a few more weeks, I think we tried sex once more before I avoided it completely, I just couldn't take it anymore, I knew it was doomed but we did quite like each others company, such a weird situation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I started looking at houses and wasn't really sure where I wanted to me, he came to look at some with me and when we went for a drink afterwards he said that we should think about buying somewhere together as we'd be able to buy a massive house, I told him he was mad and laughed it off, he also pissed me off as he was really handsy in public and I find that quite tacky and well also in the current circumstances when he's not massively like that at home........... so I went home and told him I didn't think it would work. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He apologised and said he was an idiot and we patched things up for another couple of weeks, then on a Wednesday he messaged asking if I'd like to go to his brother and girlfriends on the Saturday for dinner, if I'm honest, with where we were it's the last thing I wanted but we'd been together about six months, I knew they were important to him and I didn't feel like I could say no, so I agreed, reluctantly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">On that note, I already didn't think I'd like the brothers girlfriend, earlier in our relationship I'd had some tickets for an event, he had mentioned it to her and she said she'd like some, I offered four tickets but she then wanted 6, so I got them, I gave her around £500 of tickets and she didn't even tell him to tell me thank you, this is now two years later and I'm still pissed about it, so no, I didn't want to go!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Thursday was normal, he was meant to be coming round on the Friday, we were messaging and he told me that he was depressed and life is shit, I tried to get a bit more out of him, his answer was 'work, phone, tomorrow' I asked if he could try adding some words to make some sentences. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">His message said 'work was stressful, broken phone pissed me off, not sure about tomorrow as Beth is gonna annoy me' I suggested the best option was not to go then and asked why she annoyed him, to which he said she 'gets involved in my relationships' I responded with 'I won't go then, problem solved' he said no, he'd said I would, I was also a bit annoyed about that, he said he was probably being a bit of a drama queen (which he was very good at) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">My final message said ' I'm not bothered about going tomorrow so if you want to go on your own I'm fine with that' he didn't respond and arrived shortly after, his favourite food is pie and I'd gone to the effort in the day of making him a chicken and mushroom pie, honestly why I fucking bother is totally beyond me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Things were fine when he arrived, pretty normal, he was cuddly and chatty. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">We got up the next day and I was quiet, I didn't want to go but I didn't want to upset him by telling him that, by late afternoon he said he was going for a sleep and asked me to go with him, I said no as I needed to get a bath etc in and get ready, he went to my room, while I did that and sorted the cats out. I got dressed, put some makeup on and walked into the lounge with my boots to put on, he let me sit on the sofa and put my shoes on before saying 'I don't think this is working' Surprisingly I was surprised, I knew it wasn't working but I guess I thought it would be me that called it a day. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I said fine, I agreed it wasn't working and said it was hard to have a relationship when we couldn't even manage sex, for the first time I asked if it had happened before, he said yes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I bundled him out of the door pretty quickly, came back in, took clothes and makeup off and sat on the sofa in a bit of a daze really. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I knew it needed to happen, I knew it would happen, I guess I expected it to happen on my terms, I'd been single a long time and I enjoyed having someone to do nice things with, I liked that he was tactile and huggy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">He left it until the Sunday before messaging and I was a bit livid, he apologised and said the dinner had put him under pressure and he'd made the decision as we were ready to walk out of the door, he spent weeks convincing me we should be friends still and I tried, I did but it's hard to be friends after all that, we spent a couple of days together, he came to see the cats, we went for a walk, he came to see Cirque du Soleil with me last year (another friend there too but that was the last time we saw each other, I saw every reason that day why we didn't work, the way that he tried to be so superior and belittle others, the turning up late and making me late to meet the other friend, the way that he got on everyone of the 7 trillion nerves in my body, I stepped back again at that point. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">I moved in July 2019, after a really stressful six months, into my dream home, it's brand new, detached, huge, looks out onto beautiful countryside, it really is everything I've ever wanted (apart from an extra mile in between neighbours who are just lovely!) I have genuinely worked my arse off for it, he kept asking to visit and I just wasn't feeling it, in the flat even once we'd split he'd go to the cupboards and help himself, I can honestly say I think that would make me go mad here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">You may wonder why I let it go like that for so long, what he said and did always made me feel like he was keen, he used to moan that it was always him that wanted to see me, that he always invited me over or asked if he could come over, he used to cuddle and kiss me all the time, I FELT that he was keen, he'd told me he'd never had a relationship that lasted as long as we had, he wasn't very experienced with women, you could tell, you can talk yourself into most things if you try hard enough. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">We've had no contact now since Halloween (when I asked him the name of a board game that we'd played and I do think that's the best way, I really do think you can be friends after a relationship but I think it's hard when it's been one like this, that played out so badly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">Cat Lover - The End. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<br />Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-40782023314387576562018-01-01T08:47:00.000-08:002018-01-01T08:47:10.333-08:00Round Up...........<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I've been a bit
strapped for time at the moment and I managed to lose my 22 story after
spending two weeks writing it on and off I thought I’d give you a little
roundup of what’s been going on in my little world.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
22 has been
in touch but that’s nothing new, it’s rare that I don’t hear from him at least
monthly, as has the Hot Welsh Tennis Coach but again he’s in touch all of the
time so nothing exciting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Shoe Guy has
been in touch, he’s not said that he’s bored with the girlfriend but I can’t
imagine why he would be in touch with me if that wasn’t the case, I had
predicted as much a year ago but unless something changes with him having a
girlfriend though I won’t be getting involved. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At one point in the last week I received iffy snapchats from both the Space Cadet and his brother, right at the same moment which had me in fits of laughter, SC offered me Rugby for today but I couldn't be bothered, his brother told me he wished he were single as he would love to be spending some time with me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Usual suspects have come out of the woodwork, a very brief conversation with Cunt Face about what a bad time he is having but very much short answers, maybe he is trying to be good?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A couple of
months ago I matched with the gorgeous electrician, 6’ ex Royal Marine, lives
in the town I work in, we’ve talked a fair bit on and off but although he’s
talked about meeting, we never quite get there, his conversation has been
amazing, funny, pushing the boundaries but never stepping over them, until
Friday when he sent me a cock shot, why do they have to ruin it? I don’t know
yet whether he’s being written off for it or not, he’s hot, funny, clearly
intelligent and articulate, was it just a late-night lapse but although he
tells me he’s shy which is why we haven’t met yet he is ex-military and it’s
rare they are shy and he’s being flown out to Sweden this week to teach people
Ice Driving, can he be those things and be shy? I can be shy even though no one
would ever expect that of the bolshie person they know!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The week
before Christmas I had a meeting in London with Procurement Guy, when he
messaged me the day before asking if I wanted to meet for a coffee prior to the
meeting I expected him to suggest meeting near the venue, instead he asked what
time my train was coming in and where to and said he’d meet me at the station.
In times where I find that men are rather flaky I have to admit to being
impressed at him travelling right across London to meet me before heading right
across London again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I still
don’t see him as my type but he is a nice guy, we had been chatting on Skype,
partly work related things, partly flirty banter as I was getting ready to
release a big announcement, obviously I didn’t say anything to him as there are
masses of things in my role that I can’t talk to anyone about.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
announcement went out to our senior team, on that team is his Director and
another Director that he reports to via a dotted line. Within minutes of the
announcement dropping in the senior’s inboxes he called me and said ‘were you
writing that when we were talking?’ I said that yes, I’d be writing is as we
spoke, he said that he knew it was stuff that I couldn’t tell him but it was announcements
that he was happy with as they would affect his role and he asked if I’d known
when we were at the event the previous month and he’d been moaning about them,
I said that I’d known for months now but that until the announcement I couldn’t
talk to anyone about it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Apparently
later that day his boss sent him the announcement, he told him that he’d
already seen it and was asked how, his answer was:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
‘I was in
the hotel room with Frog Princess when she was writing it’ <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Followed by
a response from his boss:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
‘???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
‘What?’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
To which he
finally told him that he was joking and his boss told him he was a fucking
idiot!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I found that
quite funny. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Apparently
most of the questions his boss asks him are answered with some variation on in
a hotel room with me, which I have to admit I find quite funny as long as he
doesn’t say it to my boss who is totally unlike his and wouldn’t find it
amusing in the slightest!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He was
waiting at the station when I arrived, the banter started immediately and continued
throughout the morning, when we got to the meeting it was a disaster, the ‘Events
Team’ had done their usual bad job, booking a room for 50 when we have 250
people coming, we pretty much overruled their decisions all round, he agreed
with all of mine and said he didn’t feel that they would do a good job, he was
shocked at how bad a job they had done, I have worked with them before so I
wasn’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We went for
lunch after and worked through some plans, before he saw me back to the
station, we’ve not spoken much since as it’s Christmas break but had a call
with the events group last year, at one point he told them I could do a much
better job than the people we are paying but I’m pretty sure his boss saw it as
him having a bit of a soft spot for me! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I spent a day Christmas Shopping with the Best Friend and discovered that the girlfriend I knew wasn't my greatest fan really dislikes me and our relationship but I'll cover that more in a later post, I also had dinner with his ex, who is also a very good friend of mine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I have my
first date of 2018 on Friday, in London, maybe next week’s post will be a bit
more exciting? <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-76781595136194955732017-12-31T10:49:00.001-08:002017-12-31T10:49:49.345-08:00Don't preach to people about family................<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">This isn’t
really dating related but I do wonder sometimes if it goes some way to explain
why I struggle to make attachments to people and take so long to decide if I
actually like someone or not?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">I guess it’s
come to a head as this is the time of year that people should spend with their
family and when you tell people you aren’t they tell you that you only have one
Mum and that you should put your differences aside because they won’t be around
forever, so because someone gave birth to you they should be able to treat you
however they like and you should keep forgiving them each and every time? Is
that really the case?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">I was raised in a single parent family, although we lived
with my Nan and some Uncles and Aunt’s until I was a teenager, I have never met
my father properly, they had split before I was born, apparently he saw me once
when I was about six month old and I continued to see his parents in my early
years until I decided at about 6 that I didn’t want to anymore (I’m not sure
that I could make informed decisions at that age if I’m honest but I assume
that it worked out better for my Mum that way)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">The only man I’ve ever really had a father/daughter
relationship with was my Grandad, he and my Mum never got on as she found out
at 16 that he wasn’t her Dad, I still can’t understand how she could be angry
with him for something that was totally out of his control, if anything he was
the person that took on someone else’s child? I’ll never get that one as I
think he was a truly great man and has always been my real life hero. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I can’t remember my Mum being around much while I was a child,
I guess all being in the same house it was easy to leave me with my extended
family while she went out and my Nan had me a lot, she told me as a child that
she had wanted an abortion but my Nan wouldn’t let her, that is something that
your child should never know, not ever and it’s always stayed with me, maybe
it’s added to the reasons why I’ve felt like the unwanted child. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">She also made it clear that she had wanted a boy, when I was
born she only had a boy’s name, as that was what she wanted so my Nan named me,
a year later my Nan had another son, he has the name my Mum had for me, as a
child she spent more time with him than she did with me. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Apparently from the time I was tiny I had wanted a dog, it
was I’m told not far off my first word and a word that I used frequently over
the years, ‘what would you like for Christmas?’ ‘A puppy’ when I was little we
got one, a Black Labrador that I called Tank, I totally adored him but it
wasn’t even a week before my puppy was sent back for going to toilet on the
floor (seriously what did they think that puppies did?) I remember being
devastated when he was taken away, it was an early lesson for me in promises
that she wouldn’t keep and that what she gave with one hand she took with
another. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">When I was 8 a lot happened, my super special Grandad died, I
can still remember my Aunt (that he was living with by that time) walking into
my Nan’s, I didn’t need to hear the words I knew what had happened and was
devastated, apparently at the funeral they literally had to hold me back from
running into the grave with the coffin. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Mum also got married that year to a man that she had met
via some kind of forces pen pals dating, he was in the RAF and I think they had
met one or two times before getting married, I can’t really remember a great
deal about it or him, I think I had maybe met him once before the wedding, at
this time she also decided to change my surname, I’d never had my father’s name
but I remember being at school and having to tell everyone that I wasn’t called
what I was before, I remember it all being quite confusing at the time, I now
had the same surname of a man I barely knew, the marriage lasted less than six
months, as a small mercy at least she didn’t decide to change my name back and
make me go through all of that again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">We also had
our first and only holiday that year, a week in Spain with my Great Aunt and
her son, it was great but we never went again.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">There were various ‘friends’ I was introduced to and trotted out to meet over the years, I
don’t think that there was much time that she was on her own, I don’t think I
ever got to know anyone terribly well, there was a guy at one point but he was
literally just a friend, he was lovely and was brilliant with me, when they
fell out or she decided she didn’t want anything more than friendship I wasn’t
allowed to see him anymore, I remember being quite upset about that, I loved it
there and was really fond of him, I guess I learnt then that I shouldn’t get
too close to people as they could be gone as quickly as they arrived.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">When I was 13 a boy I went to school had a dog that had, had
puppies, we had been friends for years and I badgered at home until they
finally gave in, provided that I looked after him, I met him at four weeks old and
it was love at first sight, I adored him and he seemed to feel the same about
me, he eventually came home a few weeks later and we did everything together.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">It was at his dog training classes that my Mum met my Step
Dad, he had a Border Collie puppy of a similar age to my little scruffy friend
and like the other people at club all used to talk, it wasn’t long before they
became ‘friends’ and then more than that. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">At about that time we moved out of my Nan’s into a lovely but
small 2 bedroom house, only a few miles away, however my Mum would be up at his
house most evenings and every weekend from Friday to Sunday, I was dragged up
there a lot in the evenings at first but left at home on my own mostly at
weekends, by then another dog had come along, so I was left alone to look after
him and my little one, I didn’t think much of it at the time but seriously who
leaves a 13 year old alone for days at a time? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I guess I went a little off the rails in my teenage years, I
was out clubbing from about 15, house parties at mine (well there was no one
there) I remember one week when she grounded me 7 times, then went out each
time and actually expected me to stay in, I didn’t of course and she soon gave
up on trying to discipline me as it was too much like hard work for her. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">While I was a bit of a wild child I still understood
boundaries even then, I never did anything really stupid and hung around with a
good group of people, there was the odd party that ended with a very occasional
visit from the police about noise, a little bit of drugs and a LOT of alcohol.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I was lucky that I had good people around me to keep me on
the right track really I think, the person I’d met at dog training at 13 had
taken me under her wing and I spent a lot of time with her and her partner, I
showed their dogs for them all over the country and spent time with them
whenever I could, I also had my best friend/Mum hybrid, who is 10 years older
than me but has always been a great source of stability for me, her kids were
young when I first met them and I’ve been as much a staple in their lives as
their Mum has for me, she’s been the person I’ve always run to, even now. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I can’t really remember my Mum being a major part in my life
for very long periods, if there wasn’t a man involved she used to take me to
things so she wasn’t alone, so I guess
at those points we were closer but I soon got used to being pulled in and pushed
away when the next thing came along. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Mum was strange as I was growing up, she messages me and
tells me she loves me now but I can’t remember hearing that as a child, she is
a self-confessed ‘not a cuddly’ person, I get that, totally but I also find a
person that doesn’t cuddle their child very strange. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">W@nk Bag and his family were similar, they didn’t do
affection, he was described to me early on an ‘emotional retard’ but it took a
while before I realised the extent of it. I knew his sister long before him and
her daughter used to cling to me because her Mum didn’t do affection, what sort
of parent can’t cuddle their own child? I guess the little girl reminded me a
bit of myself as a child, absolutely craving affection, no child should ever
feel that and it makes me massively sad when I see a relationship like that,
incidentally her child is grown up now and barely sees her Mum at all as they
have such a strained relationship.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Mum has a long history with trying to buy me off, however
one of her greatest efforts was when I was 17, I was taking driving lessons and
one day she was dropping me off at the Best Friend/Mum Hybrid’s house, which
was a couple of miles away, as we turned into the close she said ‘I’m pregnant
but I’ll buy you that car you want’ I had few words, apart from to tell her
that I was the one that was at the age where I should be doing stupid things
like that. I didn’t know they wanted children, he didn’t have any and she’d
never wanted me and had in my opinion done an awful job of bringing me up, it
had never been discussed in front of me, I guess she never had to tell me those
things?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I remember walking in and telling my Friend/Mum Hybrid, she
was as horrified as me at how I’d been told, she wanted a boy and was annoyed
again when she realised she was having another girl, my sister was born 8 days
before my 18th birthday and was joined by another one a year or so later, I
really hoped that she would change and to be fair it looked like maybe she had,
the girls had so much that I’d not had as a child, my Step Dad was fairly well
off and the girls had everything they could possibly want, including a lovely Dad but they also had a lot
of things that were totally unnecessary and I thought was her buying their
affection, just like she had with me. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Step Dad and I got on quite well but I was 13 by the time
he arrived, I’d never had a Dad and didn’t want or need a pretend one but he
was a good man and a good person, if anything he was probably too good for her,
he paid all of her debt off and made sure she had everything she could ever
want and much more. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">When my sisters were born I was told that should anything
happen to my Step Dad I would be their legal guardian, it was written into the
wills, if they died it would be up to me to look after them and their
inheritance until they were old enough to look after themselves, at that point
I learnt that I wasn’t included in that will in anything other than a share in
my Mum’s jewellery, apparently because the rest had come from my Step Dad it
would be split between the two of them, my Mum had always to the day he died
told me that he looked at me as his own, so if he did why was this the case,
how could you treat your children so differently?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">When I was 23 she told me she was moving in with my Step Dad
(they weren’t married by that point) He had a three bedroom house but his Mum
lived there too, so with my Mum and two sisters moving in there would be no
room for me, I get that I was 23 and maybe I should have moved out earlier but
I also lived in one of the most expensive towns in the Country.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I had been with my boyfriend at the time for about 9 months
and was kind of pushed into us moving in together which we just weren’t ready
for, she wouldn’t even wait until we’d found a flat so I moved in with him and
his parents for a few months first. </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="background: white;">His parents were the first sense of great parents I’d really
known, I’d first met them on a Sunday morning when I was leaving his soon after
we’d got together, they had five boys and I was treated immediately like the
daughter that they never had, they did lots together, dinners, parties and soon
became the people that I treated like the family I’d not really had, they were
close, affectionate and I’m pretty sure that they were totally unshakeable, one
of their son’s recently came out as transsexual and although I’m sure initially
they were shocked but they have totally supported him, just as I would have
expected him to.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">In the five years that we were together they were my family,
I was often round there both with and without my boyfriend, we bought our house
together the following year and I’d go and discuss what I wanted to do, I’d
arrive home from work one day to find his Dad there doing it for us, I feel a
bit bad for saying this but they were one of the reasons that when things
started going wrong I stayed for so long, I knew that I would lose the family
that I loved so much too. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">One of the
things that started the breakdown of our relationship was that he wanted
children, preferably yesterday, at that time though and largely due to the
relationship I had with my Mum I didn’t think I wanted children and it started
to put the strain on, I was also still young and he would have waited but I
didn’t think that would ever change at the time and I started to think that
there was more out there for me, he wanted to tie me down and I was still a
fairly wild thing who had tried hard at settling for a gorgeous man and a
beautiful home with a lovely family but wasn’t quite there with no sign of it
being in the near future. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="background: white;">When it finally ended we were all devastated but it couldn’t
continue any longer, we have been split up for 12 years now but they still send
me a Christmas and Birthday card and keep in touch when anything major happens,
they are totally wonderful people who gave me some idea of how a family could
be, if I ever manage to have one myself!<br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Mum and Step Dad eventually got married as they wanted to
all have the same name, so I was the only one left with the name of the man
that she had been married to for six months when I was eight, how bizarre is it
that I am the only one that has been left with the aftermath of her mistakes?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Mum had always had a very tumultuous relationship with my
Nan and she’d made a big deal of having to do things even though they didn’t
get along, she even said she hated being there when she was dying as she hadn’t
treated her well and for a time I did that too, I went to visit at Christmas
and Birthdays and made an effort to see her weekly, the girls are lovely and I
love them but I was always treated very differently which although I’ve tried
not to let it bother me I guess it always has.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">My Step Dad
became ill, he had a degenerative disease that over the years took away all of
his functions, his movement, his speech, his ability to do anything for
himself, being able to eat, communicate, in the end the only thing that seemed
to work was his brain, for a man that had always been really able it must have
been awful, he was given 5-8 years but the disease started to rob him of his
functions quickly, that was the next form of bribery from my Mum, if I wanted
to go away for Christmas she told me that it might be his last, so I did it, I
ran every time, each time he was hospitalised I dropped everything to be there,
I did love him, not as a Dad but as a person that had been part of my life for
a long time. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">He loved my Mum, he must have to have put up with her shit
for so long, she ruled him with a rod of iron, she made his Mum’s life
difficult in her own home and was delighted when she finally got her moved into
a home, she alienated his brothers family, the family that before he met her he
spent so much time with.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Throughout his illness I struggled with seeing him, I
couldn’t understand him and felt awful for that but I also hated how she
treated him, I have no doubt that looking after someone with a condition like
that isn’t easy but she would shout at him for always wanting to eat when but
when he was able to it was one of the few pleasures he had left, she’d shout at
him for not being able to understand him, it was totally embarrassing and I
hated seeing him berated like it, especially in front of my sisters who were
still young. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">He died five years ago, my sisters were 14 and 16, some of
what I felt was relief, relief that he was finally out of the misery that
trapped him and that his pain was over, I also felt sad that my sisters had
lost their Dad so young. She was an
embarrassment at the funeral, not once were his brother and family mentioned that
he had been so close to, I was disgusted with her, they were terribly upset and
he had loved them, they should have been mentioned without doubt, I mentioned
it to her at the funeral, she said she had ‘forgot’ to me it showed just how
twisted she really was, from that day onwards his brother and family have had
nothing to do with her and my sisters have lost another part of their family
and their history. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">That year I did the whole Christmas thing with them but I
promised myself that it was the last year I’d be held to ransom, I went over,
watched my sisters get ridiculously spoiled while I got a couple of presents
that I didn’t want or need and left feeling like the unwanted child again, I
have kept that promise and not been for Christmas since. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">That year she offered me some money in order to move from my
flat to somewhere with a garden, I’ve always wanted a garden but said it wasn’t
necessary and when I had the money I would move, however she had, had a couple of big pay outs
due to my Step Dad’s illness, she took me to look at houses and two weeks later
told me that she wasn’t going to do it, now although I’d love a garden, I’d
never have looked at houses I couldn’t afford, it was just like that puppy when
I was a kid, given with one hand taken with another, I think what was worse was
that I’d not asked for it, it was totally her suggestion. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">The Christmas after that she asked me what I wanted, I told
her that I wanted a digital SLR camera and if she could give me some money
towards it that would be great, she told me that she would buy it for me, I
said there was no need but she insisted, a few days later she sent me a photo of
a cheap bridge camera telling me that she was going to buy it for me, instead
of giving in for probably the first time I stood my ground and said no, that
wasn’t what I wanted and if she didn’t want to buy the one that I wanted some
money towards it would be lovely, as we’d discussed, she told me she’d get it
for me after Christmas, on Christmas Day I rang to say Merry Christmas as I did
each year, she asked what I’d got and I said nothing, I was single at the time,
she told me what she’d got and I asked about the girls, her words were ‘it’s
easier to tell you what they didn’t get’ I was used to her behaviour by now but
even with that in mind it was still hard to swallow and made me cry before I
went out. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My Mum quickly went back to her old ways one my Step Dad had
died, I had heard from someone that the girls were being left alone for
weekends while she went to meet men she’d met on Internet dating sites, now I’m
the last person in the world to criticise internet dating that but I’m pretty
sure that I’d not be leaving my kids that had not long lost their Dad to go and
meet random men and definitely not in hotels, I checked in on the girls and
told them that I was here if they needed me, what else could I do?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I had to play the adult in our relationship from pretty early
on, I was used to it and I tried to talk to her about leaving my sisters alone,
she wasn’t interested, she took the opportunity to tell me that I was a selfish
bitch and was just like my Dad and that I was jealous of my sisters, while I
was totally ok with being a bitch, I wasn’t ok with having a man that I’d never
met thrown at me, I wasn’t the one that had chosen to have a relationship with
someone she obviously hated and got pregnant by them, I don’t know if I am like
him, how could I tell that about a man I’ve never met but I assume that as I
have 50% of his genes I do share some of his traits, how could I not? <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">I don’t
think I’m jealous of my sisters but I guess I am a bit jealous of how they are
treated, I had a tough upbringing and they’ve been handed anything they wanted,
I couldn’t go to University as I couldn’t afford to go and support myself, they
have both gone, I had one holiday as a kid they have had several a year, I had
a puppy, they had 6 (that’s not even a joke!)</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Weirdly my father has three other children, all girls that
went to the same school with my sisters, my Mum made a point of telling me that
she sees him at school picking them up, I’m not even sure why you would share
this information, I know nothing about the man, apart from his job and the
area where he lives, I have five half-sisters, three of them I wouldn’t
know if they walked past me in the street, how strange is that?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">I think those messages with her were exchanged in around 2014
and I just can’t get past her throwing that at me, I didn’t choose to be born,
in the time that’s passed since we’ve spent about an hour together in I think
summer of 2015, I agreed to meet her for lunch, which I did and I couldn’t get
away quickly enough, to this day I’ve not had an apology for her behaviour,
largely because she won’t think she’s done anything wrong and probably partly
because she will have forgotten. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">She sends me messages on Facebook message every month or so,
I won’t add her on there as I don’t want her to see what I’m doing, each time I
see her name pop up my heart sinks, I’ve just got nothing for her, I would love
to have a close relationship with my Mum like the ones that lots of my friends
have with theirs but I don’t ever see that happening, she often asks when we
can meet, I tell her I’m busy, what else can I say, should I tell her the truth?
I guess at some point I’ll have to?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Life with her is a vicious circle, she’s nice for a little
bit, then she’s nasty, then she’s nice, I just can’t keep putting myself
through it, even for the woman that gave birth to me, in the interest of
fairness when W@nk Bag and I split she was amazing and I hoped it would be the
change for us what I didn’t realise was that we were getting on really well
because I was so broken that I had no fight in me, she told me I was staying at
hers for a few days and I wasn’t in a fit state to say no, I was happy for
someone to control what I was doing but once the real me started to return so
did the problems. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">This year she has done it again, I got a message a few months
ago saying that she was moving, half way across the country, I knew there would
be a man involved but said nothing as I didn’t want to give her the
satisfaction, I spoke to my sisters who were devastated, both were in their
first year of uni and the oldest of the two was struggling with being away from
home so was coming home every weekend to see her friends and feel like home.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Neither of the girls wanted to be uprooted, their Dad had
been born in the house, all of their friends were there, they confirmed there
was a man involved, neither knew a lot about him, one had met him briefly once,
the other hadn’t even met him, despite all of this she sold their childhood
home and moved anyway, I shouldn’t have expected anymore but again tried to
play the adult and attempted a conversation, it was just wasted on her, she
didn’t care about uprooting my sisters, just being closer to this new man. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">She’s been gone a few months now, I only know the County she
lives in, it’s where the bloke she’s seeing lives, I guess at least I know she
won’t marry this one, if she did she would lose her rather significant pension,
I was hopeful that she would have learnt from her experience with me and tried
to have a better relationship with my sisters, I honestly wish that she would
have put them first and tried to have at least one out of three of the children
in her life that she didn’t need to try and buy. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">On Christmas morning she sent me a ‘Merry Christmas’ message,
I wrote back but as usual tried hard not to get into conversation, on Instagram
last night my sister had posted a photo of her presents from my Mum under the
tree, there were loads, including several designer label bags, it’s been around
5 years now since I’ve had a present off of her for my birthday or Christmas,
am I selfish? Maybe I am?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Over the years there have been some awkward situations, like
when I started this job, they needed to see my birth certificate, my birth
certificate clearly states, ‘Father Unknown’ do you have any idea how it feels
to hand that over to your new employer? I felt like it said, ‘my mother is a
slapper’ he isn’t unknown and she could have done me the courtesy to have a
name on there, even if it was the name of a man she hated, I also had to hand
over a deed pole form, of when my name was changed to the name of the man she
married. Each time someone asks where my unusual surname comes from I’m
embarrassed, no, it’s not my Dad’s name, no, it’s not my Mum’s family name,
it’s the name of some stranger I barely knew.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">My mother has
trotted me out for occasions over the years, when I was still blind enough to
not realise, I was touted as the daughter that she raised alone, that has a
good job and her own home, hadn’t she done well, doing all of that alone? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">I have done
ok for myself but I don’t want to be used as something to try to impress her
friends, while I do have a good job and I do have my own (small) home (I’m
always the first to admit that it’s owned majorly by the mortgage company
though!) I don’t think she can take the credit for most of it, a lot of it has
been a battle, something that my Mum will never understand is doing things
alone, she’ll never know understand the pressure of a job or a mortgage because
she’s never had either.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">I don’t think that children should ever be kept from their
parents or used as weapons between parent or that there is any excuse in the
world for ‘I don’t see my children’ I can’t comprehend any excuse that would be
enough, how could you walk away from a person that you are responsible for
making?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">I’ve been told many times, by many people that I’m nothing
like my Mum and I hope on every level that is true, I think myself lucky that I
have some great people in my life that have been the family that I choose,
there is a lot more to family than blood. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">Never tell
someone you only get one Mum or Dad when you don’t understand the
circumstances, we all know you only get one set of parents and for some of us
that is a good thing because not all of them are amazing, families are
complicated and not all people deserve to be parents and not all of us should
keep taking shit from people just because they gave birth to us. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-60295741098266381982017-12-11T09:23:00.000-08:002020-07-03T07:30:06.929-07:00My Knight in Shining Leathers…………….<div class="MsoNormal">
Walked into my life on a Saturday night in May 2010.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d called time on my big love on Valentines Day and was
totally broken, despite living in the village since 2006 it was my first night
out locally since I’d arrived here three years before and I was out for a
neighbours birthday, who had not far off dragged me out kicking and screaming,
I’d already been over to my home town for a night out and been out with friends
but was suffering quite badly with depression and anxiety so something new was
just a whole lot of stress. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a few to drink at hers first before venturing out, I
had no idea where we were, it was all back lanes and little paths through the
wood, we arrived at the local football club, where a band were playing, it
turned out to be a good night of drinking, dancing and laughter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then this guy came up to me and said ‘I’m sure I know you
from somewhere’ to which I replied ‘I doubt that, I’m not from around here’ I
can clearly remember looking around the room and trying to work out why he was
talking to me, he was GORGEOUS, a year older than me, 6’2, brown eyed, brown
hair, classically handsome, nice shoulders, good body, lovely to talk to.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had come out of a relationship after five years with an
emotional bully, he told me I was fat (but when I later found out he has slept
with someone else she was much bigger than me and he married her, go figure)
and all sorts of other damning things that had completely destroyed my
confidence over the years so I genuinely couldn’t understand why this gorgeous
man was talking to me when we were in a room full of people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before the end of the night the friend I was out with did a
disappearing act, which I learned later was pretty normal for her, he knew
where she lived as everyone knows each other here so he said he would walk home
with me as he was only in the next street and a few houses away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He walked me home and came in for tea, the flirting
continued which led to lots of rather unexpected and great sex, he spent the
night telling me I was beautiful, amazing and all of the nice things that a
girl could expect to hear, when we weren’t having sex he spent his time
cuddling me and it was a good 12 hours before he said he’d better head home, he
kissed me goodbye and left. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that was it until a couple of weeks later I walked into
the local pub and there he was, without the alcohol I’d had to drink last time,
he was; if anything more gorgeous than I remembered, as soon as he saw me he
came and gave me a kiss and hug like we’d known each other forever which was
rather unexpected, my neighbour was quite surprised that she had witnessed that
as he is ‘not like that with anyone' and she’d known him since he was a kid.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He walked me home that night too but we did actually sit and
talk this time, I knew that a girl from the village had recently died of an
overdose, what I didn’t know until then was that it was his ex girlfriend and
someone that despite her being an ex he cared for her, he talked and I listened,
eventually we ended up in bed again, more great sex, compliments, cuddles,
again it was the middle of the day before he left with a kiss goodbye.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This happened a few times over the passing months, I wasn’t
ready for anything more and neither was he but we had such a lovely, easy
‘relationship’ at times we came home together, other times we didn’t but he was
always the same, each time I saw him I got the same greeting and we always
talked, other times we would come home together, we’d talk, end up in bed, he’d
kiss me goodbye at some point the next day, if you were ever going to have a
friends with benefits, this was definitely the way to do it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At some point during this time we became friends on Facebook
and through that discovered that we were both movie lovers, he messaged me
saying he had a great movie that I ought to see, he then brought it round, we
watched it together and ended up in bed, every time he had something he thought
I’d like he’d arrive on my doorstep, sometimes he’d stay and watch it with me,
other times he’d just drop it off and leave, I’d messaged saying I’d watched
it, discuss the movie and then he’d come and replace it with something else,
his taste in movies was impeccable, off the wall and he never failed to bring
something that I didn’t love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On one of these occasions he arrived on his bike; in his
leathers which is where his name comes from, leathers can look good or bad on a
man but a man with an incredible body in leathers is really quite a sight and
he didn’t disappoint, that may have been an occasion where I was disappointed
that he didn’t come in!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I loved how easy things were between us, no matter how long
it was since we’d seen each other it was never any different, we sometimes
exchanged messages between, we sometimes didn’t, there was never any
expectation and I liked that, I think he did too but also there was never that
empty feeling that I have found can come with sex but it wasn’t just sex. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christmas that year he turned up on my doorstep, he was
upset as his Gran had died, he said that I was the one person he could talk to
and it never mattered what he said, I thought that was rather lovely, I
comforted him, we talked things through and he stayed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have confided in each other about all sorts of things
over the years, it was me he turned to when he was having problems with his
girlfriend and asked what he should do, when he was having family issues it was
my door he knocked on, that’s not the only time he’s turned up though, his
timing over the years has been impeccable, his ability to know I’m having a bad
time and to arrive at my door with a great movie has always been incredible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the years our ‘relationship’ has evolved into different
things, there’s been sex, friendship, companionship, comfort, advice, sometimes
all of those things have been together at other times independent of each
other, over the years this has continued on and off, at one point I was seeing
someone for about a year and he was too, though I don’t think at the same time,
so during those times the sex stopped but we never did stop being friends, if
he sees me now he’ll stop the car if he can so that we can chat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t honestly think that he would ever realise that he’s
been a bit of a hero in my life, although I have told him in the past, he
totally doesn’t get how important he was in that first year after the break up,
it was incredibly hard for me and he was the one that scooped me up, told me
how amazing I was and made me realise that there were not only good men out
there but good men that were incredibly hot, he definitely set the bar for
dating! He is the one that turned up through those early days when life was
really shit, he’s the one that when someone in the village was bragging that
they’d slept with me he unashamedly pulled them up on it (after checking with
me that it wasn’t true) he is the person that I know wouldn’t be in a room if
someone was slagging me off and not totally defend me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last time we slept together was about 18 months ago, it
was the first time in a while and rather unexpected as I kind of thought we
were ‘done’ with the whole sex thing, seems we weren’t, I felt a shift that
night though, it didn’t quite feel the same for me, I just wasn’t as ‘into’ it
as I had been before and in the morning when he suggested sex again I said I
wasn’t feeling it (which he knew isn’t very like me) for the first time, he was
totally cool with it though just as I would expect and I think that sadly
because my head is out of having sex with him that will be the last time, shame
as that might be, however I know that we will always be friends and would be
there for each other at the drop of a hat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had never really believed that Friends With Benefits was a
concept that could be successful before this and I’m still not sure that I
believe there are many situations where it can work and not feel unfulfilling
and empty but on this occasion it worked perfectly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although I myself forget this quite often, good men and superhero’s really do exist, sometimes they
live just a few doors away and instead of a cape they wear bike leathers just
like My Knight in Shining Leathers does. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-71707266649053871502017-12-07T04:33:00.003-08:002017-12-07T04:38:06.324-08:00When your heart and head are in opposition.....<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t really have a great deal to report currently, I was
supposed to have a date with a Bumble match next week but work have put paid to
that by changing the meeting I was going to and with there being a significant
distance between us rearranging isn’t terribly easy, however so far we appear
to have quite a lot in common so we will see!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve had a bit of a wobble this week, I’ve seen some updates
on Instagram of Cunt Face’s and I can tell from them that he’s having a bad
time, there is still a part of me that wants to reach out to him but I know
that no good will come from that, it never has. There have been a couple of
times this week that I have had to quite literally step away from my phone to
stop me sending a message. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve done the whole depression thing several times, I know
how hard it is and I think that’s what makes me want to get in contact, it was
me who told him what it was when it was happening last year but it was also me
that supported him through it, got him to go and see his doctor and encouraged
him to get some help, all while he had a girlfriend that I knew nothing about. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I would like to think that it’s Karma doing it’s job I
don’t believe that depression happens as a result of your actions, it happens
to good people too and is just a horrible thing that actually never really goes
away, it’s just better or worse at times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I nearly broke this morning, I don’t know why, I wasn’t even
thinking of him when it popped into my head to message him, I did get rid of it
but currently it’s in my mind, I have no idea why, we have had no contact now
in over two months and I really do intend to keep it that way, it’s not even
that I see a future in it, it’s been a long time since I’ve been at that point
with him, I guess I just find it hard to switch off caring about someone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t think from that statement that I’m a pushover, by no
means am I, in fact those closest to me would tell you quite the opposite but
then it’s rare that even those people ever see me break, I don’t take people into
my life and heart easily at all, I can walk away from anyone and anything but
that doesn’t mean I find it an easy thing to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart and head are in opposition but I know I wouldn't trust another muscle in my body to make decisions meant for my head and it's rare that my heart makes good decisions, with W@nk Bag for example, my heart spend five years telling me that's where I needed to be, until one day my head managed to overrule it and make a sensible (although heart breaking) decision. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In other news Procurement Guy continues to be in touch at
work and we are meant to be doing a venue visit together next week, he has
offered a cheese toastie as bribery, does he know that cheese is ultimately the
way to my heart?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hot Welsh Tennis Coach has reappeared (this is a super
original name as he is Welsh, lives in Wales and is a Tennis Coach!) he does
this quite often and we have never really lost contact, I’m not sure I wrote
about him at the time (about 18 months ago) as we never got to meeting, we were
going to then he met someone, he told me and I was happy for him, he then
decided he wanted to be friends, which I was also cool with, then he decided
she wouldn’t like it if we were, I was cool with that too, I’ll talk more about
him some other time. <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-26887311672550742652017-11-28T06:54:00.000-08:002017-11-28T06:54:26.924-08:00Women, Friends and Bikini Photos!<div class="MsoNormal">
This post was inspired by a recent Twitter post about a girl
that was alone in a bar, a guy started talking to her, she ended up chatting to
the group he was with, both male and female and when she came back from the bar
she got the cold shoulder, it seemed the girls had told the guys to give it a
rest, seriously, is that how we want to treat other women?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope and I’m pretty sure that; if I’d have been in that
position instead of being like that I’d have welcomed her into the group,
regardless of whether I had a boyfriend or not, it’s hard being female you know,
however even our friends can be really bitchy at times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve done this on holiday twice now, a girl on her own has
been there and she’s joined us, both times we’ve stayed in touch, one of which
I’m off to a cheese festival and winter wonderland with soon, they were
welcomed into the group and I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving them the cold
shoulder. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Women seem to see other girls as a threat when in actual
fact many of us single girls are single because we can’t find the right man,
that doesn’t mean we want to steal someone else’s, in my case I’ve waited far
too long to ‘settle’ and want some that when I do need to compromise it is only
on the small stuff, I have tried to change myself to be what someone else
wanted and I have to say that the only thing it did was to make me miserable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day Prince Charming will sweep me off my feet but you
know if he doesn’t I’m cool with being eaten by my cats when I die, for me that
is still preferable to settling. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently I spent a day with a friend of mine, we don’t spend
a lot of time together but met about 13 years ago, at this point we were both
in relationships and now both single. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went on holiday this time last year and some photos of me
in a bikini were put on Facebook, they weren’t posy or posed shots, they were
taken by the friend I went with because the sea was really brutal and you
weren’t supposed to swim in it (it also had sharks in it) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m neither little or large but still bigger than I’d like
to be, largely because I like eating (especially cheese) but I also go to the gym
and swim regularly in an effort to counter that, I am the kind of girl that
looks in the mirror and only ever sees a fat girl staring back at her, no
matter what size I am. I am however not the kind of girl that worries about
wearing a bikini in a foreign country when it’s boiling hot and no one I know
is going to see me. There will always be people that are smaller than me but
there will always be people that are bigger than me too and if people don’t
like it I’m not forcing anyone to look. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I met some lovely people out there. I’m a Cancerian and apparently,
we are drawn to the sea which for me is totally true. I was a miffed at seeing
I couldn’t get in it and spent each day longing to go for a proper swim. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The friend I went with wasn’t the type that liked to get her
hair wet in the pool, let alone the sea (I wasn’t told that before we booked
the holiday) Having a chat with one of the couples he said that his wife
wouldn’t go in either but he’d be happy to have a swim out with me, another of
the couples we met said she’d love to go too but her hubby wouldn’t, we a plan
forming here and the wife in the first couple said that she’d give it a try if
we all did. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we waited until the next morning, checked it didn’t look
too rough in comparison to normal and thought sod it, we’d give it a go, it
seemed fine, we walked in had a paddle and headed out, managing a good swim,
once you had got in it was amazing out there, then the first wife tried to get
out, that wasn’t easy and she ended up rather bruised, then after a while the
rest of us headed out onto the beach, that was an experience! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not a particularly fast swimmer but I’m happy to go
fairly far out as long as it’s under my own steam, I don’t like my head being
under the water though. Even though I’d timed it pretty well I didn’t expect to
be so violently barrel rolled as I went to get out, thankfully I remained
really calm, tucked in my arms and legs and I was fine, as were the others. I
got that bikini out recently though and despite being washed several times it’s
still got sand in places that sand should not be and I was very much like that
bikini for several showers after!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was amazing though and we were all glad that we’d done
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we had arrived at the hotel the first thing we’d done
was to walk along the beach and as we did the fishermen were pulling sharks
out, I was totally mesmerised to see sharks out of an aquarium (I love animals
and wildlife) and we got chatting to them, each night after that we got some
beers from the bar and walked to sit and watch them fish for a bit, each time
we got there they caught sharks, no matter what time we went, they said we were
lucky and called it Shark’O’Clock! We were welcomed into the group by both the
fishermen and their wives. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That night the group were pretty horrified that I’d gone in after
seeing them pulling sharks out every evening and told us stories of people
being airlifted to hospital from going in and a YouTube video of someone
getting bitten by a shark on that very beach, would it have stopped me? Probably
not if I’m honest, from some of the men I’ve dated over the years it’s quite
apparent that I love a challenge!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, back to those photos, they are of a bunch of people
enjoying the sea, in a variety of beachwear, laughing, paddling and having fun
together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t think I look that bad in them, I’m pretty busty and
if I was really skinny I would look like boobs on a lolly stick, believe me I’ve
tried it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She said that she thought that I was ‘brave’ for putting a
photo of me in a bikini on Facebook and I have to admit that I took offence to
that comment. Why is it brave to put a photo up in a bikini? Would that be
questioned if I was posing on the beach at a size 6? No, of course it wouldn’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had lots of comments to the contrary on this, it’s funny
isn’t it, that a female friend saw a fat girl in a bikini but that’s not what the
majority of my male friends saw, they saw a normal girl having a good time in
the sea, there were obviously some females that also had this view and others
of both sexes that just kept their mouths shut. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had numerous nice comments, messages and likes on the
photos, one in particular messaged me the day I got back, saying that he’d
missed me (we talk a couple of times a week or so) but was glad I’d been away as
he got to see me in a bikini and he thought I looked great in it. I am using
this friend as an example as he is gorgeous, the kind of guy that I’d probably
get whiplash walking past if I didn’t know him (he’s very happily married to a
lovely girl, we are just friends) but if someone that looks like that can’t see
a problem with it, why should she?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perception is a funny thing isn’t it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It came to light later that she was with her then boyfriend
when she saw the photos and had mentioned them, she was annoyed that shortly
after that he had added me as a friend on Facebook, which she assumed was to
look at those photos; so there it was, her annoyance had nothing to do with me
at all, it was her distrust in the boyfriend that had cheated on her before
they had been together a year, she says she’s forgiven him for it but while she
may have forgiven him she is happy to take his actions out on her friends, who
have done absolutely nothing wrong. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She also made a point of saying that he had told her in the
past that he preferred girls that were more my size to hers (several sizes
larger than me, but is that really important?) but his preferences aren’t my
choice or my fault, even if I’d not have met him as my friend’s boyfriend I
wouldn’t have had any interest in him, he wasn’t my type and there is no way I’d
have taken the shit from him that she did. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it ok to say things like that to your friends to make
them feel uncomfortable or like they’ve done something wrong to make yourself
feel better? I am the kind of person that would be the first to tell my friends
that something doesn’t suit them or that they are being an arsehole (believe me
they rely on me for this!) but I would never try to make them feel shit about
themselves and I would be horrified if I thought I had. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the day out with that same friend she also spent the day
criticising every little thing from getting to where I live (pretty much the
middle of nowhere if you live in a town) my car was noisy on the road on the
way back (I love my car, it is also convertible which means it is more noisy
than some cars) despite that I had done her a favour in taking her with me, had
saved her an extra hours drive, a £20 parking fee and brought her breakfast.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have to say that I was pretty fed up with it by the time
we got back to mine, oh and when we did she didn’t offer any help to get
everything inside, just got in her car and said goodbye, I think its safe to
say we won’t be seeing each other for a while! <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-33432199987009040212017-11-12T06:14:00.000-08:002017-11-12T06:18:43.380-08:00Shoe Guy………<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">I met through the Space
Cadet and he and I met on POF YEARS ago, like in the first year I was single,
so late 2009 we had a couple of dates and decided not to pursue it but to be
friends and we still are really good friends.</span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">He has all the traits I
wouldn’t want in a boyfriend, he’s definitely a player (although insists he
isn’t) has more female ‘friends’ than you can shake a stick at (I’m 99% sure
most are from online dating) he’s flaky, rubbish at planning, late for
everything, so it was undoubtedly a good choice; however he is really good
company and while he’s flaky if I needed something he would be right there
which is a really important factor and I love him for that, even though when we
have planned something and he flakes it’s bloody annoying, so usually I invite
him to things I’m happy to do on my own should he flake, such as bike racing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">We’ll call SC’s friend Shoe
Guy because he has a REALLY big thing about shoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">In the middle of 2015
there was an advert for a film ‘The man and Le Mans’ which I wanted to see,
mentioned it to SC and when we looked at it, it was on very limited showings,
so he said he’d get tickets for December 19<sup>th</sup> and we’d go, he
suggested asking some of his other friends which I was cool with, I kind of
expected a load of girls (you would with SC) I guess they probably weren’t up
for it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">I’d arranged to meet SC nearby
for lunch and he would drive from there, he picked another friend up on the way
there and said another two were meeting us there, we walked into the bar by the
cinema and upon laying eyes on Shoe Guy all that went through my head was ‘why
didn’t I wear any makeup today’ well I didn’t because I was going to meet SC
who has long been written off in the romantic sense! He wasn’t amazing looking,
about 5’10 with a nice smile (and a receeding hair line) but there was
something quite attractive about him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">It was apparent that he
had recently split with his girlfriend as the boys were talking about when she
had moved out, he came to sit next to me when we sat down and made an effort to
talk to me, ask where I lived, what I did etc, there was definitely a little
bit of flirting going on, we had a nice afternoon the five of us and the film
was brilliant. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">The boys were all taking
the piss out of him as he has a habit of buying old cars with the intention of
fixing them up (I’m talking 70’s classics here not shit heaps) but always seems
to buy ones that are much worse than he thought and he has little or no
mechanical knowledge, just a big wallet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">During this time I was
seeing the guy that ‘didn’t want anything serious’ so was still doing the
dating thing, although I hadn’t been on dates with anyone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Anyway that evening on the
way home SC suggested that I add him and one of the others on FB to see what
they were doing with the cars (I am a big car/bike fan) so I added them both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Shortly after he sent me a
message saying that it was nice to meet me and it was a great film, I responded
saying that it was good to meet him too and had been a nice afternoon, I think
he thought that Space Cadet and I were together as he said things about me
needing to whip him into shape and that I should get him to organise more
things, I said that wasn’t a job I would take on and that I was amazed he’d
actually pulled this off. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">He switched from friendly
to flirty REALLY fast once he realised that SC and I weren’t together, he asked
for my phone number so that he could Whatsapp me photos of the current car that
they’d all been laughing at and to be fair even with my limited knowledge I
could see that it was going to take a LOT of work!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">He’d spotted photos of me
in a Halloween outfit on Facebook, which consisted of a red corset, long skirt
slit at the thigh, stockings, heels, witches hat, red lipstick, curled hair,
it’s a photo I love, even I who rarely thinks of myself as anything but fat
think I look good in a corset. He immediately went to ‘oh you like to dress up’
I can’t deny it, I love a good party and I love an excuse to be in an outfit,
so that again took the conversation to a whole new dimension. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Then he mentioned boots,
he apparently goes weak at the knees for boots, I’d had my boots on that day
and then changed out of them, kinda wished I hadn’t! It was in the coming days
and weeks that it all started to come out, he said he’d not told anyone before
but that he had a big thing with shoes and boots, I soon realised that this
wasn’t a lie he really does and for outfits and boobs, all of which I’m not
short of! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">The conversation went on
for months, actually it wasn’t far off a year, he kept mentioning meeting up
but was talking meeting up for sex and that’s not me, I wish it was but it’s
not. We talked a bit about our dating but had very few serious conversations in
that time, mostly shoes, outfits and how he saw himself as a bit of a Christian
Grey (not sure I’d have a massive issue with that) sadly, however without the
billionaire bit! One of the things I liked most about him was that he pushed the boundaries with his messages but never once in the whole time we've known each other over stepped them, this; I've found is a rarity. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">He did however offer to buy me numerous pairs of shoes, I declined. </span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">In December last year the
messages dropped off, which I was fine with, it was obviously going nowhere but
I had got used to talking to him fairly regularly. Then this year, in September
I got a message from him, late night, he was obviously out but it wasn’t a
beered up message, it was a ‘You’re up late’ I didn’t respond that night but
did the next day, he said he was in Norfolk with his mates for their annual
weekend away and that we should catch up the following day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">In that time I had a bit
of a Facebook stalk (you know you all do it too!) early this year it had
changed to ‘in a relationship with…………’ a very dull looking girl and although
it’s very judgey of me I did think then that she probably wouldn’t tolerate his
‘thing’ with shoes, dress up etc and I imagine that the missionary position is on
the menu a lot, in looks she is also a downgrade from his very pretty ex but downgrading
seems to be a big thing, I’ve done it myself and despite all of my friends
telling me that at the time it was only looking at photos after the event that
brought it home, I had massively downgraded, sadly not only in looks but in
personality too. Not only did I downgrade I fell head over heels with the
bastard! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">The Facebook stalk told me
that his relationship status was no longer showing on there, it didn’t say
single but it had gone, even more strangely that he was no longer Facebook
friends with the GF, that I found incredibly strange and if I’m honest I was
just a little bit excited about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">We had a bit of a catch up
on the Monday, I asked why he’d got in touch after so long, he said that he
just thought he would say hi, the conversation started fairly general, work,
cars, he’d moved to London, that he’d not seen SC or his brother recently, what
I’d been up to, I said that I’d thought about him recently, he asked why. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">I explained that I had
bought new shoes, beautiful, new shoes, the kind that he would love, he said
that he’s glad I remembered him in a nice way, I said that shoes and chickens
(he kept chickens in his old house) occasionally made me think of him, he asked
about the shoes, at no point had the GF been mentioned and I was hopeful there
was a reason for that, he said that his mind had immediately gone into
overtime, he then said ‘my other half will give me a slap’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Ah, so there it is, she IS
still around. FUCK. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">I responded with ‘Buy her
some’ he ignored my comment totally, asking if my PVC outfit was ok still. I
said that our conversation has been very sensible until shoes had been
mentioned but yes, it was still in the wardrobe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">He said that he’d never
turned up on my doorstep like he’d talked about, I mentioned that I’d never given him my address and said that
with him having a girlfriend the time had passed for us. He said he’d let me
know next time he was in the area so we could meet up, I made a pretty firm
stand at this and said that wasn’t on the cards, he changed his tune quickly
saying he meant for a catch up, nothing else, I wasn’t terribly convinced, I
don’t see him being a cheater but if he wasn’t bored with her I’m pretty
confident that I’d not have heard from him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">I’m in London soon for a
couple of nights, he’s asked for the dates and mentioned meeting up for a
drink, he messaged me one morning last week telling me he was in Birmingham this
week, I’m not sure what he expected me to say to that, I didn’t however offer
to meet up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">If he was single again I
don’t think I’d hesitate given the right circumstances but he isn’t, he’s also
bought a place in London with her so I don’t see it ending anytime soon really,
we never know what would have happened but I feel a little like this was an
opportunity missed, maybe he does too?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="xmsonormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-79657616252064410412017-11-07T04:46:00.000-08:002017-11-07T04:49:02.326-08:00Am I just too slow for modern day dating?<div class="MsoNormal">
I had lunch yesterday with a former work colleague, someone
I’ve always got along well with that has left under a bit of a cloud. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was early 2015 that he left his wife (that also works for
us) for a girl that works on his team and was dating another of his team, she
was promoted in this time and is quite frankly as useful as a chocolate teapot on
a bonfire. If I wasn’t already suspicious about them once I heard she had been
promoted I definitely was! However it was apparent before the split that they
were always in the same place, despite the fact that they didn’t really need to
be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He and I never discussed it as he knew that I wouldn’t
approve of the cheating and I wouldn’t approve of sleeping with one of your
staff, it’s such a bad plan and to be fair it was, I’m pretty sure it
contributed to his fall from grace, however both she and the boyfriend she left
(who will be her husband next year!) both still work for the company, the only innocent
party I see here is the wife, I felt for the boyfriend too until the muppet
took her back and asked her to marry him, I see a rocky future ahead of those
two. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So since early January he has left his (second) wife and
been seeing the girl he promoted, they split and within weeks he was seeing
someone else, within weeks he’d met her child and she his, they moved in
together fast and they broke up in the late summer, since then he’s been dating
which we discussed yesterday, since this time he’s had a short relationship
with someone else and several dates. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He went on a date last Thursday, had dinner, then Saturday
he stayed over and did the same on Sunday, in the space of the week they’ve
been talking, he’s had several dinner, two overnight stays and met her parents.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then you have me, for one I’d struggle to fit that many
dates into four days, I wouldn’t be having someone stay over within the first
week because I’d want to get to know them before they were getting into my bed,
so my question is, am I too slow with all of this? Should I be upping my game
and just moving them in by date three instead of cracking on with my life and
being such a snail?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I seem to be kind of a slow dater, initially seeing someone
once or twice a week is just fine for me, my weekends are usually booked up way
in advance and I’m not making changes to plans I’ve already made.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first I thought this gung ho chuck yourself into it was a
man thing but there are women involved here too and what sort of woman
introduces her kids to someone she doesn’t even know yet?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lets go back to baggage boy, who I had 3/4 dates with before we decided that friends was the better option for us. One of our last conversation’s
was when I told him that his son didn’t need to meet everything his cock
touched. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the short time we were friends there were more women than
I could shake a stick at walking in and out of those doors, now at first I
thought he was a good Dad, he had his son every weekend, which I was terribly
impressed at, it was only later that it dawned on me that his little boy (who
was four) just had to fit in with whatever he was doing, if he was going out on
a date he’d get a babysitter and if he had a woman over it was no big deal, the
little one many times went to sleep with a babysitter and woke up to a woman he’d
never met, if she’d gone by the time he woke up I would have had more empathy
with this but that wasn’t the case. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The little boy had a lot of issues, although Baggage Boy
would never admit to them, there were a lot of issues with BB and the little
boys Mum, I only heard one side of the story which of course made her out to be
evil and him to be the hero, this I don’t believe but I can assure you that if
Boy was my child he wouldn’t be meeting different women all the time as I
wouldn’t have allowed that. He definitely had attachment issues, from the
minute we met he was very cuddly, wanted to hold my hand all of the time, if we
watched a movie he wanted to be sitting on my lap, now children to tend to like
me but I think that’s because I’m a little nervous around them and I’m not one
of these people that always wants to grab them for cuddles etc but normally I
find children of that age are a little shy at first, he desperately wanted to
be loved which made me a bit sad. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He also had some anger issues and wasn’t reigned in by his
Dad, now most things I can tolerate, however one day when I was there I spotted
him being cruel to the hamster, I don’t care who you are animals aren’t meant
to be dropped from a metre in the air, so I told him that he couldn’t do that
and got his Dad in, ‘he loves the hamster’ is what I was told and I could
believe that totally, until he thought no one was watching, I imagine that
quite a lot happens when he is unsupervised and his Dad is too busy
entertaining to keep an eye on him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He had a girlfriend in Germany for a while, a girl he’d met
while he was with his wife and she was with her husband, but nothing had
happened…… she was the love of his life, he wanted her to move over which was
what they were planning, he’d also propositioned both me and a waitress when we
were on a day out with his son at this point. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then suddenly within days of all this on Facebook his relationship
status changes to ‘in a relationship with………..’ a girl that didn’t have the
same name as the girl in Germany…….. despite our conversation she had posted
photos of her with Boy and him with her children and all of his posts were how
much he loves his ideal woman and he’d never felt like this before…….. I know I’m
a sceptic but…… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a conversation about it and I told him that I felt he
was rushing in, that while I was happy for him in the last year he’d told me he
was in love many times and I had concerns and also concerns for Boy, he brushed
them off, put it down to me not being happy for him, which categorically wasn’t
the case. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next conversation we had was a couple of months later,
Facebook and Instagram were covered in how happy they were but our conversations
were filled of how insecure she was, how she wasn’t as adventurous as him in
bed and how he didn’t like one of her children. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next minute they were on holiday and an engagement ring appeared,
surrounded by messages of how much in love they were and how perfect for each
other they were, he rang me after and I congratulated him, mentioning that it
was only a week ago that they weren’t terribly happy and the holiday was make
or break, that was the last I heard of him and I was deleted from Facebook. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They have got married, Instagram is covered in photos of how
perfect they are, I did note that the child he doesn’t like doesn’t appear in a
lot of the photos though, take that as you will.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A little side note about Baggage Boy, on a night in 2016
(before the now wife but when he was with the German GF) we had planned a night
out, we were going to a car show, then for a night out and I was staying at
his. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’d gone to the car show and come back covered in dust, so
I went to get showered and ready, as I headed into the bathroom he said ‘I’ll
be in, in a minute’ which I laughed off thinking he was joking, he wasn’t. Now
there was no lock on the door but it was shut, he then walks naked into the
bathroom and climbs into the shower with me, very brazen, I’m not sure what he
expected but I finished my shower, got out and went and put my dress on, I was
pretty shocked if I’m honest but I’m not the sort of girl to wobble with
something like that and I fronted it out, we had a brilliant night out but if I’d
already worked out before this that he couldn’t be trusted but this really did
clinch it, if I’d given him the slightest hint that I was up for it he would
have been straight in there, despite the girlfriend, he spent the evening
giving the come on to anything that had a pulse, even exchanged numbers with
some and I was totally fine with that but he did then try it on when we got
back to his, even drunk I’m pretty firm in my resolve, it did come up over the
coming months how I’d batted off his advances but it was long before that we’d
decided that we were just going to be friends and in the months that followed
all of the reasons that was a brilliant idea became apparent. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, should I throw caution to the wind when it comes to
dating? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I had I could have well ended up with Baggage Boy and
many others that I’ve been saved from but does my caution hold me back because by
the time I’ve worked out I do actually like them they’ve found someone else? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all know that most people multidate these days, do I want
to be with someone that isn’t prepared to wait? I honestly don't think I do but I wonder if I've wasted chances by being cautious, like the Shoe Guy, the friend of a friend from two Christmases ago that got in touch recently and today in fact. <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-57575733607265130242017-11-06T07:01:00.002-08:002017-11-06T07:02:52.601-08:00The Cat Breeder, the Vet and finding out I work with his Mum………….<div class="MsoNormal">
In December last year I matched with a guy on Bumble, quite
nice looking with some nice photos and it was pretty obvious from the baby
lambs in them that he worked with animals. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now if I could pick an occupation for my perfect man a vet
would be way up that list, being an animal lover someone that likes animals is important
and with cat breeding having a vet to hold my hand through birthing would be
amazing! (The list would also have most uniformed professions. I quite like the
idea of the forces as I could get rid of them for months at a time and most men
look better in uniform – although I have seen times when this rule doesn’t
work) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We chatted for a bit, did the whole what do you do etc and
he was indeed a vet, working about an hour away from me, at the time I had a
quite pregnant, very precious, pedigree cat and was fairly concerned so that
was mentioned, he was working for a small and large animal practice at the time
but large animals are essentially what he is passionate about. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We soon discovered that we were looking for different
things, he was not long out of a relationship and just looking for ‘fun’ and I have
no interest in that at all, he said that he’d like to keep in touch and should
I ever change my mind to let him know, I assured him that I didn’t see that
happening. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the next few days, he was very sweet, I was watching my
girl all the time and was getting very little sleep, if anyone can empathise
with that feeling it’s a vet, we had a discussion about how things were with
her and he agreed that we could well be looking at a C-Section which was already
where I was with my thinking, he’d given me his number by this point but I’d
not used it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of days later the kittens were born, by C-Section,
things were still a little fraught with a Mum that didn’t have a clue what to
do with these little shouty things that had appeared next to her when she woke
up and I was shattered, I also knew that I was going to have to feed these
little one’s two hourly until her milk came in. I sent him a message saying
thanks for listening with a photo of the newborns and he messaged back asking
how they were doing and saying he hoped I was feeling less stressed (I wasn’t!)
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have to say it was nice to have someone level headed to
talk to when everything is looking so shit, it was a really tough time kitten
wise, Mum wasn’t settling with them at all, she’d only stay with them if I was
with her, even then she’d rather be cuddled up with me, I was feeding every two
hours day and night and I was exhausted and upset, to the point that I was
looking to see if anyone had a surrogate when I had an idea and called my vet,
asking him for a specific injection for her, he wasn’t convinced but I was at
the end of my rope and was literally willing to try anything. That day I was in
such a state that my vet hugged me as I walked in, I literally was the great
unwashed, I couldn’t tell you how long is was since I washed my hair as I’d not
had time between feed’s (you’ll be pleased to know I’d managed a couple of
showers though!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It worked, within six hours of having the jab she was
settling with her little ones, feeding them with just a bit of help from me and
became the Mum I knew she could be, which took the pressure off of me a bit, in
the week that had elapsed I’d had an awful morning where I had to revive two of
them and I was a completely frazzled zombie, I had friends telling me that even
human babies don’t need that much looking after! Once my girl was feeling
better the babies followed and started putting on weight, apart from the little
boy that was a struggle, he was putting on but not as much as the others, so I
continued to feed him as well as him feeding from his Mum. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You bond much more with babies that you are hand rearing, it’s
hard not to, just thinking of him now makes me well up. He was full of fight,
hated feeding from his Mum but fed really well from the sponge that I fed him
from, eventually in the early hours of boxing day I lost him, after a vet visit
and an X-Ray and some drugs, it’s hard to treat a baby that is so tiny, it was
awful and it’s those times when being on your own really sucks, there are very
few friends you can call sobbing at 3am when they are miles away and there is nothing
you or they can do about it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I struggled with it, you always think that you’ve not done
enough when you lose one and I was terrified I’d lose more, I became totally
OCD and weighed them much more than ever possibly needed, probably worrying
myself more, I knew that weighing once a day was the sensible solution and
slowly as they continued to grow and thrive I managed to get a grip of reality
again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was literally a month before I left the flat for anything
that wasn’t a vet visit, I’d seen no one, I think I’d have felt incredibly
lonely if only I had, had time to think about anything. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you aren’t an animal lover you’ll think I’m mad and I’m
ok with that, if you are you’ll have an idea of how I felt! By the time they
had reached a month old I had been in the office for one half day meeting,
thankfully my boss is an animal lover and I bend over backwards to be flexible,
often working when I’m on holiday so he was really understanding of my
answering emails at 4am for a few weeks and working from home for that period. That
was the only time I’d left flat for anything that wasn’t a vet visit, I’d seen
no one, I think I’d have felt incredibly lonely if only I had, had time to
think about anything. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During this time the Vet had checked in regularly with ‘This
is your regular vet check-up, how are the kittens?’ which I have to say I
thought was massively sweet and just what I needed, he always asked how the
kittens were and how I was. He said a couple of times that it was a shame that
we wanted different things as he thought we’d really get on and have a lot of
fun together, to be honest I didn’t disagree but we did want different things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Facebook did its thing and at some point in January threw
the Vet up as a friend suggestion, I obviously didn’t add him but I couldn’t
help but notice his surname which was not only fairly unusual but the same as
someone I work with. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The lady I work with is probably in her fifties, she worked
for us as a Business Development Director and at some point of her time here
she’s worked directly for my boss, although mainly she’s worked for our team,
however she used my office fairly regularly. She’s lovely and we’ve always got
on well, she breeds Race Horses, lives on a Sheep Farm with her husband and is
very lady of the manor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hmmmm, thought I…. it’s can’t be………..can it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, it wouldn’t be obvious that they were related, based in
different area’s and it wouldn’t be obvious that she and I worked for the same
company, her home base is two hours from my office and he’s an hour away but
the name is a bit like mine, you’d have to wonder. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mentioned it to him and he kind of shrugged it off but in
a manner that almost seemed a bit shifty, however it didn’t stop him doing his
regular check in’s on me and the kittens and a bit of flirting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of weeks later she was in the office and we were
chatting, I HAD to know, she was saying that she had a Grandchild on the way
from one of her son’s, so we talked about that, I asked her what her other
children did, she had two sons and a daughter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘……….. is a vet, currently working in……………………. in a mixed
practice but he’s just got a new job working with large animals which is what
he wants to do’ <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BOOM! The Vet is her son, or she happens to have a son with
the same name, same job and that has told me exactly that same thing in the last
couple of weeks…… unlikely hey?! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soooooo I mentioned him about it when he next got in touch, he
asked who I worked for and then said that he hadn’t wanted me to feel awkward
when she was in and that she disapproves of dating sites (which I could imagine
if I’m honest) he asked me not to mention it, which of course I would never do.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fast forward 11 months and the Vet still gets in touch,
probably around once a month, he’s always quite sweet, usually asks if I’ve
changed my mind (I haven’t) I thought about him last week as his Mum was put on
garden leave before she exits the business and I missed saying goodbye as I was
in meetings but it was a passing thought. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He missed his October check in (I didn’t know this until I
checked the messages for this post) and saw that we’ve not spoken since
September and then yesterday a ‘Good evening how are you’ popped up on my
phone, it was him again, what timing eh? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s funny how these people pop up isn’t it? I’m pretty sure
my mind won’t change, as good idea as a Friend With Benefits sounds (because to
be fair it’s been a LONG time) I’d be worried that we’d have no chemistry and I
couldn’t sleep with someone I had nothing there with, on top of that I’d worry
that feelings would become involved for one of us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dated someone about two years ago, he said a few dates in
that he didn’t want anything serious which I was ok with, however once that was
said any feelings I may have developed were switched off, a few more dates down
the line he changed his mind and wanted more but I wasn’t there because he said
he wanted nothing serious I’d made sure my feelings hadn’t developed, I then
had to call it a day because we were in different places so I’ve seen it go
wrong, in fact years before that with Blue Eyes, I told him straight off I wasn’t
ready for anything serious, he got his feelings all involved and then I had to
call it a day as we were in different places again, so casual doesn’t really
work for me as it never ends like that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think he probably hopes that at some point my mind will
change which is probably why he keeps popping up, I don’t think mine will but
he does seem genuinely quite nice and one thing I do like about him is that he’s
been as upfront as I have about what he wants and I’ve got a lot more respect
for someone that is upfront than someone that lies to get what they want, I’m
not sure they’ll ever be any more to this story unless one of us changes our
minds………..meeting the parents could be a bit awkward eh?! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-8926462875943710002017-10-23T05:01:00.003-07:002017-10-23T05:01:49.109-07:00How much can you support a stranger without being a fool? <div class="MsoNormal">
There is both lots and nothing to report this week!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No dates last week, however I matched with two total hotties,
one ghosted not long after swapping numbers, called him out on it, he blamed
being busy, I’m done. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Second one sounded perfect, hot, 5’11 (a little under what I’m
after for perfection but you can’t have it all!) Ex Marine, now Electrician,
lives in the town I work in (amazing, I never match with anyone decent that is
close) he messaged me on Tinder saying that he was going to delete his account
as it wasn’t for him and sent me his number, so we messaged off app for a few
days and poof……he disappears too, what the fuck is wrong with them?! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The guy I went on one date with is still in touch however
his messages are massively depressing largely, he pretty much blames everything
on his ex wife, I don’t believe that when a relationship breaks down that it is
ever solely the fault of one person, even with W@nk Bag there were things that
I could have changed too, he was however a massive cunt but I can’t honestly
say that I had nothing to do with our relationship failing, if nothing else I
should have opened my eyes to the fact that he didn’t love me instead of
wasting five years of my life on it (and probably the best years for meeting
someone and starting a family at that!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I find it massively hard to believe that his wife is a
totally bad person in all of this, I think he’s been trying to get me to
believe that he is the better person and has used the term ‘but I’m too nice’ far
to many times, no mate you aren’t too nice for letting your wife sleep in the
main bedroom while you go to the spare room, once we split with someone if we can’t
move out straight away we have to make compromises like that, it’s not being
too nice, it’s a compromise to get you through until you sort things out. I did
it with my ex before W@nk Bag, we lived together for around 9 months while we
were selling our house, we both made compromises to make it work and try to
make life as easy for each other as possible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me he was having his son over the weekend ‘while she’s
away’ and mentioned that he found it daunting having him overnight, it’s his
son for gods sake, he shouldn’t feel daunted by having his own child overnight,
it’s his job! I hate this notion of ‘Daddy babysitting’ Daddy doesn’t babysit,
Daddy has joint responsibility for the child that he jointly made, he’s not a bloody
babysitter! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To be fair on the date I thought that his photos were a bit
out of date as he’s definitely got less hair now and that there wasn’t any
chemistry but I would have been willing to meet him again as he seemed quite a
nice guy but all of these little messages have been making me wonder, probably the
more messages I’ve had the more I’ve wondered about seeing him again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He messaged this weekend asking if I’d like to go to a local
race meeting, I couldn’t as I already had plans so said no, which is where I
think the message I received this morning came from and I don’t know how I feel
about it, if I’m honest. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyg_GbNJBEPe0sqvuWQzUiDm-f7w1g4ErRT1txUu7yJZi1OWbxrNpCpq63n6VYZBuHBocKpHm_ZUdODsItBT70fH__lk2BtTWBMotV15JIB7unGXMAtufjwjDktRqDF4zDk3i4aExLQro/s1600/Blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="336" data-original-width="750" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyg_GbNJBEPe0sqvuWQzUiDm-f7w1g4ErRT1txUu7yJZi1OWbxrNpCpq63n6VYZBuHBocKpHm_ZUdODsItBT70fH__lk2BtTWBMotV15JIB7unGXMAtufjwjDktRqDF4zDk3i4aExLQro/s320/Blog.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My question is; Is this the message from a person that is having a rough time and a cry for help or a manipulator who is expecting that to make me feel bad?</div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of me feel’s sorry for him, he’s obviously having a
rough time of it and I totally understand that, I’ve been there, we’ve all been
there and partly because I’ve been there I feel I should be supportive but he’s
actually a stranger and I signed up for dating not being someone’s support structure,
I’ve been there before let’s be honest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last year when I met Cunt Face he’d not long lost his Dad, I
spent months checking he was ok, it was me that sent him off to the Dr to
discuss the depression that I could see, it was me that he talked to about his counselling
sessions (Don’t forget that I didn’t know about the GF) it was my shoulder he
cried on, it was me messaging on his first trip that he’d always done with his
Dad, it was me crying when I realised there was a girlfriend of 7 years…….it’s
not me he’s now dating (more about that later this week)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With Cake Destroyer I supported him through RAF basic
training, I told him he could do it when he didn’t think he could, I baked cake
to make him smile, I sent him supportive messages, told him he’d be awesome on
graduation day…….the week after he’d graduated he called it a day………….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m also support for ALL of my friends, I’m really fucking
good at it too, I don’t need and don’t
have time for friends that message every day but in a crisis I’m there, up or
down the country, if I can’t be there I support in other ways, I check they
have got out of bed, that they can cope with life (or pretend they can to get
to work or whatever) and I do that because I’ve been there, I’ve been in the
position where I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t leave the flat, couldn’t
stand up without passing out because I was THAT stressed and depressed, did all
of my friends rally round for me? Largely not to be fair but I’m brilliant at
hiding things, I’m a ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’ kind of girl, even when I’m
totally broken, I’m the kind of person that sends ‘I saw this and thought of
you’ presents a lot because I really enjoy making people smile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do I want to do it for someone else? No, I can’t say I do, I
take care of enough people (I’m a PA for fuck sake, it’s my job too!) What I
want is to spend time with someone that makes me smile, not that tells me his
ex is evil and he’s such a good person.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I spent five years of my life with an emotional bully and
manipulator, W@nk Bag convinced me it was all my fault and I believed him, if
we were out together and I talked to his mates I was flirting with them and he’d
get shitty with me, if I didn’t talk to them he’d say I was a miserable bitch
to the point that I just didn’t go out, it just wasn’t worth the shit that I
used to get for it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me I was rushing him into us moving in together (after
four years) he made me feel bad for moaning when yet again he couldn’t be my
plus one because he had work but he didn’t need to work on pool night or when
his mates were out, if I feel someone is being manipulative now I avoid them
like the plague because I’ve been there and he was so good at it I didn’t even
know it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we started our relationship he told me his ex was a psycho,
I have no doubt he now says the very same about me and to be fair I think I
probably did act like a psycho girlfriend at times but I assure that while I
spent some time in psycho he certainly drove me there and pushed me through the
door. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am the sort of person that if anything I’m too kind, I
help anyone and everyone I can, I give too many chances to too many people,
even after they’ve hurt me so I hope you’ll understand why I can’t take this
one on, I don’t think I can do it again, I don’t think he’s over his ex and I
can’t help him do that, I think he needs to sort himself out before he brings
anyone else into his life – I responded, hoping I’ve been kind but I also didn’t
want to open it up so that I was a person he could vent to, in all honesty he
already has, too much for someone you are thinking of dating.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGbFmezydh9GLZ8BiCleLr9eVO-BcrcCbjbnHmZWRBx5cU-MMOn4UqFbRZ7paJ7wp9rrwMXSgd-kFacZDlHWY59HyA_B1BXJetHeVSfwUAAq7J5hIwUHi6nhiOPaVufcpCTGKoldd5EjM/s1600/Blog+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="213" data-original-width="750" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGbFmezydh9GLZ8BiCleLr9eVO-BcrcCbjbnHmZWRBx5cU-MMOn4UqFbRZ7paJ7wp9rrwMXSgd-kFacZDlHWY59HyA_B1BXJetHeVSfwUAAq7J5hIwUHi6nhiOPaVufcpCTGKoldd5EjM/s320/Blog+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-22955298748479247112017-10-17T04:15:00.000-07:002017-10-17T04:15:05.894-07:00Monday Update.............<div class="MsoNormal">
So, last week consisted of the car costing me an absolute
fortune, a date, not enough time in the gym, the dreaded month end at work and
the British Superbikes Showdown.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My car has just had its MOT and service, it’s ended up
costing me £2,000 to get it sorted, a sane person would tell me that I should
have got rid of the car, my head was telling me I should have got rid of the
car, my head was also telling me that I wouldn’t get a car as I like as much as
that one for that price and my heart was telling me that I love that car and it
marks a turning point in my life, so the car has had most of the work and will
be completed this week with a new cambelt, hopefully then he’ll last me a
couple more years until I’m in a better position to replace him with something
I actually want and when I have some more time to consider my options. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He had to stay in overnight on Monday which meant I couldn’t
go to the gym as I had no car, someone from work that lives in my village
kindly gave me a lift but that meant starting early, I only managed the gym
twice last week which is rubbish as I’ve been going 4 times, however with month
end and the car it made it really difficult, am planning on improving that this
week, although I already sacked Monday off in favour of chips and halloumi, so
shoot me!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Month end was even more of a ballache than usual and
coincided with a date, something I will probably never do again if I’m honest, he was bigger than I’d expected, he is over 6
foot tall but he and he has the look of someone I know which doesn’t help, his
photos are from a good angle obviously and I wasn’t attracted to him, he was
however a nice guy but took things a bit far with some of the conversation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had talked earlier in the week about my car and I was
fairly stressed about it, he took the piss a little too much and went on with
that part of the conversation too long, to the point that I had to say I wasn’t
talking about it anymore, even then he came back to it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We didn’t have a great deal in common but he mentioned a
second date on the date and a kiss as we got back to the car, I told him I didn’t
kiss on first dates (rarely do I) I felt a bit mean that he had a three hour
round trip home, I thought he lived closer but in fact he’s moving closer,
however he picked the venue and I had said I was happy to meet half way. He
asked me to let him know I’d got home, which I did, a couple of texts and then
heard nothing for three days, I’m not going to go on a second date, there just
isn’t enough there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The one from two weeks ago that is getting divorced is still
messaging daily, I guess the more he messages the more reservations I have
about seeing him again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tinder, POF and Bumble still keep throwing me up a load of
shit, when I get a good match they talk for a day and then disappear, is this
normal? However Monday brought two corkers with it, one from each site, we’ll
see if they stay around or do the disappearing thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One has messaged this morning saying that he’s tried Tinder
for a few days but it isn’t very him, sent me his number and said he’d still
like to chat, added him on Whatsapp and he shows his timestamp which has become
my new indicator of whether or not they are a ‘fuckboy’ I find ones that don’t
show their timestamps always seem to turn out that way! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sunday was spent at the BSB Showdown, the weather was good,
it’s normally wall to wall mud and rain, was an early morning as I wanted to
make the most of it and a long day, I didn’t get back until bedtime. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend’s sister was going which is very rare, we reckoned
it was 3 years ago that she last came racing, we get on well, I had however
noticed that in his little used twitter account there was some flirty banter
between them a few years ago (he uses it that little that it’s easy to see and
no, he doesn’t follow me and nor me him) so I wondered if the dynamic would
change. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was there early and although K was supposed to be down the
day before and staying she had changed her mind so I was there a couple of
hours before her, he greeted me in the usual manner, hug, kiss, ‘hello
beautiful’ normal touch on the shoulder, arm, back each time he passed me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few hours later K arrived, all they exchanged was a ‘hi’
and pretty much nothing more for the rest of the day, which if anything I
thought was a little strange (so maybe something did happen is what I thought!)
he who doesn’t eat cake wanted some to take home and repeatedly told me how I
was a legend for making awesome cake for them, a bit more innuendo ensued.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He definitely cuddles me a bit longer and closer than is
strictly necessary and that was more apparent yesterday with four of us females
all there at the end, the others got a quick goodbye hug (including K) he’s
offered to come and meet me when I’m in London next, I think we’ll continue to
be friends, he’s a really nice guy but there are too many what if’s and buts. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I nearly committed a massive fail this weekend, something
possessed me to message Cake Destroyer, I looked in my Whatsapp archive and he
was online, I gave myself a good talking to and went to sleep instead, it would
have achieved nothing, it was left as him sending the last message and that’s
how I want it to stay, will I hold out forever? Who knows. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think I’m feeling a bit lonely currently which is stupid
really as I have loads on and lots to do, I think he’s made me even more dating
jaded than I already was which is bad! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This weekend also brought on thoughts of Cunt Face, every time
I drive past Billing it makes me think of him because Billing was the lie that
gave him away, I also drove past the service station where we had date one and
I felt that bolt of electricity when he touched my hand across the table,
something I’ve not felt for years before or have again (yet she say’s
hopefully!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thought of that night and the second date still gives me
goosebumps, I’ve not heard from him for a couple of weeks now, however I have
no doubt he’ll be back at some point and at some point when it’s convenient for
me I’ll respond, it’s different now I can control myself with him but with him
I don’t feel bad using him to boost my ego, like the weekend when CD sent the Dear
John message. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even though I know he’s a cunt and I know that I wouldn’t get
involved with him again the chemistry feels good. <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-80276688048320233482017-10-09T04:44:00.000-07:002017-10-09T04:52:28.761-07:00How soon do people update their relationship status? <div class="MsoNormal">
There isn’t a lot to update really, Monday’s date didn’t
happen, he’d put me off a bit by telling me he was chunky, now I know that when
a woman thinks she’s ‘chunky’ the likelihood is that she isn’t really but I
find a man that say’s he’s ‘chunky’ normally turns out to be chunky and some.
So I had a little root through his FB photos (that I could see without adding
him) and I could tell that his Tinder photo’s were old and then he threw his
toys out in a message on Monday so it was perfect timing really, so I went to
the gym instead and enjoyed it probably more than I would have a disappointing
date. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The guy from Saturday’s date has been in touch a fair bit,
he’s now added me on whatsapp, he even tried flirting over the weekend (I think
he’d had a couple of drinks) he didn’t do a great job of it to be honest. So this
weekend he’s been away in Bruges with his Mum for her 70<sup>th</sup>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, once you add someone to your contacts Facebook picks it
up and it did the same with him, so I clicked on it, his status is on the first
page and say’s ‘married’ now for me that rings an alarm bell. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s told me that he is married (getting divorced kinda married at
that) that they have been split up since January but are currently living in
the same house until the divorce comes through and they settle things but
surely you’d have removed it from your status?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took me a while with W@nk Bag, by a while I mean 2-4
weeks, as I wasn’t ready to have everyone asking, it was all too raw and I was
upset but then I’d told NO ONE for two weeks anyway, not even my best friend,
probably because we were having a ‘break’ to decide if it was what I really
wanted and I didn’t want the world to see me break, by the time I changed my
status I was stronger and I was ready for the questions, in fact at first I
didn’t change it, I just removed it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But 9 months? 9 months without changing it, removing it? That’s
not normal right? So I mentioned it, he said he wants to get things sorted in
the real world before anyone else and that it was lucky he’d told me the truth
from the start (which he did) but I feel a bit uncomfortable about that still,
should I? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He also sent me a photo of him in Bruges and he has less
hair that his Tinder photos for sure (I did think that on the date but the
photo has confirmed it) why do men use old photo’s on their profiles?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you remember the first date I said that there weren’t any
sparks but he seemed a nice guy and I would be willing to give a second date a
whirl, now I just don’t know! <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
He also sent me a Meme about divorce papers and a man smiling, saying that would soon be him, now I take marriage really seriously (that's why I've never managed it) and I don't get people being happy about it, I get that it happens but I don't get celebrating failure and to me that's exactly what divorce means, you have promised to love and be faithful to someone for the rest of their lives and you've failed at that, it's not something to joke about for me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got an invite to Paris for this weekend on a first date
with someone from Tinder, I do actually think he was serious, he flew out
Friday morning and is flying home Tuesday but had the weekend free, I had plans
anyway but it was a tempting offer, however can you imagine if we’d met and
didn’t like each other? How great would it have been if we had though? Anyway I
said no but we’ve chatted this weekend and he’s kept telling me how much better
it would have been with me there, we do have plans for a date later this week,
lets see if that one happens! <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-68406953225115896332017-10-02T04:11:00.000-07:002017-10-02T04:11:29.534-07:00Monday, Monday………….<div class="MsoNormal">
So, it’s been a busy few days here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally bit the bullet and joined the gym after noticing
that I’d been missing the signs of depression creeping in, in the past I have
found that exercise really helps and also if it gets me out of bed and through
the front door it can’t be a bad thing, it’s also at one of my favourite
hotels, so it is a really nice one, hopefully as I’ve now signed up for a year I’ll
keep going! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was a bit of a let down last week, it was Cake Destroyer’s
birthday and late that night when I couldn’t sleep I sent a Happy Birthday
message, I was fairly surprised when he responded if I’m honest but I’ve been
good and not sent a further message since. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cunt Face hasn’t been in touch, he is away in Germany with
his Mum, however I’ve been watching his Snap Chat story and there is blonde
hair in one of the Snaps, honestly I’m sure he thinks he is clever, he doesn’t
have a clue that I know what he’s up to, bloody idiot!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saturday I had a date, with the guy that still lives with
his wife and is currently working his way through divorce. They have been split
up since January and have an 18 month old son together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We met in a pub between us, I think we are about an hour and
a half from each other, I think he is probably a bit younger in his photo’s and
I’m sure he has a bit more hair in most of them than he does now, he was nice
enough though, I didn’t feel any sparks though but we did get on, in those
circumstances what do you do? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He messaged that night and said it was nice to meet me and
nice to meet someone that looked like their photo’s as his last date hadn’t (I
never get that) he has asked me on a second date, what do I do? Do I go with it
and see if any feeling develop in time? I’m not sure they really do, the person
I’ve had the most connection with in the 7 years I’ve been dating is Cunt Face
and I felt it from minute one, there was a bit of electricity between us from
the moment we laid eyes on each other and shortly into the date when he touched
my hand across the table I felt a jolt of electricity but looking back now,
although we have the big bang fireworks I know what we have isn’t sustainable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am going to have to make a decision though, so I should
probably get on with that one, also the situation could be difficult, do I want
to be around through a messy divorce?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do hope I was able to educate him a little bit on our
date, when talking about letting the other girl he’d had two dates with down he
said that he had just left it with less and less contact, I told him that I
thought this showed really bad manners and wasn’t the way to do things, that
actually although it seems harsh to tell someone they aren’t for you that it is
really the best way, hopefully he won’t become a ghoster to women in future!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I matched with someone on Bumble on Saturday, he was the
closest match I’ve had in online dating that showed any promise, he seemed
really keen and now I’ve not heard anything since, what is wrong with these
people?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I have another date, from what he said yesterday I’m
already thinking that I’m going to be disappointed, he mentioned something last
night about being ‘chunky’ so I’m wondering how old his photo’s are. <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-26987124188515028842017-09-29T07:37:00.002-07:002017-09-29T07:37:37.287-07:00Who is to blame for cheating?<div class="MsoNormal">
Although not proud of it I have been on both sides of
cheating, I have cheated on my partner and I have been the other woman, but who’s
job is it to look after their partners interests?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve seen some big debates in the last week or so about
whether the ‘other woman’ is to blame or plays a big part in it, or if you
should only blame the person in the relationship, I have to say that I have
very mixed feelings on this, if I’m with someone it is undoubtedly my job to
ensure that I am faithful to my partner but do other women make cheating too
easy and the other thing is, do they always know? So, here is my history with
this; <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On my 17<sup>th</sup> birthday we were all out the day
before I was due to go on holiday, I walked into a room in a nightclub to find
the boyfriend I was going on holiday with snogging a girl I went to college
with, did she know he was my boyfriend? Yes, he was out with us! We did go on
holiday together, however I binned it while we were out there, he was my first
boyfriend, it didn’t get me off to a great start. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was young (19) I met this guy on May Day Morning (A
massive Oxford tradition) he was a couple of years older than me, however for
one I didn’t think to look for a wedding ring (we were young and I didn’t know
anyone that was married at that point) however he wasn’t wearing one, we were
seeing each other for a few weeks before one of his mates dropped him in it, he
had a wife and a daughter that he had failed to mention, I became the other
woman without knowing it, it was years later that he admitted to taking his
ring off on nights out, as people didn’t talk to him when he wore it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was the Car Salesman at 21, we were seeing each other
for about a year, fairly casually when I found out he’d shagged one of my best
mates, I was pretty angry at them both, probably more so her as I was more
upset about losing her and had expected better of her, there is no question as
to whether she knew about me! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my five year relationship was failing badly I turned to
someone else, I’m not proud of that and I don’t think that what I did was ok, if
I could go back and change one thing it would be to have ended it earlier.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We hadn’t slept together for at least 9 months by the time I
cheated on him (still no excuse) I should have tried to solve the problem, but I, WE didn’t,
instead we grew further apart and started to live our lives separately, within
a month of me cheating we ended our relationship, it was only at that point
that he asked me if we could do anything to make it work, sadly it was about
six months too late. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cheated on him with W@nk Bag, they couldn’t have been more
different if you’d have tried, the man I had at home was gorgeous, 6’2, gym
bunny, a little shy, would have done anything for me, tactile, desperate to
settle down, W@nk Bag on the other hand was 5’10 a bit chubby, a smoker,
emotionally retarded, how did it happen? I don’t really know. His sister used
to say that we were like magnets, we just gravitated towards each other. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we met on a Friday night in a club, he was my (then)
best (girl) friends brother, even she told me to keep away from him as he was ‘an
emotionless cunt’ he had a girlfriend and I had a long term boyfriend, who I
had a life and a house with. His girlfriend was flying over from South Africa
that very next morning to spent a month with him, we kissed that night, we both
knew each others situation, he told me then he would phone the girlfriend and
tell her not to get on the plane, I said that was a very bad idea and that he
should continue as normal and maybe see how we both felt after, I had a lot to
lose and I wouldn’t have wanted him to always look back thinking that she might
be ‘the one’ should it go any further, so that’s what we did. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a month when we just bumped into each other and said
hi on a couple of nights out, I spent a lot of time that month thinking about
what I was going to do, I didn’t think I could afford to live on my own, although
I wasn’t in love with my boyfriend I did love him and didn’t want to hurt him,
I have little to do with my family but his had become my family, I was
extremely close to his parents but I knew that it wasn’t going to last, every
six months he’d mention marriage and babies and I just wasn’t there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As soon as the month was over W@nk Bag got in touch to say
that it was over, that they had called it a day and he’d put her on the plane,
he said he’d spent the month thinking of me, this coincided with the long term,
lovely boyfriend asking if I was happy and I told him that I wasn’t and we
started the break down of our relationship, telling our friends and family,
putting our home on the market, splitting our lives, it was about 8 months that
we lived together during that time, separate rooms and separate lives and it
was tough, walking away from a good guy isn’t easy but you can’t make your
heart feel something it won’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I told W@nk Bag it was over his first words were ‘what
about us’ I told him that it was too soon to think about it and I needed some
time but it was soon after that we started seeing each other. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our relationship was tough from early on, it was nearly five
years down the line and after we broke up that I realised he was an emotional
bully, however it was only three months in that I realised I was in love with
him, I remember the very moment I knew and it surprised me, it was the first
time I had been in love and so far it is the only time, I’m hopeful that I’ll
feel it again at some point, with someone that is right for me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He broke my heart, after how we met you might think I
deserved that and to be fair I kinda do too, he cheated on me, with his now
wife and that is I guess where we get a different perspective. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His wife did know about me when she slept with him, they
went to school together years before, she had gone out with his best mate just
weeks before until he’d dumped her for ‘being a psycho’ which still makes me
laugh now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Could we say that she didn’t know about me? They were
Facebook friends, his status clearly said ‘W@nk Bag is in a relationship with
Frog Princess’ we had been on holiday just a month before she slept with him
and she had commented on our holiday photos’ (however not the ones of us
together!) he lived at mine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Way before I knew anything she was the kind of girl that had
made the hair on the back of my neck stand up on mention of her name, when he
mentioned her being out it made me feel uncomfortable, maybe just because she
was new to the group, I don’t know? It wasn’t because she was beautiful, I can’t
say that she’s the sort of girl that I’d look at as competition, she wasn’t
pretty and for a man that used to tell me I was fat she was undoubtedly
significantly bigger than me, in fact I remained pretty horrified that he
cheated on me with ‘that’ I think I would have found a younger, prettier,
skinny model much more easy to deal with, I also know a friend of her who said
that she had zero personality and was desperate to find a man, however we can’t
really look at it like that, I traded down too, every one told me that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She probably doesn’t know a lot of things, like the fact
that the night they slept together we had argued, he had stormed out angry at
me, to be honest I probably pushed him straight into her arms, she won’t know
that although he’d showered before he got into bed that morning (he always did
being a smoker) that as he put his arms around me I told him he smelt different
(my sense of smell is amazing) he’d shrugged it off, told me I was being silly
and I probably believed him, the fact that he’d got into bed and cuddled me
should have given away that something was wrong, I’m guessing it was guilt and
maybe a bit of remorse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t know any of that at that point, it was only after
we’d split that the penny dropped and I pieced it all together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We ticked by for a couple more weeks, it was Valentines weekend
and on the Sunday before Valentines Day he cooked my favourite meal, a meal
that takes a fair bit of effort to make, we had a nice evening, I guess I hoped
it was a turning point, however the next day nothing showed any signs of
changing, it felt wrong, I was sat in my office which was an hour and half away
from home (on a good run) at 8 in the evening because I didn’t want to go home,
I didn’t want to go home to my own home, the home I bought and was paying the
mortgage on, the home he paid £200 per month to live in, who was the idiot
here?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That is the very moment, on what is supposed to be the most
romantic day of the year that I made the decision that I was going to call it a
day, I got in the car and rehearsed the words for the whole hour and a half
journey in the car, I walked through the front door, opened the living room
door to find him, as usual on the sofa in front of the TV, the words I
rehearsed came out of my mouth like a bullet from a gun, they weren’t the
actual one’s I’d rehearsed, they were reduced down to ‘You need to leave’ we
then had a bit of a discussion where he told me that he did want to be with me,
he’d try harder, although he didn’t know what love was I was the nearest he’d
ever been to it, I think that maybe hit me more than anything, I loved him,
really loved him, with everything I had, he on the other hand thought I was as
near as it got and I couldn’t love enough for us both.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end we decided that he would stay the night (it was
late and it wasn’t fair on his parents to have him turn up like that) and that
he’d go home the following day, at that point he went out for a fag, I heard
him on the phone, as he came back in, I asked who he’d been talking to and he
said his Mum, I said that if he’d already disturbed her that he may as well go
straight over, so he did. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He came back the following day to collect some stuff, we had
a short conversation where we said that we would have a two week break and then
meet to see if it was really what we wanted, I was ok with that, at this point
I didn’t know about the girl involved, I did know that I had never felt like I
did about anyone else and I guess that I wasn’t sure that I ever would again
(and nearly 8 years later I haven’t) I got into a pattern, I went to work every
morning and sobbed all the way there, pulled myself together, threw myself into
work, sobbed all the way home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had arranged to meet up on the Tuesday two weeks later to
talk, I was sat at work at 10am on the Monday morning, an hour and a half away
from home, surrounded by my team of staff when I saw my phone light up, it was
him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’d had no contact for two weeks, however I knew from
Facebook that he’d been out a lot, I’d seen messages on his wall from her,
asking if he was coming to the pub, more comments appearing on photos. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I opened the message, expecting it to be about meeting up the
following night to talk, I don’t know what I wanted at that point, I honestly
don’t. The message was a coward’s way out, instead of talking they following
night he text me, telling me that although I was the nearest he’d got to love
and that he thought I was a great person he didn’t think we would work out long
term and he couldn’t give me what I wanted (which wasn’t necessarily untrue) I
went to the toilet and sobbed for I don’t know how long, well until the MD came
to find me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hadn’t told anyone in the two week break what was going on
not even my best friends, I was in auto pilot mode, work, home, work, home, I
didn’t want to tell anyone in case we got back together, I didn’t want my
friends to feel even more badly about him, he already wasn’t terribly popular
as he was always busy for their dinners, parties, my family stuff, I’d already
spent five years explaining he was busy at work, he was playing pool, it was
his friends birthday…….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I pretty much had a break down, I couldn’t function, I was
having black outs, he came to collect most of his stuff, I sobbed in the living
room the whole way through, couldn’t look at him and didn’t move. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the next couple of weeks, Facebook threw up more and
more things, them having conversations on his wall, her constant comments on
everything and then a friend of mine popped in, she said that her friends drank
in one of the same pubs as him and before we’d split up that she was ‘all over
him’ but that she didn’t want to be the one that told me, I wish she had, the
penny dropped on that night when he’d come home at 4am I sent him a message telling
him I knew about them, he tried telling me it was only going on a couple of
weeks, she meant nothing to him and it was just a shag, he’s now married to her……..
however finding that out was a great turning point for me, the devastation
turned to anger and that started my recovery. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I guess the question is, should she have worried about
me or should she have thought it was his problem to worry about it? It was
obviously him that should have been thinking of HIS girlfriend, not the other
girl but she definitely knew about me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we have Cunt Face, met on Tinder, three months of
texting/app messaging, two amazing dates and then I find out the lodger is actually
his girlfriend, maybe I’m naïve, but I didn’t think I needed to ask someone on
a dating app if he had a girlfriend (I do now) he was the first person in those
7 years since W@nk bag that I could have started to see a future with, as soon
as I knew about her it was over, lies and deceit don’t make a great
relationship. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However 18 months on, we’re still friends, we still see each
other on occasion (twice so far this year) I snogged him just two weeks ago,
however I’m pretty sure he has a (different) girlfriend but he has denied it
over and over and over again, so should I worry about a person that he denies
the existence of? Or is that for him to worry about? I’m in a different place
with him now, we have ridiculous chemistry but I wouldn’t have a relationship
with him, because of the past but if he denies a girlfriend should I worry about
the girlfriend he denies?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The message I got last weekend from Shoe Guy, I know he has
a girlfriend and when he mentioned meeting up I told him that wasn’t an option,
I do know about his girlfriend, would he cheat on her? I don’t know but I
wouldn’t do anything while I know she is around. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, although I cheated by the time I did I had nothing
to lose, our relationship was over apart from us saying the words, I hate what
I did to a good person and I wouldn’t do it again but for a lot of people I don’t
think they cheat because it’s over, they cheat because they can. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, when cheating is the case, where does the blame lie?
Should we just go and get what we want regardless of who is hurt in the
crossfire? If someone repeatedly tells me he’s not got a girlfriend should I
steer clear in case he is lying and he has?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
From my experience I would never get involved with someone
that was with someone else, I’m still a firm believer of if they’ll cheat with
you they cheat on you but I can’t worry about a girlfriend that I don’t know
exists, or one that is constantly denied?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think really that you can only blame the person in the relationship for cheating, not the person that they cheat with, however we shouldn't make it easy for them and should steer clear if we know that there is a partner involved. </div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4869682231400086835.post-38313830172410460412017-09-25T08:35:00.002-07:002017-10-02T03:19:19.717-07:00Would you date someone that still lived with their ex?<div class="MsoNormal">
So, it was the weekend that Cake Destroyer and I should have
been spending together, however he’d sent his cowardly message the week before
so that obviously wasn’t happening, leaving me with no plans. He did choose
that to be the time to either un-match me or to delete his Tinder account
though, which I thought was another little boot in the teeth but hey ho, why
would I have expected any better from him after last week?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Had a couple of messages from Cunt Face, nothing major, wasn’t
waiting for the phone to go though which is brilliant, left him for days with
me sending the last message, go me, the pull seems to be much more now when we
are together and not so much when we are apart which is great, no Manchester
trips in the next few weeks so not likely to see each other soon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dating wise the sites have been busy with matches (cuffing
season is well on its way) someone from last year got in touch on POF, I’m not
really sure I’m that interested (which is probably why we didn’t meet up last
time) he pushes things too much for me, like he’ll ask what I’m doing and then
push it. I have put an example below, I made no bones about telling him that as
you can see, anyway since we last spoke he’s moved to London and I’m heading
there for work on Thursday, so he’s asked me to meet for a drink, what have I
got to lose? I’m pretty sure he’s not going to float my boat but you just never
know do you?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWrCXFS-5fYE_pyZxVN1o1ixjEGcgfsZDWrAeuRTAjPN_HtaSPJVe2WUFx2zbWilzMg3U3SSVUklhAsDeDf4lFz8oRutgX6_yAEI2Szd8atOnh2ZNY25NutUXrlVLI1_ZDNg4T_I9XCII/s1600/IMG_9580.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1077" data-original-width="749" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWrCXFS-5fYE_pyZxVN1o1ixjEGcgfsZDWrAeuRTAjPN_HtaSPJVe2WUFx2zbWilzMg3U3SSVUklhAsDeDf4lFz8oRutgX6_yAEI2Szd8atOnh2ZNY25NutUXrlVLI1_ZDNg4T_I9XCII/s320/IMG_9580.jpg" width="222" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been asked on a date from someone else from Tinder, he
seems nice enough, has a 17 month old son, has been separated since January,
however the sting in the tail here is that currently he still lives with the
wife he’s separated from, I’m not really sure how I feel about this revelation
if I’m honest, we’ll see I guess if the date happens this weekend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I woke up yesterday to a message from someone from the past,
he made his first blog debut in Jan 2016 after I’d met him in December, so a
little recap and he should have a name really, he was blogged about last time
as ‘SC’s friend’ I’ll give you a brief on Shoe Guy as he’s now going to be
called at some other time, I was quite excited initially as before I replied I
looked on his FB profile and his status no longer had ‘in a relationship’ and
also when I looked at the girlfriends profile we no longer have mutual friends,
however although it took some getting out of him, they are indeed still
together. <o:p></o:p></div>
Kissing Frogshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01088987630204140051noreply@blogger.com0