Showing posts with label Cunt Face. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cunt Face. Show all posts

Monday, 18 September 2017

Where do they get their timing from?

After two weeks of no conversation at all, when I was hurt and upset as I came out in the interval from the show we were stood in the foyer and a message popped onto my screen ‘Cunt Face’ was the name staring at me.
All the message said was ‘How’s you trouble’ but it made all sorts of feelings bubble, it also made me smile, which by this time was very much needed and maybe a little growl.

Had it arrived a few days earlier I don’t think I’d have replied but a few hours later I did, if anything I was a bit off with him but we chatted a bit via message, it came up that I was meant to be going up that way the next day.

At that point I felt like I ought to go, for one I needed to be kept busy so I didn’t wallow and for two our rider had fallen off the day before, he does it every time I don’t cuddle him before he goes out, so I’d got a bit of a ribbing about not going from the team, including New Mechanic.

I was fairly surprised when I got a message saying ‘If you do come up let me know I’ll come and see you or something x’

I guess I’m fairly used to me saying I’m around and him saying he’s not, I was a bit surprised to say the least.
I woke up at 6 on Sunday morning and decided that I would go, so I made the two and a half hour journey up, New Mechanic came out to meet me with my pass, kiss, hug, as usual.

I had a nice day but despite being surrounded by a lot of people I felt quite lonely, lovey dovey couples seemed to be out in force to rub my nose in it and I continued (and continue) to beat myself up about what I did wrong, how I couldn’t tell he was a shit in gentleman’s clothing etc, I was a little more subdued than normal, I didn’t really realise until my friend text me later to check if I was ok.

I messaged Cunt Face saying ‘I take it you aren’t popping over then?!’ around 4:30 and didn’t expect to hear anything else, he had told me that he was having the car on a rolling road so I was expecting an excuse, when I got ‘Just near home welcome to pop in for a brew if you want’

I JUST GOT INVITED TO HIS HOUSE………………………

I asked how far it was in relation to where I was, he said about half hour, however it was in the wrong direction, now here is the dilemma…………………

If I go to his house we know where it’s likely to end up don’t we? I’m upset, feel like shit about myself, have been beating myself up for days, had I not been out all day and was wearing better underwear I might just have gone but it was probably for the best………….but I wanted to go to his house, I wanted to see if there was any sign of a girlfriend, I’d only been half-heartedly invited before but this time he’d sent his postcode, I could investigate……..

Acting on my better judgement I suggested he come down to where I was and we meet in a pub, I expected a ‘no’ I didn’t get one, instead he asked where I wanted to meet, I let him chose a pub and instead of picking one that I needed to go miles to find he picked one within five minutes of where I was, at that point I was grateful to have my makeup bag and some perfume in the car.

I am pretty sure he has a girlfriend now, following some digging but I can’t prove that, I’ve not asked but every time I’ve seen him he’s volunteered that it’s not the case and he is single, normally this would bother me and it was on my list to possibly bring up that night, dependent on where the conversation took us.  

When I got to the pub he was waiting in the car, I’d already felt the nerves on the way there, didn’t know what I was heading into, however I’d spent the last few days feeling pretty numb and I wanted to feel something, I was pretty sure he’d make that happen, one way or the other.

I wasn’t wrong, we walked towards each other and he immediately wrapped me in his arms and kissed me, on the mouth but not a proper kiss, we probably both held on a little tighter and longer than we should have, he holds me so tight that I can feel the stress coming out of me.

We spent the next three and a half hours laughing and talking, at points during the evening he held my hand, kissed my hand and at one point held onto my wedding finger, which I didn’t get until I was on my way home later. In the good old days before I knew about the girlfriend that he said was his lodger he used to refer to me as his wife, I can’t believe I’d forgotten especially after all the times I’d jokingly sent him a photo of a set of divorce papers as a joke, if only I’d known back then.

He again apologised for his behaviour last year, at this point I nearly brought up the girlfriend, I think I was stopped by the fact that my weekend had been so shit and emotional I just wanted to enjoy what time we had together and would I get the truth anyway? I’m normally a girl that wouldn’t dream of touching someone else’s boyfriend but in this instance, I honestly didn’t feel like I cared, that’s his job, not mine.

He told me lovely things about myself all night long, said I was sexy, how he loved my company, I always make him laugh, always thinks I’m younger than I am, that I’m much more reasonable than anyone he knows, now you are sat reading this thinking ‘she knows from experience he’s full of bullshit’ and you are right, I do but what CD has been telling me for the last two months has been bullshit too, the only difference was that I didn’t know with him and I do with CF.

After two drinks, three and a half hours and a stupid amount of flirting we left, he walked me to my car (which was a bit mad as it was nearly opposite his!) He again wrapped me in his arms and I have to say it felt amazingly good, everything I felt bubbled back to the surface, even thinking about it now has given me goosebumps, he kissed me again and then we said goodbye, as he walked off he slapped my arse (fairly usual) and I turned and looked at him at which point he walked back to me and cuddled me again.

Normally this goes on for a while before we have a proper, old fashioned snog, however this time unlike every other there is no doubt that I kissed him.

It’s different with him, with CD it was quite slow, nice, gentle kissing with CF it’s we literally can’t keep our hands off each other, hot ‘I want you’ kissing, you couldn’t compare it, he pulled my hair a little and in return I put my hand down his back and to be fair I know exactly what that does to him.

He was getting a little out of hand in a public car park so I pushed him back just a little and said goodnight, I think we both left with a smile as he told me to message when I got home.

The attraction between us when we are together is off the scale, in fact probably so much so that I’m not sure it would be sustainable long term, we struggle to let go of each other when we are together, we always have but each time I’ve walked away from him it’s gotten a little easier – that’s got to be good right? I don’t think we’d work out long term, I’d never trust him for one.

I have very little doubt where we would have ended up had I gone to his for tea, maybe that would have been good, maybe bad, I don’t know, I’m not totally unconvinced that at some point in the future it won’t happen though.
I know he’ll go off radar soon and I’m not going to say I’m ok with that but I know it’s coming and I’ll deal with it when it does.

I felt a little power shift this weekend I think, he suggested meeting, he came to me, he was the last to send a message last night.

I sent him this today, it’s probably quite apt for where we are right now………………..



Maybe Cunt Face is my DuckTape? We all know that DuckTape probably won’t be a forever fix but it does have its uses for repairing things in the short term?

Monday, 11 September 2017

Manchester, Racing and a pickled brain…….

Tuesday’s update already seems like a lifetime away, although there isn’t a great deal to report really.

I spent the three days in Manchester as planned and went out on Tuesday with my friend that I used to work with, she was the one having man trouble last time and it seems to have sorted itself out, which is good news, we had dinner and a drink in a new cocktail bar which was nice.

I think I may have got asked out by one of the guys that works there, that was a bit odd, I brushed it off, he’s not my thing but I think we could probably be friends.

Cake Destroyer graduated last week, he sent me a photo of him in uniform and I have to say that he looked really good, although so did his mate who was also in the photo and a few inches taller, only he was smiling in the photo though and he does have a lovely smile.

I have a funny feeling that date three isn’t going to happen, Cake Destroyer’s messages have stuck at one a day, it’s been over a week now since I’ve had more than one, they are all really long still but I can’t say that I’m not finding it hugely frustrating and off putting but then I get a message and for a few minutes all of my reservations disappear.

Thursday’s date didn’t happen, he’s now not starting Phase 2 today, he’s being held until October, which means he didn’t get sent home on Thursday (so we could meet) but it means that he’s now been given a week’s leave, so he’s not around again, which seems to be becoming a bit of a habit. He says this is good as he’ll be around for a bit longer, I’m not so sure.

So, he suggested that we do something this weekend coming (we’ve talked of him coming over and us having a whirl at emptying my alcohol cupboard which is hugely overstocked for someone that doesn’t drink at home unless she has guests and she doesn’t generally) however I’m busy, so that won’t work, I’ve now suggested that we meet up this week when he’s off, he’s suggested Wednesday, guess what? I’m busy Wednesday……… I’m starting to become really frustrated with it, does he actually want to see me? And if he does why isn’t he making it happen?

His messages don’t tell me he’s not interested, they are in the same vein, only now there are less of them, if he’s not interested any more would he not just tell me? Well no, because that’s not how dating works today, today people just string you along and keep you as a back up plan, in case whatever else they are up to doesn’t work out because that is dating in 2017.

We’ll see I guess? I’m trying not to answer this morning’s 09:30 message, as I know it means that I probably won’t get a response until tomorrow, which will annoy me a bit more but I struggle with it being sat there on my phone, I want to answer it, I’ve now started typing, which means that I won’t be able to not send it, ah man I need to have a word with myself.

So, I spent a fair bit of time this weekend with New Mechanic (and the rest of the crew obviously) not sure he’s really my thing looks wise (although he is tall and dark) but I won’t have seen him at his best as when I see him he’s working and in team gear, however the smoking is pretty much a deal breaker for me. Saturday was a bit odd, I was outside as they were setting off for the race, he came and gave me a hug as I’d picked up something for him on the way after he’d messaged me that morning, as he went off to the grid he then came and kissed me on the cheek, thankfully not many of our lot were around to see it as I’m not quite sure what they would have thought of it!

He came and gave me a hug goodbye as we were all leaving yesterday and said ‘I’ll message you’ and he has today, just general stuff that we were chatting about at the weekend. There is more racing this weekend but it’s back in Cheshire, I could only go Sunday due to being out Saturday night and already I feel like I can’t be arsed, however being busy keeps my mind off my phone.

Dating sites are off the hook and my Whatsapp looks like the ghosts of dating past, this is down to (apparently) the fact that it’s ‘Cuffing Season’ which is the time between summer and winter when everyone wants to find a mate for the winter, it certainly seems to be the case.

Prince Harry is obviously back from Block Leave as he sent me some messages last week asking if I’d like to meet up, I told him that in the four dates we’ve had it’s not worked out, so I don’t see that changing, he’s told me he’s now closer (less than 20 miles) and he’s stationed here for the next two years, I’m totally not sold on seeing him again, he’s hotter in his photos than in real life and his personality leaves a lot to be desired, I’m not sure he’s ever made me laugh on any of the four dates that we had so I think I can probably leave that one without worrying that I have made the wrong decision.

Car Salesman got in touch last week, saying his wife had told him to sort his shit out or they'd be getting a divorce, he say's he's trying. We chatted a bit, told him about CD, he say's I should give him a chance and it's really nice to hear me talk about him like that, I did say he's doing my head in. He said that he thinks he's a very lucky man if I like him, he said he feels like the 'defender of the buff 29 year old RAF man' which made me laugh as it's not how I'd describe him at all (he's not seen photos, this is just what he's made up in his head) he also said 'You are fucking amazing, I hope he can see that' which is really kind but the fact that it's coming from him sours it a little, he couldn't see it back then, he couldn't see it before he went off and fucked my mate, if he couldn't see it 18 years ago, when I was younger, prettier, thinner then why should CD be able to see it now, after two dates and a load of messages?

Cunt Face hasn't been in touch but does keep posting stories on SnapChat, never with someone else in them, but two slices of cake, two pizza's, who's that twat trying to kid?! I want to scream 'I know, I fucking know, stop lying' but I know it's not worth it, like with W@nk Bag sometimes you need to realise that you'll never get the answer you deserve, you'll never get the truth, just another twisted version of the lies you've already heard, learning to give it up is the hardest part. I spent ages trying to get W@nk Bag to be honest but eventually I faced the reality that it was never going to come and then started to move on, it was a long and painful process, thankfully with CF it won't take as long, five years of my life and two dates are massively different time periods, just a shame that he spent the best part of 18 months fucking with my feelings and even then couldn't do honesty. 

I’m definitely not short of offers but it’s very much like my wardrobe, plenty of choice but still nothing to wear, pretty fed up of it to be honest, I don’t see why I can’t find someone half decent, I keep getting told I’m too picky but is it really picky to have things that I want in another person?

So, I’ve not put any makeup on this morning (couldn’t be arsed, don’t usually for work) and now our fit (although more floppy haired posh boy than big shouldered classically my thing) lawyer has turned up and I wish I’d made an effort this morning. I’m weird in that I’m brilliant at flirting with people I’m not interested in but absolutely rubbish with people I am.

We’ve known each other for a few years now, I don’t see a lot of him as he works at another office, a couple of hours from here but he definitely brightens my day when he’s here, however we can’t manage to string a conversation together as when we try to talk we are both a bit dumbstruck, my friend that works in the office says it’s very funny to watch.

I ensure he's always within easy viewing when we have our conference, I decided this year I couldn't really put him on my table for the third year in a row, so he went on the table opposite me, I let the MD's do their seating plans for those I'd chosen for the table, when I found he wasn't in an easy view I may have swapped him with someone else.........

I have no idea where this week is going to take me, my concentration is right off the boil today that’s for sure, oh and yes I only made it two hours before sending my response, so I imagine now that Weds or Sat are the only nights he can do and that I won’t get a response until tomorrow, just to irritate me a bit more, maybe I should just bin it? It’s just not very often I decide I do actually like someone. I half decided on lunch today that if he comes back telling me he can’t do anything else this week I’m going to send him a message just saying if he has a free evening in the next couple of weeks to get in touch and to have a nice week off, is that being harsh or giving him a get out or simply saving myself?

Monday sucks, men suck, work sucks. 

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

Dating Suicide......

Well that’s what I thought it was anyway, do you think that stopped me? No, of course it didn’t, I’m definitely a dicing with danger kinda girl (maybe that’s why I’m still single?)

I was feeling a bit fragile anyway following the whole Cunt Face debacle which never helps with me, so in one message on Saturday I mentioned Tinder, asked when we were going to see each other again and asked if he was ok as he’d been quiet.

It was in the conversation and I wasn’t at all shirty with him (he’s done nothing to deserve that) it was a terribly long message but largely answering his last message, I even managed to swing the Tinder comment in as an answer to one of his comments.

I read it over and over again, it was long, even for us, I sent it unsure of whether I wanted to see the answer or not, I half expected a ‘fuck off’ I think, I guess I’m used to dealing with Cunt Face and him not responding for days isn’t unusual and then a ‘I’m just not sure’ or ‘I really like you but I don’t want to hurt you’ bollocks message.

Something had been said about not having offers flooding in, I used that to respond about tinder, I asked what sort of offers he was expecting and asked if he was hoping Tinder notifications would be off the hook.

 I asked when he thought we would get to do date 3 and added unless he’d changed his mind, kinda giving him an out, kinda making my position clear (maybe?) The message had opened with ‘all ok, you’ve been quieter this week’

The message took ages to come back (I know he’s busy and I appreciate that but it doesn’t stop me wondering)

Later that day I saw ‘typing’ appear on the screen, my heart was firmly in my mouth at that, part of me wanted to see what he was typing, part of me didn’t want to see it at all.
When it came in it did take me a little while to open it, he started by saying he was fine, just busy in the lead up to graduation and there have been some issues with some people on his course getting into trouble (not him)

He said that he was only waiting for offers coming from my directions and that he doesn’t really fancy Tinder going wild, so far so good (however he didn’t say that he wasn’t using it)
On the date three, he said that funnily enough he was actually going to ask for Thursday as although they’ve not heard anything official yet their Cpl thinks that they’ll let them go for some post graduation down time before his first posting on Monday and said that hopefully we could do something then.

I was rather pleased with the response, he seemed totally cool about it, answered like it was no big deal at all, it’s kinda one of the things I like about him, he seems really open but Cunt Face sits in the back of my mind nagging at me to think that everyone is a wanker, I hate it.

He has been quieter but we’ve had at least a (very long) message a day, he graduates today which is pretty exciting, he’s excited and I feel excited for him, his Mum, two brothers and one of his two sisters are down for it so I’m sure it will be lovely for them all and hopefully they’ll get some nice photo’s of him in uniform (for me!) it is, however absolutely pissing down, so that won’t be so nice, which is a shame.

We’ve talked even more in depth since then and the messages have got even longer, not sure that I thought that was possible, we’ve talked about all sorts of stuff, including what we like about each other and he’s been very complimentary.

Fingers crossed he’ll be released on Thursday and we’ll manage this date three, it’s only two weeks since we’ve seen each other but feels like ages.

New Mechanic has been in touch a bit this week, I’m working at our Manchester office and he messaged yesterday to ask how it was going which I think was quite sweet, I’ll see him this weekend, however it’s looking like it’s going to be wet, which is never promising.

I have been chatting to someone else on one of the sites, he’s asked me out, he seems nice but it puts me in a bit of a predicament really, what do I do? I don’t really want to go on a date with someone else at the moment but do I put it on hold? What if he isn’t putting things on hold. He seems nice, he lives up this way (Chester, yep I’m not sure we should trust anyone from Chester after the last one) but his parents are down by me and he coaches Rugby there of a weekend, he’s quite keen and has already offered a lot of options for a date, here, there, this week, this weekend.

So, this week is my first week working in Manchester, the journey up yesterday was fine, without the roadworks and on a good run it’s 2.5 hours door to door so I think it’s going to be doable, will I want to do it every week though, that’s the question!

I’ve had a nice welcome, one of the guys that works on our second tier team (two below my boss) works here and flirts with me regularly! Came and took me out for lunch yesterday and is again today, his girlfriend works here and she turned up yesterday as soon as he came down to take me for lunch, apparently she’s not keen on blondes!

As we were walking back from lunch yesterday he informed me that my trousers were see through, I didn’t believe him as they are new and from Next, Next don’t make see through work trousers, surely? However he did describe my knickers, however could black and lacy be a fluke? I went out to dinner with a couple that I used to work with, they are LOVELY but he was very boring last night, kept telling me about his new policeman friend and how I would like him, however his new policeman friend is married, so I’m not sure what the idea behind that was, he was also describing all of their interactions in great detail, you know the kind of thing where you had to be there? Well I wasn’t!

I made excuses about 9, as I really wanted to go to Ikea (I have never used those words before and promise never to again, I hate that place) to look at storage and they close at 10, made it with half hour to look around, it wasn’t long enough, disappointed massively that I’ll have to go back.

The motorway was closed, as was the exit to my hotel and everything I needed, it took ages, I’m shattered today and my thoughts are elsewhere!

A friend of mine was flaunting her 'amazing' new man on Facebook at the weekend, it pretty much summed up the reason why I am still single, I'm not convinced that when she finished scraping the barrel she didn't pick it up and scrape under it, I'm not just not ever going to be ready for that. I'm probably going to die alone because of it, on a positive note I already have the cats and won't need to buy any! 


Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Alice went down the rabbit hole………….

And we all know what happened to her, I’m not sure why Princess Frog thought it was a good idea to follow, when I’d not even had a drink but I obviously did.

It’s quite unusual that I do two blog posts in two days but a lot has happened since the one I did yesterday and if I wait my little blonde head will forget or implode and I’m not keen on either.

So, last night I sent the Dr a LinkedIn message, it was very general and pretty short (as in words, not my temper) just saying I’d been to Oxford and the friend had mentioned him, I hope all was well and it had been years, I said nothing that needed a response and I didn’t really expect one, however I got one.

He said that it had been ages and he couldn’t believe anyone was asking about him, he asked if I’m working in London (there is a photo of me by Tower Bridge) said he’d worked there for about 3 years and said he hoped all was well.

I did quite a lot of eeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk’ing and called the friend/mum up and told her, she was also doing a lot of the same noises! She also told me not to phone her again without texting first, I use the phone so little that she thought it was either the paramedics telling her I was in an accident, or the police telling her I’d been arrested, which to be fair pretty much sums me up, if you can’t say it by Whatsapp or Facebook message do you really need to say it at all?

I responded saying that I do some work there but travel a fair bit for work and that I’d done some work in Belfast a few years ago, I asked if he was back home these days following the London comment.

He said yes, that he’d taking up a Consultant post two years ago, he’d have stayed in London but went back for the kids, who are there with their mother, he said that they are going through a pretty unpleasant divorce, that gave way for another little squeal, which is bad really as I don’t believe in divorce at all, I know it’s quite common now but I think if you get married you do it once (yep, that’s why I haven’t)

I asked how old they were, he’s got a 15 year old, I find that hard to believe, I guess I still think of him in his early 20’s, he’s a bit older than me but only by a couple of years I think. I was quite excited to speak to him, who doesn’t like a walk down memory lane? He told me he still gets over to London a bit for work and to see friends.

I had a bit of a Facebook stalk, like you do (you do right?) he looks older than I would have thought but as I said before I remember him 20 years ago and a lot can happen in that time can’t it?
I got a message from Cake Destroyer last night and I still don’t know how I feel about it.

Before we met I knew that he was going to be posted and I knew where to, it’s somewhere that I used to go to regularly with an old job that I did about 11 years ago, it’s about 80 miles from home and takes approx an hour and a half in the car, so I was cool with it and obviously thought it was do-able.

He is currently 35 miles away but it’s still over an hour as there is little motorway in between, in the time we’ve known each other (we matched on 16th July) we’ve managed to see each other twice, once when he was given a days leave and once when he was on his two weeks leave and we met in the middle but Phase 1 training means he is completely at the RAF’s disposal 24/7 so I know they are keeping him really busy.

He had been told that his Phase 2 wouldn’t start until January, which he wasn’t particularly happy about but I was kinda hoping that they would leave him where he was which would have hopefully have given us the chance to work out how we felt and if we intended to go forward. We had discussed it last week and he said he was annoyed at the fact that he didn’t want his career to be put on hold for the rest of the year, so I’m really pleased for him that won’t be happening but a little sad for us that he’s going to be so much further away so soon. He graduates next week and his posting starts the week after so it’s only 10 days away now.

He hoped he would get leave this weekend and had said on our date that he’d like us to see each other but I’ve not heard anything so doesn’t sound likely, which is a shame as I have a rare free weekend. If he gets the following weekend off then it’s a race weekend and I’ve got plans for all three days, including the Friday which I have booked off.

I just feel a bit like it’s game over, it may not be the case but I guess we’ll see, the message came in quite late last night, just before midnight and I made the mistake of reading it, I then couldn’t sleep so I’m pretty tired today.

He’s not yet been on Whatsapp since last night so there is no response as yet, maybe we’ll have more blogs this week?

I find it really weird when it all goes wrong that you get used to hearing from someone every day and then all of a sudden you don’t, I guess you get used to it though.

Cunt Face knows I’m there next week, I don’t expect to see him though.


The Vet’s Mum is in today, that made me laugh!

Friday, 25 August 2017

Cake Destroyer Date Two....................

Sooooo, Wednesday night was the second date that I didn’t think was going to happen with Cake Destroyer, he sent a message on Tuesday inviting me to his for dinner (maybe half joking) so I responded saying it was too late for me to get there in time for dinner, he said he’d extend the offer to the next day.

I had quite a long think about it, I wanted to see him again to see if there was anything there between us but I wasn’t keen to go to his house on a second date, I wasn’t sure there if there was a lot of chemistry although we’d got on really well and I thought it might be uncomfortable, certainly if we didn’t have a lot of chemistry and secondly in someone else’s home that soon.

I suggested that we meet in the middle, he said yes, found a restaurant and we arranged to meet.

Messages winged back and forth and then he sent me a message saying ‘Just so you know I’ve grown a gay little moustache and beard, just for these two weeks off, so I apologise in advance’
I responded with ‘erm, I think I might be busy tonight now!’
‘I think maybe I should have a shave..’ was the next message to which I responded with a laughing smiley.

I HATE facial hair, it gives me a rash for one and I don’t think it looks nice either, so that gave me a bit of dread about the date, I was already a little nervous I have to say, I wondered if we’d have much of a connection after a month and I think I think it’s quite a long time between first and second dates, we’ve talked loads though in between, every day apart from the week he was on exercise.

The restaurant looked nice, a gastro pub, I was concerned about what to wear, I still feel pretty fat and horrible, I emptied my wardrobe and tried loads on, couldn’t find a top I wanted to wear with my jeans, in the end I wore the cold shoulder dress that I’d worn the last time I saw Cunt Face, it’s pretty much a smart/casual summer dress, not too dressed up but had the weather not had been on my side it wouldn’t have worked, straightened hair, makeup (more than the last time I’d seen him as that was a Sunday afternoon) sandals with a heel (had to do the heel test at some point so why not today?)

I arrived and he’d literally pulled in just before me, I put the top up on the car and he said that I was showing off, I got out and he gave me a hug and said that he was a bit underdressed (he wasn’t, maybe I was a little over dressed but I wasn’t dressed up) he had jeans, shoes and a light jumper, he looks better with more hair, however that will be gone today or tomorrow, I did think that he looked nicer today than on our first date.

He had shaved, my first words to him were asking what had happened to the facial fungus, he said he’d thought it was a bad idea so had shaved and that it also looked crap but they were all doing it.

We went in and sat down and the conversation was really easy between us, a fair bit of ribbing and we are both fairly warped in sense of humour, which always makes the conversation interesting, we had starters and main course and I turned down pudding, I couldn’t have eaten anymore.

I was right about the weird little facial movements, they must have been nerves as they were certainly a lot less frequent this time and he was better on eye contact, although he could have done with a little more still but hey no one is perfect and dating is hard.

We continued to chat and I did wonder there was something developing between us, we got the bill and he insisted on paying, which I thought was nice, it’s not something I’d accept with someone I didn’t expect to see again either, he’d also held the door open when we arrived and left and I think that there is a lot in gentlemanly behaviour.

We walked to the car and stood chatting, we have a bit of a joke about him and young boys (he took one of the 17 year old recruits to the cinema on his birthday and said it looked very wrong and it’s gone on from there) he asked if he could prove to me that he wasn’t into boys!

I said ‘I don’t know, can you?’ so he kissed me and it was nice, really nice. There was definitely something there by this point for me, he’s a decent kisser too which always helps, he asked when he could see me again and I asked when he wanted to, he said literally the next time that they let him have leave.

He thinks they may put him on leave the weekend after this one but doesn’t know for sure, rarely I have nothing on that weekend, so if they do it could just work.

He asked me to message him when I got home, I always think that’s a good sign (however Cunt Face did that too)

He eventually said ‘I’ll put you down now’ I wasn’t overly bothered about being put down by that point to be honest, as we left he thanked me for coming to meet him again and was generally really sweet.

I messaged when I got home, saying thank you for dinner and a really lovely evening, he thanked me for joining him and said I looked fantastic, he was very complimentary about the date and how well we’d got on again, I told him I’d had reservations and he said that he has wondered too, he apologised for not being around as much as he should have but said that he thinks the conversation flows really well between us and that I am massively in credit with him. We agreed that speaking by text has helped keep us in touch and feel like we know each other.

I told him he had to send me the face fungus photo’s so he set his alarm this morning so that they were there when I woke up, I told him that he should definitely put them on Tinder as they would certainly get him left swipes and weirdo’s and thanked him for shaving, he responded saying that he was ‘alright ta, thinking I’m alright with you abusing me’

So we’ve kind of covered Tinder a bit, when do you have that talk of dating sites? We’ve spoken quite a lot today, he said that he wishes I’d binned the day off at work today and I do too, and that I could have then had the message he keeps promising me.
I was a bit eeeeeekkkkkkkk on the way home and yesterday which worries me a bit, last time I felt like this it was ruined within 48 hours with the girlfriend/lodger revelation.

I know we shouldn’t tar everyone with the same brush but I don’t want to get hurt again and I don’t want to get involved with something that isn’t going anywhere, he’s saying all of the right things but do I believe him? I need to give him some trust and I can’t punish him for something that someone else has done but I still hurt from Cunt Face, over a year on.

Last night is the first date I’ve been on since him where I’ve not been upset on the way home because there wasn’t any chemistry or thought that it was a waste of makeup because the date was rubbish, so that’s good.

I don’t know when we’ll see each other now until they tell him about leave but I would like to see him again and he says he’d like to see me, so we’ll see what happens I guess?

Spoken to Mr Bumble this week, he’s now dating the married woman (who split up with her husband less than 8 weeks ago!) but seems happy, which is good.

Not heard from the new mechanic for a couple of days, which with things how they are at the moment isn’t a bad thing.

I don’t really want to meet anyone at the moment, I’m happy getting to know CD at the moment but I don’t want to take myself totally ‘off the market’ particularly if he isn’t but I don’t want to have a proper conversation about it when we’ve only had two dates, in an ideal world he’d bring it up!


This weekend I’m off to a baby shower (not looking forward to that to be honest) and meeting up with someone I met on holiday three years ago, in the hope that we can at some point go on holiday together, so hopefully a nice weekend, not too busy but with things to do.

Monday, 21 August 2017

A weekend of racing.........

So, Cake Destroyer has been in touch but not with the regularity that we have been, he's been in touch every day but one day was only once and he committed the cardinal sin of not responding until the next day, he did apologise, saying he was at a beer festival and didn't want to drunk text me, however it was 24 hours after my message so I took over 24 hours to respond, apologising that I was at racing and the signal was bad, which wasn't a lie but I could have messaged, had I felt inclined, oh who am I kidding I was inclined, I just didn't want to message back quickly so stopped myself. 

He responded really fast, saying that was ok etc and he was heading up to Norfolk to see more family and then text in response to my reply last night,  I don't really know where we are, I went out on Thurs with the Best Friends Ex and when talking about it I said that I wasn't sure that you could date this early on and not see each other for weeks at a time, we’ll be on a month this weekend coming from date one and you can’t get by on talk alone.

We’ve mentioned meeting on Saturday on his way home, however he might be taking others back to camp, so if that happens we won’t be, I’m going to leave the meeting up thing now, I’ve asked about it once and made my point of you actually need to see each other for things to develop so we’ll see, the lesser contact probably isn’t a bad thing, it’s weaning yourself off a bit at a time I guess?

Cunt Face messaged Thursday ‘Hey sexy lady, you ok? x’ I’d love to tell you I’d not responded but I can’t, however my messages were pretty light, no great long ones, no x’s on them, it didn’t last long and then he disappeared like the ghost he is.

The one I went on a couple of dates with earlier in the year keeps reappearing and asking me out, I don’t think I even gave him a name, he was pretty unreliable so I gave him the heave ho, he keeps asking for another chance and asked me to go for a drink on Sunday, I said ok, if he came my way and chose somewhere, he text Saturday saying he’d ‘look now’ I didn’t respond and no further message came, however I had my arm twisted to stay over at racing and made no effort to get home early for a non-existent last chance date with a flaker, so I didn’t race back and he didn’t get in touch, no shock there then? From now on I’m just going to ignore his messages completely, instead of indulging his ego with responses.

The vet has been in touch too, it’s a funny story really, we matched on Bumble in December, I can’t say I wasn’t pretty excited to match with a vet, either a farmers wife or a vets wife would suit me down to the ground, however he was very honest, he said straight away that a relationship wasn’t what he was looking for, however if I was after fun he thought we’d have a great time together, I politely declined, however at the time I had a very pregnant cat that was giving me issues so we chatted a bit about that and he asked over a couple of days how she was doing (we’d had a C-Section and I was pretty much hand rearing two hourly) so I was shattered, I nearly lost them all but four of the 6 survived (1 had been born sleeping, one got to two weeks old and then died just as I thought we’d turned a corner and broke my heart) and eventually went on to be superstar’s in their new homes, he was quite sweet, asking about how they were doing and we’d chat intermittently, then we matched on Tinder, started chatting again, still he and I were looking for different things but swapped numbers, I put his number in my phone and within a few weeks he came up in my Facebook suggestions, which is kind of annoying and kind of good, however I noticed his surname which is fairly unusual.

Not only is it unusual, it’s also the surname of someone that works for the same company as me and although he wasn’t living there at the time the area of his ‘home’ area is similar, for her age my immediate guess would be either a Mum or Aunty.

Anyway the person I work with is a manager that works for one of the MD’s that my boss is CEO for, so I don’t work directly with them but still see them in the office and she used to be here quite a lot, I also knew that she had three adult children, he is 28 (yes, I do know I’m 39 and no, I’m definitely not old enough to be his mother)

So, I mentioned that I worked with someone of the same name, he skimmed over it and never really gave me an answer.

A week or so later she was in, we chatted as normal and she told me that she was going to be a grandmother and that her daughter who is a vet has got engaged, what do the other children do I asked, she told me and ……….. is a vet, boom, it was his mum! I mentioned it, he said he didn’t want me to be embarrassed and that she doesn’t approve of dating apps, he also asked that I didn’t tell her (like I would!)

Anyway, he’s quite sweet but as we are looking for different things it’s not worth us meeting us, however he pops up every few weeks/months to see how I am, ask after the cats and see if my minds changed……… it hasn’t and even if his had the whole Mum thing would make it even more difficult!

So, that’s all of my ‘old’ people updates, so a few weeks ago at racing we had a new mechanic join us, he’s not new to the team as they’ve worked together for years, although we have had different mechanic/s for the 5/6 years that I’ve been going, however he’s new to me as we’d not met before the last round, although I’ve heard him mentioned.

He’s a little taller than me, probably 5’10ish I’d say, he’s alright looking but nothing special, he’s a smoker, which is a massive no, no for me and on my deal breaker list but he’s pleasant and funny, we got on ok but I was only there for one day last time and we also had a visit from another old mechanic, who has FB flirted with me on and off for a while and who has been quite ill with cancer (and has just got the all clear which is fab news) he looked really well and I was struggling to take my eyes off of his biceps which looked pretty bloody awesome, anywho…. He slated the new mechanic a little to me, which I didn’t feel was strictly necessary as I’d heard good stuff from the rest of the guys, I even said ‘you don’t like him then’ to which he backtracked and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t like him it was just that he thought he could be a bit of an idiot but to be fair I think all men are.

We didn’t get much time to chat but he seemed nice enough, I went up on Saturday to the racing and as soon as I got there I was told that when they asked who was coming to get me they said I was coming with cake and boobs and there was a whole host of offers to come and collect me! Cheeky sods! Anyway we had a good couple of days and all had dinner together, the chat was wrong on so many levels, I hear a lot of things but even I was a little shocked at some of it! HAHA! However on chatting about it on Sunday he was told that I was the worst of all of us, a little unfair I thought.

A couple of times in the day when he’d thanked me etc he’d added ‘beautiful’ to the end which I hadn’t really noticed until later in the day when one of the boys had ribbed him for it.

One of the other guys always flirts with me (actually most of the team do but I am a flirty sort of person so I don’t help it) he mentioned in front of the new mechanic that I’d not taken up his offer of a spooning partner for the night before, I said that I’d not had the invite, it was mentioned that all I’d had to do was say and that I could have had the choice of at least three places to sleep that night, we continued joking about, as the older mechanic rode off, he was gesturing for me to go with him (it’s all in jest, he is happily married, although he’d never admit that and I think if I said yes he’d run a mile!) and the new mechanic caught sight of it and started laughing.

Anyway, we all had a nice day of joking around and the horrible bit of breaking down (it takes hours and everyone has had enough by that point) he then came and gave me a cuddle and left, I hugged everyone about half an hour later and left too as we’d finished.

When I got home I added some photos to FB and thanked them for the weekend as usual, I also added him and a couple of others that I’ve been getting to know as friends, there is a young lad who is about 19, his 17 year old brother, his Mum and Dad that have been joining up with us and are really lovely, so I added the 19 year old and his Mum too, we’ve known each other for most of the year now, they all accepted and we all liked posts, photo’s etc.

Later in the evening I got a pm from the new mechanic, telling me thank you for a funny weekend and saying he’d not realised I lived where I did as he used to spend loads of time up here, turns out he and I used to work for a major car manufacturer that have a college in the area and both did courses there (different obviously but would have been at a similar time) so we chatted a bit and eventually said goodnight, quite some time after I’d planned on going to bed.

It’s the funeral of the friend that died racing today, I am glad I’m not as I’m not good with things like that but I’ve not stopped thinking of them all today, especially his family and those closest to him, I know it happens to us all but in this case it was way too early.






Monday, 14 August 2017

Another weekend gone...........

In a flash, this weekend was the Western style Murder Mystery party in Lincs for a friends hubby's 50th birthday, it was good apart from me having a rather big headache that is now into day three and seems pretty unshiftable currently, I am however at work (and debating whether that's the best idea I've ever had or not.

So, Cake Destroyer has been hassling for photo's of me in my outfit, I ignored it a couple of times but I did say I'd send some after the party, so after many asks I sent some through this morning, I was wearing the outfit that all of the boys were so keen on , the message back said that I looked absolutely fantastic, it was worth his persistence, bloody gorgeous and I was the best dressed person there. I said that it was his turn now and he sent me a photo of him dressed as a rather hot Superman, I have to admit to being impressed!

Nothing from Cunt Face apart from a Snap Chat in response to my outfit but have had some others in touch, such as Mr Bumble, nothing exciting though.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

The week is nearly over......

It's been a long week, a very long week...............

Cake Destroyer is doing my head in a bit, still long messages but they are more infrequent now, a couple a day probably, usually one first thing (although there wasn’t one today but he’s not been online since he sent me the last message last night) now, I don’t know if I’m being paranoid because of what’s happened in the past or that I’m not being paranoid and I won’t hear much more from him.
Now there was no chemistry on date one, so I shouldn’t really be too bothered, what bothers me most is when someone is so keen and then it drops off, although the messages have still been really involved and I know that basic training is a killer, so it could be that but he’s not suggested a day to see each other again yet.

So, last night I was trying on my outfit for the party this weekend, it’s a 1880’s Western themed murder mystery and my part is a saloon girl.

So, my outfit is a red corset (it’s simply beautiful and fits amazingly well) a skirt (as yet undecided) a pair of stunning shoe boots, that I just won’t be able to wear for very long as they will kill me but they are going to be worth it, patterned fish nets, it looks great but I can’t decide between the final two skirts, one is shorter, one longer, same sort of style.

Before you think I'm getting dressed up because there will be lots of men there, there won't, certainly no single one's but I do take getting dressed up very seriously!

I get a message from the Best Friend to say that he’s out with the Car Salesman and about the Ex, he wants us all to do dinner, which I’m cool with, I sent him a photo of the shoes (he likes a girl dressed up) he says he likes them so I ask him to help me choose a skirt, he likes the shorter one, no idea why I bothered asking if I’m honest, I should have known.

A little later I get a message on FB from the Car Salesman, saying he’d been out with BF and we need to talk and that he loved my shoes, I asked why we needed to talk and that he’d ducked out of dinner, he said that BF is in bits which is why we need to talk and he would be more help with outfit choices than BF, he said we have joint custody of them.

Anyway, he offered to help me choose a skirt, so I sent him photo’s, one of the short and one of the longer (both in heels, fishnets and corset) he chose the shorter outfit but said that I looked hot and that even 18 years later I still look incredible, apparently I have an amazing smile and boobs!
He went on to say how I suit a corset and that I am a ‘walking fantasy with attitude’ I think he was pretty impressed with the outfit overall!  He sent me his number and said to text him.

I brought up (as I always do) the him shagging my mate thing, it’s not even a skeleton anymore, we literally laugh about it, he again told me it was the worst decision he’d made and what a twat he was. He talked about the date we’d been on five years ago and how good it had been, he said that things around that time were crazy and he’d tell me when we met up, but I said I wanted to know, anyway turns out he’s had a one night stand a month before we’d met and she’d called the next day telling him she was pregnant with twins, it was all messy and it kept getting worse, a cancer care, a new boyfriend, losing one of the twins, death threats which is why he pulled back from me at the time. He told me how much he’d loved that evening although he knew I’d hated his film choice. He said he’d remembered how good a kisser I was and described it and he’d wished we’d sorted our acts out 18 years ago when we first met.

He talked about the day we first met and how he remembers it, that I’m still hot now only have better taste in corsets but that he remembered I always had excellent taste in underwear (he’d obviously caught me on the right days or when I was prepared!) his last message to me (I went to sleep) was that he was ‘Lastly, I’m sorry for being a cunt, a massive cunt’ which to be fair I don’t think he was really.

We were both young, I didn’t know what I wanted, he thought he did, I couldn’t decide, I was 21, in a new job, surrounded by some pretty hot men and I didn’t know what I wanted, however sleeping with my then best mate was obviously taking it too far, although in fairness we were never actually going out, just seeing each other so really he wasn’t in the wrong for sleeping with someone else, just for doing it so close to home.

Sometimes I think familiarity can do funny things to you, he’s safe for me because it’s old and familiar, it’s like the cuddly toy I’ve had since I was a baby, I know I can always go back to it for comfort but then I know I can leave it in a cupboard for 5 years and not think twice about it too.
The four of us have always had such good banter together, so although I can’t imagine curry will happen it would be nice for it to, it’s been years since we’ve seen each other, life is a funny game, he’s asked today why I don’t have a man in tow and if I still have very little time for knobheads, which yes I do still have little time for knobheads!


Mr Bumble keeps popping up, nothing exciting to report, Cunt Face as ever pops up and disappears, I hope his rash itches like fuck! 

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Another Week...............

Is halfway through.

No news from Cunt Face since Saturday (No surprises really) No news from the Cake Destroyer since late Sunday eve, however he is on exercise so I didn't expect to as I'm pretty sure that they aren't allowed phones (he's not been on Whatsapp since 5am Monday morning which seems to fit with me thinking they aren't allowed phones) so we'll see if I hear from him over the weekend when he's back, he was terribly complementary on Sunday after the date, so I've got no real reason to think he won't, however you know how this internet dating thing is these days, you are the best thing in the world one day and ghosted the next!

The sites are pretty busy with messages but I can't really be arsed at the moment, I'm totally bored of small talk and boring questions, maybe time to take a break? However when I take a break I kinda feel like I'm waiting for CF to get in touch and maybe I am a bit, I like having someone that messages me each day, the Cancerian in me needs to feel needed and it saves me making it all up in my vivid little imagination!

I've found it a bit odd not hearing from CD each day, as I have since we first matched, not messages all day like CF and I used to do but one first thing and then a couple more once he finishes work, however our messages are rarely short, they are always long and with substance which makes such a nice change (I did also check the Tinder distance and it's not moved so he's not looked on that since he left either) dating these days makes you a bit paranoid I think.

Mr Bumble has been in touch, he popped up saying that the serial dater needed some help, basically he's been chatting to a woman who's 'currently married' I said I'd need further details but turns out she's only been split with her husband a month ago, on that I said I wouldn't touch it, it's too soon and I think that anyone that can't have a bit of space in their lives after relationship (even more so a marriage) has issues but that I'm not like most and I regard marriage very highly and something that you should take seriously.

Anyway he's going for dinner with her tonight, she's suggested a posh seafood restaurant which he says he finds a bit odd, he also messaged last night to say he had a 'Whatsapp Date' I'm not entirely sure what that is but he says he'll fill me in and she'd asked what his favourite colour was (we joke that this is the most awful dating question ever, unless you are five years old) however I don't know if this is the same woman or a different one! He says the married woman is hot so he's going to see what happens, she also has a toddler and a lot of baggage so we'll see how that one goes.

He asked a question yesterday and it's kind of played on my mind a little bit, he asked if CD was a bit young for me (he's 29, 30 next months and I'm now 39) so it's 9 years between us. Mr Bumble is 31 so I asked if he felt I was too old for him, he said not at all, so I'm not sure why there is such a difference between someone who is 29 and someone who is 31? Is he too young for me?

Works been slow this week, which has given me rather a lot of time in my own head, which realistically is never good when you are me, I fell asleep on the sofa last night, I'm constantly tired, I do wonder if it's down to life just being so stressful in general, with work happenings the week before last and the rollercoaster that is my lack of a love life?





Monday, 31 July 2017

Cake Destroyer Date.......

So, my last update was Thursday, pre dinner with the BF's ex, we had a lovely evening, despite sulking about it BF didn't come, the ex accidentally sent him a message meant for me that said she was trying to put him off coming, apparently that went down a storm.

We talked a lot about them and the situation, she still loves my BF and always has but says she loves her husband too, this is a concept I can't really grasp, I don't understand being in love with two people, hopefully I never will as it sounds very confusing.

We had such a laugh, even without alcohol, she messaged me later telling me that I was just what she needed, my friends can generally rely on me to put a bit of realism to what they are doing, she said that she was glad she hadn't cheated on her husband, I told her that I thought that what they were doing was just as bad, for me having an emotional relationship with someone can be a lot worse than a physical one, it's a lot harder to get in my head than it is to get in my bed (not that, that is easy, if it were there would be a lot more to report here!) just look at the Cunt Face saga, he's never got into my bed but boy has he done some stuff with my head.

Talking of Dear Cunt Face, he's been quiet, not really anything new, he'll go quiet, pop up send me a barrage of messages, boom, he's gone, crazy that I still respond really, I'm not sure why I do, if I were giving myself advice I would be telling myself I was nuts and to keep well away........ he know's I'm up there Thursday and said he is on training and will check the times, I don't expect to hear from him or to see him, however you know I'd like to.

I had a great weekend, I went to the Rugby on Saturday with the Space Cadet, it's funny really we get on so well and I love him to bits but we would never have worked out, I'm actually glad that we ditched it when we did and have become such good friends.

Anyway, I said I would bake for Space Cadet as he was a right grumpy arse on Friday about the fact he's working too much (I don't think he is really, he doesn't like working - who does? and just gives more reasons to moan) so I made the Carrot Cake that Cake Destroyer had talked about with the intention of taking it Sunday and a batch of Brownies, as well as a mini Carrot Cake for SC.

I had giggles over the Carrot Cake, from our first message CD and I have been talking cake, so he said he would swap me guns for cake, I had asked him what cake he wanted and he said a Carrot Cake with a Walnut Face and a Cherry on the top, so that is exactly what I made, I posted a photo on Facebook (not mentioning what it was for) and my friends all said that they thought it looked a bit sinister or like the Wicker Man, which I thought was even funnier, we'd had a bit of a joke about my slightly scary cake in our messages.

I thought about asking him on Friday if we were still meeting on Sunday (the cake would have got a good home elsewhere anyway so it was no bother) but I decided that it was no biggie either way so I didn't. We continued chatting with these long messages that run Tinder out of characters.

On Saturday evening I got a message asking if I was still up for meeting, so I said yes, I actually felt a little excited about it, I think because we'd exchanged so many proper messages. He told me that he had to be back in the base by 6 so would need to leave by 4:30/5:00 to make sure he was, I suggested meeting around 2 saying that a couple of hours should give us plenty of time, he agreed. Based on my last date which lasted a whole 40 minutes (max!) quite often less than an hour is enough.

He checked on Sunday where we were meeting and I suggested where I had met the Bumble guy a couple of months ago, about 40 minutes from home and in the middleish, he suggested we swap numbers to make it easier, which we did.

So, we met, he looked like him, although again I'd say he was a little better in the photos that he was in real life but at least this time I recognised him straight off, I think he'll look nicer without the squaddie hair cut that he has to have currently, however when he finishes his basic training it shouldn't need to be quite so short, he looks better with a bit more hair.

We met around 2, he was a few minutes late, but we didn't leave until 5 which meant that he was cutting it a bit fine to get back in time.

We weren't lacking in conversation, he wasn't brilliant at eye contact and had some weird facial movements with his nose going on (like a twitch kinda thing) however he may well have been nervous so I'm not going to write him off for that just yet.

We talked about all sorts, he wanted to know about Cunt Face (we'd done best date/worst date) and also about the deaf guy that looked nothing like his photos, he said that his worst date had been with someone that told him how many people liked her and that she was arrogant and his best had been with someone he'd clicked with, I did say that the Cunt Face thing was a long story but kept it to the gruesome details, he said that he found it hard to believe that people would do something like that and how wrong it was, I, of course agreed, I didn't mention that CF and I are still in touch, seemed pointless and it's not like we talk all of the time.

Our moral compasses appear to point in the same direction, he knows about BF and the Ex, and like me can't see how you can love two people at the same time, he was talking about a couple of the guys that are on training with him and how they cheat on their girlfriends all the time without thinking about it and he thinks that's wrong.

Interestingly his brother met his wife online so he does have a bit more hope than me about it, as he's seen it work, although apparently in his best mans speech his Mum told him not to mention how they met, like it was a bad thing, I (and he) thought that was a bit silly as it was obviously a good thing and worked.

We talked about his ex, from what he said she was quite like W@nk Bag, she turned him into a person he wasn't, it was easier not to go out and not get the crap for it etc, I remember when I was with him, if I talked to his mates he used to accuse me of flirting with them and if I didn't he used to call me a miserable bitch, to the point of me just not going out as it wasn't worth the hassle or the argument it would have caused. He said that she used to make him video his mates if he was out to make sure that they weren't out with girls etc, a bit crazy!

As we were leaving, I asked if he wanted his Wicker Man Carrot Cake, he was a little surprised I think that I'd actually made it (I did say) I think he was genuinely a little taken aback by it (in a nice way)

We had a nice time, no immediate chemistry but I'd see him again, I got a message from him just after he got back saying that he make it just on time, he'd had a lovely time spent in my company, the cake was a surprise and my baking skills were 'on point' he said later he'd have happily spent more time with me if he could have (we were together 3 hours which I think is pretty good for a first date) anyway he's on exercise now for a week, so I don't expect to hear from him, which is a shame really.

He seems nice and genuine but I'm sure I'd have said the same about CF just over a year ago by this time last year I knew but he didn't know I knew quite yet, I remember the devastation I felt (it has literally just made me go cold thinking about it) it makes me a little sad that I still feel enough a year on to have that reaction to even thinking about it, I honestly thought he would have disappeared to a distant memory by now, although maybe it's hard to make them a memory when you keep thinking of them and you can't quite put them in the ditch they deserve to be in?

I am getting better, I don't think about him all day, every day now but I don't think there is a day when he doesn't have a little wander through my head, I know it will go away at some point, I honestly do I just wish it would hurry up.

Anyway, another week is upon us!


Monday, 24 July 2017

Monday.....................

It's a well known fact that I hate Monday's, this one feels particularly bad to be honest, I've been away for the weekend (spent it in a race truck) so I got zero sleep and I'm super tired.

No real updates, the ex has decided she isn't leaving the husband for the Best Friend, so that's done, although we are all supposed to be out this week, whether that will happen I don't know.

Cunt Face was in touch on Friday, with a rude meme, he's been quiet all weekend, I messaged him this morning (meme) and that's about it, I get twitchy when we are going into more days, I know where it is but it seems that my heart and my head are just not ready to communicate with each other, will they ever be when it comes to him?

I literally have willpower of steel, I can ignore anyone for months/years but he really effects me badly and I do hate it (primarily probably because so few people have that power over me) but then there is the other part where my body just responds to him when he's near me like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Few messages on the apps, Tinder, Bumble and POF all offering up men and messages but I'm just so past it at the moment.

I had a bit of a bombshell dropped at work last week, which meant I went home feeling rather miserable and sorry for myself, the short version is that I'm going to be spending a lot more time in Manchester (which is quite close to where he is) which kinda, really breaks my heart a little more, also it will cause me issues with one of my hobbies, as at certain times of the year I can't have nights away, which makes it impossible I guess, so I probably need to look for a new job but that could happen really anytime between now and December 2018, December 2017 being more likely.

The sad thing is that just over a year ago when he was talking about us being together and how I could move up there, that chance is really here now, however he isn't here with it, I use Timehop on my phone and it reminds me that this time last year I had been on that incredible date but that then I had found out about her and that everything he had ever told me had been a lie. I'd known from that second date that it was going to be one of those all consuming things, that you find so rarely in life, I'd felt it at the service station 10 days before but not quite in the strength that I had felt that day, I would have dropped everything and moved then which is pretty amazing for someone like me to say, I don't fall easily, I have lived with two men in my life, the first one had taken a year to move in together and was really out of necessity (my Mum was moving and I had to go somewhere so we kind of got swept together) and the second was with W'nk Bag, we'd already been together four years when he moved in and he moved in on me going 'this is either make or break' as we know it was break, just eight months later.

Blue Eyes and I dated for 12/18 months and when he decided he'd like to move in I decided it was time to move on, so this definitely isn't me and now I get the chance to do it all and he's not there, he's vague, not around, on and off, all of the things I know him as but it doesn't stop the 'what if' we could be having a new start now, but then he'd probably be cheating on me, just like he was on her, leopards don't change, I know that, that, however doesn't stop my heart beating out of my chest when his name pops up on my phone screen.

Funny isn't it, that if I was asking me for advice on this, my advice would be to keep the hell away from him...............

How different life could have been, if only he wasn't a lying cunt.















Thursday, 20 July 2017

Are all men just scumbags?

I'm seriously starting to think that this is the case, so we had the 5/6 on the Oxford night out, the married man on the Leicester night out, then this week I've had several Tinder messages that are pretty much or literally 'wanna fuck' now I get that it's Tinder but there must be others that use it for other things apart from getting laid? If I wanted to get laid I honestly wouldn't bother with an app, I'd just use the contacts in my phone and probably go somewhere I've already been (would keep the numbers down for one thing!)

On the number subject of numbers, I'm not sure if numbers are a thing or not but I always feel bad about mine, it's not massive but neither is it small - it's 14 for those of you that are curious) so I decided last year that my number if any potential partners ask is 9, and I'm sticking to that, the other five are insignificant/didn't mean a great deal/in the past etc so that's how it's going to be, it might stay at 9 now until I meet Prince Charming - I do fear though that I'll be Dead Princess by the time that happens.

Anywho someone from the past continues to appear, I'm sure I've written about him before, I was seeing him when I was young, oh so very young (17) he had a girlfriend (I know, I know) we used to spend lots of time together back then, he keeps popping up and seeing if I want to meet him, he messaged last night asking if I fancied dinner and a hotel, I messaged back today saying I found wives a bit of a turn off....... he said something about spontaneity, I'm not going to go there, ever but why do they have to do it?

Stingy keeps reappearing on the scene, he messaged yesterday apologising for missing my birthday as he was out at the ring - I do actually believe that this one is single, I know a fucking miracle but then he never manages meeting!

Space Cadet and I are talking about going on holiday together but then he asked for photo's of my boobs, weirdly this year has been the first time he has ever done that, his brother continues to message regularly.

The one I used to go to school with still messages and snapchats me, despite being back with the girlfriend.

The Best Friend and the Ex saga continues and the Best Friend has now chucked the Car Salesman back into the mix (who is now also married) don't get me wrong it's not like I'd go there again but they all want to meet for dinner next week, just like old times - If I'm honest I can't remember a lot of going out for dinner in those days, what I do remember is a lot of clubbing, sex, meeting up, trying not to let anyone from work clock what was going on between us and trying to time our entrances and exits at work so it didn't look like we'd spent the night together, oh happy times!

Have I heard from Cunt Face? No, oh I just realised that I used to call him Monkey Boy, so if you think they are different people they aren't!

Are they all scum bags or have I just had a really bad run of it?