Monday 26 January 2015

Up and down........

I sent the present, he received it and sent a thankyou, saying he'd been having a really rough time and It had really cheered him up, I was pleased. It took me a while to respond, that was Christmas Eve, we had a couple of text on Christmas Day and then I was sitting there my phone rang, his photo popped up, I answered and we have a normal conversation, with the one I like, went back I to my friends with a massive smile, the messages kept coming and it stayed like that for the following days, he rang me on NYE and tried to get me to go out with him, I did say no (kind of wish Id gone) he asked if id like to do something the next day to which I said yes.

We had such a lovely time, bowling, dinner, movie, Nerf wars (and betting on nerf wars!) a very happy and perfect day! He walked into the living room stark naked apart from a pinny, he had all of these bets that were a bit, shall we say close to the wire! A friend mentioned that I should have jumped on him while he was in the pinny, maybe I did miss out!

 Obviously that doesn't last though and the quiet act came back and then he reappeared, we had a day at Autosport which to be fair was rubbish, he was switched off and I got home feeling let down and upset, it was a waste of make up day, I also didn't feel great so I fell asleep on the sofa, he phoned two hours later but I missed the call, a quiet few days followed, I was doing well, getting on, although feeling the pangs each day when the phone didn't go. We went 36 hours without a message and I made it without contacting him and then the text went.

I've even changed his ring and text tones so that I don't jump overtime it's him, hopefully that will help.

Life is a strange place when your me!

Sunday 21 December 2014

Twats in Tinfoil........

Does Prince Charming really exist, or are they just twats in tinfoil?

I went over on Sunday to take some photos of his car for a magazine, we walked out to greet me, kissed me (properly) cuddled me, we laughed, had a nice time and then he sort of changed, said he was tired, it was a little uncomfortable so I made my excuses and left, he text to make sure I'd got home, I was a little bit disillusioned so I didn't respond. He sent me a good morning and four more messages, I didn't respond, I intended to but I didn't want to say something I might regret. I replied that evening, although my message was a little vague.

We had some messages on Tuesday and I called him on Tues evening once I'd got over it a bit, normal conversation, I'm not very good at not knowing where I stand, games isn't really my thing (which he knows)

I was away for work on Weds and Thurs, Weds I heard nothing, so after a night out with work and a bottle or so of wine I sent a message saying I didn't know how to deal with him being so on and off, I got a response the following morning, saying he'd been ill and had a lot going on with work, sorry for putting it on me.

I thought about it and I knew that really I shouldn't respond, it wouldn't help, wouldn't stop him being flaky but on Friday I was out and something made me giggle and think of him, so I responded, a few more messages but eventually I said I didn't want to put him under anymore pressure as he's under a lot of it with work. I said I'd had a nice time with him and pretty much goodbye. He responded saying he'd had a nice time with me too and 'will arrange something soon' two days in and i've not responded, it's taken a hell of a lot for me not to message him.

I've spent a lot of my weekend with sporadic tears (like I am now!)  ive tried so hard this time to not hide my feelings and put the walls up around my heart, which isn't me at all and look where it's got me, my heart hurts and so does my pride, I know it will get better but I miss him being around, I guess you kind of get you to someone when you are speaking to them most days for months at a time?

I don't want to do it again, twice I've messed up this year.

I spent a long time in the car on Thursday, I can still envisage the day that I watched my big love walk out the door for the last time nearly five years ago, I can still feel my heart hurting and I never want to feel like that ever again, I think this is the closest i've felt to anyone for a while now, I feel stupid for letting it happen, ive checked my phone a stupid amount of times, I'm desperate to see a message but realistically I know I won't, he's not been on tinder in four days, finally met someone that makes him not need it? Or the ex back on the scene? I so wish I knew, would it make me feel better? Who knows?

I don't want to face people at the moment, I don't want them to ask, I don't want to have to talk, I want to shut myself away and not inflict my misery on anyone else! I don't think it helps that I hate this time of year.

I ordered him an acrylic block of one of the car prints that looked really good, I'm still going to send it, my friend says im too nice but I don't think that you should stop being nice for anyone, I do think if we were all a bit nicer the world would be a better place, I honestly try hard to be nice, I send friends that are having rough times presents, do things for charity and generally try to make myself a better person. If I'd not ordered it I wouldn't have after this but I did, I don't want it, I can't send it back, I was going to post it anyway, it was a 'your having a rough time present' not for Christmas.

Does it make me soft? Maybe. I don't think many people would say that about me.

I've cancelled the dating sites, I just don't think I can go through all this again, the 100 dates to get one that you like only for that to not work out when you think it might, to have what you think is happy within your grasp and then for it to disappear out of sight.

I'm done!

It never got better............

So, no good morning, I sent a message giving a nudge and wishing him luck as he was seeing his boss that he hates, he replied saying he was having a bad day.

We got back to the subject, he said he 'needs to spend time answering it correctly that's all' well that was before 2, still heard nothing but it's Gym night tonight.

I eventually got a long response, he agreed with me and said he wants is to continue getting to know me better and he'd never met anyone that had made him laugh so much or that he'd felt more comfortable with.

I guess I still felt it was a bit of a cop out but I took it and responded saying I was happy with taking things slowly but if we were going to carry on I felt we needed to make time for eachother and not have anyone else involved.

Conversation resumed to normal.

Wednesday 10 December 2014

They say life is a roller coaster..........


They aren't lying!

Baggage boy arrived back from working away on Thursday, I got a message as soon as he landed and I called him when I finished work, we talked for half an hour, it started as a rather weird conversation, he told me how his ex had been telling him how much of an arsehole he was, I asked and he gave more details, still found it a bit weird though. 

That was that, on the Friday I got the usual Morning message and then a call as I left work, we spoke for about an hour, he asked if I'd go over and take some photo's of his car which I said yes to, I spoke to his little boy on the phone and he told me what they were doing for the weekend, at the end of the conversation he asked if I wanted to go over on Sunday, which I said yes to. 

We spoke by text on Sat and I went over on Sunday evening, expecting him to ask me to photograph the car, part of me thought that's why he'd invited me to be honest, I got there armed with camera, we talked about photographing the car but doing it that night wasn't mentioned. 

The moon looked amazing and I mentioned it as I walked in, he said we should go out for a look and we went up into the Forest, it was freezing but really nice, we went for dinner on the way back (he insisted on paying again, saying I'd travelled over there) I'm not going to parents for Christmas, it's a long story but he said about me going to his parents with him and for the first time I wasn't totally horrified by the idea. 

As we were having dinner he told me a story about his family that sounded rather far fetched, so he called his Dad to ask him to tell me the story, which he did, although he did say 'I'm out for dinner with a friend' I guess that makes alarm bells ring a little? His Dad told me the story and to have a nice meal when we said goodbye. 

We went back to his and cuddled up on the sofa in front of a movie, it was lovely, my hands were still freezing from the star gazing so he put them just down his trousers, he said that was the hottest part! 

He was telling me how he had a great view of my amazing cleavage!

It was lovely, perfect evening, towards the end he asked if I was thinking the same as him, I asked what that was and he said that he was torn between us being friends as we get on so well and wanting to get it further, I said that we get on so well that I almost thought it was a shame not to take it further, about two minutes later he kissed me and it went from there, it all got a bit heated although we never had sex. 

After I said well that's friends fucked them to which he laughed, more kissing continued before I left for home, eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkk'ing all the way. 

He sent me a 'Morning' on Monday and phoned Monday evening, on Tuesday he called but I was out with friends so called him back later, his words were 'I'm in the car with my Mum' to which I answered 'oh' his Mum started laughing as I was on the phone saying 'no swearing, no abuse' to which she was laughing, we didn't talk for long but all three of us were laughing on the phone, it was nice and felt normal. Messages carried on into the evening. 

Good Morning came again today and messages of his little boy at the Nativity, the new camera he'd brought, I need a hug messages, I spoke to him after work, he was a little distant on the phone but I wasn't too concerned, things have been going so well, I can't remember the last time I was this happy, he literally makes me smile almost constantly, people at work are even commenting on it.

I noticed he'd been on Tinder a bit which bothered me, I've kind of decided you only log in regularly when you are talking to someone. 

I guess it had to be done, so I sent a message asking him if he is currently chatting to or dating someone else, he replied really quickly saying he was on 'them' but not gone on any dates, why, I responded saying it was useful to know where things were, to which he replied yes without doubt. 

I then replied saying that I think we are at the point where if we are to carry things on we should be doing it without Tinder etc, as yet there is no response. 

'Them' had made me think so I did a POF search (handy when you have their postcode!) and lo and behold he's on there, I think one of the photo's is from his trip to Greece (we'd had two dates by then) and one is the photo he sent to me of him and his little boy at his first Judo lesson. 

Personally I don't think I'll get one and I think it's a massive shame. 

He told me last night that he'd told his Mum that I make him laugh all the time, we get on great, there is obviously chemistry, I'm seriously thinking it's time to give up on finding my Prince, I don't think they exist anymore and I have to say that makes me terribly, terribly sad, I've spent the last 20 years of my life trying to not find Mr Perfect but Mr Perfect to me and I just don't think he's out there, this is my second bad experience with men in the last 6 months, both due to them not being able to do something without there being other people involved.

It seems as soon as I like someone this is what happens for me, maybe I'm just not meant to be lucky in love, it hurts. 



















Friday 28 November 2014

Baggage Boy.......


Baggage Boy appeared in my life courtesy of Tinder on the 7th October he appeared with 'How u doing? I looked at his profile and thought he looked alright, really nice in some of his pics, not so nice in others. I responded and we went on for some time chatting on Tinder on a pretty much daily basis. 

I didn't realise until recently that he'd actually asked me out on there a few times but I'd pretty much ignored him, I'm not really sure I know why to be honest, he'd also given me his number but I'd not used it. 

I was away for a few days on a conference with work on the 20th and 21st October and the wifi was rubbish so I sent him my number, within minutes a text appeared and we carried on talking. I left to come home and when I got home the phone rang, it was him, it's quite rare these days for a man to pick up the phone from online dating and I was pleasantly surprised, we had a nice chat for about half an hour, we'd both had rubbish days and both felt we'd cheered each other up. 

Baggage Boy is called that because he has been married twice and has a son, who is now four, he has also been ill recently.

This carried on, talking and texting everyday, we planned to meet for a date on November First, however on the Friday he went quiet, I was actually a little upset as we'd got on so well, I had a couple of texts but I felt that the tone had changed. The date never happened. 

I left it and he rang on the Thursday evening, saying he'd been ill and hadn't moved, I thought it was time to sort it so asked if we were going to meet up, we agreed to meet up on the Sunday, I wanted to have a look at camera's and he lives near a big shopping centre, so decided I should go to his and we'd go from there, as parking is a nightmare. 

After the last episode I expected to be fobbed off, Sunday morning came and I got a message asking what time I was coming over, he asked me if I could make it earlier as he had the Dr's at 3, I was really nervous as I wasn't prepared as I'd not expected it to happen. 

I travelled over to his and as soon as we met it felt like we'd known each other for ages, we had a good giggle walking around and ended up in the pub, he asked if I would go to Dr's with him so we could carry on after but that turned to be a bit of a disaster and I went home, we spoke that evening and he said how much he'd enjoyed himself and didn't want it to end, I'd very unusually felt the same, before the date had finished he'd asked if I wanted to do something the following week, to which I'd said yes. 

The week very much carried on in the same vein, daily calls and texts and on Saturday I got a call to say he'd pick me up and we'd go from here, massive cleaning commenced, I don't know if you know this but I breed cats, I have five and have a litter of six kittens, he knew that but I think 11 pairs of eyes staring at him was still a bit of a surprise 'there are a lot of them' he said, he did great, played and cuddled them and then we went out, with the intention of the cinema but we actually went for dinner (me going for dinner, I know, amazing) we had a lovely time, many giggles again and ended back at his for an hour, before he brought me home, we had a little kiss too. 

The week carried on as before again, until Friday, when he went quiet, I knew I wouldn't see him as he was away the following week and then off to Greece for 9 days with work (where he is now) the silence prevailed until Monday when he rang to say he'd managed to get the phone stuck in the car and had had to have it dismantled in order to get it back, he was due to go to Greece on the Weds, we talked for an hour and a half and it was normal, same again on the Tuesday and then he went to Greece, day one was good, got a message to say he'd arrived safely and then more messages in the evening and the same yesterday, I even got one saying 'miss ya' 

We now need to see what happens, I like him, he say's he likes me but boys are different these days, they seem to gain and lose interest at the drop of a hat, I would love to see him again, will it happen? Probably not! 

A little about him, he's 6'2 (my perfect height) well built, a Judo Black Belt, does Gymnastics (imagine the body!) dark hair, cute, decent job, lives alone (apart from when he has the four year old) and makes me laugh a lot and maybe my heart race a little. 

Lets see if this one brings anything further, it's almost unheard of for me to want to go to date three, chances are it won't happen! It's nearly 8 and I've not heard from him yet today, will he be able to not annoy me this time? I've got a rather emotional weekend coming up, which he know's about, will he be there like he says? Lets see......





















Mr Nearly There


I was 17, he was 20, I was young and naive and fell for him on sight, he had a girlfriend but he didn't seem to think that mattered.

We met through mutual friends and spent a lot of time together, I can't remember how it started, he said he liked me from the moment we met and had my number off his mate in minutes. 

We spent every possible moment together, he'd pick me up to go to the pub, drop me off last, his days off were spent with me, he'd often phone into my evening job sick so we could have some extra time together. 

He always knew how to get to me, it went on for a couple of years I think but we never slept together, I think I was worried about being hurt (sound any different to now?) We were always being disturbed, generally by our mutual friends (a good thing maybe!) so much so that we used to go and lose ourselves in some special little places, one with my lovely dog, that he also adored and another was a pub that we could hide at with no one to find us, we had some blissful afternoons and evenings. 

He had this amazing way of calming me down (although I'm not saying that he wasn't often the one that got me to boiling point) he used to cuddle me so tight that I couldn't move until he felt me relax, it worked, he's the only person that's ever really been able to bring me down when I'm at rage stage, I could have done with him last Monday! 

One day I was ill and he walked from his house (a few miles away) in the snow with a bottle of lucozade and spent the day snuggled up on the sofa with me, we really did have some lovely times together but he did have a girlfriend, that he lived with, I'd not have asked him at any point to leave and I don't think we talked about it, did I want him to? I honestly can't remember, I do remember liking him a hell of a lot though! 

Well he's kind of come back on the scene or not, though the too soon thing (hmmm, that's far too nice to call him now!) his friend thought that I must have chucked a drink over him at some point (he did have an amazing way of pushing my buttons and rubbing me up the wrong way!) so I asked him (we've been FB friends for years and exchange the occasional email) he said no but he remembered me smashing a pool cue over his back and smacking his head into a mirror tiled wall, I'm pleased to say that my temper has got better as I've got older, I used to be much more fire!

He keeps telling me how much he'd like to see me but I don't want to mess with someone's husband, I think it would end up leaving me feeling empty, I wouldn't want it done to me and I will stay strong.

I've always had quite a soft spot for him, in a way I'd like to see if anything was still there but realistically I know it's a really bad idea! 

Wednesday 5 November 2014

I'm off men!

Yes still!

Since the drink over the head thing I've had another set back, we hadn't even met yet, I'll write about him when I've got some more time.

I don't think it's meant to be, I do think I'm meant to be on my own and I cant believe I'm saying this but I would actually like someone in my life at the moment.

The blast from the last is still in regular touch and wants to visit.

Uniform is still around in small amounts.