A quick run down...............

So, works improved, I got a payrise (yippee!!)

The love life hasn't changed really, the Engineer was keen to get me out for dinner last time he was in the UK, but I had newborns who needed me so didn't go (maybe it was also a little bit of an excuse!) he's messaged a few times and is now back in China (probably due back here again soon) I can't imagine that I'll be seeing him again if I'm honest though, I think it's terribly hard to sustain something so new when he's away for a month at a time, although I'm not sure that if the attraction was enough it would work itself out and I'd be more keen, I am a literal dating nightmare I think, I was perfect and anything less just isn't enough.

I've been out on another couple of dates, this time with Prince Harry (seriously there is an uncanny resemblance!) He's a bit shorter than I'd like, he say's he's 5'11 but I think more 5'9, he is cute but I'd say he's probably a little better in photo's than real life. He's a bit keen on getting into my knickers but I think he's realised that's not going to be a quick option.

He is the same age as me, in the army (20 years) born in Ireland but Welsh and sounds Welsh (well he does to me anyway) we've seen each other twice, he has talked about going out again but he's now off to work in Belfast for the next few weeks so that kind of puts a hold on that one, do I want to wait? I don't know if I'm honest, he's actually quite nice to spend a bit of time with, when he's not being so full on with the messages, but then last weekend I didn't hear from him until Monday morning, so I'm really not sure if I'm honest, after the first date I wasn't too bothered about a second one but was swung a little by his new FB photos (shallow? maybe, so shoot me!) Second date still not sure, nearly didn't go but had quite a nice time, so we'll see.

I'm seeing another guy tonight, we've been chatting for a while, he' s another huge motorsport fan, lives miles away, but is heading out to France so will be passing, we're going to meet this evening, he sounds lovely on message but we'll see! We are going to call him Monkey Boy, he didn't have this name when I wrote this but I'm updating a year later, I can't call him what his name is on my phone, as it's far too rude!

I'll try to improve my updating frequency!

Catching Up..... it's been a while............

I’ve said it before, life really does get in the way, the guy I’d been seeing before Christmas re-materialised and contacted me on the dating site again (I was out and photo’s didn’t show up so I’d responded before realising who it was) we chatted for a bit, he asked if I fancied doing something and I have to admit I wasn't sure, conversation continued on and off for a little while but we’ve still not seen each other.

The Space Cadets friend is still on the scene, a night in a hotel just might happen yet but I’m still not sure (I'm such a ditherer with these things!) we talk probably weekly or so, he’s nice because the talk never gets to the ‘wrong’ stage like a lot of guys these days take it to, he knows when to stop which I like, I've seen Space Cadet a couple of times since and his name always comes up, but I’m sure he doesn't know that the friend and I still chat.

I'm not sure I've mentioned SC’s brother? We met a few years ago at a race and have kept in touch since, he flirts terribly with me (he has a GF) sends me snapchats (yes, that kind!) and we catch up occasionally for dinner, movies, kitten cuddles etc but it has been a while since I've seen him, he suggested coming over a couple of weeks ago and came over last week, in a vest type top with his very lovely shoulders out and smelling amazing, he was definitely trying to impress but he’s not got so much flirtation in person, we had a really nice evening, turns out our cars also match!!

The dating sites are much like hard work, the only other dates I’ve been on this year are with a trainee Prison Officer who was really  nice but we had nothing in common with and a guy that works in my building, we met online, discovered we both worked in the same place, he left me flowers at the door, we went for a drink but he obviously thought that a bunch of supermarket flowers was going to be the path into my knickers, how wrong he was, we never saw each other again and I’m always hopeful that I don’t bump into him as I come and go at work.

Baggage Boy, what can I say? Another very lucky escape there, he is madly in love with yet another woman (in the time since we stopped seeing each other he has literally had more women than I have clean pants and I have a lot!) he introduces them all to his poor little confused boy, which makes me mad, kids don’t need to grow up thinking women are disposable or that Daddy introduces him to every woman that walks but there is nothing I can do about it, no wonder his Mum is so stroppy!

Oh I have been on two other dates (terrible to forget really) he is an engineer and works a month in the UK and a month in China, we met twice when he was in the UK last, we have a lot in common and he races cars which obviously had my interest but I just don’t find him particularly attractive and that is a problem he is due back from China tomorrow and I’m not sure I want to go to date three but we do have kittens due so I won’t be going anywhere for a bit now, he’s been in touch every few days while he’s been away but I don’t think that is enough to sustain things at the stage we are at currently, I kind of like the thought of someone not being here all the time but he did try to high five me on a date and that felt kind of weird if I’m honest.

So, I’ve been having a crappy time at work, a big restructure has been going on and it’s not nice not knowing whether you have a job or not, the last few weeks have been particularly taxing, so much so that the Friday night I was so fed up that I went out and got wasted beyond all sense, only for the second time this year to be honest but it just happened to be on a night that 22 was out, yep you guessed it, a repeat performance, what I didn’t realise until about a week later was that it was May Day weekend, so I repeated the same mistake, on a the same weekend a year later, just brilliant, I excelled myself, now why wasn’t the mistake made with SC’s friend? That would have been at least a half sensible decision, however I have decided to look at the positive of ‘sometimes you need to get under it to get over it’ and I am certainly over that one!

I seem to have this thing about May Day, every year if I’m going to get into trouble that is when it happens, I turn into a total monster and can’t control myself, hey ho, it’s done now, I’ll try to remember not to go out next year!

The friend that would like me to have his baby is still around, he still mentions it probably weekly, I’m still not saying yes!

Dodo Hunter still pops up from time to time, tells me how much he likes me, wants to see me, disappears! I think it will always be like that. 

Something has thrown me a little bit though w@nk bag is due to have a baby, part of me is devastated as I was ready to settle down, have babies and he said he never wanted to, I know time changes things but I still can’t help to feel done over, in another way I feel like once it’s happened it is the final stab to the heart, there is nothing else that he can do to hurt me after this and I’m glad about that but it’s overdue and I just want it to be over, I was his nephew to announce it so that I can have 24 hours to lick my wounds and then get on with life, I have to admit though that I do hope it is ugly, I don’t mean a little bit, I mean hit every branch of the ugly tree and got both of it’s parents genes, I know you’ll think I’m mean but I guess that’s just the way it is, maybe I am but I’ll live with that, I know you should forgive but I’m not sure I can.

Men are strange creatures...........................

The last time I wrote I was about to go on date 10, I did, we went to the cinema, it was nice, film was hilarious, he was as normal all over me from the minute we met, kissing me in the cinema, holding my hand, touching my leg, normal service.

Last week he went a bit quiet, I immediately assumed he had met someone else, we continued talking but it was different, although he mentioned a film that we should go and see.

I left an unanswered text for a couple of days and then responded on Sunday, he responded quickly as normal, he asked if I would like to go out the following Sunday, I said that I thought that if we were going to continue I thought that we would need to make some time for each other.

He responded saying that he'd got a lot going on etc, he wasn't ready for serious but he liked me and we had a good time together.

I responded saying I was fine with the not serious bit but that I wasn't willing to be messed about, I said that it was fine if he had met someone else but that wasn't part of the deal for me, he answered asking if we could still be mates, to which I responded that I didn't think it was a great idea and that he'd not answered my question.

Following a bit of pushing he admitted that he had gone for a drink with someone earlier in the week, I told him that I was disappointed with the fact that I thought he knew me better and would have been honest with me, a few more messages and the conversation was over.

I was quite upset after, not so much because it was over, as it wasn't something that I thought was going to last forever but I think that because he seemed a good person I had hoped that he would restore my faith in men a little bit and I have to say that I really needed that to happen.

I am ashamed to say that I spent most of the evening in real, horrible tears, the sort that come when you are annoyed with yourself, I'm annoyed that I didn't get to call it first, that I pushed him into it but I'm one of those people that needs things finalised and needs to put them to bed.

Monday morning was spent in the same vein, sobby, upset, I feel like I've failed again I think and you get used to having someone that messages you every day and takes an interest in you.

I have really tried to be more open to things, to give them a go even when I'm not completely sure, if I didn't I'd have probably not got past date two this time but I persevered, does that mean that I'm trying harder or that I'm coming more round to the idea of 'settling' that worried me but to be honest I don't think that I am.

Sunday night the guy from before xmas popped up, he does quite regularly, he was talking outfits again and I was in that mood so I ordered one!! It arrived yesterday, I'm not sure it will ever be worn, it highlighted that I need a diet and that those kind of outfits aren't made for boobs.

Monday I was chatting to Space Cadet and we decided to go for dinner, it was a good option, he cheered me up no end with his dodgy dating stories, he is still completely lovely, he is the sort of person that cheers you up just from being around him, he lifted my spirits and made me think that it's not me that's messed up this time.

When we were out he was talking about the friend that I'd met before Christmas, he thankfully has no idea that we talk but he was talking about him in general, I spoke to him by text that night, he was rather excited about the outfit prospect.

Tuesday I went out for dinner with another friend, from years ago, was nice to catch up.

Work has been crap this week, it's not boosting my spirits, thankfully though it's kept my mind off of thinking about things, probably just what I need.

To be fair after the whole six years ago thing I'm pretty sure that there isn't much that I can't get over much more easily than that, I would really like a break when it comes to men though, why can't I just meet someone that is genuine? Or are there none?

Talking of genuine I spoke to Baggage Boy yesterday, he is seeing a woman from Germany who has just left her husband with an 18 month old, he continues to be around and I continue to be grateful that it never went any further, I love him to bits as a friend but he is a complete douche bag!!

It came to mind the other day that parents who have son's in their 20's and 30's have done a pretty awful job of bringing them up and turning them into honest, trustworthy, gentlemen, where did they all go?

Oh Space Cadets brother continues to send me nude pics!!

Life gets in the way................

Seems ages since I posted, it is ages since I posted.

The last post was about the boy that after date three decided that he wasn't ready for serious, despite him being the one that was driving things.

Well it's now January and we have continued to see each other, which seems surprising I guess, however when I responded to the text I pointed out that serious hadn't entered my head and as far as I was aware we were both at the early stages of getting to know each other, why do men always think that we are the one's that want to do the serious thing? While I don't want to get into something that I know is going nowhere, neither do I want to get serious with someone I'm not nuts about.

He said he liked me and enjoyed spending time with me, so we carried on with the cinema date as planned, he was normal, we went to the cinema and even through the film he had to keep touching and kissing me, not what I would say was the behaviour of someone that didn't want it to continue.

Have I been a fool? Maybe. We have now done 9 dates (it would have been more if it wasn't for me putting a bit of a halt on it)

We've done dinner, he's stayed over, more cinema etc and are going out again tonight.

I found out some interesting facts, like he's allergic to cats (we didn't know this until he had stayed over) he wasn't at all phased by it and went to the Dr to get medication which seems to have solved the problem. He is definitely more keen than I am, I don't know if that's because of the 'I'm not ready for serious' text or just because I'm not feeling it or he's not for me.

I'm rubbish with Christmas etc, it tends to give me a huge case of the blues and depression, this year has been no different for me, I've hardly seem anyone over the break so he's been put off too (although we didn't have anything arranged) I told him before Christmas that I wasn't doing presents for anyone as the car had gone wrong, which solved any issues there.

We've still spoken by text everyday, he still makes the first contact 99/100 times.

Things got a bit more complicated the Saturday before Christmas, the Space Cadet had arranged for us to go to the cinema to see a film that was on a limited release, there were five of us going, SC and I went for lunch and a catch up before picking up one of the others that was coming with us, we were then meeting the other two in Leicester.

I walked into the cafe and wished I'd made a bit of effort with the hair, make up and what I was wearing! One of SC's friends was quite nice!! We had a general chat before the film about what we did, where we lived, he also mentioned the GF had moved out  in general conversation with the others and then went our separate ways after, SC suggested I add the boys on FB as they are into cars and we'd been talking about a project that I wanted to look at, so I did.

A few hours later I got a message saying it was nice to meet me and he'd enjoyed the film, I should get SC to organise more things, I said that it would take a braver and more stupid woman than me to put up with SC, he then clocked my profile picture where I am dressed as a vampire and the outfit conversation started and continued for several days, until New Years Day actually, he's been a bit quieter since we went back to work, he thinks it would be a good idea if I were dressed in a PVC nurses outfit and he were to turn up at the door, I have honestly thought about this idea, in fact I'm still thinking on it, if I'm not ready for serious maybe it's the way forward? Although I'm not sure I could do that with a stranger, I've not even done it with someone I know, although maybe that makes it easier?

Evil Twin is back in the dog house but that seems to happen quite a lot, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised there, she's been as supportive as usual. I ran into 22 on Christmas Eve while out for a drink, as usual he came to talk to me, one the way home he was walking up (he lives round the corner now, really?!) with his best mate, he was asking what happened with his mate, I said nothing, he said his mate had said it was a lot more than that, he asked why him and not the mate, he asked if he could come back for tea, I said no, we text a bit that night, he asked if he could come round, I said no, don't get me wrong, it's not that I wasn't tempted I was but I don't want to be done over twice by the same person, we've continued to talk, including today.

I text ET saying I'd seen him and how alone I felt, she pretty much didn't bother with me over Christmas and New Year and didn't turn up when she was supposed to, sometimes I think friends just aren't worth the hassle they cause, it's not like it's the first time!

I had a friend point out a few days ago that I've never got over w@nk bag and to be fair it's probably true but how do you get over the only person that you have ever loved? I knew it wasn't sustainable, I knew we couldn't stay together and I knew we wouldn't get through life together, that doesn't mean I woke up one day not loving him any more, in all honesty I wish that had happened but it didn't, don't get me wrong if he turned up at my door tomorrow telling me he'd won the lottery and begging me to take him back I still wouldn't but that doesn't mean that somewhere in my heart I wonder if he was the only person I will ever be truly in love with.

Life is a funny old game, I don't know what else to say about it really!!

I don't know why I bother!!

On the 21st October I matched with this guy and he messaged quite quickly and a lot, he asked if I'd like go for a drink, which we did a week later, we got on really well, he text before I got home to say he'd had a lovely evening and would I like to go out again, to which I said yes. 

We were texting lots, all the time in fact, we went out again a week later and had another nice evening, kissed at the end, again a text before I'd got home checking I'd got back safely and thanking me for a lovely evening. 

More texting and asked me out again, we arranged to go for dinner on Sunday, all the time texting and him being very keen, I expressed to a friend that I thought he might be a bit too nice and a bit keen for me really but that we did get on really well so decided to go with it. 

We met for dinner on Sunday, had another nice evening, he was talking about next time, we kissed again (initiated by him) before I got home the text arrived and we decided on the cinema for date four, we've been chatting lots, he was saying he'd need to find some veggie recipes, he text me on the Monday to say he had tonsillitis which I obviously wasn't keen on catching which caused a bit of joking. 

There has been a serious amount of messaging, both on Tinder and by text and three dates, last one on Sunday, he asked about all of them, he asked about date four, he said last night that he thought we were definitely on for date five, we said goodnight as usual, he text me this morning as usual and then he sent me a message saying he'd had a think and he doesn't think he's ready for anything serious but he'd still be up for going out but he'd understand if I'm not. 

I don't understand how we got here, I don't understand what's gone on at all to be honest, occasionally I think I'll just let it go and take it one day at a time and look what happens, I let myself think there might be more in it and I get let down. 

Is dating really worth it? Is it?

The return of 22.......

So, first time I've been out in the village in ages, planned to have a night out with ET to catch up as we've not seen each other for a while (she's not got a boyfriend so I don't get much of a look in!)

Getting ready when I get a text from ET, all it says is '22's here' oh shit is all that goes through my head, I look in the mirror, I look decent, hairs done, make ups done, top and jeans on, I'm in a better place now I tell myself.

I walked in and had to walk past him to get to where I was going, we said hi, in the minute our eyes met spin reappeared, I downed the vodka, to be fair at a stupid rate, it was always going to end badly.

He came over to me (he is still in casts and on crutches) and talked to me, still there is something there but I wasn't going to let it happen again, his mate came and started talking to me, the one that he'd said I had an admirer, he's sweet, a nice lad, 21 this time, he walked me home, we kissed, thankfully I came to my senses before it went any further, I wasn't reacting because I liked him, I was acting out of hurt, I don't need you and I can walk out with your mate and hurt you too!!

The next day I was going out with baggage boy and the four year old to the air museum, boy did I feel rough! I told BB what had happened and he laughed at me as usual!
We had a lovely day but a little painful too, we looked like a family, a little boy between us holding our hands and calling us to look at things, I took a beautiful photo of them both while they weren't looking, it's his cover photo on FB, it made me see what I'm missing, although I'd still not want it with him or to do it on my own.

22 text me the next day while I was with BB to ask what happened, I said nothing, he didn't believe me I don't think but then I guess it's none of his business, he hurt me before him and still we are nowhere near even on that score (Not that I intend to even it up anymore!)

On the even up note, Too Soon is cheating on the girl from the night I put his drink over his head, I find that quite amusing in a sadistic, twisted kind of way!

Little to report.........

There is little to report.

The Dodo Hunter has been in touch (he does every month or so when he's single, this has been going on for the last four years pretty much) 

Usual story, FB messages, tells me I have too many barriers that are too high, which is why I'm still single...... we should get together, he likes me, he always did, I should stop being scared and let my barriers down, blah, blah, blah. 

What am I doing Monday, nothing says I, he'll call me to arrange a drink, ok, but if you don't ring tomorrow I won't be available Monday, did he ring? Of course he didn't. I don't imagine that will be the end of that one but neither do I believe that we will meet up again!

Few on the website app's but they all seem to be after one thing and I can't say that I really am!