I was terribly nervous, you can't dress up for a date at home, it was hot so I was in jean shorts and a black vest top, no makeup, freshly washed but 'un done' hair.
Monday, 24 August 2020
The Pilot - Date Two
Wednesday, 19 August 2020
The Pilot..............
We matched on Bumble again two weeks ago, I said 'We must stop matching like this' and he replied saying 'it's obviously meant to be' we've kept up a good level of conversation since, switching over to Whatsapp just before this weekend and then asked me if I had any free evenings this week, so we planned to meet up on Tuesday.
I can't remember when I felt this nervous about going on a date, maybe four years ago with Cunt Face? So we all know a fall is coming don't we? Even before meeting he did seem too good to be true.
He's 38 which is pretty age appropriate for me, I do like them younger but sometimes I veer on the side of 'young' I suppose (as in early 30's not 19) but if I could pick an age I'd pick early 30's/late 40's.
He's 6'4 and I do love a tall guy, I like to be able to wear heels and them to still be significantly taller than me, if I was to pick a perfect height for me it would be 6'2 but who's going to complain about an extra couple of inches?! 😉
From the title of this post you'll know what job he does, he's career minded and driven which I find attractive.
He's consistent with his messaging, I find that really attractive, I can live with someone that gets in touch sporadically (like EBFX) but it's not something I enjoy, I guess with EBFX I'm used to it now but I hate lack of communication. This morning The Pilot sent me a photo in his flying suit (in exchange for one of me in my dress for work) and then messaged saying he was just heading towards the Aircraft which meant I'd not hear from him for a couple of hours. He messaged Monday saying that he needs to find somewhere for us to meet tomorrow, so there is no is it happen, isn't it happening; although he is on standby so it could be cancelled at the last minute but I'm prepared for that as he's already pre warned me.
His consistent conversation is good, enough flirtation to think he'd not fuck around when it comes to erm fucking around but not enough for being too pushy or dick pics, he's good with compliments without being sickly.
He's got his own house, it's nice to find someone that doesn't live with their parents or house share, so that's a plus.
He's about an hours drive away, which isn't the end of the world but he's already said that when he's on standby he has 90 minutes to get to work and that as long as he had his uniform with him being at mine wouldn't be an issue - again it's nice that he's thought about that.
He's offered to come to a pub a couple of miles from my house, most would (and nothing wrong with it) want to meet in the middle.
He is very attractive; dark haired, blue eyed, of course being attractive and saying he's a Pilot I've checked him out on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, all of the info checks out, he sends ad hoc photos if I ask for them, so it seems legit (who'd have thought you'd need to go to that much effort to check someone out?!)
He messaged yesterday saying he was excited and I was too although also quite nervous, it's nice to not spend the day wondering whether it's going to happen or not. I've met people in the past that I've spoken with and it's sounded like it's going to be a great match and it's not been once we were there so that's always a concern.
I was getting ready to go out when I managed to smash a plant pot in the kitchen (honestly?!) then I came down and realised that my car keys weren't where they should be, I searched all the places I could think of but they weren't there, so I dived in the drawer and got my spares out, hoping that they worked as I'd never tried them, went out to the car, all good so came back and sorted my other bits out, while telling myself to calm down and I can stress over pots and keys later!
I messaged when I got to the pub, he said he'd got us a table in the garden and off I went, thankfully I recognised him straight away, he looks just like his photos, smiley, very tall, he stood as I got to the table and gave me a hug and a kiss before offering me a drink.
I told him about the plant pot and keys and he said that with all that I'd got there on time and we swapped losing key stories.
The conversation flowed all evening, we met at 7:30 but he was on call until 8 so I had a Rose Spritzer while he had a coke and we swapped over later on once he could have a drink, I could only have the one as I was driving.
He walked me back to my car and gave me a hug and friendly, end of first date kiss, he's a good talker, there were no awkward silences, which is always good, difficult to know on chemistry I think, until you kiss (properly) but all signs were good.
I always think that if they don't message that day to ask if you got home ok it's not a great sign and for the second time this year (and not many times in total) I was a bit nervous about whether that would happen or not. I do think that dates are a bit like interviews, unless I don't want the job (Which is more often than not) I walk away having absolutely no idea about what they thought of me.
Within an 45 minutes I got a message so I didn't have to wait for long, he talked about 'next time' and we both said we'd like to see each other again
He messaged me Good Morning first thing, we appear to have a lot in common, so with all that in mind, the real question is; what's the catch? I mean there has to be one, or a million, so far the only thing that raised spidey senses was seeing on Bumble that he'd been online at the pub (location change) but there is nothing wrong with that (I mean I'd rather he didn't but it's not like I've not done it myself and you have to keep your options open these days) it's also not like there isn't a XBFX and J in the background either is it...............
He's messaged saying he's heading up North tomorrow to see his brother and some friends and as he'll be passing within a few miles and said he could pop in for a cup of tea if I fancied but no worries if I'm busy as it's within work time, I've quite surprisingly said yes, I'd not normally have someone here after a first date but it's just a cup of tea and famous last words, he doesn't seem like a murderer!!
So, thats The Pilot who appears too perfect to be true, so do we think he has a wife and six girlfriends stashed? Or he's a serial shagger? It's got to be something right? I'm really trying not to overthink it but I'm really rubbish at that! I'm sure we'll find out.
Cunt Face has made dating difficult for me, I can't help meeting someone where I think there might be something there without thinking back to the chemistry I felt with him and the web of lies he pulled me into, honestly what a fucker!
Monday, 17 August 2020
J - Second Date..............
Tuesday, 4 August 2020
Did I miss the boat for getting back on the horse?
Since him the only person I've really dated to the point of sex is Cat Lover and he had some real issues, he was never able to get and/or keep an erection, which in turn made me feel like I was a terrible person and I couldn't do anything right and wasn't attractive enough for him to get excited over, not good enough for him, I know you shouldn't feel that but it doesn't mean you don't.
I remember discussing it with a male friend after who said that I shouldn't get wound up about it, by the end of our relationship I'd put off any signs of trying as I just couldn't face the feeling of rejection when it didn't happen (it never happened successfully)
Should I have slept with someone as soon as Cat Lover and I split? If I got bitten by a dog I'd still stroke another dog and when I've come off a horse I've made myself get back on, they say if you don't you never will.......
I'm now wondering if it's why I've done such a good job of putting off dating? Relationships are always better in my head than they are in reality.
Wednesday, 22 July 2020
Another socially distanced date.............
His messages had that different tone to them again, a bit more flirty than normal, he came in the more confident version, unlike last time when I was at his.
I was showing him something on my phone so sat next to him, he put his arm around me and when I finished showing him the map I moved away, he said 'is that it then?' I was getting my drink but moved back and we chatted while he cuddled me, he kissed me and it went a bit further this time, not as far as sex though.
That was just over a week ago.
It's a bizarre old situation......
J has been in touch quite regularly, he wants to meet up again but keeps saying about coming over, I'm nervous that he's more keen at getting in my knickers than he is at getting to know me, I'm tempted, there was definitely some chemistry there and that's rare.....
On that note I doubled the amounts of dates I went on in 2019 last week, I've had TWO first dates and it's only July (my one in 2019 was December) We matched in January and spoke for a little while before losing touch a bit and then he messaged me on Instagram as we'd followed each other.
I was off for the week as it was my birthday (why have a day if you can have a week) so we arranged to go for a walk, I'd been out for lunch with a friend first, as soon as he got out of the car I knew he wasn't for me, he kind of looked like his photos but they were obviously a while ago, he was a fair big larger in real life than he is in the pictures, including in his face.
He was nice enough, a little shy (what is it with me and shy boys at the moment?) he also lives with his Mum, he's 40. He's just been made redundant which I know is difficult at the best of times but especially at the moment.
I know that people do live at home or move back for short periods for good reason but he's been there for years and I just couldn't really see myself with someone like that, I knew from the minute we met that there was nothing there, we spent about an hour walking round the reservoir, he's messaged since, I'm hoping he felt the same as I did!
So, that's my little round up...........
Tuesday, 7 July 2020
The Ex Best Friends Ex.............
She had a long term boyfriend when we first met, they rarely went out together but I can remember walking into the pub to meet her one night and thinking the guy at the bar was quite good looking, tall, dark haired, my type, she then introduced me to her boyfriend...... you guessed it!
He came out with us on probably a handful of occasions over the years, birthdays, Christmas etc and we saw each other when I went to the house.
We were all going out for New Year and I was seeing Blue Eyes at the time, who she'd introduced me to. I was having a rubbish time with neighbours being absolute arseholes and I was nervous to be on my own that Blue Eyes had not far off moved in, which worked out great for him but I wasn't as involved as he was.
As I was getting ready to go to the party that night I discovered they'd put a brick through my car window and I was an absolute wreck, I really wanted to go though and I didn't want to let the people I was going with down.
We arrived at the local club to find that the neighbours were there, which meant that I was on edge the whole time, Blue Eyes got drunk and decided he was going to fight the neighbours which made me quite angry, as I tried to explain, it was ok him causing trouble but it was me that would pay for the repercussions, already I was scared to be in the flat on my own and scared to leave as all I did whether I was there or not was worry about what they'd do, I'd also sent the cats to live with my family for a few weeks to see if it would die down as I was terrified something would happen to them.
This turned into a big argument and he stormed off on the way home, to have a go at the neighbours who had also left, by the way he likely couldn't have fought his way out of a paper bag, so even if he'd confronted them it would have been pretty useless!
He stormed off, the Ex Best Friend went after him to try to talk some sense into him and told her (now) ex to take me back to theirs.
He walked me back and told me that Blue Eyes was no good for me, I knew this already and even when we'd started seeing each other I told him that I wasn't looking for anything serious. Just as we got to the front door he said 'you should have had me' which I was a little taken aback by if I'm honest, we went in, got drinks and the comment was never mentioned again (in fact I'd completely forgotten about it until a couple of months ago) everyone arrived back, including Blue Eyes and we continued drinking despite Blue Eyes being blatantly in the dog house (EBF's now boyfriend was also with us)
I finished things with Blue Eyes shortly after, it was going nowhere and I needed to finish it before he got more involved.
The Ex Best Friend (EBF and formerly Evil Twin on here) and I saw each other at least weekly but it was quite rare that there were just the two of us, more often than not it was us two and a group of the guys, we used to do messy Sunday weekly and more often than not meet up in the week too.
EBF often joked about how much better suited the (now) Ex and I would be, as she said we had a lot more in common, I always used to wonder about the references as they were happy and appeared to get on, even though lot of the time they did both do their own things.
Around five years ago she told me she was moving out and asked me to go and look at a house with her, all I knew before that was that things weren't amazing but I was fairly surprised, they were really amicable about it and he helped her move out, it was an easy split as the house was his anyway.
Time moved on and a few months later she told me she was seeing one of the guys that we regularly spent time with, at this point I should probably tell you that his wife had finished it a few months before and moved out of their house.
I asked some questions at this point and discovered something that I found quite shocking, it had been going on for YEARS, while they were both with partners and I always had an inkling she liked him but would have never guessed that something had been going on that long.
The year before she'd been 40 and I'd turned 35, she was adamant that she was going away on her own for 'our' birthday and I was a little put out by it, as was EBFX. I also thought it was really strange, two nights in a hotel, on your birthday, just up the road, on your own. Well she wasn't on her own was she, it all came out. I'd always thought it was strange that she was quick to judge the wife for moaning when I thought (and voiced to him!) that she was justified.
During this time he was a bit of a dick, wanted her, didn't want her, didn't know what he wanted and she was hurt, we were out one night and a new guy to the village came over and started chatting, she went home and slept with him because she was feeling a bit unloved and unwanted.
Then things started to get messy, she was between the two, it's a small village, she didn't want them to meet, let alone talk and I guess I was the shield between them, it wasn't long after this that I started to realise our friendship was a little one way and backed away, as I backed away she didn't come forward.
Another friend works where she does and regularly tells me what she's up to, says she always asked about me and due to that I'm careful what I tell her, I've heard a few times during that time that they've broken up and got back together, I know when we were still friends that she was annoyed after the lease ended in her flat that he said no to her moving in.
I moved last summer, into my dream house and she'd obviously been told by the mutual friend, she sent me a text the day I moved saying she was happy for me and good luck, I responded and said thank you.
A few weeks later I got a friend request from EBFX who I'd not spoken to since before they split (about four years) I accepted and sent a 'how are you' pm, he responded and we had a bit of a catch up, he said we should meet for a drink, I'd not long moved and said I didn't really want to go out but he was welcome to pop up, he said he'd message me the next day and I didn't really expect to hear anything else.
On the Sunday I got a message saying he'd be up in half hour if that was ok, it was a lovely weekend and we sat out in the garden with a drink and caught up on the last four years, he said he was selling the cottage and looking at a new build, one was where I am and one on the site next door, TBF's daughter lives on the next road to me with her bf and was telling me that he still sees her occasionally, they keep in touch which I thought was nice, he did say that TBF's bf doesn't like her seeing him so they just say hi now if they bump into each other as he doesn't want to cause issues.
We chatted about dating, that neither of us meets anyone with any spark and that we're both useless cases and too fussy, we both said if we don't feel a connection we're out before we've ordered a drink!
As he left he gave me a hug and said that he'd have to get me actually out of the house one night for a drink.
We speak by message intermittently, he finally managed to sell the cottage and buy the house he wanted, I got a message one weekend asking if I'd go and help him choose flooring, which I did.
When he moved in he had a bit of time between completing on the house he'd sold and the new one so he used one of my spare rooms for storage for a month or so.
We continued to speak weekly or so and every so often he'd message and pop up for a drink or invite me over, we'd chat about all sorts, work, dating etc, he'd give me a hug and leave and I never really thought much of it.
We joked about TBF seeing him coming out of my house, it happened one day while he was moving out.
I knew she was moving (onto my road believe it or not) but I didn't want to send her a text and open up dialogue again, I knew which house it was, worked out the door number and sent her and the new boyfriend a new home card - that'd be it I thought.
That was the Friday before lockdown, that same day EBFX had messaged saying he'd had a crap week and did I fancy a bottle of wine, I was stressed out too and said yes, I'd love one.
His tone changed a bit that day, he was talking naked twister and we both laughed about it, when he arrived he seemed different in his manner, he also mentioned he'd not been able to get hold of naked twister but we could make it up as we went along.
The alcohol went down fast and we were a little merry.
We chatted as usual about dating and all sorts, he always says that we're both too fussy, which is why neither of us has found anyone, I'm not totally convinced he isn't right.
I can't really remember how it happened but he kissed me, which developed a little, I made it clear that he wasn't staying, which I think he was a little disappointed about, the thing is when he kissed me it wasn't great, I didn't feel anything, I certainly didn't feel I wanted to drag him into my bed but it's quite rare I meet someone that does make me feel like that.
The next day EBF messaged me thanking me for her card and saying that we should catch up at some point, I felt all the guilt in the world, I'd kissed her ex the night before.
A few weeks passed, EBFX was in touch intermittently, nothing about that Friday night, we'd gone into lockdown the Monday after so we couldn't see each other but there were no signs of him initiating anything else.
Time went on, I spoke with both EBF and EBFX and then lockdown rules relaxed a bit and EBF came to look at something at mine after we'd bumped into each other, it was awkward, we were like strangers, instead of the two people that had been so close.
During the lockdown I dropped off some baking a couple of times to EBFX and we chatted at the door.
Facebook had released a new 'care' emoji and as much as some people seem to love lockdown I'm feeling pretty affection starved, I'd seen or touched no one in what felt like forever but was likely about 10 weeks (since the kiss)
Wednesday, 1 July 2020
Socially Distanced Dating...........................
J and I have been talking for quite some time on and off, for what he thinks is about a year.
We just kept matching, on every site I tried, occasionally I get bored with them and have a restart, as soon as I did we'd match again, we'd always chat, it was so long ago I can't really remember why it didn't get any further (I'll investigate this next time we talk) but every time we matched it then became a 'hello stranger', 'here we are again', 'why haven't we met?'
Late last year we matched again and he asked for my number, so we spoke via Whatsapp and talked about arranging a date, however I was ill, this went on for about 8-9 weeks and involved antibiotics, hospital appointments etc and I was concerned about being contagious so I kept saying no (I also felt pretty crappy and my skin looked awful as it was reacting to antibiotics that I'm allergic to)
Then in December I was feeling better, so we arranged a date. On the day he messaged saying he wasn't feeling great but was still happy to meet, I said that since I was not long recovered myself I didn't want to risk it (my friends Mum was also dying and I didn't want to not be able to see her, which would be the case if I was ill) so we put it off and then with everything going on couldn't reschedule.
We've been in contact on and off, usually at least monthly but to be honest there is little to say during lockdown; 'so what have you been up to?' 'Well, I've been locked up in my house, the same as you' dating has been off the menu really.
Last week he popped up and suggested meeting now that we could have a socially distanced walk.
Now I didn't say yes straight away as the Ex Best Friends Ex (EBFX) and I have been getting closer over the last few months (he needs his own post too) but I really don't know where we are so I don't really want to put things on hold until I do. He kissed me again on Saturday but not until I was leaving and also of all the dates I've had in my 10 years of singledom not many have had me wanting a second, so it seemed a pretty safe bet that it wouldn't be an issue.
After a couple of dates laming at the last moment I tend to think that the date is off, unless I hear from them on the day but he checked in yesterday and suggested a place and I headed over, as I was trying to find a parking space I saw him walking up the road, I recognised him straight away, which is always a good sign!
As we met he said he'd normally give me a hug but obviously can't at the moment, the Corona Ice Breaker hey?!
The conversation flowed, we had no awkward silences and we seemed to get on well. We walked round the woods pretty quickly and decided to continue to walk round the village, we were admiring the gorgeous Cotswold houses and then ended up at an estate agents so had a look at prices, he suggested that the date must be going really well as we were looking at houses already!
We said goodbye and I actually walked away thinking I'd be a little upset if I didn't hear from him following the date, which doesn't happy to me very often.
I headed back and did a few jobs on the way, by the time I arrived home I had three messages in a row, I hate the post date game playing and it was quite refreshing to think that he might not be into it either.