So, last update I was debating my
feelings for Cake Destroyer but I was trying to allay them with the fact that
we appeared to get on really well. I was concerned that I had maybe built
him up to be something he wasn’t, I was in fact right about this.
He was quieter, although the messages
were still really long, I can read into anything to make it that they are
interested but the last one even I couldn’t read into(attached) however
something still felt off. I was battling with how I felt anyway
but I had decided that maybe I spend too much time worrying about the aesthetics
and that maybe I had more of a chance with someone that maybe wasn’t what I
normally go for in looks but that had his moral compass pointing in the same
direction as mine and that I got on well with, they do say looks don’t last
forever don’t they?
The last message I had from him appeared quite positive and would indicate he wanted to see each other again?
I got this message on Friday morning and I have to say that I was a bit miffed at this, not that he wouldn’t have time to message me, I’m totally fine with that and with him being busy but that he’d read the message I’d sent 18 hours previously and he’d been online since, my response wasn't meant as snotty, it was a 'I really don't know what's happening here'
The message remained unread for 24
hours, I kept checking if he’d been online, he hadn’t, felt a bit shitty all
day if I’m honest and I probably have RSI from checking my phone, to be honest
if you send a message like that you probably know the answer.
I went to bed early, I was feeling hurt already, I woke up at 7 andhe'd been online in the middle of the night (I assume when he'd got home) my message remained unread, to me it was the kind of message that if you were bothered and you'd have seen it you would have responded immediately, I went back to sleep.
When I woke up again I could see that
he’d read it but again no response, 27 hours after it was sent I saw typing and
my heart was in my mouth, the response was both what I was kind of expecting
and what I didn’t want it to be.
It seemed like a bit of a bullshit response to me if I'm honest.
I was upset, upset because if he was
the person he had spent two months telling me that he was he would have sent
the message before I had to push him into it. I spent Saturday pretty upset if I’m
honest, upset at myself for letting my guard down, upset at him because I don’t
feel what he has said is true, upset because I’ve wasted another two months,
upset because my radar is obviously so badly wrong.
I'd like to say that I didn't respond, however being me, I did, I also called him out on his actions and the fact that from day one we had talked about honesty and that he hadn't been.
A day of crying ensued, I didn’t leave
my bedroom until late afternoon, sat down to lunch, couldn’t eat it. I had plans with a friend that
evening, which may in fact be a stroke of luck, if you remember he’d asked for
us to meet that evening, that’s when date three should have been but I’d had
plans, otherwise he’d have been coming to spend the night at mine and this
could be a whole lot messier.
The friend I was going out with knows
the story, I’d only told her recently as she had joined Tinder and I said they
weren’t all bad, ha, how far wrong can a girl be?! It took a lot of will to get me out of
the front door, I wanted to cancel but we had tickets and I didn’t want to let
her down, I told her I’d do my makeup at hers as I had that awful swollen
crying for hours face, I cried as I left, on the way and when I got there, she’d
got me flowers, which made me cry again!
We had a nice evening, the show which
was a Dirty Dancing Tribute was good, dinner was good, I welled up a couple of
times but held it together.
So, you’re wondering why I feel so
hurt after just three dates? I get that I totally do.
However, when I got in
the car that evening I looked at the date and it had been going on for exactly
two months, in this time I have seen him through most of RAF basic training, I’ve
picked him up when he’s down, I’ve cheered him on when he didn’t think he could
do it, I’ve been super patient between dates, I’ve been understanding, mostly I’ve
been kind, really kind, I guess I feel that I’ve fulfilled my purpose for him
now.
We’ve exchanged messages each and
every day, sometimes lots, sometimes just one, all long and involved, not your
normal one liner text messages, at least 10 sentences, often telling me what he
liked about me and how much and how he was looking forward to me testing his
limits to ensure that he was actually a diamond instead of a twat in tinfoil.
In the last 6 weeks, we have exchanged 425 messages, plus two weeks of Tinder messaging before that, all of his messages are long and when I say long I've done a work count and they average about 250 words a message, below is an example (it was far too long for screenshotting):
Yeah I've come to learn that over the years, and wished I'd dodged sooner.
Rest assured that they definitely aren't. Excellent, can't wait to experience this 🤗
They'll be ready and waiting for you, no worries about that.
They grew some tomatoes in their garden so she did home made tomato soup for starter, which was insanely good, then a roast for main and apple pie for dessert.
Really? You do bring the glamour, that's a certainty. That's okay, you know I love cats so I'm happy with them joining in. I'll bring along some suitable movies too.
You wouldn't have to sleep alone though, I'll solve that issue. There isn't much by way of equal distance between us- places like Stratford and Warwick seem to have cinema shortages! Shall I just head your way instead?
Please do, they're yours to enjoy.
So winters for you are normally spent filling the voids left by superbike season? What do you normally do with yourself?
I'm sure they won't be, but you can practise your skills on me nonetheless, I'll happily volunteer for that. Pretty certain I'll feel 100% better once I seen you in that outfit, so I'll soon be wanting to rip it off of you 😉
Ah yeah that's his name! Knew I'd heard it before. How's work going so far today? X
They don't seem to be the messages of someone that is lacking in interest, would you understand how I'd got the wrong idea?
His good points were: his sense of
humour, he was funny and chatty and I’m pretty sure I could have left him with
a bunch of friends and he would be fine, I liked that we seemed to get on really
well, never an awkward silence between us and he seemed genuinely interested in
me, he never pushed the boundaries too far, never send dodgy photos and
remained respectful, I liked that he was
an animal lover and liked cats in particular, he was totally unfazed by me
having them, which a lot are, I liked how gentlemanly he was, probably more so
than anyone I’ve dated before.
His not so good points were: at 5’11
he was taller than me in heels but not massively, I decided I could probably
live with that but if we were going for perfect it wasn’t, I really didn’t find
him terribly attractive on dates 1 and 3, but I did on date 2, I put this down
to the hair cut/facial hair, the look of a friend that I wasn’t sure about and the
weird little facial twitch that he has I found rather off putting. The fact
that he’d joined the RAF as he’d been thrown out of Police training after
getting arrested for an altercation with his (ex) girlfriend, the honest, say
it how it is person that he told me he was, obviously isn’t the person he really
is.
They say that you learn more about
someone at the end of a relationship than you do in a relationship, although we weren’t in a relationship this is definitely true,
he’s certainly shown an arrogance I hadn’t detected since I pulled him up on
his behaviour.
He told me that he was looking for Mrs Right, however one of his
excuses was that getting involved with someone while unsettled isn’t a great
idea, however he is still on Tinder, maybe he just wanted to get laid? That’s
absolutely fine but be upfront about it?!
I have spent a lot of time going over this in my mind, what I said wrong, what I did wrong, if I should have gone out the day after my hair cut, not the day before, what's wrong with me, why can't I get it right.......
Largely the men I meet tell me that
they would like a strong woman that is honest and tells it how it is, however
they soon change their mind when the strong woman is honest and tells THEM how
it is. When we saw IT last week one of the
quotes in it was ‘Ain’t nothing like a little fear to make a paper man crumble’
only a few days after seeing the film, the paper man did, indeed crumble.
On Saturday night when I was out a message arrived 'How's you trouble' it was from Cunt Face, two weeks after we'd last spoken and just when I was at my most vulnerable.
Had it arrived a couple of days before I wouldn't have answered but I did and that will be the next apart of the blog!.
