A weekend of racing.........

So, Cake Destroyer has been in touch but not with the regularity that we have been, he's been in touch every day but one day was only once and he committed the cardinal sin of not responding until the next day, he did apologise, saying he was at a beer festival and didn't want to drunk text me, however it was 24 hours after my message so I took over 24 hours to respond, apologising that I was at racing and the signal was bad, which wasn't a lie but I could have messaged, had I felt inclined, oh who am I kidding I was inclined, I just didn't want to message back quickly so stopped myself. 

He responded really fast, saying that was ok etc and he was heading up to Norfolk to see more family and then text in response to my reply last night,  I don't really know where we are, I went out on Thurs with the Best Friends Ex and when talking about it I said that I wasn't sure that you could date this early on and not see each other for weeks at a time, we’ll be on a month this weekend coming from date one and you can’t get by on talk alone.

We’ve mentioned meeting on Saturday on his way home, however he might be taking others back to camp, so if that happens we won’t be, I’m going to leave the meeting up thing now, I’ve asked about it once and made my point of you actually need to see each other for things to develop so we’ll see, the lesser contact probably isn’t a bad thing, it’s weaning yourself off a bit at a time I guess?

Cunt Face messaged Thursday ‘Hey sexy lady, you ok? x’ I’d love to tell you I’d not responded but I can’t, however my messages were pretty light, no great long ones, no x’s on them, it didn’t last long and then he disappeared like the ghost he is.

The one I went on a couple of dates with earlier in the year keeps reappearing and asking me out, I don’t think I even gave him a name, he was pretty unreliable so I gave him the heave ho, he keeps asking for another chance and asked me to go for a drink on Sunday, I said ok, if he came my way and chose somewhere, he text Saturday saying he’d ‘look now’ I didn’t respond and no further message came, however I had my arm twisted to stay over at racing and made no effort to get home early for a non-existent last chance date with a flaker, so I didn’t race back and he didn’t get in touch, no shock there then? From now on I’m just going to ignore his messages completely, instead of indulging his ego with responses.

The vet has been in touch too, it’s a funny story really, we matched on Bumble in December, I can’t say I wasn’t pretty excited to match with a vet, either a farmers wife or a vets wife would suit me down to the ground, however he was very honest, he said straight away that a relationship wasn’t what he was looking for, however if I was after fun he thought we’d have a great time together, I politely declined, however at the time I had a very pregnant cat that was giving me issues so we chatted a bit about that and he asked over a couple of days how she was doing (we’d had a C-Section and I was pretty much hand rearing two hourly) so I was shattered, I nearly lost them all but four of the 6 survived (1 had been born sleeping, one got to two weeks old and then died just as I thought we’d turned a corner and broke my heart) and eventually went on to be superstar’s in their new homes, he was quite sweet, asking about how they were doing and we’d chat intermittently, then we matched on Tinder, started chatting again, still he and I were looking for different things but swapped numbers, I put his number in my phone and within a few weeks he came up in my Facebook suggestions, which is kind of annoying and kind of good, however I noticed his surname which is fairly unusual.

Not only is it unusual, it’s also the surname of someone that works for the same company as me and although he wasn’t living there at the time the area of his ‘home’ area is similar, for her age my immediate guess would be either a Mum or Aunty.

Anyway the person I work with is a manager that works for one of the MD’s that my boss is CEO for, so I don’t work directly with them but still see them in the office and she used to be here quite a lot, I also knew that she had three adult children, he is 28 (yes, I do know I’m 39 and no, I’m definitely not old enough to be his mother)

So, I mentioned that I worked with someone of the same name, he skimmed over it and never really gave me an answer.

A week or so later she was in, we chatted as normal and she told me that she was going to be a grandmother and that her daughter who is a vet has got engaged, what do the other children do I asked, she told me and ……….. is a vet, boom, it was his mum! I mentioned it, he said he didn’t want me to be embarrassed and that she doesn’t approve of dating apps, he also asked that I didn’t tell her (like I would!)

Anyway, he’s quite sweet but as we are looking for different things it’s not worth us meeting us, however he pops up every few weeks/months to see how I am, ask after the cats and see if my minds changed……… it hasn’t and even if his had the whole Mum thing would make it even more difficult!

So, that’s all of my ‘old’ people updates, so a few weeks ago at racing we had a new mechanic join us, he’s not new to the team as they’ve worked together for years, although we have had different mechanic/s for the 5/6 years that I’ve been going, however he’s new to me as we’d not met before the last round, although I’ve heard him mentioned.

He’s a little taller than me, probably 5’10ish I’d say, he’s alright looking but nothing special, he’s a smoker, which is a massive no, no for me and on my deal breaker list but he’s pleasant and funny, we got on ok but I was only there for one day last time and we also had a visit from another old mechanic, who has FB flirted with me on and off for a while and who has been quite ill with cancer (and has just got the all clear which is fab news) he looked really well and I was struggling to take my eyes off of his biceps which looked pretty bloody awesome, anywho…. He slated the new mechanic a little to me, which I didn’t feel was strictly necessary as I’d heard good stuff from the rest of the guys, I even said ‘you don’t like him then’ to which he backtracked and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t like him it was just that he thought he could be a bit of an idiot but to be fair I think all men are.

We didn’t get much time to chat but he seemed nice enough, I went up on Saturday to the racing and as soon as I got there I was told that when they asked who was coming to get me they said I was coming with cake and boobs and there was a whole host of offers to come and collect me! Cheeky sods! Anyway we had a good couple of days and all had dinner together, the chat was wrong on so many levels, I hear a lot of things but even I was a little shocked at some of it! HAHA! However on chatting about it on Sunday he was told that I was the worst of all of us, a little unfair I thought.

A couple of times in the day when he’d thanked me etc he’d added ‘beautiful’ to the end which I hadn’t really noticed until later in the day when one of the boys had ribbed him for it.

One of the other guys always flirts with me (actually most of the team do but I am a flirty sort of person so I don’t help it) he mentioned in front of the new mechanic that I’d not taken up his offer of a spooning partner for the night before, I said that I’d not had the invite, it was mentioned that all I’d had to do was say and that I could have had the choice of at least three places to sleep that night, we continued joking about, as the older mechanic rode off, he was gesturing for me to go with him (it’s all in jest, he is happily married, although he’d never admit that and I think if I said yes he’d run a mile!) and the new mechanic caught sight of it and started laughing.

Anyway, we all had a nice day of joking around and the horrible bit of breaking down (it takes hours and everyone has had enough by that point) he then came and gave me a cuddle and left, I hugged everyone about half an hour later and left too as we’d finished.

When I got home I added some photos to FB and thanked them for the weekend as usual, I also added him and a couple of others that I’ve been getting to know as friends, there is a young lad who is about 19, his 17 year old brother, his Mum and Dad that have been joining up with us and are really lovely, so I added the 19 year old and his Mum too, we’ve known each other for most of the year now, they all accepted and we all liked posts, photo’s etc.

Later in the evening I got a pm from the new mechanic, telling me thank you for a funny weekend and saying he’d not realised I lived where I did as he used to spend loads of time up here, turns out he and I used to work for a major car manufacturer that have a college in the area and both did courses there (different obviously but would have been at a similar time) so we chatted a bit and eventually said goodnight, quite some time after I’d planned on going to bed.

It’s the funeral of the friend that died racing today, I am glad I’m not as I’m not good with things like that but I’ve not stopped thinking of them all today, especially his family and those closest to him, I know it happens to us all but in this case it was way too early.

Are all men just scumbags?

I'm seriously starting to think that this is the case, so we had the 5/6 on the Oxford night out, the married man on the Leicester night out, then this week I've had several Tinder messages that are pretty much or literally 'wanna fuck' now I get that it's Tinder but there must be others that use it for other things apart from getting laid? If I wanted to get laid I honestly wouldn't bother with an app, I'd just use the contacts in my phone and probably go somewhere I've already been (would keep the numbers down for one thing!)

On the number subject of numbers, I'm not sure if numbers are a thing or not but I always feel bad about mine, it's not massive but neither is it small - it's 14 for those of you that are curious) so I decided last year that my number if any potential partners ask is 9, and I'm sticking to that, the other five are insignificant/didn't mean a great deal/in the past etc so that's how it's going to be, it might stay at 9 now until I meet Prince Charming - I do fear though that I'll be Dead Princess by the time that happens.

Anywho someone from the past continues to appear, I'm sure I've written about him before, I was seeing him when I was young, oh so very young (17) he had a girlfriend (I know, I know) we used to spend lots of time together back then, he keeps popping up and seeing if I want to meet him, he messaged last night asking if I fancied dinner and a hotel, I messaged back today saying I found wives a bit of a turn off....... he said something about spontaneity, I'm not going to go there, ever but why do they have to do it?

Stingy keeps reappearing on the scene, he messaged yesterday apologising for missing my birthday as he was out at the ring - I do actually believe that this one is single, I know a fucking miracle but then he never manages meeting!

Space Cadet and I are talking about going on holiday together but then he asked for photo's of my boobs, weirdly this year has been the first time he has ever done that, his brother continues to message regularly.

The one I used to go to school with still messages and snapchats me, despite being back with the girlfriend.

The Best Friend and the Ex saga continues and the Best Friend has now chucked the Car Salesman back into the mix (who is now also married) don't get me wrong it's not like I'd go there again but they all want to meet for dinner next week, just like old times - If I'm honest I can't remember a lot of going out for dinner in those days, what I do remember is a lot of clubbing, sex, meeting up, trying not to let anyone from work clock what was going on between us and trying to time our entrances and exits at work so it didn't look like we'd spent the night together, oh happy times!

Have I heard from Cunt Face? No, oh I just realised that I used to call him Monkey Boy, so if you think they are different people they aren't!

Are they all scum bags or have I just had a really bad run of it?

Frog Princess V Drunk Princess and the battle of the messages!

So, here goes………………….

I didn’t want to do an update the week before last because I’d read a message on a forum he uses (he doesn’t and won’t know I can see that) saying that for the event he was going to he ‘didn’t have a girlfriend this weekend’ which I read as not having a girlfriend for the weekend, not, not having a girlfriend…………………. Which made me wonder what he’s up to again, does he have a girlfriend, I know he did earlier in the year, I know he took a girl to the 24 hour, I even said in my post that I was suspicious of it when he told me, will I ever know? Probably not to be honest.

It hurt, it always does but wasn’t the total crash of heartbreak that it has been in the past, maybe his magic is wearing a little?

So, last week was my birthday, it’s officially my last year in my 30’s, which is a bit of a shocker if I’m honest, how did I get that old? Thankfully I’m always being told that I look younger, however I’m conscious that I’m running out of time now (if I’d like a family, which to be honest I’m not sure about but the thought of writing it off forever, however my age could take that option out of my hands)

I had arranged to go out on the Saturday night in Oxford (my hometown and best loved places for a night out) with a few of my closest friends and was meeting up with some of the boys I used to go out with in my teenage years, which I was really looking forward to.

So out were two girl friends that I’ve known since I was a teenager, one has my goddaughter and I see regularly, the other I get on really well with but only really see each other a couple of times a year, on nights out largely, also out were the Best Friend and his ex (out separately for my birthday not with each other) who is also a good friend of mine, we had a good laugh and a giggle about the past and a nice catch up, I could see the Best Friend and his ex getting closer, she admits that she has always loved him.

However she is now married (to the man that cheated on her first time around and I can’t stand due to that fact) Best Friend still has the girlfriend that he doesn’t love but sees a couple of times a week out of convenience, of the two girl friends, one is married, one is single.

Eventually we met up with the boys, which were made up by a guy I used to snog for most of the two years I was at college, at least on a weekly basis (it never went any further) his brother, who dated one of the friends briefly, their cousin, who apparently used to like me, a mate of theirs who used to be a right player but always nice and a friend of theirs that I didn’t know, all of them in relationships or married.

Sooooo, we had a great night, I danced until 3am, may have had a little snog ‘for old times sake’ with the mate from college but that’s that, yes, he is married but I didn’t initiate it and it was literally a snog and then off I went to dance with someone or the bar or something, it meant nothing and I imagine that is what he does all the time, it’s certainly the impression I got.

Anyway, excellent night, quite a substantial hangover on the Sunday, we went for breakfast at 10 and all I could manage was toast, I couldn’t even finish that. I woke up and realised I’d messaged Cunt Face the night before, it took me about two hours for me to read the message that I’d sent, you just never know what is going to happen when drunk Princess takes over town!

Anyway on the journey home I was thinking about the night before, of six men that had been out, all were in relationships, of the six one had behaved and done nothing, five of the six hadn’t, lets be honest, that’s not good odd’s is it? It’s really made me think about things, if I were to meet someone, what is the chance that they would be that one in six?

So, back to the messaging of the Drunk Princess, to be fair she doesn’t get drunk massively often, which is good and when she does she tends not to text people because she knows she is a bloody liability and regrets being a twat the next morning but we all know I have this little piece of invisible string that ties me to him.

So, in the head of the Drunk Princess it was a good idea to send him a message asking if he was stopping in on the way home from the show and telling him that sometimes it’s better to have someone in your life in whatever guise that takes, which is totally true but normal Frog Princess probably wouldn’t have told him that and if she had would have almost definitely worded it better, surely you know though if you get a text like that at 2am that there is a Drunk Princess somewhere holding her throbbing little head and wishing she’d not sent it?

When I saw a message flash up on my phone on the way to breakfast I have to admit to not really believing he’d responded and if I’m honest not wanting to read the message, oh Drunken Princess whatever will we do with you?

It was a long message, first saying that he had to read it several times as he thought I’d called him Cunt Face, then saying that he’d realised I had, that he wouldn’t have time to stop as he had to pick his Mum up from hospital.

The long bit was that he was torn, he really wanted to progress things but isn’t sure he wouldn’t as he doesn’t know if it would work and isn’t ready for anything serious, he didn’t want to fuck me around after last times, enjoys my company, I’m lovely, blah…………………………. Probably one of the longest messages I’ve had from him.

Anyway I was feeling very hungover so left it for a bit, until I’d got home, got myself showered, in PJ’s and plonked myself on the sofa and then I put together a response.

I basically said that Cunt Face was now pretty much a term of endearment (my best friend/surrogate mum is called Slut Monster and calls me Bitch Monster) and that I was a bit drunk, fairly glad that he didn’t want to meet up as I was feeling pretty hungover and obviously hadn’t worded it very well but I meant that I would really like us to be friends, I’m glad we cleared the air and put the past behind us and that I’m likely to be doing trips up north quite a lot so it would be nice to meet up if he fancied it, another long message.

He responded saying ‘you tit I’ll ring you in a bit’ and I asked if that was meant for me, I didn’t expect him to ring, I’m used to him not doing what he says he will so I popped my head down and went to sleep (I often to that to stop myself staring at the bloody phone and ease my pained little heart a bit) I woke up to a missed call and a voicemail, saying he’d try later, I tried him and he didn’t answer.

Sooooooo, that was it for a week, I was good, never sent anymore messages, got on with things quite well, I’d love to say he doesn’t cross my mind, but he does and I’d be lying but it’s not all the time and really painful currently, it’s still too often and hurts though, more a bone ache than I just got stabbed in the fucking leg kinda hurt.

In that week I went on a date, he told me 20 minutes before meeting that he was hard of hearing, he then arrived at the pub and even walking up to me I couldn’t really recognise him, I reckon his photo’s are a good 10 years out of date, although with his hearing I struggled to understand him, it wasn’t easy, I was put off by him not looking how I expected and there was masses of silence, I lasted 40 minutes before telling him I wanted to miss the traffic, he asked if we could meet up again and I said no.

So, the birthday week was nice, I went to see some friends and people that I used to work with, which I loved but made me miss my old life, I had a couple of days at home and a fab day at a spa which was lovely, I’ve got to say that on my birthday I still had the pang of having no one special to spoil me but I have to say that some special people in my life did a brilliant job, I was getting dressed when the doorbell rang and a massive bouquet appeared from my boss, then flowers from another friend, followed by the friend I was going to the spa with arriving with flowers, getting home to flowers from another friend and then more turning up, my living room looks like a florist, however I absolutely love flowers, just a shame that they couldn’t have been spaced out to a bouquet a week!

The Spa day was amazing, it’s beautiful and some of the best treatments I’ve ever had at one of my favourite hotels followed by a brilliant little find of a pub for a lovely dinner.

He’d played on my mind a little, so much so that I’d had a nap on Friday afternoon to stop myself messaging him, however by Friday evening I wasn’t able to stop myself any longer and I text saying wasn’t he going to ring me, within about two minutes my phone rang and we had an hour long conversation.

General chat, flirting, etc, then he asked if I knew what he meant by his message, I played Blonde Princess, so he had to go over it, he said he really liked me blah, but he’s not sure if it would work with the distance I’d never trust him (not untrue that) he didn’t want to hurt me after what he’d done last time etc. I played like it was all ok, very cool.

I knew he was going to the Grand Prix on the Sunday (Don’t ask how I knew, I just did!) so I casually asked what he had planned for the weekend (expecting him to lie as the GP is VERY close to where I live)

He didn’t, he told me that a friend had given him a ticket, excellent I said, tell me how it goes as I’ve never been sure I wanted to go, he was probably a bit taken aback as I never mentioned meeting, he said he thought his mate might have invited him as he wanted a lift home but said that if he didn’t he’d pop in if that was ok, I told him that I was out Saturday but would probably be back so let me know.

As soon as we put the phone down he started messaging me and it all got a bit heated (as per) we messaged until around 2am again, he messaged me the next morning saying he hoped I’d slept well and I resisted responding until that evening, I kept it quite light hearted and jokey.

I went out Saturday night, in Leicester, with the person I’d been on holiday with last year, was the first time we’d seen each other after not getting on very well last on holiday, I hoped as it was one night it would be better but to be honest it wasn’t.

Again she was totally self absorbed, totally wants everyone to think she’s much younger than she is (she’s 53) and she turns into a total nightmare when she’s been drinking (she drinks a lot and probably has an issue, like everyday!)

So we sit down in this club, these guys come and sit down and one introduces himself to me, he notices my eye roll and tells me that he’s not chatting me up as he’s married and show’s me the ring, oh I think, maybe it won’t be so bad, they have several more friends come in and we chat a bit, where are you from, what do you do etc. Then they play the how old are you game, he tells me I must be much younger than him (he’s 37) and guesses I’m in my early 30’s, nice but you know boys, so they then guess hers and say early 40’s so she makes everyone guess and makes a big deal of how young she looks, does what she did on holiday, shows them photos of the kids and grandkids (that she hardly see’s) tells them way too much information and starts snogging one of them, now, one of them described her to me as going from 0-Slag in 20 minutes which is an apt description, there was nothing and no one she didn’t grind up against, it was a bit of an embarrassment really, the blokes (particularly the married one) kept touching and I kept moving away so she groped him as well as his mates, we got back to hers and I’d well and truly had enough of her and went to bed.

Got up four hours later with no hangover (probably because I’d not had a great time) I’d not intended to go to the racing but kinda needed cheering up and wasn’t keen on spending any more time with her, she was telling me how she keeps getting blocked on match…….. hmmmm, I wonder why! She’s also still telling everyone that she is shy and lacking in confidence, funny it’s not what I see! She’s still seeing her married boss, who’s married to her friend and continues to give her payrises and bonus’ but she thinks that’s ok, she is massively money oriented, when I found out what the man she snogged does I knew straight off she’d not be interested in him outside of lobbing herself at him that night, he’s a barman so he’s way beneath her and won’t earn enough, bearing in mind she works in accounts, had a big pay off from her ex husband and fucks her boss to make a living it’s a bit of double standards there!)

Anywho……. Sitting there Sunday morning I went through my options for the day, which were to go straight home (and wait to see if he messaged) to stay where I was then go home (and wait to see if he messaged) or to bugger off up the country to go and watch some bike racing with friends (and potentially miss him if wanted to meet) so, I couldn’t really be arsed to spend five hours in the car but knew I’d be disappointed if he didn’t turn up, which I thought was likely, so I used the ‘Fuck it’ analogy, which basically meant that I was going to watch the racing and if he did text it would be good for him to know that I wasn’t waiting around for him, so I told her I was going and asked if I could get a lift to my car (I had offered to drive to save us paying for two taxi’s) she said she’d just have a quick shower and she’d take me, she carried on talking, then had a shower, then washed and dried her hair and then straightened it, then she did her make up, it took forever to get to my car, I was getting a bit grumpy.

No, he didn’t message if you were wondering (not unexpected but still sinks the heart a bit, back to the dull aching of having sore bones!) but I had a great day, the sun was shining, it’s one of my favourite tracks (where he is going this week for a trackday) I got to see Guy Martin race, which is something I have wanted to do for years, he’s really too short, too hairy, too dirty for me but when you lob it all together it seems to make him really attractive! So it was all good really (well it was and it wasn’t, you know what I mean!)

While all this has been going on the Best Friend and his ex have been getting themselves into a bit of a mess, she still loves him and always has and now he’s decided that he might still feel the same which is all a bit messy, I got a bit angry with him on Sunday, partly because I think men are arseholes maybe, partly because I love them both and partly if I’m brutally honest because to see him get his Happily Ever After before Frog Princess does but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to be happy because I do and I love them both. I worry that over the 10 years they were on and off that it didn’t work and that he wasn’t enough for her, he’s pretty non committal and very like me, she’s now settled with a man she says she loves, I honestly feel for her, he has nothing to lose, she does.

I messaged him this morning, saying that I love him and that I’ll support whatever decision they make together but asked that they thought it through and didn’t rush in before decision making as he has little to lose (a gf he’s not bothered about) and she has a lot, he agreed that I was right and thanked me, before we had quite a long messaging conversation. I guess she was also my hope that you can get over someone and move on with someone else, but that’s obviously not true and the fact that someone who states they are happy and has only been married just over a year can cheat on her husband and allegedly the man she loves, oh it’s all so confusing for my little Frog Princess head, I kinda prefer Drunk Princess, she thinks fuck the consequences much more than Frog Princess does!