Manchester, Racing and a pickled brain…….

Tuesday’s update already seems like a lifetime away, although there isn’t a great deal to report really.

I spent the three days in Manchester as planned and went out on Tuesday with my friend that I used to work with, she was the one having man trouble last time and it seems to have sorted itself out, which is good news, we had dinner and a drink in a new cocktail bar which was nice.

I think I may have got asked out by one of the guys that works there, that was a bit odd, I brushed it off, he’s not my thing but I think we could probably be friends.

Cake Destroyer graduated last week, he sent me a photo of him in uniform and I have to say that he looked really good, although so did his mate who was also in the photo and a few inches taller, only he was smiling in the photo though and he does have a lovely smile.

I have a funny feeling that date three isn’t going to happen, Cake Destroyer’s messages have stuck at one a day, it’s been over a week now since I’ve had more than one, they are all really long still but I can’t say that I’m not finding it hugely frustrating and off putting but then I get a message and for a few minutes all of my reservations disappear.

Thursday’s date didn’t happen, he’s now not starting Phase 2 today, he’s being held until October, which means he didn’t get sent home on Thursday (so we could meet) but it means that he’s now been given a week’s leave, so he’s not around again, which seems to be becoming a bit of a habit. He says this is good as he’ll be around for a bit longer, I’m not so sure.

So, he suggested that we do something this weekend coming (we’ve talked of him coming over and us having a whirl at emptying my alcohol cupboard which is hugely overstocked for someone that doesn’t drink at home unless she has guests and she doesn’t generally) however I’m busy, so that won’t work, I’ve now suggested that we meet up this week when he’s off, he’s suggested Wednesday, guess what? I’m busy Wednesday……… I’m starting to become really frustrated with it, does he actually want to see me? And if he does why isn’t he making it happen?

His messages don’t tell me he’s not interested, they are in the same vein, only now there are less of them, if he’s not interested any more would he not just tell me? Well no, because that’s not how dating works today, today people just string you along and keep you as a back up plan, in case whatever else they are up to doesn’t work out because that is dating in 2017.

We’ll see I guess? I’m trying not to answer this morning’s 09:30 message, as I know it means that I probably won’t get a response until tomorrow, which will annoy me a bit more but I struggle with it being sat there on my phone, I want to answer it, I’ve now started typing, which means that I won’t be able to not send it, ah man I need to have a word with myself.

So, I spent a fair bit of time this weekend with New Mechanic (and the rest of the crew obviously) not sure he’s really my thing looks wise (although he is tall and dark) but I won’t have seen him at his best as when I see him he’s working and in team gear, however the smoking is pretty much a deal breaker for me. Saturday was a bit odd, I was outside as they were setting off for the race, he came and gave me a hug as I’d picked up something for him on the way after he’d messaged me that morning, as he went off to the grid he then came and kissed me on the cheek, thankfully not many of our lot were around to see it as I’m not quite sure what they would have thought of it!

He came and gave me a hug goodbye as we were all leaving yesterday and said ‘I’ll message you’ and he has today, just general stuff that we were chatting about at the weekend. There is more racing this weekend but it’s back in Cheshire, I could only go Sunday due to being out Saturday night and already I feel like I can’t be arsed, however being busy keeps my mind off my phone.

Dating sites are off the hook and my Whatsapp looks like the ghosts of dating past, this is down to (apparently) the fact that it’s ‘Cuffing Season’ which is the time between summer and winter when everyone wants to find a mate for the winter, it certainly seems to be the case.

Prince Harry is obviously back from Block Leave as he sent me some messages last week asking if I’d like to meet up, I told him that in the four dates we’ve had it’s not worked out, so I don’t see that changing, he’s told me he’s now closer (less than 20 miles) and he’s stationed here for the next two years, I’m totally not sold on seeing him again, he’s hotter in his photos than in real life and his personality leaves a lot to be desired, I’m not sure he’s ever made me laugh on any of the four dates that we had so I think I can probably leave that one without worrying that I have made the wrong decision.

Car Salesman got in touch last week, saying his wife had told him to sort his shit out or they'd be getting a divorce, he say's he's trying. We chatted a bit, told him about CD, he say's I should give him a chance and it's really nice to hear me talk about him like that, I did say he's doing my head in. He said that he thinks he's a very lucky man if I like him, he said he feels like the 'defender of the buff 29 year old RAF man' which made me laugh as it's not how I'd describe him at all (he's not seen photos, this is just what he's made up in his head) he also said 'You are fucking amazing, I hope he can see that' which is really kind but the fact that it's coming from him sours it a little, he couldn't see it back then, he couldn't see it before he went off and fucked my mate, if he couldn't see it 18 years ago, when I was younger, prettier, thinner then why should CD be able to see it now, after two dates and a load of messages?

Cunt Face hasn't been in touch but does keep posting stories on SnapChat, never with someone else in them, but two slices of cake, two pizza's, who's that twat trying to kid?! I want to scream 'I know, I fucking know, stop lying' but I know it's not worth it, like with W@nk Bag sometimes you need to realise that you'll never get the answer you deserve, you'll never get the truth, just another twisted version of the lies you've already heard, learning to give it up is the hardest part. I spent ages trying to get W@nk Bag to be honest but eventually I faced the reality that it was never going to come and then started to move on, it was a long and painful process, thankfully with CF it won't take as long, five years of my life and two dates are massively different time periods, just a shame that he spent the best part of 18 months fucking with my feelings and even then couldn't do honesty. 

I’m definitely not short of offers but it’s very much like my wardrobe, plenty of choice but still nothing to wear, pretty fed up of it to be honest, I don’t see why I can’t find someone half decent, I keep getting told I’m too picky but is it really picky to have things that I want in another person?

So, I’ve not put any makeup on this morning (couldn’t be arsed, don’t usually for work) and now our fit (although more floppy haired posh boy than big shouldered classically my thing) lawyer has turned up and I wish I’d made an effort this morning. I’m weird in that I’m brilliant at flirting with people I’m not interested in but absolutely rubbish with people I am.

We’ve known each other for a few years now, I don’t see a lot of him as he works at another office, a couple of hours from here but he definitely brightens my day when he’s here, however we can’t manage to string a conversation together as when we try to talk we are both a bit dumbstruck, my friend that works in the office says it’s very funny to watch.

I ensure he's always within easy viewing when we have our conference, I decided this year I couldn't really put him on my table for the third year in a row, so he went on the table opposite me, I let the MD's do their seating plans for those I'd chosen for the table, when I found he wasn't in an easy view I may have swapped him with someone else.........

I have no idea where this week is going to take me, my concentration is right off the boil today that’s for sure, oh and yes I only made it two hours before sending my response, so I imagine now that Weds or Sat are the only nights he can do and that I won’t get a response until tomorrow, just to irritate me a bit more, maybe I should just bin it? It’s just not very often I decide I do actually like someone. I half decided on lunch today that if he comes back telling me he can’t do anything else this week I’m going to send him a message just saying if he has a free evening in the next couple of weeks to get in touch and to have a nice week off, is that being harsh or giving him a get out or simply saving myself?

Monday sucks, men suck, work sucks. 

The week is nearly over......

It's been a long week, a very long week...............

Cake Destroyer is doing my head in a bit, still long messages but they are more infrequent now, a couple a day probably, usually one first thing (although there wasn’t one today but he’s not been online since he sent me the last message last night) now, I don’t know if I’m being paranoid because of what’s happened in the past or that I’m not being paranoid and I won’t hear much more from him.

Now there was no chemistry on date one, so I shouldn’t really be too bothered, what bothers me most is when someone is so keen and then it drops off, although the messages have still been really involved and I know that basic training is a killer, so it could be that but he’s not suggested a day to see each other again yet.

So, last night I was trying on my outfit for the party this weekend, it’s a 1880’s Western themed murder mystery and my part is a saloon girl.

So, my outfit is a red corset (it’s simply beautiful and fits amazingly well) a skirt (as yet undecided) a pair of stunning shoe boots, that I just won’t be able to wear for very long as they will kill me but they are going to be worth it, patterned fish nets, it looks great but I can’t decide between the final two skirts, one is shorter, one longer, same sort of style.

Before you think I'm getting dressed up because there will be lots of men there, there won't, certainly no single one's but I do take getting dressed up very seriously!

I get a message from the Best Friend to say that he’s out with the Car Salesman and about the Ex, he wants us all to do dinner, which I’m cool with, I sent him a photo of the shoes (he likes a girl dressed up) he says he likes them so I ask him to help me choose a skirt, he likes the shorter one, no idea why I bothered asking if I’m honest, I should have known.

A little later I get a message on FB from the Car Salesman, saying he’d been out with BF and we need to talk and that he loved my shoes, I asked why we needed to talk and that he’d ducked out of dinner, he said that BF is in bits which is why we need to talk and he would be more help with outfit choices than BF, he said we have joint custody of them.

Anyway, he offered to help me choose a skirt, so I sent him photo’s, one of the short and one of the longer (both in heels, fishnets and corset) he chose the shorter outfit but said that I looked hot and that even 18 years later I still look incredible, apparently I have an amazing smile and boobs!

He went on to say how I suit a corset and that I am a ‘walking fantasy with attitude’ I think he was pretty impressed with the outfit overall!  He sent me his number and said to text him.

I brought up (as I always do) the him shagging my mate thing, it’s not even a skeleton anymore, we literally laugh about it, he again told me it was the worst decision he’d made and what a twat he was. He talked about the date we’d been on five years ago and how good it had been, he said that things around that time were crazy and he’d tell me when we met up, but I said I wanted to know, anyway turns out he’s had a one night stand a month before we’d met and she’d called the next day telling him she was pregnant with twins, it was all messy and it kept getting worse, a cancer care, a new boyfriend, losing one of the twins, death threats which is why he pulled back from me at the time. He told me how much he’d loved that evening although he knew I’d hated his film choice. He said he’d remembered how good a kisser I was and described it and he’d wished we’d sorted our acts out 18 years ago when we first met.

He talked about the day we first met and how he remembers it, that I’m still hot now only have better taste in corsets but that he remembered I always had excellent taste in underwear (he’d obviously caught me on the right days or when I was prepared!) his last message to me (I went to sleep) was that he was ‘Lastly, I’m sorry for being a cunt, a massive cunt’ which to be fair I don’t think he was really.

We were both young, I didn’t know what I wanted, he thought he did, I couldn’t decide, I was 21, in a new job, surrounded by some pretty hot men and I didn’t know what I wanted, however sleeping with my then best mate was obviously taking it too far, although in fairness we were never actually going out, just seeing each other so really he wasn’t in the wrong for sleeping with someone else, just for doing it so close to home.

Sometimes I think familiarity can do funny things to you, he’s safe for me because it’s old and familiar, it’s like the cuddly toy I’ve had since I was a baby, I know I can always go back to it for comfort but then I know I can leave it in a cupboard for 5 years and not think twice about it too.

The four of us have always had such good banter together, so although I can’t imagine curry will happen it would be nice for it to, it’s been years since we’ve seen each other, life is a funny game, he’s asked today why I don’t have a man in tow and if I still have very little time for knobheads, which yes I do still have little time for knobheads!

Mr Bumble keeps popping up, nothing exciting to report, Cunt Face as ever pops up and disappears, I hope his rash itches like fuck! 

Monday.....................

It's a well known fact that I hate Monday's, this one feels particularly bad to be honest, I've been away for the weekend (spent it in a race truck) so I got zero sleep and I'm super tired.

No real updates, the ex has decided she isn't leaving the husband for the Best Friend, so that's done, although we are all supposed to be out this week, whether that will happen I don't know.

Cunt Face was in touch on Friday, with a rude meme, he's been quiet all weekend, I messaged him this morning (meme) and that's about it, I get twitchy when we are going into more days, I know where it is but it seems that my heart and my head are just not ready to communicate with each other, will they ever be when it comes to him?

I literally have willpower of steel, I can ignore anyone for months/years but he really effects me badly and I do hate it (primarily probably because so few people have that power over me) but then there is the other part where my body just responds to him when he's near me like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Few messages on the apps, Tinder, Bumble and POF all offering up men and messages but I'm just so past it at the moment.

I had a bit of a bombshell dropped at work last week, which meant I went home feeling rather miserable and sorry for myself, the short version is that I'm going to be spending a lot more time in Manchester (which is quite close to where he is) which kinda, really breaks my heart a little more, also it will cause me issues with one of my hobbies, as at certain times of the year I can't have nights away, which makes it impossible I guess, so I probably need to look for a new job but that could happen really anytime between now and December 2018, December 2017 being more likely.

The sad thing is that just over a year ago when he was talking about us being together and how I could move up there, that chance is really here now, however he isn't here with it, I use Timehop on my phone and it reminds me that this time last year I had been on that incredible date but that then I had found out about her and that everything he had ever told me had been a lie. I'd known from that second date that it was going to be one of those all consuming things, that you find so rarely in life, I'd felt it at the service station 10 days before but not quite in the strength that I had felt that day, I would have dropped everything and moved then which is pretty amazing for someone like me to say, I don't fall easily, I have lived with two men in my life, the first one had taken a year to move in together and was really out of necessity (my Mum was moving and I had to go somewhere so we kind of got swept together) and the second was with W'nk Bag, we'd already been together four years when he moved in and he moved in on me going 'this is either make or break' as we know it was break, just eight months later.

Blue Eyes and I dated for 12/18 months and when he decided he'd like to move in I decided it was time to move on, so this definitely isn't me and now I get the chance to do it all and he's not there, he's vague, not around, on and off, all of the things I know him as but it doesn't stop the 'what if' we could be having a new start now, but then he'd probably be cheating on me, just like he was on her, leopards don't change, I know that, that, however doesn't stop my heart beating out of my chest when his name pops up on my phone screen.

Funny isn't it, that if I was asking me for advice on this, my advice would be to keep the hell away from him...............

How different life could have been, if only he wasn't a lying cunt.

Are all men just scumbags?

I'm seriously starting to think that this is the case, so we had the 5/6 on the Oxford night out, the married man on the Leicester night out, then this week I've had several Tinder messages that are pretty much or literally 'wanna fuck' now I get that it's Tinder but there must be others that use it for other things apart from getting laid? If I wanted to get laid I honestly wouldn't bother with an app, I'd just use the contacts in my phone and probably go somewhere I've already been (would keep the numbers down for one thing!)

On the number subject of numbers, I'm not sure if numbers are a thing or not but I always feel bad about mine, it's not massive but neither is it small - it's 14 for those of you that are curious) so I decided last year that my number if any potential partners ask is 9, and I'm sticking to that, the other five are insignificant/didn't mean a great deal/in the past etc so that's how it's going to be, it might stay at 9 now until I meet Prince Charming - I do fear though that I'll be Dead Princess by the time that happens.

Anywho someone from the past continues to appear, I'm sure I've written about him before, I was seeing him when I was young, oh so very young (17) he had a girlfriend (I know, I know) we used to spend lots of time together back then, he keeps popping up and seeing if I want to meet him, he messaged last night asking if I fancied dinner and a hotel, I messaged back today saying I found wives a bit of a turn off....... he said something about spontaneity, I'm not going to go there, ever but why do they have to do it?

Stingy keeps reappearing on the scene, he messaged yesterday apologising for missing my birthday as he was out at the ring - I do actually believe that this one is single, I know a fucking miracle but then he never manages meeting!

Space Cadet and I are talking about going on holiday together but then he asked for photo's of my boobs, weirdly this year has been the first time he has ever done that, his brother continues to message regularly.

The one I used to go to school with still messages and snapchats me, despite being back with the girlfriend.

The Best Friend and the Ex saga continues and the Best Friend has now chucked the Car Salesman back into the mix (who is now also married) don't get me wrong it's not like I'd go there again but they all want to meet for dinner next week, just like old times - If I'm honest I can't remember a lot of going out for dinner in those days, what I do remember is a lot of clubbing, sex, meeting up, trying not to let anyone from work clock what was going on between us and trying to time our entrances and exits at work so it didn't look like we'd spent the night together, oh happy times!

Have I heard from Cunt Face? No, oh I just realised that I used to call him Monkey Boy, so if you think they are different people they aren't!

Are they all scum bags or have I just had a really bad run of it?

Update........

Friday came and I had four plumbers in the building, we also had a visit from the PCSO after some pikey nicked the old boiler and the copper, cheeky sods.

Uniform came in to collect his keys, saw the state of the place and gave me a cuddle and a 'we'll sort it' I haven't heard from him since (not unusual) the gf is back (I guess!) it's a week on now, my friend was round today and mentioned that he's not been at the pub, although he did park outside mine last night.

I had two more plumbers on Monday, one was quite cute but very young (20's maybe?) we finally have a boiler and can have a bath in my own home, yay!

It's been a strange week, I was due to be working onsite on Wednesday but with a knee that's poorly it's impossible to drive, especially that distance.

Best Friend was going to the track day anyway so I asked if he would drop me at a hotel on Tuesday night and pick me up on Weds morning for work, he said he'd spoken to his friend who said that I could stay there, bear in mind that I have only met him once and it was about 8 years ago on a night out in my home town, Best Friend had three friends and Car Salesman out, including this one who we'll call Engineer, I never looked twice at Engineer but one of the friends was quite nice and we were fairly engrossed in each other all night, the Car Salesman was very jealous and mentioned that I was winding him up (I didn't mean to but winding the Car Salesman up by speaking to other men was never hard)

So I was quite surprised when I arrived at his house and thought he was quite attractive, he's matured well over the years and he's 6'2 which for me is my ideal height in a man, he was very sweet, they carried bags for me, they got me dinner, carried my helmet as it's difficult with crutches.

I went out in the car with Engineer in the morning and it's one of my most fun times in car, the nearest we've come to ending up off of track, on a bad note, I had no makeup, I'm carrying extra weight from not being able to exercise, weeks of morphine has done nothing for my skin and it really could have been better, much better but it wasn't!!! He also lives miles away.

I did say thank you for the loan of the spare room though and I'm hoping to be joining them on a trip later in the year (I've been planning this for years but never made it to be honest, maybe I should try harder!)

On another happy note I got my Superbikes invite this week, can't wait to get back into it, very exciting! :-) 

Busy Times!

Well it's been busy but not really in the dating field! I took a huge leap on the job front and went for something that came with massive opportunity but also massive responsibility and a big change, the job is similarish to before but the industry is entirely different to anything I've ever done but a bit of a dream for a petrol head like me!

The dating fronts been quiet, I've really not done anything to push it and you can probably see from my last post, I keep getting messages from Artboy and Intel but I really don't think I want to go down either of those avenues, Car Salesman has fallen off the planet and the Space Cadet is, as ever in daily contact!

I don't want to tempt fate but I did, however meet someone a few weeks ago, he's not from a dating site, he lives in the village but isn't from the village and was introduced to me by a friend, the thing is, when we go to Messy Sunday we always read our star signs in the Sunday magazine (we were born on the same day!) it said that a friend was going to introduce you to someone significant, we joked about it, she said she didn't know anyone decent enough (fairly normal in the village!)

A little while later her and one of the boys that is a Messy Sunday regular with us, introduced me to one of the guys they play Poker with, nice but not really my type and neither me or the Evil Twin were either drinking or out for long (I know very unusual and I'll make sure it doesn't happen too often!) We played a couple of games of skittles and then went home.

The next time I saw him was at a charity night a week or so ago, we were talking and he was saying he'd just moved, it turns out he's literally opposite my place! Now Evil Twin normally walks me part of the way home but decided that he was responsible enough for the job, so he walked me up but I left him at the corner of his and said goodnight.

We were all out again on Sunday and Evil Twin and Mr Modest (ha, hardly!) lamed out about 10 and went home but I was determined that being my first Messy Sunday for ages there was no way I was leaving before closing, so he (I think we'll go for Blue Eyes for him for now) stayed out with me and we continued drinking and talking, as we walked home we were having a discussion about why we were both single and I was telling him how I didn't want to settle for second best or spend my life with someone but not being really happy, he said it was the same for him.

When we got to the corner where his is he said he couldn't work out where I lived (which is easy done from where he is to be fair) so I showed him and he came in and we continued drinking and talking, until that was that he kissed me, which pretty much continued for the rest of the evening, well until about 7 AM to be honest when I decided it was time for him to go home so that I could at least try to get a couple of hours sleep in before starting work at 10! He said he was going to phone in sick which I thought was a little lame!

It was a really nice night, he's a pretty good kisser and the only reason I put it off going any further was that I actually do like him and I'd hate to make the whole friend thing become awkward if it goes wrong or only turned out to be a one nighter it could make the Messy Sunday Awesome Foursome all a bit awkward!

Talking to Evil Twin last night, she was really happy about it, she can't help but sing his praises, whether for one or both of us it was just the drink talking I don't know but I had a HUGE smile on my face all day Monday and a fair bit of the old Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkk, for anyone that know's the Space Cadet story when I feel Eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkky it normally leads to disappointment because it never works out. Evil Twin said I looked like the cat that had got the cream last night, so now it's time to get ready to come back down to earth and I'm very much hoping it's not awkward at the weekend! :-(

For the 'records' he's about 6' tall, dark, curly hair, very lovely Blue Eyes (hence the name!) and is really not my type at all.............., oh and he's also a smoker which is on my never again list!

Car Salesman and Night out mark two and date......

A night out on 10th September with the Best Friend, Car Salesman and three of my good girly friends (one of them dated the BF for several years) so I suppose there was a fair chance for things to go wrong, one of the girly friends left by about 11, leaving the five of us, the other girly friend's boyfriend works as a DJ in the club we ended up in.

I got chatted up in the cocktail bar as soon as we walked in which was nice, in fact he was chatting me up when the BF and Salesman walked in, which I think was good, the Salesman is always amazed that he gets jealous when he's around me, something he says doesn't happen with anyone else, there was a lot of flirting going down, when we got to the club, he spent a lot of time telling me how much he liked me etc, etc and the short story is that we ended up kissing, I was to be fair absolutely leathered, my mum picked me up as she does when I go out over there and gave him a lift home, he spent the whole of the journey telling my mum and youngest sister that I should give him a second chance and go on a date with him, my sister tells me he spent the journey home stroking my hair (he was sat behind me!) and we kissed when we left him.

So I quite obviously got the p**s ripped out of me the next morning by the family, however what no-one know's is that the BF went home with the girly friend and they well, went back in time a bit, I'm not supposed to know apparantly!


Salesman text telling me that he loved kissing me and fancy's me loads still, my mum and sister were lovely and they'd both said he could take me on a date, we arranged to go out on the Tuesday but that was thwarted by me needing to leave for work at 4 AM the next day and him still being at work at 7 that evening so he called me and we rearranged for Friday, which I didn't expect to happen as we'd not done well with it so far.

However 17th September arrived and he text asking what I wanted to do, he offered dinner and cinema and I said that just cinema would be fine, he booked tickets and we met up, it was kind of weird in a comfortable sort of way, he walked straight up and kissed me, the film was his choice and I really wasn't that keen, which he realised, as we came out of the cinema he put his arm around me and we went for a drink, again more kissing when the goodbye came which felt weird as I think it's probably the first time we've kissed when we're both sober!

He told me what a great time he'd had and that he couldn't wait for the next date, kept in touch via text and then he asked about going out on the 24th couple of weeks later, I said I was free and that was the last I heard, despite a couple of texts asking if he was ok etc, we were supposed to be having dinner on Wednesday, me, the Best Friend, his ex and the Salesman, I told the girly friend that Salesman wouldn't show, I didn't expect him to after ignoring me, the BF told me that it was going to just be the three of us, so I sent the Salesman a long text saying that I assumed I'd done something but I didn't know what, he said I'd not done anything and that he'd been going through some stuff and switched off from people, apologised a lot, I told him that he was a bit of a weirdo which he didn't take well, it was kind of left there but I'm not sure whether I'm hurt, upset or angry with him, he even talked my mum, my sister and one of my friends around into giving him a second chance!!

My luck really doesn't seem to be in with the male species at the mo does it?!

The night out

I grew up in a lovely town, a town of dreaming spires and boat races, oh and drinking, lots and lots of drinking, so Saturday night was the night back home, staying at my mum's and meeting a few people that I used to spend a lot of time with, the Best Friend, Car Salesman, First Love, The one who left his wife (who needs a separate entry on here I realise!) Two Northern Lads (friends of the Best Friend) and Best Friends Ex who is a good mate of mine and not forgetting Flowers Boy, who was out in town!

Well my little sister took nearly two hours to curl my hair which I'm told looked great, coupled with a little black dress I was ready to go out.

The Salesman greeted me by telling me I looked great, as did the First Love which is always nice to be honest, I got a fair bit of attention from the Northern Lads too, which was nice, it was a great night apart from my lovely friend having to be put in a taxi by 12 as she was too drunk to get in anywhere, so I popped her in a taxi and spent the rest of the night boogying with the boys!

I had a few choices of men, I'm not good with choice so I didn't go for any, by Sunday there was an influx of messages, The one who left his wife telling me that nothing had changed in the 13 years we'd been apart, I asked what he meant and he said that I am still beautiful and surrounded by men, a compliment in deed, he's been texting ever since.

The Car Salesman text and told me how he'd spent the night being jealous of the attention I was getting and asking if he could take me out on a date, what I didn't know at this point was that he'd been having a conversation with my friend who had mentioned the fact that she thought I'd looked 'hot to trot' on Saturday and he'd agreed lol! I am apparantly going on a date with him this week!

Had a few texts from one of the Northern Lads too and Flowers boy, so pretty successful I think!

Spent a lovely day at my mum's with the family and my friend who had been put in a taxi the evening before!

This week we have Squaddie date and whatever else occurs?!

Messy, Messy, Messy!!!

As I said in my last entry I think my world could start to get messy in the near future, so I thought I'd best give you the full story........

Normally as you know I am a one date wonder, currently we have two dates that are going to date two stage (one this evening) which probably sounds like a good thing?!

Now until earlier in the year and the Space Cadet incident where I found out he was dating (or non dating in his case) other people I was under the impression that if you were dating someone you should just date them until you worked out whether it was going to go further or not, this incident changed my opinion to dating several people is ok as long as it's not serious, so this is what I've been doing.

On Tuesday I got an email on POF saying 'I knew I recognised that face' it took about an hour for me to place him as someone who we had our mobile phone contract with in the old company, I remember meeting him for the first and subsequent times and thinking how fit he was but it was obviously a bit unprofessional to do anything about it (especially as I gave his company the business and one of the reasons possibly was because he was fit!) We always used to have debates about whether he was gay or not because of the way he talked about his 'business partner' he is definately not gay!

Anyway a conversation on POF and then swapped numbers, heard a fair bit from him Wed but not much yesterday, he is one I would definately like to hear more from, I'm not sure telling him we thought he was gay was a good idea to be honest!

I had an email from Squaddie yesterday asking if I'd like to stay at his next Thursday as we are going to a track day together next Friday and his is nearer, he said that I can have his bed and he will have the sofa bed and that he'll take me for dinner, so we have a first date on Thursday, I'm a little nervous about staying over to be honest!

GP is in daily contact and I was supposed to meet him for a drink this afternoon, however I cancelled due to being shattered and the fact that I'm going out tonight, we are going to meet up a week Monday.

Now we have a night out in the home town tomorrow, with not one but three exes attending (including the one I slept with last year and the Salesman who is always asking me out!)

Can you see why I think life is going to get messy?! Oh deary me!

Dinner with the Best Friend and the Car Salesman

Last night was the night for dinner with the Best Friend and the Salesman, I'm really glad to say it didn't feel like it had been 10 years since we'd seen eachother last, a big hug started the evening and plenty of banter followed, including abuse about him going out with my friend which caused him a bit of embarassment, this is something he tells me that he very much regrets!

We had a nice indian (it's always indian with the Best Friend, it just is!) we then went to the pub, where the conversation continued to flow, I saw someone I know from my ex, incidently someone that I can't stand and we had many arguments over, he said hi and I responded (it hurt though I must say!)

A couple of minutes later he walked back in, followed by my ex, who I've not seen since he collected his stuff 18 months ago and not spoken to since I found out he was sh*gging someone else a few weeks later, it was odd, really odd, he didn't look any different, in fact he was even wearing the same shirt as he'd worn when we were together! He'd obviously been wared that I was in there and didn't even look in my direction!

The boys asked if I wanted to go somewhere else but I said no, I'd done nothing wrong and I thought that however uncomfortable I was feeling, he would be feeling worse wondering if I would shout at him in front of his friends!

We had a couple of drinks and then left just before closing, before I got home I had several texts saying how I'd not changed and that he'd love to take me out on a proper date, so that's something I need to make a decision on, we had a lovely evening and it was great to see him again but is there any real attraction and is going back a good idea?

Do you regret what you do? Or regret what you've not done?

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately if I'm honest is whether I should regret what I have done or risk regretting what I haven't? I think sometimes I'm held back from doing things because of what people might think.

For example Quote Me Happy, now I've been thinking about asking if he fancies a drink away from the village, dinner was talked about earlier in the year but as part of bet that we couldn't agree who'd won (I did but he says he did!) the bet was whoever lost paid for dinner, he said that he didn't lose but would happily buy me dinner, I turned this down on the basis that I had won and wasn't going to accept that he had!

I got his quote in the week, it's by no means cheap but around the price I was told by someone else a while ago, so I need to think about that one as it's still a fair amount of money.

Anyway back to the story, I've been debating this for some time (well since he stayed here to be honest) but what if he says no? It's a smallish village so I would inevitably bump into him which could be embarassing, also if he was interested would he have not done it? I hear these things are changing, are they really? Is this supposed to be my job too now?

So do I ask and regret when he says no or regret not asking and never know? Hmmmmm, ponder, ponder, ponder!!

The Salesman is still in touch, as is Art Boy and I've been asked out several times on POF this week, will I go? Who know's eh?!

The Space Cadet continues to be in touch daily, what else would we expect eh? It isn't as much as it was originally, we are however going to see the Superbikes together in july which I'm really looking forward too, I also get to see one of the riders that I'm dying to see! He's asked why I'm not going to his flat warming and suggested I stay there for the night but I don't think it's a good idea (although maybe I should go and cop off with a couple of his cricket mates?! That'll learn him! lol!)

I got taken out to lunch today by someone who doesn't appear here yet, I must write him a blog entry, it was a nice lunch, he's married and for that reason alone i'm not interested but there are many more too if I'm honest, the lunch was just as friends and it was very pleasant.

I have been accused of being too friendly with yet another of the village men that has an other half, my friend was telling me about it today, all the poor bloke did was put his arm around me at the jukebox and his other half and I are quite friendly but it turns out that the other half also has a crush on Quote Me Happy which I find odd as she's been the one that keeps trying to fix us up, nowt as queer as folk I think is the relevant saying!

My friend was telling me how she tried to explain that about 95% of the men in the village wouldn't meet my expectations anyway and that this would mean that they wouldn't stand a chance, this again got me thinking, maybe I am too picky? I wouldn't even look at someone that wasn't at least 5'10 but actually I prefer 6' or above, I do like the lookers (I don't know how my ex happened I really don't!) I wouldn't date a smoker again and to be fair I could go on with this list for many blogs and years to come, should I lower my expectations in order to find someone?

I have also been thinking today that I am not sure I'd be ready to change my life to have someone in it, I still want to go out and get drunk with my friends at a moments notice and have no one moaning about it, if I want to spend the day in bed no one cares, if I want to go out for the day I have no one to answer to and I like that, saying that I spent the night in tonight and would have quite liked to have spent it cuddled up to someone on the sofa, maybe I just need to hire an escort for nights in?! Hmmmmm, lots to think on.......

The Weekend

Well it's been a bit quiet to be honest, I've got a rather nasty chest infection and it's making me feel pretty dire and to be fair I look like I've not slept for weeks (and to be honest I haven't really!) I finally gave in and went to the Dr's on Friday when I decided that it felt too bad to be the cold I thought it was, a dose of antibiotics and a note for a week off work which my boss is less than impressed about and that sealed that one.

I managed to get out in the sun for a bit on Friday which was nice, through the coughs and barking! The weekend was a bit quiet really, not a lot to report, the dating sites are still pumping e-mails through at an alarming rate. Have been asked on another date by one again today, don't know where they are all coming from.

Quote Me Happy popped in on Thursday to measure up for this job, I haven't got the quote yet, I think we are both a bit more shy when alcohol hasn't played a part! I also saw him out yesterday but not really to speak to, met a couple of new people in the village and played a rather interesting game of girls V boys pool, apparantly boys aren't that good at pool with two women doing all they can to distract them, we won - obviously!

The messages came again from The Salesman, who has now added me on Facebook and then text me to tell me he'd been looking through my photo's and that I looked great and still had my 'lush smile' which I thought was rather sweet, he still wants to meet up, I'm still not sure! He sent me a photo through and he still looks a lot like he used to but at the end of the day he still slept with my friend, even though that was a long time a go, I don't think i'm the sort of girl to forgive and forget!

Art Boy also text today and a couple of times over the last week, not sure on that one, the messages seem to turn a bit dirty fairly quickly and I'm not really into that if I'm honest so I'm not convinced it's going anywhere.

We couldn't have an update without a mention of the Space Cadet could we? He is still getting in contact every day but I am taking longer and longer to respond and he seems to be catching onto this now, which is probably a good thing, contact is definately decreasing, I did find it a bit odd last week when I got an invite to the housewarming and Beer Fest for his new flatmate, I really did find this odd, he really is an odd one that boy, funny isn't it, months of e-mails and texting, many non-dates and I still don't understand the bloody boy!

So much to catch up on............

I've been meaning to catch up on here for about a week now, so there is a lot to put in here.

On Sunday last week I went out with the intention of having a couple of drinks in the sun, the weather was great as was the atmosphere and the drinks flowed, meaning that a couple of drinks didn't really happen and turned into a lot of drinks!

I decided it was time to tell the Space Cadet that I needed a bit of a break from texting etc, my head just can't cope with it, we were due a cinema visit to see a film that we both want to see, so I said after that I wanted a bit of a break as I don't want to get involved in somethng that's not happening, he said basically that he finds it hard to free up time for someone with work etc, etc and I said that I think if you wanted to you would, he responded saying that he can't wriggle out of work and summer Saturdays are taken up with Cricket when he's not working and maybe we should give it a shot as friends.

I said I was fine with that as long as I know where I stand but in fact I don't think I am, I don't really want to be his friend and didn't go on a dating site to make friends, also I wish I was more sober at the time to be able to ask why you would be on a dating site if you didn't have time for dating, maybe drinking didn't help on this occasion.

The texting has dropped off a little but is still happening everyday, today I am rather annoyed with him, after seeing his facebook last night but also annoyed with myself because I have no right to be annoyed with him, he has text me this morning but I've not yet replied and I'm not sure that I should at the moment, I'm well known for not being able to hold my tongue but I'm trying really hard to, I really don't want to bite his head off, however I'm going out shortly, will I be able to keep it in once I've been drinking?!

We are supposedly going to the cinema tomorrow, I still half expect it to be cancelled but apparantly he has booked the tickets, I cancelled a date with Video Boy (I'll have to go into that one later) to go with him, that I am currently regretting as at the moment I don't want to have to text him let alone have to be in his company! Maybe it's my turn to feign sickness?

There has been another flurry on POF, including one that may be a possibility for meeting, has been e-mailing for a couple of days and texting yesterday, he's not really tall enough for me at 5'9 and lives with his mum but he's nice looking and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be sleeping giving up his bed to sleep in the spare room, that alone at the moment has to be promising?! I think for now he will be Art Boy.

Video Boy has come on the scene again and asked if I'd like to try again at a first or third date, I have said yes (well with going for friends with Space Cadet if nothing else I need to take my mind off of it and he's nice enough)

Mr F1 has again asked if I'd like to go out, I've said maybe when he gets back from holiday which buys me a few weeks and Salesman has been been bobbing around as ever.

More soon and probably after tomorrow when I report nothing more than a friendly trip to the cinema, with my new found 'mate'

I can honestly say I'm not loving this dating malarky at the moment, why can't you just meet people in the old fashioned way like we used to?

Expectations.............dashed!

Well Saturday was a HUGE let down, I was left waiting and waiting and waiting to eventually get a going home soon, followed a while later by can we make it tomorrow afternoon (I knew it, I knew it!) I threw a bit of a strop if I'm honest and told him that I didn't think that it was ever going to happen and it was a bit late in the day to cancel, etc, etc and basically ended it with 'I give up - have a good one' to which I received a reply saying that he was going home and if I didn't still hate him and wanted cuddles then come over. I responded by saying that 'I don't want to keep being fucked around'

If I'm honest normally my pride alone would have stopped me from going but I was talking to a friend and she thought I should go as he'd left the boys and came home, eventually I went over and things were fine as normal, couple of glasses of wine a DVD that wasn't really watched due to too much talking, none of the promised cuddles.

Bed time came and I have to say it was all a bit awkward, if I'm honest it wasn't even about the sex, infact probably far from it but I'd had a really bad week and could have really done with a cuddle, we both used the bathroom and after much hesitation I asked where I was sleeping, he told me I could have his bed and he slept in the spare room, I didn't get much sleep but to be honest I never do in strange beds, however to add insult to injury his neighbours were having sex above his bed on Sunday morning - not impressed!!

He was still in bed when I got up at 10, I debated making the tea or just leaving to be honest but kind of felt that doing that was a bit rude, so I waited nearly an hour and took him tea in bed, he then got up, I stayed at his until about 3, all was fine, we get on great but apart from a hug and kiss goodbye, nothing, absolutely nothing.

To say I felt deflated on Sunday is a total understatement, which is stupid really as I knew what was going  to happen, I'm not as stupid as I sound here, really I'm not but I can't help but like him and I can't help but go for the wrong men!

He text a couple of times during the early evening on Sunday and I ignored him, I eventually replied after getting one that ended saying I'd left my wine so I would have to come over next weekend to help him finish it off, is he fucking nuts or what?! I replied saying 'don't worry, drink it!' he said he'd had a nice evening and thaned me for his tea in bed, saying that he 'could get used to that!' I said thatr he should get his new flatmate trained up.

The texts have kept coming on Monday he sent one saying that there was a distinct lack of kissed in my texts and that he could tell that I was tired and pissed off (I don't think he realises that I'm pissed off at him mind!)
I responded by saying 'Oiiiii don't moan now love you had plenty of opportunity this weekend for kisses and cuddles' and the reponse was 'Oh I see, so no more text kisses then' with a sad face, what the fuck is going on in this boys head?!

ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so in the last 14 days we have a further 887 messages to add to the thousands that have gone before it, ok I think I'm officially mad, why on earth would you spend that much time on someone your not interested in?!

Mr F1 text on Sunday saying he'd like to go out again........yeah just my luck.

Still being offered a week in Dubai.........just my luck

Why can't I meet a decent man that isn't a complete wanker and/or fuck up?

Friday's Date with Mr F1

It's been a tough week for the family and I've had to dart over to be with them and dread everytime the phone rings.

The Salesman didn't happen on Tuesday, he text asking if we could do another night (I nearly did this but suspected that he would) I said no but if he wanted to come out one night when I'm out for dinner with the Bestfriend then I would see him then, this has fairly effectively stopped the texts for the last few days.

Last night it was the date with Mr F1, I didn't feel any of the usual pre-date nerves and went to meet him at the pub where I'd first met the Space Cadet, I felt a little bad about this but it is the only place I know in the middleish. He text to say he was there and I responded that I'd be about 5 minutes.

As soon as I got out of the car I could see that he wasn't my type at all, I knew he was about 5'10 which is about 4 inches taller than me but had kind of forgotten how short that is compared to the 6 foot plus guys I've been spending time with, he looked a bit like his photo's but kind of more scrawny!

I'm pretty sure the barman recognised me from when he was asking us to leave at midnight on a Sunday when we were the only one's in the pub, I had a joke with the barman as we ordered drinks and we sat down.

The whole conversation felt like hard work, he kept asking questions and I answered firing questions back at him but in all honesty I don't think I was really interested in the answers, even his job which I expected to be really excited about was a bit of a flop, it turns out because of what he does he's only ever been to one of the Grand Prix's, they don't even see the full size car and the only time he meets the race team is at the Christmas Party!

He's been single for a long time, he likes Bonsai tree's (WTF?!) he drinks John Smith's (Old!) and gin, it appears that he doesn't do much because he doesn't have many friends here and those that he does are all settled, I honestly think that the boy would bore the life out of me, he does however own his own house and have a new car, as per usual those things really do nothing to attract me!

When he went to the toilet I took the opportunity to sneak a look at my phone to see a couple of messages from a couple of friends and two messages from the Space Cadet, one about his game today and one an hour and a half later with one of his you've not answered messages, so I replied (he obviously didn't know I was out on a date) He also asked if I'd like to go and see a film that we both want to see next week, which as we've not even done tonight yet I found a bit odd, normally he's hard enough to pin down for one night let alone arranging the next first, I said yes and then behaved when date arrived back.

I kept subtly (I'm not good with subtle if I'm honest!) looking at the time on my watch and thinking that it was too early to leave but it got to a point where I couldn't bear it anymore and said I'd better get off, he asked the time and I said 10.15 which is what my watch said, I went to the loo and saw on my phone that I'd not put the clock forward (I don't wear a watch often!) I could have escaped earlier!

We walked to the cars, he was standing a little close so I backed away and said nice to meet you and goodbye, there was nooooo way I was doing the whole kiss goodnight thing, I can honestly say it's the worst date I've had this side of 30!

Texting with the Space Cadet continued until late, he's being very sweet, he reckon's he will have finished Cricket, home and sorted by about 9 tonight, he's been so very sweet this week with all that's been going on in my life and I do feel that the table's have turned a little bit, I'm still skeptical that it's going to happen to be honest but we will see later won't we?

I did say that if Friday went badly I felt that Saturday would and vice versa, tomorrow you and I will both know if I'm right!

A funny day for it

My head has been in the totally wrong place, all I've done is think, think, think and after finding some 'sentimental' stuff from the ex yesterday I've been thinking that he was a lot of words that I wanted to hear but few and far between on the action front, something that made me think of the Space Cadet, all I've thought all day is that I should step away from it, it's not only that that's wrong at the moment, I'm hating the job I loved, working too much, playing too little and still in pain, so not a great day in all, I won't bore you with the rubbish, after all this is about kissing princes not the day to day rut of life!

I'm going to write this while I'm still excited and before he changes his mind or gets ill (yeah wait for that bit!)

Well back to the point, the Space Cadet text tonight and we were talking about my day, I was a little surprised when the text ended in 'If you fancy a bottle of vino on fri or sat night you are more than welcome huni, you know I will make you smile ;-)'

I was a little surprised as he said he was busy this weekend but I responded saying it would be difficult to get home after a bottle of wine but it may well be needed by the weekend, his answer was to say I could crash there but we'd talk about it in the week.

Now I know I'm cynical but I do expect this offer to disappear by the weekend, lets see hey?

On another note Mr F1 has been in touch on a daily basis and asked me out today (men are like bloody buses I tell you) I have as I promised my friend said yes (she is very excited about him!) I would quite like to say no as I believe in working them out one man at a time but as we have already discovered if I wait for Space Cadet I could just end up disappointed that I've turned other things down and if I work on his logic it's not a date unless it involves dinner and just a drink has been discussed with Mr F1, so that's ok right?!

Also I was due to go out with Flowers Boy but wriggled out of it (I am quite happy to catch up as a friend but really that's all) and tomorrow I am due to go for a drink with the Salesman, now again it's only a drink and I don't want to go back down that road but it's been a long time and a catch up will be nice I think?!

Drunken Texting (and for once it wasn't me!)

Well I went for dinner with a friend last night, looks like not getting drunk of a Saturday isn't a good plan! We had late night texts from the salesman, apologising for not coming for dinner on Monday and the usual flirty texts, the one for the book however is the message from the blast from the past (who incidently is seeing someone now!) he did warn me that he was going out and there may be some drunken texting but when I woke up this morning I got a text saying 'Why not me? I can give you all of my heart and soul and 100% devotion? I'll give you every part of my being? Romance, excitement but most of all love'

Now what's a girl to say to that? I decided that ignorance was the best route to take so turned over and went back to sleep, thinking that he'd probably wake up and cringe at what he'd sent, only to wake up a bit later to find one saying 'By the way that was true!' We've had a bit of a chat about it, in all honesty I don't like him like that, I wish I did, really I do but I don't, luckily I don't have to bump into him, why can't it just work that the people you like, like you and vice versa?

Life and love is a complicated process if you ask me!

The Best Friend

I guess the blog isn't just about dating, it's also about the men in my life, this one plays a particular importance, if you look on the car salesman entry you'll see how we met, it was the same day, he was the finance manager and we have been firm friends for the last 13 years, we have been there for eachother through thick and thin, girlfriends, boyfriends, houses, moves, everything really.

We meet up about once a month and always have curry (it's tradition now, we couldn't and wouldn't change it) We both love eachother to pieces but we know we couldn't ever go with eachother despite being told we are perfect together by just about everyone.

He is the one male that I trust with my life, he knows all my secrets and I know his, if we haven't seen eachother for a while one will send a text (usually as the other is thinking about it!) asking when the other is free, I don't have another friend that is brave enough to tell me the sorts of things that he does, like 'yes, you are being a bitch, stop it' when the ex and I split up it took three weeks for me to let him come over, purely because I knew that his was the harsh bit, the 'you know it was crap anyway' and that's exactly what he did and I love him for it :-)