Shoe Guy………

I met through the Space Cadet and he and I met on POF YEARS ago, like in the first year I was single, so late 2009 we had a couple of dates and decided not to pursue it but to be friends and we still are really good friends.

He has all the traits I wouldn’t want in a boyfriend, he’s definitely a player (although insists he isn’t) has more female ‘friends’ than you can shake a stick at (I’m 99% sure most are from online dating) he’s flaky, rubbish at planning, late for everything, so it was undoubtedly a good choice; however he is really good company and while he’s flaky if I needed something he would be right there which is a really important factor and I love him for that, even though when we have planned something and he flakes it’s bloody annoying, so usually I invite him to things I’m happy to do on my own should he flake, such as bike racing.

We’ll call SC’s friend Shoe Guy because he has a REALLY big thing about shoes.

In the middle of 2015 there was an advert for a film ‘The man and Le Mans’ which I wanted to see, mentioned it to SC and when we looked at it, it was on very limited showings, so he said he’d get tickets for December 19^th and we’d go, he suggested asking some of his other friends which I was cool with, I kind of expected a load of girls (you would with SC) I guess they probably weren’t up for it!

I’d arranged to meet SC nearby for lunch and he would drive from there, he picked another friend up on the way there and said another two were meeting us there, we walked into the bar by the cinema and upon laying eyes on Shoe Guy all that went through my head was ‘why didn’t I wear any makeup today’ well I didn’t because I was going to meet SC who has long been written off in the romantic sense! He wasn’t amazing looking, about 5’10 with a nice smile (and a receeding hair line) but there was something quite attractive about him.

It was apparent that he had recently split with his girlfriend as the boys were talking about when she had moved out, he came to sit next to me when we sat down and made an effort to talk to me, ask where I lived, what I did etc, there was definitely a little bit of flirting going on, we had a nice afternoon the five of us and the film was brilliant.

The boys were all taking the piss out of him as he has a habit of buying old cars with the intention of fixing them up (I’m talking 70’s classics here not shit heaps) but always seems to buy ones that are much worse than he thought and he has little or no mechanical knowledge, just a big wallet.

During this time I was seeing the guy that ‘didn’t want anything serious’ so was still doing the dating thing, although I hadn’t been on dates with anyone else.

Anyway that evening on the way home SC suggested that I add him and one of the others on FB to see what they were doing with the cars (I am a big car/bike fan) so I added them both.

Shortly after he sent me a message saying that it was nice to meet me and it was a great film, I responded saying that it was good to meet him too and had been a nice afternoon, I think he thought that Space Cadet and I were together as he said things about me needing to whip him into shape and that I should get him to organise more things, I said that wasn’t a job I would take on and that I was amazed he’d actually pulled this off.

He switched from friendly to flirty REALLY fast once he realised that SC and I weren’t together, he asked for my phone number so that he could Whatsapp me photos of the current car that they’d all been laughing at and to be fair even with my limited knowledge I could see that it was going to take a LOT of work!

He’d spotted photos of me in a Halloween outfit on Facebook, which consisted of a red corset, long skirt slit at the thigh, stockings, heels, witches hat, red lipstick, curled hair, it’s a photo I love, even I who rarely thinks of myself as anything but fat think I look good in a corset. He immediately went to ‘oh you like to dress up’ I can’t deny it, I love a good party and I love an excuse to be in an outfit, so that again took the conversation to a whole new dimension.  

Then he mentioned boots, he apparently goes weak at the knees for boots, I’d had my boots on that day and then changed out of them, kinda wished I hadn’t! It was in the coming days and weeks that it all started to come out, he said he’d not told anyone before but that he had a big thing with shoes and boots, I soon realised that this wasn’t a lie he really does and for outfits and boobs, all of which I’m not short of!

The conversation went on for months, actually it wasn’t far off a year, he kept mentioning meeting up but was talking meeting up for sex and that’s not me, I wish it was but it’s not. We talked a bit about our dating but had very few serious conversations in that time, mostly shoes, outfits and how he saw himself as a bit of a Christian Grey (not sure I’d have a massive issue with that) sadly, however without the billionaire bit! One of the things I liked most about him was that he pushed the boundaries with his messages but never once in the whole time we've known each other over stepped them, this; I've found is a rarity. 

He did however offer to buy me numerous pairs of shoes, I declined. 

In December last year the messages dropped off, which I was fine with, it was obviously going nowhere but I had got used to talking to him fairly regularly. Then this year, in September I got a message from him, late night, he was obviously out but it wasn’t a beered up message, it was a ‘You’re up late’ I didn’t respond that night but did the next day, he said he was in Norfolk with his mates for their annual weekend away and that we should catch up the following day.

In that time I had a bit of a Facebook stalk (you know you all do it too!) early this year it had changed to ‘in a relationship with…………’ a very dull looking girl and although it’s very judgey of me I did think then that she probably wouldn’t tolerate his ‘thing’ with shoes, dress up etc and I imagine that the missionary position is on the menu a lot, in looks she is also a downgrade from his very pretty ex but downgrading seems to be a big thing, I’ve done it myself and despite all of my friends telling me that at the time it was only looking at photos after the event that brought it home, I had massively downgraded, sadly not only in looks but in personality too. Not only did I downgrade I fell head over heels with the bastard!

The Facebook stalk told me that his relationship status was no longer showing on there, it didn’t say single but it had gone, even more strangely that he was no longer Facebook friends with the GF, that I found incredibly strange and if I’m honest I was just a little bit excited about it.

We had a bit of a catch up on the Monday, I asked why he’d got in touch after so long, he said that he just thought he would say hi, the conversation started fairly general, work, cars, he’d moved to London, that he’d not seen SC or his brother recently, what I’d been up to, I said that I’d thought about him recently, he asked why.

I explained that I had bought new shoes, beautiful, new shoes, the kind that he would love, he said that he’s glad I remembered him in a nice way, I said that shoes and chickens (he kept chickens in his old house) occasionally made me think of him, he asked about the shoes, at no point had the GF been mentioned and I was hopeful there was a reason for that, he said that his mind had immediately gone into overtime, he then said ‘my other half will give me a slap’

Ah, so there it is, she IS still around. FUCK.

I responded with ‘Buy her some’ he ignored my comment totally, asking if my PVC outfit was ok still. I said that our conversation has been very sensible until shoes had been mentioned but yes, it was still in the wardrobe.

He said that he’d never turned up on my doorstep like he’d talked about, I mentioned that  I’d never given him my address and said that with him having a girlfriend the time had passed for us. He said he’d let me know next time he was in the area so we could meet up, I made a pretty firm stand at this and said that wasn’t on the cards, he changed his tune quickly saying he meant for a catch up, nothing else, I wasn’t terribly convinced, I don’t see him being a cheater but if he wasn’t bored with her I’m pretty confident that I’d not have heard from him.

I’m in London soon for a couple of nights, he’s asked for the dates and mentioned meeting up for a drink, he messaged me one morning last week telling me he was in Birmingham this week, I’m not sure what he expected me to say to that, I didn’t however offer to meet up.

If he was single again I don’t think I’d hesitate given the right circumstances but he isn’t, he’s also bought a place in London with her so I don’t see it ending anytime soon really, we never know what would have happened but I feel a little like this was an opportunity missed, maybe he does too?

Am I just too slow for modern day dating?

I had lunch yesterday with a former work colleague, someone I’ve always got along well with that has left under a bit of a cloud.

It was early 2015 that he left his wife (that also works for us) for a girl that works on his team and was dating another of his team, she was promoted in this time and is quite frankly as useful as a chocolate teapot on a bonfire. If I wasn’t already suspicious about them once I heard she had been promoted I definitely was! However it was apparent before the split that they were always in the same place, despite the fact that they didn’t really need to be.

He and I never discussed it as he knew that I wouldn’t approve of the cheating and I wouldn’t approve of sleeping with one of your staff, it’s such a bad plan and to be fair it was, I’m pretty sure it contributed to his fall from grace, however both she and the boyfriend she left (who will be her husband next year!) both still work for the company, the only innocent party I see here is the wife, I felt for the boyfriend too until the muppet took her back and asked her to marry him, I see a rocky future ahead of those two.

So since early January he has left his (second) wife and been seeing the girl he promoted, they split and within weeks he was seeing someone else, within weeks he’d met her child and she his, they moved in together fast and they broke up in the late summer, since then he’s been dating which we discussed yesterday, since this time he’s had a short relationship with someone else and several dates.

He went on a date last Thursday, had dinner, then Saturday he stayed over and did the same on Sunday, in the space of the week they’ve been talking, he’s had several dinner, two overnight stays and met her parents.

Then you have me, for one I’d struggle to fit that many dates into four days, I wouldn’t be having someone stay over within the first week because I’d want to get to know them before they were getting into my bed, so my question is, am I too slow with all of this? Should I be upping my game and just moving them in by date three instead of cracking on with my life and being such a snail?

I seem to be kind of a slow dater, initially seeing someone once or twice a week is just fine for me, my weekends are usually booked up way in advance and I’m not making changes to plans I’ve already made.

At first I thought this gung ho chuck yourself into it was a man thing but there are women involved here too and what sort of woman introduces her kids to someone she doesn’t even know yet?

Lets go back to baggage boy, who I had 3/4 dates with before we decided that friends was the better option for us. One of our last conversation’s was when I told him that his son didn’t need to meet everything his cock touched.

In the short time we were friends there were more women than I could shake a stick at walking in and out of those doors, now at first I thought he was a good Dad, he had his son every weekend, which I was terribly impressed at, it was only later that it dawned on me that his little boy (who was four) just had to fit in with whatever he was doing, if he was going out on a date he’d get a babysitter and if he had a woman over it was no big deal, the little one many times went to sleep with a babysitter and woke up to a woman he’d never met, if she’d gone by the time he woke up I would have had more empathy with this but that wasn’t the case.

The little boy had a lot of issues, although Baggage Boy would never admit to them, there were a lot of issues with BB and the little boys Mum, I only heard one side of the story which of course made her out to be evil and him to be the hero, this I don’t believe but I can assure you that if Boy was my child he wouldn’t be meeting different women all the time as I wouldn’t have allowed that. He definitely had attachment issues, from the minute we met he was very cuddly, wanted to hold my hand all of the time, if we watched a movie he wanted to be sitting on my lap, now children to tend to like me but I think that’s because I’m a little nervous around them and I’m not one of these people that always wants to grab them for cuddles etc but normally I find children of that age are a little shy at first, he desperately wanted to be loved which made me a bit sad.

He also had some anger issues and wasn’t reigned in by his Dad, now most things I can tolerate, however one day when I was there I spotted him being cruel to the hamster, I don’t care who you are animals aren’t meant to be dropped from a metre in the air, so I told him that he couldn’t do that and got his Dad in, ‘he loves the hamster’ is what I was told and I could believe that totally, until he thought no one was watching, I imagine that quite a lot happens when he is unsupervised and his Dad is too busy entertaining to keep an eye on him.

He had a girlfriend in Germany for a while, a girl he’d met while he was with his wife and she was with her husband, but nothing had happened…… she was the love of his life, he wanted her to move over which was what they were planning, he’d also propositioned both me and a waitress when we were on a day out with his son at this point.

Then suddenly within days of all this on Facebook his relationship status changes to ‘in a relationship with………..’ a girl that didn’t have the same name as the girl in Germany…….. despite our conversation she had posted photos of her with Boy and him with her children and all of his posts were how much he loves his ideal woman and he’d never felt like this before…….. I know I’m a sceptic but……

We had a conversation about it and I told him that I felt he was rushing in, that while I was happy for him in the last year he’d told me he was in love many times and I had concerns and also concerns for Boy, he brushed them off, put it down to me not being happy for him, which categorically wasn’t the case.

The next conversation we had was a couple of months later, Facebook and Instagram were covered in how happy they were but our conversations were filled of how insecure she was, how she wasn’t as adventurous as him in bed and how he didn’t like one of her children.

The next minute they were on holiday and an engagement ring appeared, surrounded by messages of how much in love they were and how perfect for each other they were, he rang me after and I congratulated him, mentioning that it was only a week ago that they weren’t terribly happy and the holiday was make or break, that was the last I heard of him and I was deleted from Facebook.

They have got married, Instagram is covered in photos of how perfect they are, I did note that the child he doesn’t like doesn’t appear in a lot of the photos though, take that as you will.

A little side note about Baggage Boy, on a night in 2016 (before the now wife but when he was with the German GF) we had planned a night out, we were going to a car show, then for a night out and I was staying at his.

We’d gone to the car show and come back covered in dust, so I went to get showered and ready, as I headed into the bathroom he said ‘I’ll be in, in a minute’ which I laughed off thinking he was joking, he wasn’t. Now there was no lock on the door but it was shut, he then walks naked into the bathroom and climbs into the shower with me, very brazen, I’m not sure what he expected but I finished my shower, got out and went and put my dress on, I was pretty shocked if I’m honest but I’m not the sort of girl to wobble with something like that and I fronted it out, we had a brilliant night out but if I’d already worked out before this that he couldn’t be trusted but this really did clinch it, if I’d given him the slightest hint that I was up for it he would have been straight in there, despite the girlfriend, he spent the evening giving the come on to anything that had a pulse, even exchanged numbers with some and I was totally fine with that but he did then try it on when we got back to his, even drunk I’m pretty firm in my resolve, it did come up over the coming months how I’d batted off his advances but it was long before that we’d decided that we were just going to be friends and in the months that followed all of the reasons that was a brilliant idea became apparent.

So, should I throw caution to the wind when it comes to dating?

If I had I could have well ended up with Baggage Boy and many others that I’ve been saved from but does my caution hold me back because by the time I’ve worked out I do actually like them they’ve found someone else?

We all know that most people multidate these days, do I want to be with someone that isn’t prepared to wait? I honestly don't think I do but I wonder if I've wasted chances by being cautious, like the Shoe Guy, the friend of a friend from two Christmases ago that got in touch recently and today in fact. 

The Cat Breeder, the Vet and finding out I work with his Mum………….

In December last year I matched with a guy on Bumble, quite nice looking with some nice photos and it was pretty obvious from the baby lambs in them that he worked with animals.

Now if I could pick an occupation for my perfect man a vet would be way up that list, being an animal lover someone that likes animals is important and with cat breeding having a vet to hold my hand through birthing would be amazing! (The list would also have most uniformed professions. I quite like the idea of the forces as I could get rid of them for months at a time and most men look better in uniform – although I have seen times when this rule doesn’t work)

We chatted for a bit, did the whole what do you do etc and he was indeed a vet, working about an hour away from me, at the time I had a quite pregnant, very precious, pedigree cat and was fairly concerned so that was mentioned, he was working for a small and large animal practice at the time but large animals are essentially what he is passionate about.

We soon discovered that we were looking for different things, he was not long out of a relationship and just looking for ‘fun’ and I have no interest in that at all, he said that he’d like to keep in touch and should I ever change my mind to let him know, I assured him that I didn’t see that happening.

Over the next few days, he was very sweet, I was watching my girl all the time and was getting very little sleep, if anyone can empathise with that feeling it’s a vet, we had a discussion about how things were with her and he agreed that we could well be looking at a C-Section which was already where I was with my thinking, he’d given me his number by this point but I’d not used it.

A couple of days later the kittens were born, by C-Section, things were still a little fraught with a Mum that didn’t have a clue what to do with these little shouty things that had appeared next to her when she woke up and I was shattered, I also knew that I was going to have to feed these little one’s two hourly until her milk came in. I sent him a message saying thanks for listening with a photo of the newborns and he messaged back asking how they were doing and saying he hoped I was feeling less stressed (I wasn’t!)

I have to say it was nice to have someone level headed to talk to when everything is looking so shit, it was a really tough time kitten wise, Mum wasn’t settling with them at all, she’d only stay with them if I was with her, even then she’d rather be cuddled up with me, I was feeding every two hours day and night and I was exhausted and upset, to the point that I was looking to see if anyone had a surrogate when I had an idea and called my vet, asking him for a specific injection for her, he wasn’t convinced but I was at the end of my rope and was literally willing to try anything. That day I was in such a state that my vet hugged me as I walked in, I literally was the great unwashed, I couldn’t tell you how long is was since I washed my hair as I’d not had time between feed’s (you’ll be pleased to know I’d managed a couple of showers though!)

It worked, within six hours of having the jab she was settling with her little ones, feeding them with just a bit of help from me and became the Mum I knew she could be, which took the pressure off of me a bit, in the week that had elapsed I’d had an awful morning where I had to revive two of them and I was a completely frazzled zombie, I had friends telling me that even human babies don’t need that much looking after! Once my girl was feeling better the babies followed and started putting on weight, apart from the little boy that was a struggle, he was putting on but not as much as the others, so I continued to feed him as well as him feeding from his Mum.

You bond much more with babies that you are hand rearing, it’s hard not to, just thinking of him now makes me well up. He was full of fight, hated feeding from his Mum but fed really well from the sponge that I fed him from, eventually in the early hours of boxing day I lost him, after a vet visit and an X-Ray and some drugs, it’s hard to treat a baby that is so tiny, it was awful and it’s those times when being on your own really sucks, there are very few friends you can call sobbing at 3am when they are miles away and there is nothing you or they can do about it.

I struggled with it, you always think that you’ve not done enough when you lose one and I was terrified I’d lose more, I became totally OCD and weighed them much more than ever possibly needed, probably worrying myself more, I knew that weighing once a day was the sensible solution and slowly as they continued to grow and thrive I managed to get a grip of reality again.

It was literally a month before I left the flat for anything that wasn’t a vet visit, I’d seen no one, I think I’d have felt incredibly lonely if only I had, had time to think about anything.

If you aren’t an animal lover you’ll think I’m mad and I’m ok with that, if you are you’ll have an idea of how I felt! By the time they had reached a month old I had been in the office for one half day meeting, thankfully my boss is an animal lover and I bend over backwards to be flexible, often working when I’m on holiday so he was really understanding of my answering emails at 4am for a few weeks and working from home for that period. That was the only time I’d left flat for anything that wasn’t a vet visit, I’d seen no one, I think I’d have felt incredibly lonely if only I had, had time to think about anything.

During this time the Vet had checked in regularly with ‘This is your regular vet check-up, how are the kittens?’ which I have to say I thought was massively sweet and just what I needed, he always asked how the kittens were and how I was. He said a couple of times that it was a shame that we wanted different things as he thought we’d really get on and have a lot of fun together, to be honest I didn’t disagree but we did want different things.

Facebook did its thing and at some point in January threw the Vet up as a friend suggestion, I obviously didn’t add him but I couldn’t help but notice his surname which was not only fairly unusual but the same as someone I work with.

The lady I work with is probably in her fifties, she worked for us as a Business Development Director and at some point of her time here she’s worked directly for my boss, although mainly she’s worked for our team, however she used my office fairly regularly. She’s lovely and we’ve always got on well, she breeds Race Horses, lives on a Sheep Farm with her husband and is very lady of the manor.

Hmmmm, thought I…. it’s can’t be………..can it?

Now, it wouldn’t be obvious that they were related, based in different area’s and it wouldn’t be obvious that she and I worked for the same company, her home base is two hours from my office and he’s an hour away but the name is a bit like mine, you’d have to wonder.

I mentioned it to him and he kind of shrugged it off but in a manner that almost seemed a bit shifty, however it didn’t stop him doing his regular check in’s on me and the kittens and a bit of flirting.

A couple of weeks later she was in the office and we were chatting, I HAD to know, she was saying that she had a Grandchild on the way from one of her son’s, so we talked about that, I asked her what her other children did, she had two sons and a daughter.

‘……….. is a vet, currently working in……………………. in a mixed practice but he’s just got a new job working with large animals which is what he wants to do’

BOOM! The Vet is her son, or she happens to have a son with the same name, same job and that has told me exactly that same thing in the last couple of weeks…… unlikely hey?!

Soooooo I mentioned  him about it when he next got in touch, he asked who I worked for and then said that he hadn’t wanted me to feel awkward when she was in and that she disapproves of dating sites (which I could imagine if I’m honest) he asked me not to mention it, which of course I would never do.

Fast forward 11 months and the Vet still gets in touch, probably around once a month, he’s always quite sweet, usually asks if I’ve changed my mind (I haven’t) I thought about him last week as his Mum was put on garden leave before she exits the business and I missed saying goodbye as I was in meetings but it was a passing thought.

He missed his October check in (I didn’t know this until I checked the messages for this post) and saw that we’ve not spoken since September and then yesterday a ‘Good evening how are you’ popped up on my phone, it was him again, what timing eh?

It’s funny how these people pop up isn’t it? I’m pretty sure my mind won’t change, as good idea as a Friend With Benefits sounds (because to be fair it’s been a LONG time) I’d be worried that we’d have no chemistry and I couldn’t sleep with someone I had nothing there with, on top of that I’d worry that feelings would become involved for one of us.

I dated someone about two years ago, he said a few dates in that he didn’t want anything serious which I was ok with, however once that was said any feelings I may have developed were switched off, a few more dates down the line he changed his mind and wanted more but I wasn’t there because he said he wanted nothing serious I’d made sure my feelings hadn’t developed, I then had to call it a day because we were in different places so I’ve seen it go wrong, in fact years before that with Blue Eyes, I told him straight off I wasn’t ready for anything serious, he got his feelings all involved and then I had to call it a day as we were in different places again, so casual doesn’t really work for me as it never ends like that.

I think he probably hopes that at some point my mind will change which is probably why he keeps popping up, I don’t think mine will but he does seem genuinely quite nice and one thing I do like about him is that he’s been as upfront as I have about what he wants and I’ve got a lot more respect for someone that is upfront than someone that lies to get what they want, I’m not sure they’ll ever be any more to this story unless one of us changes our minds………..meeting the parents could be a bit awkward eh?!

How much can you support a stranger without being a fool?

There is both lots and nothing to report this week!

No dates last week, however I matched with two total hotties, one ghosted not long after swapping numbers, called him out on it, he blamed being busy, I’m done.

Second one sounded perfect, hot, 5’11 (a little under what I’m after for perfection but you can’t have it all!) Ex Marine, now Electrician, lives in the town I work in (amazing, I never match with anyone decent that is close) he messaged me on Tinder saying that he was going to delete his account as it wasn’t for him and sent me his number, so we messaged off app for a few days and poof……he disappears too, what the fuck is wrong with them?!

The guy I went on one date with is still in touch however his messages are massively depressing largely, he pretty much blames everything on his ex wife, I don’t believe that when a relationship breaks down that it is ever solely the fault of one person, even with W@nk Bag there were things that I could have changed too, he was however a massive cunt but I can’t honestly say that I had nothing to do with our relationship failing, if nothing else I should have opened my eyes to the fact that he didn’t love me instead of wasting five years of my life on it (and probably the best years for meeting someone and starting a family at that!)

So, I find it massively hard to believe that his wife is a totally bad person in all of this, I think he’s been trying to get me to believe that he is the better person and has used the term ‘but I’m too nice’ far to many times, no mate you aren’t too nice for letting your wife sleep in the main bedroom while you go to the spare room, once we split with someone if we can’t move out straight away we have to make compromises like that, it’s not being too nice, it’s a compromise to get you through until you sort things out. I did it with my ex before W@nk Bag, we lived together for around 9 months while we were selling our house, we both made compromises to make it work and try to make life as easy for each other as possible.

He told me he was having his son over the weekend ‘while she’s away’ and mentioned that he found it daunting having him overnight, it’s his son for gods sake, he shouldn’t feel daunted by having his own child overnight, it’s his job! I hate this notion of ‘Daddy babysitting’ Daddy doesn’t babysit, Daddy has joint responsibility for the child that he jointly made, he’s not a bloody babysitter!

To be fair on the date I thought that his photos were a bit out of date as he’s definitely got less hair now and that there wasn’t any chemistry but I would have been willing to meet him again as he seemed quite a nice guy but all of these little messages have been making me wonder, probably the more messages I’ve had the more I’ve wondered about seeing him again.

He messaged this weekend asking if I’d like to go to a local race meeting, I couldn’t as I already had plans so said no, which is where I think the message I received this morning came from and I don’t know how I feel about it, if I’m honest.

My question is; Is this the message from a person that is having a rough time and a cry for help or a manipulator who is expecting that to make me feel bad?

Part of me feel’s sorry for him, he’s obviously having a rough time of it and I totally understand that, I’ve been there, we’ve all been there and partly because I’ve been there I feel I should be supportive but he’s actually a stranger and I signed up for dating not being someone’s support structure, I’ve been there before let’s be honest.

Last year when I met Cunt Face he’d not long lost his Dad, I spent months checking he was ok, it was me that sent him off to the Dr to discuss the depression that I could see, it was me that he talked to about his counselling sessions (Don’t forget that I didn’t know about the GF) it was my shoulder he cried on, it was me messaging on his first trip that he’d always done with his Dad, it was me crying when I realised there was a girlfriend of 7 years…….it’s not me he’s now dating (more about that later this week)

With Cake Destroyer I supported him through RAF basic training, I told him he could do it when he didn’t think he could, I baked cake to make him smile, I sent him supportive messages, told him he’d be awesome on graduation day…….the week after he’d graduated he called it a day………….

I’m also support for ALL of my friends, I’m really fucking good at it too,  I don’t need and don’t have time for friends that message every day but in a crisis I’m there, up or down the country, if I can’t be there I support in other ways, I check they have got out of bed, that they can cope with life (or pretend they can to get to work or whatever) and I do that because I’ve been there, I’ve been in the position where I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t leave the flat, couldn’t stand up without passing out because I was THAT stressed and depressed, did all of my friends rally round for me? Largely not to be fair but I’m brilliant at hiding things, I’m a ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’ kind of girl, even when I’m totally broken, I’m the kind of person that sends ‘I saw this and thought of you’ presents a lot because I really enjoy making people smile.

Do I want to do it for someone else? No, I can’t say I do, I take care of enough people (I’m a PA for fuck sake, it’s my job too!) What I want is to spend time with someone that makes me smile, not that tells me his ex is evil and he’s such a good person.

I spent five years of my life with an emotional bully and manipulator, W@nk Bag convinced me it was all my fault and I believed him, if we were out together and I talked to his mates I was flirting with them and he’d get shitty with me, if I didn’t talk to them he’d say I was a miserable bitch to the point that I just didn’t go out, it just wasn’t worth the shit that I used to get for it.

He told me I was rushing him into us moving in together (after four years) he made me feel bad for moaning when yet again he couldn’t be my plus one because he had work but he didn’t need to work on pool night or when his mates were out, if I feel someone is being manipulative now I avoid them like the plague because I’ve been there and he was so good at it I didn’t even know it.

When we started our relationship he told me his ex was a psycho, I have no doubt he now says the very same about me and to be fair I think I probably did act like a psycho girlfriend at times but I assure that while I spent some time in psycho he certainly drove me there and pushed me through the door.

I am the sort of person that if anything I’m too kind, I help anyone and everyone I can, I give too many chances to too many people, even after they’ve hurt me so I hope you’ll understand why I can’t take this one on, I don’t think I can do it again, I don’t think he’s over his ex and I can’t help him do that, I think he needs to sort himself out before he brings anyone else into his life – I responded, hoping I’ve been kind but I also didn’t want to open it up so that I was a person he could vent to, in all honesty he already has, too much for someone you are thinking of dating.

Monday Update.............

So, last week consisted of the car costing me an absolute fortune, a date, not enough time in the gym, the dreaded month end at work and the British Superbikes Showdown.

My car has just had its MOT and service, it’s ended up costing me £2,000 to get it sorted, a sane person would tell me that I should have got rid of the car, my head was telling me I should have got rid of the car, my head was also telling me that I wouldn’t get a car as I like as much as that one for that price and my heart was telling me that I love that car and it marks a turning point in my life, so the car has had most of the work and will be completed this week with a new cambelt, hopefully then he’ll last me a couple more years until I’m in a better position to replace him with something I actually want and when I have some more time to consider my options.

He had to stay in overnight on Monday which meant I couldn’t go to the gym as I had no car, someone from work that lives in my village kindly gave me a lift but that meant starting early, I only managed the gym twice last week which is rubbish as I’ve been going 4 times, however with month end and the car it made it really difficult, am planning on improving that this week, although I already sacked Monday off in favour of chips and halloumi, so shoot me!

Month end was even more of a ballache than usual and coincided with a date, something I will probably never do again if I’m honest,  he was bigger than I’d expected, he is over 6 foot tall but he and he has the look of someone I know which doesn’t help, his photos are from a good angle obviously and I wasn’t attracted to him, he was however a nice guy but took things a bit far with some of the conversation.

We had talked earlier in the week about my car and I was fairly stressed about it, he took the piss a little too much and went on with that part of the conversation too long, to the point that I had to say I wasn’t talking about it anymore, even then he came back to it.

We didn’t have a great deal in common but he mentioned a second date on the date and a kiss as we got back to the car, I told him I didn’t kiss on first dates (rarely do I) I felt a bit mean that he had a three hour round trip home, I thought he lived closer but in fact he’s moving closer, however he picked the venue and I had said I was happy to meet half way. He asked me to let him know I’d got home, which I did, a couple of texts and then heard nothing for three days, I’m not going to go on a second date, there just isn’t enough there.

The one from two weeks ago that is getting divorced is still messaging daily, I guess the more he messages the more reservations I have about seeing him again.

Tinder, POF and Bumble still keep throwing me up a load of shit, when I get a good match they talk for a day and then disappear, is this normal? However Monday brought two corkers with it, one from each site, we’ll see if they stay around or do the disappearing thing.

One has messaged this morning saying that he’s tried Tinder for a few days but it isn’t very him, sent me his number and said he’d still like to chat, added him on Whatsapp and he shows his timestamp which has become my new indicator of whether or not they are a ‘fuckboy’ I find ones that don’t show their timestamps always seem to turn out that way!

Sunday was spent at the BSB Showdown, the weather was good, it’s normally wall to wall mud and rain, was an early morning as I wanted to make the most of it and a long day, I didn’t get back until bedtime.

My friend’s sister was going which is very rare, we reckoned it was 3 years ago that she last came racing, we get on well, I had however noticed that in his little used twitter account there was some flirty banter between them a few years ago (he uses it that little that it’s easy to see and no, he doesn’t follow me and nor me him) so I wondered if the dynamic would change.

I was there early and although K was supposed to be down the day before and staying she had changed her mind so I was there a couple of hours before her, he greeted me in the usual manner, hug, kiss, ‘hello beautiful’ normal touch on the shoulder, arm, back each time he passed me.

A few hours later K arrived, all they exchanged was a ‘hi’ and pretty much nothing more for the rest of the day, which if anything I thought was a little strange (so maybe something did happen is what I thought!) he who doesn’t eat cake wanted some to take home and repeatedly told me how I was a legend for making awesome cake for them, a bit more innuendo ensued.

He definitely cuddles me a bit longer and closer than is strictly necessary and that was more apparent yesterday with four of us females all there at the end, the others got a quick goodbye hug (including K) he’s offered to come and meet me when I’m in London next, I think we’ll continue to be friends, he’s a really nice guy but there are too many what if’s and buts.

I nearly committed a massive fail this weekend, something possessed me to message Cake Destroyer, I looked in my Whatsapp archive and he was online, I gave myself a good talking to and went to sleep instead, it would have achieved nothing, it was left as him sending the last message and that’s how I want it to stay, will I hold out forever? Who knows.

I think I’m feeling a bit lonely currently which is stupid really as I have loads on and lots to do, I think he’s made me even more dating jaded than I already was which is bad!

This weekend also brought on thoughts of Cunt Face, every time I drive past Billing it makes me think of him because Billing was the lie that gave him away, I also drove past the service station where we had date one and I felt that bolt of electricity when he touched my hand across the table, something I’ve not felt for years before or have again (yet she say’s hopefully!)

The thought of that night and the second date still gives me goosebumps, I’ve not heard from him for a couple of weeks now, however I have no doubt he’ll be back at some point and at some point when it’s convenient for me I’ll respond, it’s different now I can control myself with him but with him I don’t feel bad using him to boost my ego, like the weekend when CD sent the Dear John message. 

Even though I know he’s a cunt and I know that I wouldn’t get involved with him again the chemistry feels good. 

How soon do people update their relationship status?

There isn’t a lot to update really, Monday’s date didn’t happen, he’d put me off a bit by telling me he was chunky, now I know that when a woman thinks she’s ‘chunky’ the likelihood is that she isn’t really but I find a man that say’s he’s ‘chunky’ normally turns out to be chunky and some. So I had a little root through his FB photos (that I could see without adding him) and I could tell that his Tinder photo’s were old and then he threw his toys out in a message on Monday so it was perfect timing really, so I went to the gym instead and enjoyed it probably more than I would have a disappointing date.

The guy from Saturday’s date has been in touch a fair bit, he’s now added me on whatsapp, he even tried flirting over the weekend (I think he’d had a couple of drinks) he didn’t do a great job of it to be honest. So this weekend he’s been away in Bruges with his Mum for her 70^th.

Now, once you add someone to your contacts Facebook picks it up and it did the same with him, so I clicked on it, his status is on the first page and say’s ‘married’ now for me that rings an alarm bell.

He’s told me that he is married (getting divorced kinda married at that) that they have been split up since January but are currently living in the same house until the divorce comes through and they settle things but surely you’d have removed it from your status?

It took me a while with W@nk Bag, by a while I mean 2-4 weeks, as I wasn’t ready to have everyone asking, it was all too raw and I was upset but then I’d told NO ONE for two weeks anyway, not even my best friend, probably because we were having a ‘break’ to decide if it was what I really wanted and I didn’t want the world to see me break, by the time I changed my status I was stronger and I was ready for the questions, in fact at first I didn’t change it, I just removed it.

But 9 months? 9 months without changing it, removing it? That’s not normal right? So I mentioned it, he said he wants to get things sorted in the real world before anyone else and that it was lucky he’d told me the truth from the start (which he did) but I feel a bit uncomfortable about that still, should I?

He also sent me a photo of him in Bruges and he has less hair that his Tinder photos for sure (I did think that on the date but the photo has confirmed it) why do men use old photo’s on their profiles?

If you remember the first date I said that there weren’t any sparks but he seemed a nice guy and I would be willing to give a second date a whirl, now I just don’t know!

He also sent me a Meme about divorce papers and a man smiling, saying that would soon be him, now I take marriage really seriously (that's why I've never managed it) and I don't get people being happy about it, I get that it happens but I don't get celebrating failure and to me that's exactly what divorce means, you have promised to love and be faithful to someone for the rest of their lives and you've failed at that, it's not something to joke about for me. 

I got an invite to Paris for this weekend on a first date with someone from Tinder, I do actually think he was serious, he flew out Friday morning and is flying home Tuesday but had the weekend free, I had plans anyway but it was a tempting offer, however can you imagine if we’d met and didn’t like each other? How great would it have been if we had though? Anyway I said no but we’ve chatted this weekend and he’s kept telling me how much better it would have been with me there, we do have plans for a date later this week, lets see if that one happens! 

Monday, Monday………….

So, it’s been a busy few days here.

I finally bit the bullet and joined the gym after noticing that I’d been missing the signs of depression creeping in, in the past I have found that exercise really helps and also if it gets me out of bed and through the front door it can’t be a bad thing, it’s also at one of my favourite hotels, so it is a really nice one, hopefully as I’ve now signed up for a year I’ll keep going!

I was a bit of a let down last week, it was Cake Destroyer’s birthday and late that night when I couldn’t sleep I sent a Happy Birthday message, I was fairly surprised when he responded if I’m honest but I’ve been good and not sent a further message since.

Cunt Face hasn’t been in touch, he is away in Germany with his Mum, however I’ve been watching his Snap Chat story and there is blonde hair in one of the Snaps, honestly I’m sure he thinks he is clever, he doesn’t have a clue that I know what he’s up to, bloody idiot!

Saturday I had a date, with the guy that still lives with his wife and is currently working his way through divorce. They have been split up since January and have an 18 month old son together.

We met in a pub between us, I think we are about an hour and a half from each other, I think he is probably a bit younger in his photo’s and I’m sure he has a bit more hair in most of them than he does now, he was nice enough though, I didn’t feel any sparks though but we did get on, in those circumstances what do you do?

He messaged that night and said it was nice to meet me and nice to meet someone that looked like their photo’s as his last date hadn’t (I never get that) he has asked me on a second date, what do I do? Do I go with it and see if any feeling develop in time? I’m not sure they really do, the person I’ve had the most connection with in the 7 years I’ve been dating is Cunt Face and I felt it from minute one, there was a bit of electricity between us from the moment we laid eyes on each other and shortly into the date when he touched my hand across the table I felt a jolt of electricity but looking back now, although we have the big bang fireworks I know what we have isn’t sustainable.

I am going to have to make a decision though, so I should probably get on with that one, also the situation could be difficult, do I want to be around through a messy divorce?

I do hope I was able to educate him a little bit on our date, when talking about letting the other girl he’d had two dates with down he said that he had just left it with less and less contact, I told him that I thought this showed really bad manners and wasn’t the way to do things, that actually although it seems harsh to tell someone they aren’t for you that it is really the best way, hopefully he won’t become a ghoster to women in future!

I matched with someone on Bumble on Saturday, he was the closest match I’ve had in online dating that showed any promise, he seemed really keen and now I’ve not heard anything since, what is wrong with these people?

Tonight I have another date, from what he said yesterday I’m already thinking that I’m going to be disappointed, he mentioned something last night about being ‘chunky’ so I’m wondering how old his photo’s are.