The tears in the eeeeeekkkkkkkkk...................

I went on date 2 last week with the Service Station Guy, it was AMAZING, seriously best date ever, we went to a forest where you can walk with the monkeys, hottest day of the year, he was great, we got on from the word go again, he kept telling me how great I looked (I just had shorts, top, no makeup as it was far too hot and hair scraped back into a ponytail) he spent the day kissing me, holding my hand, couldn't get close enough.

We walked around the monkeys a few times, then spent a couple of hours sat on the grass talking, he asked why I was on my own, I told him about W@nk Bag and that I struggle with getting the 'spark' with people, I can honestly say that it wasn't missing this time, there was chemistry flying about everywhere. I asked him, he said his two long terms had been with a girl that had cheated on him and another that was a bit mad.

We then went over to an amazing garden, had a walk around the lake, things really did get a bit heated and if it hadn't been quite so public I'd hate to think what might have happened. I can't remember a time when I've been more hopeful of actually meeting someone with that level of chemistry.

We eventually left and he text me later that evening, I went to bed and woke up happier than I've been for a long time, I decided that for once I ought to give it a go without all the barriers up, I spent the day with friends but couldn't get him out of my head, I couldn't stop smiling.

We'd been chatting and I said that I'd really like to see him again soon, he said that he would too.

I wish this story ended there.........

We've been following each other on Instagram since the start of May when we matched, a new photo popped up, it was one he'd sent me but when I looked at the comments it mentioned a car show, where I'd known he'd been because he told me but he told me he didn't know where it was, however the comment said he'd been going for the last 10 years, you'd think he'd know after 9 years.......

Another comment from a girl that said 'love this place' not loved but love, maybe it's just a friend I thought, ex possibly, or actually maybe it's just an innocent comment........ I had to find out, new Instagram account opened, sent follow request, to be honest I didn't want to find anything, desperately wanted it to be innocent. She accepted the next day, seems she was at LeMans with him in June (when he was messaging me) she was in France with him in May (when he was messaging me) so lots is going through my head at this point, they could still be friends, I'm friends with my ex's (apart from one and I wouldn't pee on him if he were on fire!) one of the hashtags was 'mylove' which seemed pretty conclusive but it was in June and was before we actually met, although still 6 weeks after we'd matched and had been chatting.

I struggled to see anything with them together after mid June, still hopeful.

Then I went to find her on Facebook, it was a difficult task but finally we got there, it said she was 'in a relationship since 2009' seemed fairly conclusive that, but he had told me about the girl that cheated on him, maybe she'd not changed it she'd gone from one to the other? Last photo I found on there of them together was December, again plausible (yeah I was totally fooling myself)

Then I look for him on Facebook, nothing, nada, nowt, not that strange some people don't do Facebook, but I remembered him keep coming up on suggested when he first added me on Whatsapp, maybe he'd deleted his account (I have friends that do this all the time) then a little light bulb moment, you can't have a Tinder account without a Facebook account, they are directly linked.

So, I logged in as someone else, hey presto, there he is, he'd obviously blocked me! Not much to see though, no photo's with her and nothing displayed for a relationship status (I also display nothing, if I put single I'm inundated with guys I know messaging me and I've not been in a significant enough relationship to change that, when me and WB split I changed it not to show, because I didn't want my friends list to publicly see my heart breaking in front of them)

Thing is when I then checked hers her relationship status changed slightly, it said in a relationship with him since 2009, obviously I couldn't see it while I was blocked, seemed like proof positive.

So on Wednesday I had woken up unable to keep the smile off my face by Friday I was struggling to keep back the tears, I couldn't decide what to do, I nearly text him, then stopped myself, then I thought I'd phone him and stopped myself, thought about sending her the screen shots of my Tinder with his profile and some of the messages he's sent me, some are filthy, some very intimate, some telling me how much he likes me, enjoyed kissing me, didn't want to stop, some naked one's of him (thank god I never returned them!)

I sent him a message asking how long he'd been single, he never responded but responded the next day asking how my day was, I'd still not decided so responded as 'normally' as I could, then we had a conversation where I got mad at myself, it was almost like I'd forgotten he had a girlfriend and let the feelings get to me once again, he suggested that we meet up on Friday as he was going to be off work still, I said yes I'd take the day off. That kind of made my mind up, meet him and ask him to his face.

I went to see my best friend and told her the whole sorry story, she said that I should give him the chance to explain, she reminded me that when my big split was happening I'd told no one, changed nothing and she said that the GF could be doing the same, I liked to hold a bit of hope.

So we've been chatting normally since, yesterday he told me there was a problem with the car, I took that straight away that he was going to cancel on me and making excuses (he's not posted that the car is sick on social media so I assume that is also a lie)

Today he has cancelled, apologising, asking me not to send him the divorce papers (a long standing joke, he calls me his wife) I spoke to the best friend, gutted I wasn't able to see his face when I asked him, decided on a call, I called and he didn't answer, sent me a message saying he'd call me when he 'gets out of here' (the garage) and so far nothing, I'm loathe to give him anymore time but now I sit here getting angrier by the minute it's just not helping the case.

I have to admit to feeling a little devastated, for the first time in ages I've met someone that I could get excited about getting to know. :-(

Service Station Dating...............

So, we met on Friday at the services, the ice was broken because he was South bound and I was North, he blamed my hair colour!

The minute we saw each other he wrapped me in his arms like we'd known each other for ever, weirdly I was completely fine with that.

It was nice, he was very sweet, nice to spend time with, He touched my hand on the table, picked it up and kissed it and I'm sure that there was a little electricity.

I was about to drive off and he bounded out of the car, opened my door and grabbed me to kiss me again, saying he couldn't let me go without kissing me again, he said he would like us to see each other again but I'll be out with friends when he is coming back so I'm not sure when/if we'll manage a date two but I certainly had a nice start to the weekend.

Prince Harry has been in touch this weekend, he annoys me sometimes, over the weekend I've got varying messages from just an x to how are you, right through to, well we won't go there! I don't know how long he's away for but he said a few weeks when we spoke last week, he has posted some photos and yes he does look bloody hot in them!

That's about all of my news currently!

A quick run down...............

So, works improved, I got a payrise (yippee!!)

The love life hasn't changed really, the Engineer was keen to get me out for dinner last time he was in the UK, but I had newborns who needed me so didn't go (maybe it was also a little bit of an excuse!) he's messaged a few times and is now back in China (probably due back here again soon) I can't imagine that I'll be seeing him again if I'm honest though, I think it's terribly hard to sustain something so new when he's away for a month at a time, although I'm not sure that if the attraction was enough it would work itself out and I'd be more keen, I am a literal dating nightmare I think, I was perfect and anything less just isn't enough.

I've been out on another couple of dates, this time with Prince Harry (seriously there is an uncanny resemblance!) He's a bit shorter than I'd like, he say's he's 5'11 but I think more 5'9, he is cute but I'd say he's probably a little better in photo's than real life. He's a bit keen on getting into my knickers but I think he's realised that's not going to be a quick option.

He is the same age as me, in the army (20 years) born in Ireland but Welsh and sounds Welsh (well he does to me anyway) we've seen each other twice, he has talked about going out again but he's now off to work in Belfast for the next few weeks so that kind of puts a hold on that one, do I want to wait? I don't know if I'm honest, he's actually quite nice to spend a bit of time with, when he's not being so full on with the messages, but then last weekend I didn't hear from him until Monday morning, so I'm really not sure if I'm honest, after the first date I wasn't too bothered about a second one but was swung a little by his new FB photos (shallow? maybe, so shoot me!) Second date still not sure, nearly didn't go but had quite a nice time, so we'll see.

I'm seeing another guy tonight, we've been chatting for a while, he' s another huge motorsport fan, lives miles away, but is heading out to France so will be passing, we're going to meet this evening, he sounds lovely on message but we'll see! We are going to call him Monkey Boy, he didn't have this name when I wrote this but I'm updating a year later, I can't call him what his name is on my phone, as it's far too rude!

I'll try to improve my updating frequency!