Thursday, 21 January 2016

Men are strange creatures...........................

The last time I wrote I was about to go on date 10, I did, we went to the cinema, it was nice, film was hilarious, he was as normal all over me from the minute we met, kissing me in the cinema, holding my hand, touching my leg, normal service.

Last week he went a bit quiet, I immediately assumed he had met someone else, we continued talking but it was different, although he mentioned a film that we should go and see.

I left an unanswered text for a couple of days and then responded on Sunday, he responded quickly as normal, he asked if I would like to go out the following Sunday, I said that I thought that if we were going to continue I thought that we would need to make some time for each other.

He responded saying that he'd got a lot going on etc, he wasn't ready for serious but he liked me and we had a good time together.

I responded saying I was fine with the not serious bit but that I wasn't willing to be messed about, I said that it was fine if he had met someone else but that wasn't part of the deal for me, he answered asking if we could still be mates, to which I responded that I didn't think it was a great idea and that he'd not answered my question.

Following a bit of pushing he admitted that he had gone for a drink with someone earlier in the week, I told him that I was disappointed with the fact that I thought he knew me better and would have been honest with me, a few more messages and the conversation was over.

I was quite upset after, not so much because it was over, as it wasn't something that I thought was going to last forever but I think that because he seemed a good person I had hoped that he would restore my faith in men a little bit and I have to say that I really needed that to happen.

I am ashamed to say that I spent most of the evening in real, horrible tears, the sort that come when you are annoyed with yourself, I'm annoyed that I didn't get to call it first, that I pushed him into it but I'm one of those people that needs things finalised and needs to put them to bed.

Monday morning was spent in the same vein, sobby, upset, I feel like I've failed again I think and you get used to having someone that messages you every day and takes an interest in you.

I have really tried to be more open to things, to give them a go even when I'm not completely sure, if I didn't I'd have probably not got past date two this time but I persevered, does that mean that I'm trying harder or that I'm coming more round to the idea of 'settling' that worried me but to be honest I don't think that I am.

Sunday night the guy from before xmas popped up, he does quite regularly, he was talking outfits again and I was in that mood so I ordered one!! It arrived yesterday, I'm not sure it will ever be worn, it highlighted that I need a diet and that those kind of outfits aren't made for boobs.

Monday I was chatting to Space Cadet and we decided to go for dinner, it was a good option, he cheered me up no end with his dodgy dating stories, he is still completely lovely, he is the sort of person that cheers you up just from being around him, he lifted my spirits and made me think that it's not me that's messed up this time.

When we were out he was talking about the friend that I'd met before Christmas, he thankfully has no idea that we talk but he was talking about him in general, I spoke to him by text that night, he was rather excited about the outfit prospect.

Tuesday I went out for dinner with another friend, from years ago, was nice to catch up.

Work has been crap this week, it's not boosting my spirits, thankfully though it's kept my mind off of thinking about things, probably just what I need.

To be fair after the whole six years ago thing I'm pretty sure that there isn't much that I can't get over much more easily than that, I would really like a break when it comes to men though, why can't I just meet someone that is genuine? Or are there none?

Talking of genuine I spoke to Baggage Boy yesterday, he is seeing a woman from Germany who has just left her husband with an 18 month old, he continues to be around and I continue to be grateful that it never went any further, I love him to bits as a friend but he is a complete douche bag!!

It came to mind the other day that parents who have son's in their 20's and 30's have done a pretty awful job of bringing them up and turning them into honest, trustworthy, gentlemen, where did they all go?

Oh Space Cadets brother continues to send me nude pics!!

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Life gets in the way................

Seems ages since I posted, it is ages since I posted.

The last post was about the boy that after date three decided that he wasn't ready for serious, despite him being the one that was driving things.

Well it's now January and we have continued to see each other, which seems surprising I guess, however when I responded to the text I pointed out that serious hadn't entered my head and as far as I was aware we were both at the early stages of getting to know each other, why do men always think that we are the one's that want to do the serious thing? While I don't want to get into something that I know is going nowhere, neither do I want to get serious with someone I'm not nuts about.

He said he liked me and enjoyed spending time with me, so we carried on with the cinema date as planned, he was normal, we went to the cinema and even through the film he had to keep touching and kissing me, not what I would say was the behaviour of someone that didn't want it to continue.

Have I been a fool? Maybe. We have now done 9 dates (it would have been more if it wasn't for me putting a bit of a halt on it)

We've done dinner, he's stayed over, more cinema etc and are going out again tonight.

I found out some interesting facts, like he's allergic to cats (we didn't know this until he had stayed over) he wasn't at all phased by it and went to the Dr to get medication which seems to have solved the problem. He is definitely more keen than I am, I don't know if that's because of the 'I'm not ready for serious' text or just because I'm not feeling it or he's not for me.

I'm rubbish with Christmas etc, it tends to give me a huge case of the blues and depression, this year has been no different for me, I've hardly seem anyone over the break so he's been put off too (although we didn't have anything arranged) I told him before Christmas that I wasn't doing presents for anyone as the car had gone wrong, which solved any issues there.

We've still spoken by text everyday, he still makes the first contact 99/100 times.

Things got a bit more complicated the Saturday before Christmas, the Space Cadet had arranged for us to go to the cinema to see a film that was on a limited release, there were five of us going, SC and I went for lunch and a catch up before picking up one of the others that was coming with us, we were then meeting the other two in Leicester.

I walked into the cafe and wished I'd made a bit of effort with the hair, make up and what I was wearing! One of SC's friends was quite nice!! We had a general chat before the film about what we did, where we lived, he also mentioned the GF had moved out  in general conversation with the others and then went our separate ways after, SC suggested I add the boys on FB as they are into cars and we'd been talking about a project that I wanted to look at, so I did.

A few hours later I got a message saying it was nice to meet me and he'd enjoyed the film, I should get SC to organise more things, I said that it would take a braver and more stupid woman than me to put up with SC, he then clocked my profile picture where I am dressed as a vampire and the outfit conversation started and continued for several days, until New Years Day actually, he's been a bit quieter since we went back to work, he thinks it would be a good idea if I were dressed in a PVC nurses outfit and he were to turn up at the door, I have honestly thought about this idea, in fact I'm still thinking on it, if I'm not ready for serious maybe it's the way forward? Although I'm not sure I could do that with a stranger, I've not even done it with someone I know, although maybe that makes it easier?

Evil Twin is back in the dog house but that seems to happen quite a lot, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised there, she's been as supportive as usual. I ran into 22 on Christmas Eve while out for a drink, as usual he came to talk to me, one the way home he was walking up (he lives round the corner now, really?!) with his best mate, he was asking what happened with his mate, I said nothing, he said his mate had said it was a lot more than that, he asked why him and not the mate, he asked if he could come back for tea, I said no, we text a bit that night, he asked if he could come round, I said no, don't get me wrong, it's not that I wasn't tempted I was but I don't want to be done over twice by the same person, we've continued to talk, including today.

I text ET saying I'd seen him and how alone I felt, she pretty much didn't bother with me over Christmas and New Year and didn't turn up when she was supposed to, sometimes I think friends just aren't worth the hassle they cause, it's not like it's the first time!

I had a friend point out a few days ago that I've never got over w@nk bag and to be fair it's probably true but how do you get over the only person that you have ever loved? I knew it wasn't sustainable, I knew we couldn't stay together and I knew we wouldn't get through life together, that doesn't mean I woke up one day not loving him any more, in all honesty I wish that had happened but it didn't, don't get me wrong if he turned up at my door tomorrow telling me he'd won the lottery and begging me to take him back I still wouldn't but that doesn't mean that somewhere in my heart I wonder if he was the only person I will ever be truly in love with.

Life is a funny old game, I don't know what else to say about it really!!