Monday, 5 December 2016

Monday, oh Monday...................

Everyone knows that I detest Monday's with a passion (unless I'm not at work, then I'm ok with it!)
I've been good, I've not replied to the Whatsapp message from HIM since he sent it on Tuesday, pat on the back there, I've decided that I'll get to at least tomorrow, which will be a week, he took three day's to respond so it's customary to leave it at least that long, preferably double, I've gone to respond, I've started writing, I've deleted it, it's not that I don't want to.

My heart and my head are fighting on this one, my heart wants me to respond, my head tells me not to be such an idiot, he'd be putting more effort in if he was that bothered (I know thats the case and if my friends were asking for my advice that's exactly what I would be telling them) but my heart is telling me that it's been so rare that my heart has flipped over like that in the last few years that I should grab it with both hands and not let it go, I know what I need to do, but that doesn't mean it is what I would do.

I have not responded to him before, so I know I can do it, I hated doing it but I can, he is in my head all of the time, much more than strictly necessary but I can't help that to be honest, it is what it is!

So I only have to get to tomorrow and then I can respond, thing is although I've had nearly a week I'm not sure what I want to say, yep, I have no words, sounds like me? Nope! I probably only not have any words when I am at my lowest point, I guess we are there then!

Thursday, 1 December 2016

The holiday is over...............

Cape Verde is an amazing place, the person I went with was possibly the most boring person that ever lived though, thankfully I met some great people, oh and I held a shark, a real, living Black Tipped Shark, which was pretty cool!

HE has been on and off, still made no plans to meet, despite this being the last weekend I can do before he goes to Australia. He's at times left it day's to reply and although his whatsapp says the message hasn't been read I can't believe that he's not looked at it for that long.

He messaged me last night saying that he does want to see me, things have just been manic, I'm finding it hard to believe but I'm also finding walking away pretty hard, I still think of him all the time, I know what I should do but doing it isn't easy.

Stingy is still continuing to do his usual of popping up as and when (and I'm fine with that!) he facetimed me on holiday which I was a little surprised about as that's the first time he's done that, he said he'd put off a visit as I wouldn't have been around (but I'm not sure about that!) he was a bit miffed when I said I was going to bed and messaged me saying he couldn't believe that I put the phone down (I did say that I was!)

Met a Tinder guy quite unexpectedly on holiday, very good looking, lacking in personality, moved on when he realised I wasn't going to be an easy lay, shagged a girl the next night (he told me this himself in the pool next day, not quite in those words mind) and then the next night he pied her off in front of everyone and went to bed leaving her with her friend and his mate (who the friend shagged) what a charmer, no great loss there eh?!

Had another little development since arriving home, a guy that is untouchable (due to a Fiance) has been in touch, I'll tell you a little story!

A couple of years ago I walked into our race awning to see this gorgeous man sitting across from me, oooohhhhh I thought that doesn't happen often, he was introduced to me as the cousin of my friend, it came about later that he had a girlfriend (I can't say there wasn't some disappointment!) anyway, we always have a chat when we see each other (he doesn't come racing much, maybe a round or two a year) and we are FB friends, follow each other on Insta etc.

He first PM'd me in May, he'd taken a couple of photos of me with my friends son that he'd obviously taken while I wasn't looking, very cure though, he said I was 'totally smitten' (I am and don't really hide that fact) we had a quick chat and that was that.

A few weeks ago, we had our end of season Karting night and he was there, with the now Fiance, he messaged me the day after asking if I was battered and bruised (I'd got a bit carried away and body slammed the tyre wall!) holiday was mentioned, could he come, yeah of course you can say's I..... anyway, why can't I find a nice man he asks but agree's that I shouldn't settle for anything less than perfect, he told me how they met (she kinda nicely stalked him!)

Morning after I got back from holiday I got a 'Welcome home' message on FB, he asked about the holiday etc, said he'd liked the bikini photo's (they were only photos of me going in the sea as it's rough there and you aren't really supposed to, I'm a bit chubby to be honest so wouldn't post bikini photo's as such!) we chatted for most of the day, one of his comments was that 'you won me over a long time ago' very unexpected that! As you know, I don't do getting involved with men with girlfriends, wives, etc, if he were to be single though, that is definitely an avenue I'd like to explore further! ;-)