Sunday, 24 April 2011

The weekend

Well the Space Cadet is still getting in touch on a daily basis which I'm still unsure about, I think he probably wants a friend to be able to chat to, I on the other hand don't really want that, I think I am going to leave longer and longer between message replies and see what happens, the thing is the messages never fail to bring a smile to my face and life has been a bit crappy lately, so although I know it's going nowhere I'm loathe to get rid of it entirely, does that make sense?

There has been another flurry on the dating sites, again no one I'd like to meet!

Video Boy has been in touch asking if I'd like to do a date three (it was about 6 months ago that we had dates one and two) I've said yes (probably putely because I'm pissed off with the Space Cadet if I'm honest but we'll see what happens, I'm pretty sure nothing will have changed but he seems pretty convinced that there is some chemistry there!

The weathers been beautiful so decided to get a bit of sun, walked in and saw Billy Bullshit, gave him a massive cuddle, because I needed one and as the person I would have liked it from failed miserably it had to come from somewhere, I have to say he gives lovely cuddles.

Popped out to a birthday party last night, wasn't going to go as there's been a lot going on here but I did in the end, saw my knight in shining leathers early on in the night, he said I looked tired (I did and had gone out with hardly any makeup on!) I gave him a brief explaination of why and he told me how things were his end but I was with a friend so kept it short, I realised it's a year this weekend since the first night with him, so this time last year I was knackered for a very different reason! ;-)

I caught up with the carpenter that I need to give me a quote too last night, I'm sure my friend was trying to sell me, I told him what I needed doing and he remarked that I needed a handy man rather than several different tradesmen, her response was 'no, she just needs a man' I do love my friends, really I do! I commented that another of my friends was debating giving my business cards out to every nice looking man she saw, I think we sold me well there - not! Anyway I should be getting a quote visit soon!

Wednesday, 20 April 2011


Well Saturday was a HUGE let down, I was left waiting and waiting and waiting to eventually get a going home soon, followed a while later by can we make it tomorrow afternoon (I knew it, I knew it!) I threw a bit of a strop if I'm honest and told him that I didn't think that it was ever going to happen and it was a bit late in the day to cancel, etc, etc and basically ended it with 'I give up - have a good one' to which I received a reply saying that he was going home and if I didn't still hate him and wanted cuddles then come over. I responded by saying that 'I don't want to keep being fucked around'

If I'm honest normally my pride alone would have stopped me from going but I was talking to a friend and she thought I should go as he'd left the boys and came home, eventually I went over and things were fine as normal, couple of glasses of wine a DVD that wasn't really watched due to too much talking, none of the promised cuddles.

Bed time came and I have to say it was all a bit awkward, if I'm honest it wasn't even about the sex, infact probably far from it but I'd had a really bad week and could have really done with a cuddle, we both used the bathroom and after much hesitation I asked where I was sleeping, he told me I could have his bed and he slept in the spare room, I didn't get much sleep but to be honest I never do in strange beds, however to add insult to injury his neighbours were having sex above his bed on Sunday morning - not impressed!!

He was still in bed when I got up at 10, I debated making the tea or just leaving to be honest but kind of felt that doing that was a bit rude, so I waited nearly an hour and took him tea in bed, he then got up, I stayed at his until about 3, all was fine, we get on great but apart from a hug and kiss goodbye, nothing, absolutely nothing.

To say I felt deflated on Sunday is a total understatement, which is stupid really as I knew what was going  to happen, I'm not as stupid as I sound here, really I'm not but I can't help but like him and I can't help but go for the wrong men!

He text a couple of times during the early evening on Sunday and I ignored him, I eventually replied after getting one that ended saying I'd left my wine so I would have to come over next weekend to help him finish it off, is he fucking nuts or what?! I replied saying 'don't worry, drink it!' he said he'd had a nice evening and thaned me for his tea in bed, saying that he 'could get used to that!' I said thatr he should get his new flatmate trained up.

The texts have kept coming on Monday he sent one saying that there was a distinct lack of kissed in my texts and that he could tell that I was tired and pissed off (I don't think he realises that I'm pissed off at him mind!)
I responded by saying 'Oiiiii don't moan now love you had plenty of opportunity this weekend for kisses and cuddles' and the reponse was 'Oh I see, so no more text kisses then' with a sad face, what the fuck is going on in this boys head?!


Ok so in the last 14 days we have a further 887 messages to add to the thousands that have gone before it, ok I think I'm officially mad, why on earth would you spend that much time on someone your not interested in?!

Mr F1 text on Sunday saying he'd like to go out again........yeah just my luck.

Still being offered a week in Dubai.........just my luck

Why can't I meet a decent man that isn't a complete wanker and/or fuck up?

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Friday's Date with Mr F1

It's been a tough week for the family and I've had to dart over to be with them and dread everytime the phone rings.

The Salesman didn't happen on Tuesday, he text asking if we could do another night (I nearly did this but suspected that he would) I said no but if he wanted to come out one night when I'm out for dinner with the Bestfriend then I would see him then, this has fairly effectively stopped the texts for the last few days.

Last night it was the date with Mr F1, I didn't feel any of the usual pre-date nerves and went to meet him at the pub where I'd first met the Space Cadet, I felt a little bad about this but it is the only place I know in the middleish. He text to say he was there and I responded that I'd be about 5 minutes.

As soon as I got out of the car I could see that he wasn't my type at all, I knew he was about 5'10 which is about 4 inches taller than me but had kind of forgotten how short that is compared to the 6 foot plus guys I've been spending time with, he looked a bit like his photo's but kind of more scrawny!

I'm pretty sure the barman recognised me from when he was asking us to leave at midnight on a Sunday when we were the only one's in the pub, I had a joke with the barman as we ordered drinks and we sat down.

The whole conversation felt like hard work, he kept asking questions and I answered firing questions back at him but in all honesty I don't think I was really interested in the answers, even his job which I expected to be really excited about was a bit of a flop, it turns out because of what he does he's only ever been to one of the Grand Prix's, they don't even see the full size car and the only time he meets the race team is at the Christmas Party!

He's been single for a long time, he likes Bonsai tree's (WTF?!) he drinks John Smith's (Old!) and gin, it appears that he doesn't do much because he doesn't have many friends here and those that he does are all settled, I honestly think that the boy would bore the life out of me, he does however own his own house and have a new car, as per usual those things really do nothing to attract me!

When he went to the toilet I took the opportunity to sneak a look at my phone to see a couple of messages from a couple of friends and two messages from the Space Cadet, one about his game today and one an hour and a half later with one of his you've not answered messages, so I replied (he obviously didn't know I was out on a date) He also asked if I'd like to go and see a film that we both want to see next week, which as we've not even done tonight yet I found a bit odd, normally he's hard enough to pin down for one night let alone arranging the next first, I said yes and then behaved when date arrived back.

I kept subtly (I'm not good with subtle if I'm honest!) looking at the time on my watch and thinking that it was too early to leave but it got to a point where I couldn't bear it anymore and said I'd better get off, he asked the time and I said 10.15 which is what my watch said, I went to the loo and saw on my phone that I'd not put the clock forward (I don't wear a watch often!) I could have escaped earlier!

We walked to the cars, he was standing a little close so I backed away and said nice to meet you and goodbye, there was nooooo way I was doing the whole kiss goodnight thing, I can honestly say it's the worst date I've had this side of 30!

Texting with the Space Cadet continued until late, he's being very sweet, he reckon's he will have finished Cricket, home and sorted by about 9 tonight, he's been so very sweet this week with all that's been going on in my life and I do feel that the table's have turned a little bit, I'm still skeptical that it's going to happen to be honest but we will see later won't we?

I did say that if Friday went badly I felt that Saturday would and vice versa, tomorrow you and I will both know if I'm right!

Monday, 11 April 2011

A funny day for it

My head has been in the totally wrong place, all I've done is think, think, think and after finding some 'sentimental' stuff from the ex yesterday I've been thinking that he was a lot of words that I wanted to hear but few and far between on the action front, something that made me think of the Space Cadet, all I've thought all day is that I should step away from it, it's not only that that's wrong at the moment, I'm hating the job I loved, working too much, playing too little and still in pain, so not a great day in all, I won't bore you with the rubbish, after all this is about kissing princes not the day to day rut of life!

I'm going to write this while I'm still excited and before he changes his mind or gets ill (yeah wait for that bit!)

Well back to the point, the Space Cadet text tonight and we were talking about my day, I was a little surprised when the text ended in 'If you fancy a bottle of vino on fri or sat night you are more than welcome huni, you know I will make you smile ;-)'

I was a little surprised as he said he was busy this weekend but I responded saying it would be difficult to get home after a bottle of wine but it may well be needed by the weekend, his answer was to say I could crash there but we'd talk about it in the week.

Now I know I'm cynical but I do expect this offer to disappear by the weekend, lets see hey?

On another note Mr F1 has been in touch on a daily basis and asked me out today (men are like bloody buses I tell you) I have as I promised my friend said yes (she is very excited about him!) I would quite like to say no as I believe in working them out one man at a time but as we have already discovered if I wait for Space Cadet I could just end up disappointed that I've turned other things down and if I work on his logic it's not a date unless it involves dinner and just a drink has been discussed with Mr F1, so that's ok right?!

Also I was due to go out with Flowers Boy but wriggled out of it (I am quite happy to catch up as a friend but really that's all) and tomorrow I am due to go for a drink with the Salesman, now again it's only a drink and I don't want to go back down that road but it's been a long time and a catch up will be nice I think?!

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Drunken Texting (and for once it wasn't me!)

Well I went for dinner with a friend last night, looks like not getting drunk of a Saturday isn't a good plan! We had late night texts from the salesman, apologising for not coming for dinner on Monday and the usual flirty texts, the one for the book however is the message from the blast from the past (who incidently is seeing someone now!) he did warn me that he was going out and there may be some drunken texting but when I woke up this morning I got a text saying 'Why not me? I can give you all of my heart and soul and 100% devotion? I'll give you every part of my being? Romance, excitement but most of all love'

Now what's a girl to say to that? I decided that ignorance was the best route to take so turned over and went back to sleep, thinking that he'd probably wake up and cringe at what he'd sent, only to wake up a bit later to find one saying 'By the way that was true!' We've had a bit of a chat about it, in all honesty I don't like him like that, I wish I did, really I do but I don't, luckily I don't have to bump into him, why can't it just work that the people you like, like you and vice versa?

Life and love is a complicated process if you ask me!

Saturday, 9 April 2011

Another weekend has arrived.....

And I made the most of the sun with an early Friday evening in a pub garden with friends, wasn't all it was cracked up to be mind, after being accused of chatting up yet another womans husband (it wasn't like that at all, the company he works for has asked for something that the company I work for can provide and therefore it seemingly made sense to discuss this and swap numbers) I really don't understand why women who don't trust their husbands don't just keep them on shorter leads or infact don't let them out at all, it would make life easier for everyone I feel!

Well a couple of pints of cider gave me some courage to tackle the space cadet about whether he actually wanted to get on and do this first date or not, he replied saying that he thought we were going to do a date soon but that that being honest he was struggling to find the time for love at the moment, well what do you make of that one then?

I gave him the get out of I was happy with being friends as long as I know whats on the agenda but he didn't take it, saying that he was busy the next couple of weekends but the end of the month was good and that yes he does want to go out soon, hmmmm, hmmmmm, hmmmmm, I don't know and hmmmm.

We have had a couple of developments on POF though, I've been asked out on two dates for this weekend alone, one is a guy I was talking to a while ago but kept ducking out of meeting and the other is a new one but he doesn't drive which if I'm being honest I think I could find that a bit of a pain in the arse, so I've yet to say no or yes, we'll see.

The other development on POF is that a guy has contacted me that I'm quite excited about, this is probably going to sound a little shallow but if you knew what a petrol head/girl racer I am you would totally understand! He works for a very well known Formula 1 team based near where I live, I have to say that F1 is something I could get really excited about, we are at initial chat stage so we will see if it goes any further than that. I think we'll call him GP or maybe F1, have to see if he makes it into next weeks entries!

I am full of cold and am thinking about staying in for the night, I should be at a friends anniversary BBQ but I feel rather rubbish and at least if I'm at home I won't be accused of trying to run off with anyone's husband!

Wednesday, 6 April 2011


It's been a really tough few days, I swear they are trying to kill me at work at the moment, a 12 hour day is a good one at the moment, I'm totally shattered and full of cold but still at work, today has been particularly bad!

The e-mails are flowing in on POF, a couple that I might talk to a bit more and have sent a couple of mails too.

My phone chucked a paddy today and deleted every message I have ever sent or received, including the getting on for 4000 to and from the space cadet, I was a bit miffed to be honest, he's a little shocked at how many messages we've had between us (that's just been since January too as I deleted them before that!)

He's mentioned super bikes again, will it ever happen? Is he just on friends or more? Will I ever know? I need to do some more thinking on this one I think!

Sunday, 3 April 2011

The Weekend

Well Saturday pretty much carried on in the same form as the week, MANIC!

I got up and went riding which was great, including my first canter, I kept being told how natural I looked on the horse and I have to say I was quite pleased about that

After manic running around meeting people, dropping presents off etc it was time to come home and get ready to go to the birthday party of the woman that thought I was having an affair with her husband (She seems to have realised now that thinking that was a little stupid!)

I was knackered and really didn't want to go, plus my mind was still doing overtime from Friday night, however my friend and running buddy Jo came for dinner before we went and we started on the wine, neither of us were up for it at all.

It turned out to be a good night, lots of dancing and sillyness and I pulled an 18 year old (The son of the woman that thought I was having an affair with her husband funnily enough, I didn't do anything, that's way too young even for me!) so that was quite funny really, especially the fact that he kept telling me that he is a 'Tripod' lol!

I also had an offer by e-mail, it's a tricky one really, would I like a paid for week in Dubai around my birthday? .....................................................with someone else's husband............................... Now there are a few things to consider here, I don't do other people's husbands, I don't fancy him, I don't want to sleep with him, I have been accused of sleeping with him (I get really pissed at being accused of things I've not done and it kind of makes me want to do it if I'm going to get crap for it anyway!) I've got no-one to go on holiday with this year and could really do with some sun, now what do I do with that one?

Still no further in my thinking on the Space Cadet, I did have a chat about it on Friday night with the Blast from the Past, who said that he wouldn't bother putting that much time with all the texts etc to someone he wasn't interested in and that I should get on and ask the boy out, hmmmmmm, more pondering and discombobulation reigns :-(

Friday, 1 April 2011

Please head stop doing overtime!

I've been made to think about things a bit tonight and I can't say that I'm that keen really!

It's been a funny day really, it started with a visit from the estate agent who valued my place way under what I was expecting, a visit from my mum, a visit to the garage to pick up a new deflector for the car, a visit to the mortgage advisor about remortgaging, all fairly innocent really, while I was looking for someting I found some e-mails from the ex and really did wonder why I used to put up with his shit, it was a fair while before he left and even today it still made my blood boil, how stupid is that?!

A friend today has made me seriously contemplate which side of the fence I'm sitting on in regard to the Space Cadet, she said that if we both wanted to find the time to see eachother we would which I'm about 50/50 on I think, half of me thinks that yes, we would both find time but the other half thinks that neither of us can guarantee being home on time for anything in the week, his hours are as stupid as mine.

Another thing is we can't seem to coordinate anything, if I'm near his he's miles away (apart from the day we met for a cup of tea but didn't actually have any tea!) and if he's near mine I'm miles away, like on Wednesday when he was five minutes from my place and I was in Newcastle!

I'm still a bit old fashioned in that I believe the guy should do the asking out but I fear that if I leave him to it we may have not got to first kiss stage in the next six months, I'm doubting everything again now I fear............

Ah it also looks like the job front may be changing for him, meaning that he could well also end up being abroad Mon - Fri, god I know how to pick them don't I?!

My friend also says I need to find someone older and richer but to be honest old and rich have never really been things that have done it for me, maybe I need to look harder?

I hate my job at the moment, it really has taken over my life, I've been asked twice this week how I've not been snapped up yet but seriously who would put up with me being on 24/7 call and hardly seeing me?

Do I read too much into the comments? Do I not read enough? What I do know for the time being is that it's hurting my head and tonight it's driving me a little bit nuts, maybe I'm just tired after this crappy week? I haven't replied to his last message, leaving it is something that I never do but for tonight I think I need to sleep on it, I guess I need to work out if I'm being blinded by bullshit or not!