Round Up...........

I've been a bit strapped for time at the moment and I managed to lose my 22 story after spending two weeks writing it on and off I thought I’d give you a little roundup of what’s been going on in my little world.

22 has been in touch but that’s nothing new, it’s rare that I don’t hear from him at least monthly, as has the Hot Welsh Tennis Coach but again he’s in touch all of the time so nothing exciting.

Shoe Guy has been in touch, he’s not said that he’s bored with the girlfriend but I can’t imagine why he would be in touch with me if that wasn’t the case, I had predicted as much a year ago but unless something changes with him having a girlfriend though I won’t be getting involved.

At one point in the last week I received iffy snapchats from both the Space Cadet and his brother, right at the same moment which had me in fits of laughter, SC offered me Rugby for today but I couldn't be bothered, his brother told me he wished he were single as he would love to be spending some time with me. 

Usual suspects have come out of the woodwork, a very brief conversation with Cunt Face about what a bad time he is having but very much short answers, maybe he is trying to be good?

A couple of months ago I matched with the gorgeous electrician, 6’ ex Royal Marine, lives in the town I work in, we’ve talked a fair bit on and off but although he’s talked about meeting, we never quite get there, his conversation has been amazing, funny, pushing the boundaries but never stepping over them, until Friday when he sent me a cock shot, why do they have to ruin it? I don’t know yet whether he’s being written off for it or not, he’s hot, funny, clearly intelligent and articulate, was it just a late-night lapse but although he tells me he’s shy which is why we haven’t met yet he is ex-military and it’s rare they are shy and he’s being flown out to Sweden this week to teach people Ice Driving, can he be those things and be shy? I can be shy even though no one would ever expect that of the bolshie person they know!

The week before Christmas I had a meeting in London with Procurement Guy, when he messaged me the day before asking if I wanted to meet for a coffee prior to the meeting I expected him to suggest meeting near the venue, instead he asked what time my train was coming in and where to and said he’d meet me at the station. In times where I find that men are rather flaky I have to admit to being impressed at him travelling right across London to meet me before heading right across London again.  

I still don’t see him as my type but he is a nice guy, we had been chatting on Skype, partly work related things, partly flirty banter as I was getting ready to release a big announcement, obviously I didn’t say anything to him as there are masses of things in my role that I can’t talk to anyone about.

The announcement went out to our senior team, on that team is his Director and another Director that he reports to via a dotted line. Within minutes of the announcement dropping in the senior’s inboxes he called me and said ‘were you writing that when we were talking?’ I said that yes, I’d be writing is as we spoke, he said that he knew it was stuff that I couldn’t tell him but it was announcements that he was happy with as they would affect his role and he asked if I’d known when we were at the event the previous month and he’d been moaning about them, I said that I’d known for months now but that until the announcement I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.

Apparently later that day his boss sent him the announcement, he told him that he’d already seen it and was asked how, his answer was:

‘I was in the hotel room with Frog Princess when she was writing it’

Followed by a response from his boss:

‘???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘What?’

To which he finally told him that he was joking and his boss told him he was a fucking idiot!

I found that quite funny.

Apparently most of the questions his boss asks him are answered with some variation on in a hotel room with me, which I have to admit I find quite funny as long as he doesn’t say it to my boss who is totally unlike his and wouldn’t find it amusing in the slightest!

He was waiting at the station when I arrived, the banter started immediately and continued throughout the morning, when we got to the meeting it was a disaster, the ‘Events Team’ had done their usual bad job, booking a room for 50 when we have 250 people coming, we pretty much overruled their decisions all round, he agreed with all of mine and said he didn’t feel that they would do a good job, he was shocked at how bad a job they had done, I have worked with them before so I wasn’t.

We went for lunch after and worked through some plans, before he saw me back to the station, we’ve not spoken much since as it’s Christmas break but had a call with the events group last year, at one point he told them I could do a much better job than the people we are paying but I’m pretty sure his boss saw it as him having a bit of a soft spot for me!

I spent a day Christmas Shopping with the Best Friend and discovered that the girlfriend I knew wasn't my greatest fan really dislikes me and our relationship but I'll cover that more in a later post,  I also had dinner with his ex, who is also a very good friend of mine. 

I have my first date of 2018 on Friday, in London, maybe next week’s post will be a bit more exciting? 

A weekend of racing.........

So, Cake Destroyer has been in touch but not with the regularity that we have been, he's been in touch every day but one day was only once and he committed the cardinal sin of not responding until the next day, he did apologise, saying he was at a beer festival and didn't want to drunk text me, however it was 24 hours after my message so I took over 24 hours to respond, apologising that I was at racing and the signal was bad, which wasn't a lie but I could have messaged, had I felt inclined, oh who am I kidding I was inclined, I just didn't want to message back quickly so stopped myself. 

He responded really fast, saying that was ok etc and he was heading up to Norfolk to see more family and then text in response to my reply last night,  I don't really know where we are, I went out on Thurs with the Best Friends Ex and when talking about it I said that I wasn't sure that you could date this early on and not see each other for weeks at a time, we’ll be on a month this weekend coming from date one and you can’t get by on talk alone.

We’ve mentioned meeting on Saturday on his way home, however he might be taking others back to camp, so if that happens we won’t be, I’m going to leave the meeting up thing now, I’ve asked about it once and made my point of you actually need to see each other for things to develop so we’ll see, the lesser contact probably isn’t a bad thing, it’s weaning yourself off a bit at a time I guess?

Cunt Face messaged Thursday ‘Hey sexy lady, you ok? x’ I’d love to tell you I’d not responded but I can’t, however my messages were pretty light, no great long ones, no x’s on them, it didn’t last long and then he disappeared like the ghost he is.

The one I went on a couple of dates with earlier in the year keeps reappearing and asking me out, I don’t think I even gave him a name, he was pretty unreliable so I gave him the heave ho, he keeps asking for another chance and asked me to go for a drink on Sunday, I said ok, if he came my way and chose somewhere, he text Saturday saying he’d ‘look now’ I didn’t respond and no further message came, however I had my arm twisted to stay over at racing and made no effort to get home early for a non-existent last chance date with a flaker, so I didn’t race back and he didn’t get in touch, no shock there then? From now on I’m just going to ignore his messages completely, instead of indulging his ego with responses.

The vet has been in touch too, it’s a funny story really, we matched on Bumble in December, I can’t say I wasn’t pretty excited to match with a vet, either a farmers wife or a vets wife would suit me down to the ground, however he was very honest, he said straight away that a relationship wasn’t what he was looking for, however if I was after fun he thought we’d have a great time together, I politely declined, however at the time I had a very pregnant cat that was giving me issues so we chatted a bit about that and he asked over a couple of days how she was doing (we’d had a C-Section and I was pretty much hand rearing two hourly) so I was shattered, I nearly lost them all but four of the 6 survived (1 had been born sleeping, one got to two weeks old and then died just as I thought we’d turned a corner and broke my heart) and eventually went on to be superstar’s in their new homes, he was quite sweet, asking about how they were doing and we’d chat intermittently, then we matched on Tinder, started chatting again, still he and I were looking for different things but swapped numbers, I put his number in my phone and within a few weeks he came up in my Facebook suggestions, which is kind of annoying and kind of good, however I noticed his surname which is fairly unusual.

Not only is it unusual, it’s also the surname of someone that works for the same company as me and although he wasn’t living there at the time the area of his ‘home’ area is similar, for her age my immediate guess would be either a Mum or Aunty.

Anyway the person I work with is a manager that works for one of the MD’s that my boss is CEO for, so I don’t work directly with them but still see them in the office and she used to be here quite a lot, I also knew that she had three adult children, he is 28 (yes, I do know I’m 39 and no, I’m definitely not old enough to be his mother)

So, I mentioned that I worked with someone of the same name, he skimmed over it and never really gave me an answer.

A week or so later she was in, we chatted as normal and she told me that she was going to be a grandmother and that her daughter who is a vet has got engaged, what do the other children do I asked, she told me and ……….. is a vet, boom, it was his mum! I mentioned it, he said he didn’t want me to be embarrassed and that she doesn’t approve of dating apps, he also asked that I didn’t tell her (like I would!)

Anyway, he’s quite sweet but as we are looking for different things it’s not worth us meeting us, however he pops up every few weeks/months to see how I am, ask after the cats and see if my minds changed……… it hasn’t and even if his had the whole Mum thing would make it even more difficult!

So, that’s all of my ‘old’ people updates, so a few weeks ago at racing we had a new mechanic join us, he’s not new to the team as they’ve worked together for years, although we have had different mechanic/s for the 5/6 years that I’ve been going, however he’s new to me as we’d not met before the last round, although I’ve heard him mentioned.

He’s a little taller than me, probably 5’10ish I’d say, he’s alright looking but nothing special, he’s a smoker, which is a massive no, no for me and on my deal breaker list but he’s pleasant and funny, we got on ok but I was only there for one day last time and we also had a visit from another old mechanic, who has FB flirted with me on and off for a while and who has been quite ill with cancer (and has just got the all clear which is fab news) he looked really well and I was struggling to take my eyes off of his biceps which looked pretty bloody awesome, anywho…. He slated the new mechanic a little to me, which I didn’t feel was strictly necessary as I’d heard good stuff from the rest of the guys, I even said ‘you don’t like him then’ to which he backtracked and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t like him it was just that he thought he could be a bit of an idiot but to be fair I think all men are.

We didn’t get much time to chat but he seemed nice enough, I went up on Saturday to the racing and as soon as I got there I was told that when they asked who was coming to get me they said I was coming with cake and boobs and there was a whole host of offers to come and collect me! Cheeky sods! Anyway we had a good couple of days and all had dinner together, the chat was wrong on so many levels, I hear a lot of things but even I was a little shocked at some of it! HAHA! However on chatting about it on Sunday he was told that I was the worst of all of us, a little unfair I thought.

A couple of times in the day when he’d thanked me etc he’d added ‘beautiful’ to the end which I hadn’t really noticed until later in the day when one of the boys had ribbed him for it.

One of the other guys always flirts with me (actually most of the team do but I am a flirty sort of person so I don’t help it) he mentioned in front of the new mechanic that I’d not taken up his offer of a spooning partner for the night before, I said that I’d not had the invite, it was mentioned that all I’d had to do was say and that I could have had the choice of at least three places to sleep that night, we continued joking about, as the older mechanic rode off, he was gesturing for me to go with him (it’s all in jest, he is happily married, although he’d never admit that and I think if I said yes he’d run a mile!) and the new mechanic caught sight of it and started laughing.

Anyway, we all had a nice day of joking around and the horrible bit of breaking down (it takes hours and everyone has had enough by that point) he then came and gave me a cuddle and left, I hugged everyone about half an hour later and left too as we’d finished.

When I got home I added some photos to FB and thanked them for the weekend as usual, I also added him and a couple of others that I’ve been getting to know as friends, there is a young lad who is about 19, his 17 year old brother, his Mum and Dad that have been joining up with us and are really lovely, so I added the 19 year old and his Mum too, we’ve known each other for most of the year now, they all accepted and we all liked posts, photo’s etc.

Later in the evening I got a pm from the new mechanic, telling me thank you for a funny weekend and saying he’d not realised I lived where I did as he used to spend loads of time up here, turns out he and I used to work for a major car manufacturer that have a college in the area and both did courses there (different obviously but would have been at a similar time) so we chatted a bit and eventually said goodnight, quite some time after I’d planned on going to bed.

It’s the funeral of the friend that died racing today, I am glad I’m not as I’m not good with things like that but I’ve not stopped thinking of them all today, especially his family and those closest to him, I know it happens to us all but in this case it was way too early.

The week is nearly over......

It's been a long week, a very long week...............

Cake Destroyer is doing my head in a bit, still long messages but they are more infrequent now, a couple a day probably, usually one first thing (although there wasn’t one today but he’s not been online since he sent me the last message last night) now, I don’t know if I’m being paranoid because of what’s happened in the past or that I’m not being paranoid and I won’t hear much more from him.

Now there was no chemistry on date one, so I shouldn’t really be too bothered, what bothers me most is when someone is so keen and then it drops off, although the messages have still been really involved and I know that basic training is a killer, so it could be that but he’s not suggested a day to see each other again yet.

So, last night I was trying on my outfit for the party this weekend, it’s a 1880’s Western themed murder mystery and my part is a saloon girl.

So, my outfit is a red corset (it’s simply beautiful and fits amazingly well) a skirt (as yet undecided) a pair of stunning shoe boots, that I just won’t be able to wear for very long as they will kill me but they are going to be worth it, patterned fish nets, it looks great but I can’t decide between the final two skirts, one is shorter, one longer, same sort of style.

Before you think I'm getting dressed up because there will be lots of men there, there won't, certainly no single one's but I do take getting dressed up very seriously!

I get a message from the Best Friend to say that he’s out with the Car Salesman and about the Ex, he wants us all to do dinner, which I’m cool with, I sent him a photo of the shoes (he likes a girl dressed up) he says he likes them so I ask him to help me choose a skirt, he likes the shorter one, no idea why I bothered asking if I’m honest, I should have known.

A little later I get a message on FB from the Car Salesman, saying he’d been out with BF and we need to talk and that he loved my shoes, I asked why we needed to talk and that he’d ducked out of dinner, he said that BF is in bits which is why we need to talk and he would be more help with outfit choices than BF, he said we have joint custody of them.

Anyway, he offered to help me choose a skirt, so I sent him photo’s, one of the short and one of the longer (both in heels, fishnets and corset) he chose the shorter outfit but said that I looked hot and that even 18 years later I still look incredible, apparently I have an amazing smile and boobs!

He went on to say how I suit a corset and that I am a ‘walking fantasy with attitude’ I think he was pretty impressed with the outfit overall!  He sent me his number and said to text him.

I brought up (as I always do) the him shagging my mate thing, it’s not even a skeleton anymore, we literally laugh about it, he again told me it was the worst decision he’d made and what a twat he was. He talked about the date we’d been on five years ago and how good it had been, he said that things around that time were crazy and he’d tell me when we met up, but I said I wanted to know, anyway turns out he’s had a one night stand a month before we’d met and she’d called the next day telling him she was pregnant with twins, it was all messy and it kept getting worse, a cancer care, a new boyfriend, losing one of the twins, death threats which is why he pulled back from me at the time. He told me how much he’d loved that evening although he knew I’d hated his film choice. He said he’d remembered how good a kisser I was and described it and he’d wished we’d sorted our acts out 18 years ago when we first met.

He talked about the day we first met and how he remembers it, that I’m still hot now only have better taste in corsets but that he remembered I always had excellent taste in underwear (he’d obviously caught me on the right days or when I was prepared!) his last message to me (I went to sleep) was that he was ‘Lastly, I’m sorry for being a cunt, a massive cunt’ which to be fair I don’t think he was really.

We were both young, I didn’t know what I wanted, he thought he did, I couldn’t decide, I was 21, in a new job, surrounded by some pretty hot men and I didn’t know what I wanted, however sleeping with my then best mate was obviously taking it too far, although in fairness we were never actually going out, just seeing each other so really he wasn’t in the wrong for sleeping with someone else, just for doing it so close to home.

Sometimes I think familiarity can do funny things to you, he’s safe for me because it’s old and familiar, it’s like the cuddly toy I’ve had since I was a baby, I know I can always go back to it for comfort but then I know I can leave it in a cupboard for 5 years and not think twice about it too.

The four of us have always had such good banter together, so although I can’t imagine curry will happen it would be nice for it to, it’s been years since we’ve seen each other, life is a funny game, he’s asked today why I don’t have a man in tow and if I still have very little time for knobheads, which yes I do still have little time for knobheads!

Mr Bumble keeps popping up, nothing exciting to report, Cunt Face as ever pops up and disappears, I hope his rash itches like fuck! 

Another Week...............

Is halfway through.

No news from Cunt Face since Saturday (No surprises really) No news from the Cake Destroyer since late Sunday eve, however he is on exercise so I didn't expect to as I'm pretty sure that they aren't allowed phones (he's not been on Whatsapp since 5am Monday morning which seems to fit with me thinking they aren't allowed phones) so we'll see if I hear from him over the weekend when he's back, he was terribly complementary on Sunday after the date, so I've got no real reason to think he won't, however you know how this internet dating thing is these days, you are the best thing in the world one day and ghosted the next!

The sites are pretty busy with messages but I can't really be arsed at the moment, I'm totally bored of small talk and boring questions, maybe time to take a break? However when I take a break I kinda feel like I'm waiting for CF to get in touch and maybe I am a bit, I like having someone that messages me each day, the Cancerian in me needs to feel needed and it saves me making it all up in my vivid little imagination!

I've found it a bit odd not hearing from CD each day, as I have since we first matched, not messages all day like CF and I used to do but one first thing and then a couple more once he finishes work, however our messages are rarely short, they are always long and with substance which makes such a nice change (I did also check the Tinder distance and it's not moved so he's not looked on that since he left either) dating these days makes you a bit paranoid I think.

Mr Bumble has been in touch, he popped up saying that the serial dater needed some help, basically he's been chatting to a woman who's 'currently married' I said I'd need further details but turns out she's only been split with her husband a month ago, on that I said I wouldn't touch it, it's too soon and I think that anyone that can't have a bit of space in their lives after relationship (even more so a marriage) has issues but that I'm not like most and I regard marriage very highly and something that you should take seriously.

Anyway he's going for dinner with her tonight, she's suggested a posh seafood restaurant which he says he finds a bit odd, he also messaged last night to say he had a 'Whatsapp Date' I'm not entirely sure what that is but he says he'll fill me in and she'd asked what his favourite colour was (we joke that this is the most awful dating question ever, unless you are five years old) however I don't know if this is the same woman or a different one! He says the married woman is hot so he's going to see what happens, she also has a toddler and a lot of baggage so we'll see how that one goes.

He asked a question yesterday and it's kind of played on my mind a little bit, he asked if CD was a bit young for me (he's 29, 30 next months and I'm now 39) so it's 9 years between us. Mr Bumble is 31 so I asked if he felt I was too old for him, he said not at all, so I'm not sure why there is such a difference between someone who is 29 and someone who is 31? Is he too young for me?

Works been slow this week, which has given me rather a lot of time in my own head, which realistically is never good when you are me, I fell asleep on the sofa last night, I'm constantly tired, I do wonder if it's down to life just being so stressful in general, with work happenings the week before last and the rollercoaster that is my lack of a love life?

Cake Destroyer Date.......

So, my last update was Thursday, pre dinner with the BF's ex, we had a lovely evening, despite sulking about it BF didn't come, the ex accidentally sent him a message meant for me that said she was trying to put him off coming, apparently that went down a storm.

We talked a lot about them and the situation, she still loves my BF and always has but says she loves her husband too, this is a concept I can't really grasp, I don't understand being in love with two people, hopefully I never will as it sounds very confusing.

We had such a laugh, even without alcohol, she messaged me later telling me that I was just what she needed, my friends can generally rely on me to put a bit of realism to what they are doing, she said that she was glad she hadn't cheated on her husband, I told her that I thought that what they were doing was just as bad, for me having an emotional relationship with someone can be a lot worse than a physical one, it's a lot harder to get in my head than it is to get in my bed (not that, that is easy, if it were there would be a lot more to report here!) just look at the Cunt Face saga, he's never got into my bed but boy has he done some stuff with my head.

Talking of Dear Cunt Face, he's been quiet, not really anything new, he'll go quiet, pop up send me a barrage of messages, boom, he's gone, crazy that I still respond really, I'm not sure why I do, if I were giving myself advice I would be telling myself I was nuts and to keep well away........ he know's I'm up there Thursday and said he is on training and will check the times, I don't expect to hear from him or to see him, however you know I'd like to.

I had a great weekend, I went to the Rugby on Saturday with the Space Cadet, it's funny really we get on so well and I love him to bits but we would never have worked out, I'm actually glad that we ditched it when we did and have become such good friends.

Anyway, I said I would bake for Space Cadet as he was a right grumpy arse on Friday about the fact he's working too much (I don't think he is really, he doesn't like working - who does? and just gives more reasons to moan) so I made the Carrot Cake that Cake Destroyer had talked about with the intention of taking it Sunday and a batch of Brownies, as well as a mini Carrot Cake for SC.

I had giggles over the Carrot Cake, from our first message CD and I have been talking cake, so he said he would swap me guns for cake, I had asked him what cake he wanted and he said a Carrot Cake with a Walnut Face and a Cherry on the top, so that is exactly what I made, I posted a photo on Facebook (not mentioning what it was for) and my friends all said that they thought it looked a bit sinister or like the Wicker Man, which I thought was even funnier, we'd had a bit of a joke about my slightly scary cake in our messages.

I thought about asking him on Friday if we were still meeting on Sunday (the cake would have got a good home elsewhere anyway so it was no bother) but I decided that it was no biggie either way so I didn't. We continued chatting with these long messages that run Tinder out of characters.

On Saturday evening I got a message asking if I was still up for meeting, so I said yes, I actually felt a little excited about it, I think because we'd exchanged so many proper messages. He told me that he had to be back in the base by 6 so would need to leave by 4:30/5:00 to make sure he was, I suggested meeting around 2 saying that a couple of hours should give us plenty of time, he agreed. Based on my last date which lasted a whole 40 minutes (max!) quite often less than an hour is enough.

He checked on Sunday where we were meeting and I suggested where I had met the Bumble guy a couple of months ago, about 40 minutes from home and in the middleish, he suggested we swap numbers to make it easier, which we did.

So, we met, he looked like him, although again I'd say he was a little better in the photos that he was in real life but at least this time I recognised him straight off, I think he'll look nicer without the squaddie hair cut that he has to have currently, however when he finishes his basic training it shouldn't need to be quite so short, he looks better with a bit more hair.

We met around 2, he was a few minutes late, but we didn't leave until 5 which meant that he was cutting it a bit fine to get back in time.

We weren't lacking in conversation, he wasn't brilliant at eye contact and had some weird facial movements with his nose going on (like a twitch kinda thing) however he may well have been nervous so I'm not going to write him off for that just yet.

We talked about all sorts, he wanted to know about Cunt Face (we'd done best date/worst date) and also about the deaf guy that looked nothing like his photos, he said that his worst date had been with someone that told him how many people liked her and that she was arrogant and his best had been with someone he'd clicked with, I did say that the Cunt Face thing was a long story but kept it to the gruesome details, he said that he found it hard to believe that people would do something like that and how wrong it was, I, of course agreed, I didn't mention that CF and I are still in touch, seemed pointless and it's not like we talk all of the time.

Our moral compasses appear to point in the same direction, he knows about BF and the Ex, and like me can't see how you can love two people at the same time, he was talking about a couple of the guys that are on training with him and how they cheat on their girlfriends all the time without thinking about it and he thinks that's wrong.

Interestingly his brother met his wife online so he does have a bit more hope than me about it, as he's seen it work, although apparently in his best mans speech his Mum told him not to mention how they met, like it was a bad thing, I (and he) thought that was a bit silly as it was obviously a good thing and worked.

We talked about his ex, from what he said she was quite like W@nk Bag, she turned him into a person he wasn't, it was easier not to go out and not get the crap for it etc, I remember when I was with him, if I talked to his mates he used to accuse me of flirting with them and if I didn't he used to call me a miserable bitch, to the point of me just not going out as it wasn't worth the hassle or the argument it would have caused. He said that she used to make him video his mates if he was out to make sure that they weren't out with girls etc, a bit crazy!

As we were leaving, I asked if he wanted his Wicker Man Carrot Cake, he was a little surprised I think that I'd actually made it (I did say) I think he was genuinely a little taken aback by it (in a nice way)

We had a nice time, no immediate chemistry but I'd see him again, I got a message from him just after he got back saying that he make it just on time, he'd had a lovely time spent in my company, the cake was a surprise and my baking skills were 'on point' he said later he'd have happily spent more time with me if he could have (we were together 3 hours which I think is pretty good for a first date) anyway he's on exercise now for a week, so I don't expect to hear from him, which is a shame really.

He seems nice and genuine but I'm sure I'd have said the same about CF just over a year ago by this time last year I knew but he didn't know I knew quite yet, I remember the devastation I felt (it has literally just made me go cold thinking about it) it makes me a little sad that I still feel enough a year on to have that reaction to even thinking about it, I honestly thought he would have disappeared to a distant memory by now, although maybe it's hard to make them a memory when you keep thinking of them and you can't quite put them in the ditch they deserve to be in?

I am getting better, I don't think about him all day, every day now but I don't think there is a day when he doesn't have a little wander through my head, I know it will go away at some point, I honestly do I just wish it would hurry up.

Anyway, another week is upon us!

Monday.....................

It's a well known fact that I hate Monday's, this one feels particularly bad to be honest, I've been away for the weekend (spent it in a race truck) so I got zero sleep and I'm super tired.

No real updates, the ex has decided she isn't leaving the husband for the Best Friend, so that's done, although we are all supposed to be out this week, whether that will happen I don't know.

Cunt Face was in touch on Friday, with a rude meme, he's been quiet all weekend, I messaged him this morning (meme) and that's about it, I get twitchy when we are going into more days, I know where it is but it seems that my heart and my head are just not ready to communicate with each other, will they ever be when it comes to him?

I literally have willpower of steel, I can ignore anyone for months/years but he really effects me badly and I do hate it (primarily probably because so few people have that power over me) but then there is the other part where my body just responds to him when he's near me like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Few messages on the apps, Tinder, Bumble and POF all offering up men and messages but I'm just so past it at the moment.

I had a bit of a bombshell dropped at work last week, which meant I went home feeling rather miserable and sorry for myself, the short version is that I'm going to be spending a lot more time in Manchester (which is quite close to where he is) which kinda, really breaks my heart a little more, also it will cause me issues with one of my hobbies, as at certain times of the year I can't have nights away, which makes it impossible I guess, so I probably need to look for a new job but that could happen really anytime between now and December 2018, December 2017 being more likely.

The sad thing is that just over a year ago when he was talking about us being together and how I could move up there, that chance is really here now, however he isn't here with it, I use Timehop on my phone and it reminds me that this time last year I had been on that incredible date but that then I had found out about her and that everything he had ever told me had been a lie. I'd known from that second date that it was going to be one of those all consuming things, that you find so rarely in life, I'd felt it at the service station 10 days before but not quite in the strength that I had felt that day, I would have dropped everything and moved then which is pretty amazing for someone like me to say, I don't fall easily, I have lived with two men in my life, the first one had taken a year to move in together and was really out of necessity (my Mum was moving and I had to go somewhere so we kind of got swept together) and the second was with W'nk Bag, we'd already been together four years when he moved in and he moved in on me going 'this is either make or break' as we know it was break, just eight months later.

Blue Eyes and I dated for 12/18 months and when he decided he'd like to move in I decided it was time to move on, so this definitely isn't me and now I get the chance to do it all and he's not there, he's vague, not around, on and off, all of the things I know him as but it doesn't stop the 'what if' we could be having a new start now, but then he'd probably be cheating on me, just like he was on her, leopards don't change, I know that, that, however doesn't stop my heart beating out of my chest when his name pops up on my phone screen.

Funny isn't it, that if I was asking me for advice on this, my advice would be to keep the hell away from him...............

How different life could have been, if only he wasn't a lying cunt.

Are all men just scumbags?

I'm seriously starting to think that this is the case, so we had the 5/6 on the Oxford night out, the married man on the Leicester night out, then this week I've had several Tinder messages that are pretty much or literally 'wanna fuck' now I get that it's Tinder but there must be others that use it for other things apart from getting laid? If I wanted to get laid I honestly wouldn't bother with an app, I'd just use the contacts in my phone and probably go somewhere I've already been (would keep the numbers down for one thing!)

On the number subject of numbers, I'm not sure if numbers are a thing or not but I always feel bad about mine, it's not massive but neither is it small - it's 14 for those of you that are curious) so I decided last year that my number if any potential partners ask is 9, and I'm sticking to that, the other five are insignificant/didn't mean a great deal/in the past etc so that's how it's going to be, it might stay at 9 now until I meet Prince Charming - I do fear though that I'll be Dead Princess by the time that happens.

Anywho someone from the past continues to appear, I'm sure I've written about him before, I was seeing him when I was young, oh so very young (17) he had a girlfriend (I know, I know) we used to spend lots of time together back then, he keeps popping up and seeing if I want to meet him, he messaged last night asking if I fancied dinner and a hotel, I messaged back today saying I found wives a bit of a turn off....... he said something about spontaneity, I'm not going to go there, ever but why do they have to do it?

Stingy keeps reappearing on the scene, he messaged yesterday apologising for missing my birthday as he was out at the ring - I do actually believe that this one is single, I know a fucking miracle but then he never manages meeting!

Space Cadet and I are talking about going on holiday together but then he asked for photo's of my boobs, weirdly this year has been the first time he has ever done that, his brother continues to message regularly.

The one I used to go to school with still messages and snapchats me, despite being back with the girlfriend.

The Best Friend and the Ex saga continues and the Best Friend has now chucked the Car Salesman back into the mix (who is now also married) don't get me wrong it's not like I'd go there again but they all want to meet for dinner next week, just like old times - If I'm honest I can't remember a lot of going out for dinner in those days, what I do remember is a lot of clubbing, sex, meeting up, trying not to let anyone from work clock what was going on between us and trying to time our entrances and exits at work so it didn't look like we'd spent the night together, oh happy times!

Have I heard from Cunt Face? No, oh I just realised that I used to call him Monkey Boy, so if you think they are different people they aren't!

Are they all scum bags or have I just had a really bad run of it?

Frog Princess V Drunk Princess and the battle of the messages!

So, here goes………………….

I didn’t want to do an update the week before last because I’d read a message on a forum he uses (he doesn’t and won’t know I can see that) saying that for the event he was going to he ‘didn’t have a girlfriend this weekend’ which I read as not having a girlfriend for the weekend, not, not having a girlfriend…………………. Which made me wonder what he’s up to again, does he have a girlfriend, I know he did earlier in the year, I know he took a girl to the 24 hour, I even said in my post that I was suspicious of it when he told me, will I ever know? Probably not to be honest.

It hurt, it always does but wasn’t the total crash of heartbreak that it has been in the past, maybe his magic is wearing a little?

So, last week was my birthday, it’s officially my last year in my 30’s, which is a bit of a shocker if I’m honest, how did I get that old? Thankfully I’m always being told that I look younger, however I’m conscious that I’m running out of time now (if I’d like a family, which to be honest I’m not sure about but the thought of writing it off forever, however my age could take that option out of my hands)

I had arranged to go out on the Saturday night in Oxford (my hometown and best loved places for a night out) with a few of my closest friends and was meeting up with some of the boys I used to go out with in my teenage years, which I was really looking forward to.

So out were two girl friends that I’ve known since I was a teenager, one has my goddaughter and I see regularly, the other I get on really well with but only really see each other a couple of times a year, on nights out largely, also out were the Best Friend and his ex (out separately for my birthday not with each other) who is also a good friend of mine, we had a good laugh and a giggle about the past and a nice catch up, I could see the Best Friend and his ex getting closer, she admits that she has always loved him.

However she is now married (to the man that cheated on her first time around and I can’t stand due to that fact) Best Friend still has the girlfriend that he doesn’t love but sees a couple of times a week out of convenience, of the two girl friends, one is married, one is single.

Eventually we met up with the boys, which were made up by a guy I used to snog for most of the two years I was at college, at least on a weekly basis (it never went any further) his brother, who dated one of the friends briefly, their cousin, who apparently used to like me, a mate of theirs who used to be a right player but always nice and a friend of theirs that I didn’t know, all of them in relationships or married.

Sooooo, we had a great night, I danced until 3am, may have had a little snog ‘for old times sake’ with the mate from college but that’s that, yes, he is married but I didn’t initiate it and it was literally a snog and then off I went to dance with someone or the bar or something, it meant nothing and I imagine that is what he does all the time, it’s certainly the impression I got.

Anyway, excellent night, quite a substantial hangover on the Sunday, we went for breakfast at 10 and all I could manage was toast, I couldn’t even finish that. I woke up and realised I’d messaged Cunt Face the night before, it took me about two hours for me to read the message that I’d sent, you just never know what is going to happen when drunk Princess takes over town!

Anyway on the journey home I was thinking about the night before, of six men that had been out, all were in relationships, of the six one had behaved and done nothing, five of the six hadn’t, lets be honest, that’s not good odd’s is it? It’s really made me think about things, if I were to meet someone, what is the chance that they would be that one in six?

So, back to the messaging of the Drunk Princess, to be fair she doesn’t get drunk massively often, which is good and when she does she tends not to text people because she knows she is a bloody liability and regrets being a twat the next morning but we all know I have this little piece of invisible string that ties me to him.

So, in the head of the Drunk Princess it was a good idea to send him a message asking if he was stopping in on the way home from the show and telling him that sometimes it’s better to have someone in your life in whatever guise that takes, which is totally true but normal Frog Princess probably wouldn’t have told him that and if she had would have almost definitely worded it better, surely you know though if you get a text like that at 2am that there is a Drunk Princess somewhere holding her throbbing little head and wishing she’d not sent it?

When I saw a message flash up on my phone on the way to breakfast I have to admit to not really believing he’d responded and if I’m honest not wanting to read the message, oh Drunken Princess whatever will we do with you?

It was a long message, first saying that he had to read it several times as he thought I’d called him Cunt Face, then saying that he’d realised I had, that he wouldn’t have time to stop as he had to pick his Mum up from hospital.

The long bit was that he was torn, he really wanted to progress things but isn’t sure he wouldn’t as he doesn’t know if it would work and isn’t ready for anything serious, he didn’t want to fuck me around after last times, enjoys my company, I’m lovely, blah…………………………. Probably one of the longest messages I’ve had from him.

Anyway I was feeling very hungover so left it for a bit, until I’d got home, got myself showered, in PJ’s and plonked myself on the sofa and then I put together a response.

I basically said that Cunt Face was now pretty much a term of endearment (my best friend/surrogate mum is called Slut Monster and calls me Bitch Monster) and that I was a bit drunk, fairly glad that he didn’t want to meet up as I was feeling pretty hungover and obviously hadn’t worded it very well but I meant that I would really like us to be friends, I’m glad we cleared the air and put the past behind us and that I’m likely to be doing trips up north quite a lot so it would be nice to meet up if he fancied it, another long message.

He responded saying ‘you tit I’ll ring you in a bit’ and I asked if that was meant for me, I didn’t expect him to ring, I’m used to him not doing what he says he will so I popped my head down and went to sleep (I often to that to stop myself staring at the bloody phone and ease my pained little heart a bit) I woke up to a missed call and a voicemail, saying he’d try later, I tried him and he didn’t answer.

Sooooooo, that was it for a week, I was good, never sent anymore messages, got on with things quite well, I’d love to say he doesn’t cross my mind, but he does and I’d be lying but it’s not all the time and really painful currently, it’s still too often and hurts though, more a bone ache than I just got stabbed in the fucking leg kinda hurt.

In that week I went on a date, he told me 20 minutes before meeting that he was hard of hearing, he then arrived at the pub and even walking up to me I couldn’t really recognise him, I reckon his photo’s are a good 10 years out of date, although with his hearing I struggled to understand him, it wasn’t easy, I was put off by him not looking how I expected and there was masses of silence, I lasted 40 minutes before telling him I wanted to miss the traffic, he asked if we could meet up again and I said no.

So, the birthday week was nice, I went to see some friends and people that I used to work with, which I loved but made me miss my old life, I had a couple of days at home and a fab day at a spa which was lovely, I’ve got to say that on my birthday I still had the pang of having no one special to spoil me but I have to say that some special people in my life did a brilliant job, I was getting dressed when the doorbell rang and a massive bouquet appeared from my boss, then flowers from another friend, followed by the friend I was going to the spa with arriving with flowers, getting home to flowers from another friend and then more turning up, my living room looks like a florist, however I absolutely love flowers, just a shame that they couldn’t have been spaced out to a bouquet a week!

The Spa day was amazing, it’s beautiful and some of the best treatments I’ve ever had at one of my favourite hotels followed by a brilliant little find of a pub for a lovely dinner.

He’d played on my mind a little, so much so that I’d had a nap on Friday afternoon to stop myself messaging him, however by Friday evening I wasn’t able to stop myself any longer and I text saying wasn’t he going to ring me, within about two minutes my phone rang and we had an hour long conversation.

General chat, flirting, etc, then he asked if I knew what he meant by his message, I played Blonde Princess, so he had to go over it, he said he really liked me blah, but he’s not sure if it would work with the distance I’d never trust him (not untrue that) he didn’t want to hurt me after what he’d done last time etc. I played like it was all ok, very cool.

I knew he was going to the Grand Prix on the Sunday (Don’t ask how I knew, I just did!) so I casually asked what he had planned for the weekend (expecting him to lie as the GP is VERY close to where I live)

He didn’t, he told me that a friend had given him a ticket, excellent I said, tell me how it goes as I’ve never been sure I wanted to go, he was probably a bit taken aback as I never mentioned meeting, he said he thought his mate might have invited him as he wanted a lift home but said that if he didn’t he’d pop in if that was ok, I told him that I was out Saturday but would probably be back so let me know.

As soon as we put the phone down he started messaging me and it all got a bit heated (as per) we messaged until around 2am again, he messaged me the next morning saying he hoped I’d slept well and I resisted responding until that evening, I kept it quite light hearted and jokey.

I went out Saturday night, in Leicester, with the person I’d been on holiday with last year, was the first time we’d seen each other after not getting on very well last on holiday, I hoped as it was one night it would be better but to be honest it wasn’t.

Again she was totally self absorbed, totally wants everyone to think she’s much younger than she is (she’s 53) and she turns into a total nightmare when she’s been drinking (she drinks a lot and probably has an issue, like everyday!)

So we sit down in this club, these guys come and sit down and one introduces himself to me, he notices my eye roll and tells me that he’s not chatting me up as he’s married and show’s me the ring, oh I think, maybe it won’t be so bad, they have several more friends come in and we chat a bit, where are you from, what do you do etc. Then they play the how old are you game, he tells me I must be much younger than him (he’s 37) and guesses I’m in my early 30’s, nice but you know boys, so they then guess hers and say early 40’s so she makes everyone guess and makes a big deal of how young she looks, does what she did on holiday, shows them photos of the kids and grandkids (that she hardly see’s) tells them way too much information and starts snogging one of them, now, one of them described her to me as going from 0-Slag in 20 minutes which is an apt description, there was nothing and no one she didn’t grind up against, it was a bit of an embarrassment really, the blokes (particularly the married one) kept touching and I kept moving away so she groped him as well as his mates, we got back to hers and I’d well and truly had enough of her and went to bed.

Got up four hours later with no hangover (probably because I’d not had a great time) I’d not intended to go to the racing but kinda needed cheering up and wasn’t keen on spending any more time with her, she was telling me how she keeps getting blocked on match…….. hmmmm, I wonder why! She’s also still telling everyone that she is shy and lacking in confidence, funny it’s not what I see! She’s still seeing her married boss, who’s married to her friend and continues to give her payrises and bonus’ but she thinks that’s ok, she is massively money oriented, when I found out what the man she snogged does I knew straight off she’d not be interested in him outside of lobbing herself at him that night, he’s a barman so he’s way beneath her and won’t earn enough, bearing in mind she works in accounts, had a big pay off from her ex husband and fucks her boss to make a living it’s a bit of double standards there!)

Anywho……. Sitting there Sunday morning I went through my options for the day, which were to go straight home (and wait to see if he messaged) to stay where I was then go home (and wait to see if he messaged) or to bugger off up the country to go and watch some bike racing with friends (and potentially miss him if wanted to meet) so, I couldn’t really be arsed to spend five hours in the car but knew I’d be disappointed if he didn’t turn up, which I thought was likely, so I used the ‘Fuck it’ analogy, which basically meant that I was going to watch the racing and if he did text it would be good for him to know that I wasn’t waiting around for him, so I told her I was going and asked if I could get a lift to my car (I had offered to drive to save us paying for two taxi’s) she said she’d just have a quick shower and she’d take me, she carried on talking, then had a shower, then washed and dried her hair and then straightened it, then she did her make up, it took forever to get to my car, I was getting a bit grumpy.

No, he didn’t message if you were wondering (not unexpected but still sinks the heart a bit, back to the dull aching of having sore bones!) but I had a great day, the sun was shining, it’s one of my favourite tracks (where he is going this week for a trackday) I got to see Guy Martin race, which is something I have wanted to do for years, he’s really too short, too hairy, too dirty for me but when you lob it all together it seems to make him really attractive! So it was all good really (well it was and it wasn’t, you know what I mean!)

While all this has been going on the Best Friend and his ex have been getting themselves into a bit of a mess, she still loves him and always has and now he’s decided that he might still feel the same which is all a bit messy, I got a bit angry with him on Sunday, partly because I think men are arseholes maybe, partly because I love them both and partly if I’m brutally honest because to see him get his Happily Ever After before Frog Princess does but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to be happy because I do and I love them both. I worry that over the 10 years they were on and off that it didn’t work and that he wasn’t enough for her, he’s pretty non committal and very like me, she’s now settled with a man she says she loves, I honestly feel for her, he has nothing to lose, she does.

I messaged him this morning, saying that I love him and that I’ll support whatever decision they make together but asked that they thought it through and didn’t rush in before decision making as he has little to lose (a gf he’s not bothered about) and she has a lot, he agreed that I was right and thanked me, before we had quite a long messaging conversation. I guess she was also my hope that you can get over someone and move on with someone else, but that’s obviously not true and the fact that someone who states they are happy and has only been married just over a year can cheat on her husband and allegedly the man she loves, oh it’s all so confusing for my little Frog Princess head, I kinda prefer Drunk Princess, she thinks fuck the consequences much more than Frog Princess does! 

It just keeps getting better...................... :-(

So, I never replied to the message that made me feel hurt, I never stopped thinking about it though or hurting, a few times I've closed the front door and the tears have come with the relief of finally being on my own and able to feel as upset as I do.

Had plans to see ET at a Beer Festival on Saturday night, can't say I was terribly looking forward to it but when I say I'll do something I usually do. I was picked up by ET's ex, a lovely guy, on the way to the Beer Festival he talked about 22's accident, showed us where it had happened (which makes me think he was drunk as it's probably the straightest bit of road along that stretch) it turns out he had apparently been taking people home after a night out in town (we knew about the night out bit already as I'd seen him in town) I would say he was going home, the conversation was rather awkward, especially when ET's ex said that he was probably going back to town to get laid, uncomfortable that one!

We got in the pub and walked straight into his Mum, who doesn't like me, that was fun.

We went outside watching the bands, when ET said she had something that she had to tell me but didn't really want to.

Her daughter is 21 and had been round her Nan's the night before, her Nan had been telling her about her Aunt's friend who had been seeing this 'poor lad' who had been involved in a terrible accident two weeks before and who was, wait for it, here is the killer.......... 12 weeks pregnant with his baby.

He apparently asked her to have a termination and told her that he doesn't want it but she is going ahead anyway and is very happy about it, she already has two kids, she has also, been to the hospital to see him.

I was a bit gobsmacked if I'm honest, I've spent the last two weeks hurt and worried sick and then this news lands, I'm not sure it has really 'landed' with me yet if I'm honest, I think it will, probably at some point soon but at the moment it's still sinking in, I'm still hoping it's really someone else, although I obviously know it's not, so I guess there endeth this story.

Dodo Hunter keeps making a Facebook message reappearance saying that something is meant to happen between us, bless him.

I said to Baggage Boy yesterday that if you put 1000 men in a room and 999 were nice, I would still pick the one that was a cunt, I'm not sure that's an exaggeration, that does seem to be how life works for me.

I don't know where my luck comes from, I'm not sure what I feel at the moment but it's certainly not a very happy, fluffy place, I could happily shut myself away from the world and sleep forever at the moment, work is hard going, I don't want to be there and some idiot is never far from my mind at the moment, why do I do this to myself?!

Am seeing the Best Friend for curry tonight, much needed but I don't really want to do people at the moment!

Update........

Friday came and I had four plumbers in the building, we also had a visit from the PCSO after some pikey nicked the old boiler and the copper, cheeky sods.

Uniform came in to collect his keys, saw the state of the place and gave me a cuddle and a 'we'll sort it' I haven't heard from him since (not unusual) the gf is back (I guess!) it's a week on now, my friend was round today and mentioned that he's not been at the pub, although he did park outside mine last night.

I had two more plumbers on Monday, one was quite cute but very young (20's maybe?) we finally have a boiler and can have a bath in my own home, yay!

It's been a strange week, I was due to be working onsite on Wednesday but with a knee that's poorly it's impossible to drive, especially that distance.

Best Friend was going to the track day anyway so I asked if he would drop me at a hotel on Tuesday night and pick me up on Weds morning for work, he said he'd spoken to his friend who said that I could stay there, bear in mind that I have only met him once and it was about 8 years ago on a night out in my home town, Best Friend had three friends and Car Salesman out, including this one who we'll call Engineer, I never looked twice at Engineer but one of the friends was quite nice and we were fairly engrossed in each other all night, the Car Salesman was very jealous and mentioned that I was winding him up (I didn't mean to but winding the Car Salesman up by speaking to other men was never hard)

So I was quite surprised when I arrived at his house and thought he was quite attractive, he's matured well over the years and he's 6'2 which for me is my ideal height in a man, he was very sweet, they carried bags for me, they got me dinner, carried my helmet as it's difficult with crutches.

I went out in the car with Engineer in the morning and it's one of my most fun times in car, the nearest we've come to ending up off of track, on a bad note, I had no makeup, I'm carrying extra weight from not being able to exercise, weeks of morphine has done nothing for my skin and it really could have been better, much better but it wasn't!!! He also lives miles away.

I did say thank you for the loan of the spare room though and I'm hoping to be joining them on a trip later in the year (I've been planning this for years but never made it to be honest, maybe I should try harder!)

On another happy note I got my Superbikes invite this week, can't wait to get back into it, very exciting! :-) 

More messy nights......

I've been a little slack on my updates, Blue eyes is still appearing, he's stayed here at least once every weekend since the first time he stayed here, I've still not really got a clue what's going on, he's nice to spend time with, I went out with him on Friday but wasn't drinking as I had work early on Saturday morning, so I left early and came home alone for once!

I worked Sat and then went out to meet everyone once I'd finally got home, after an 18 hour day I wasn't feeling particularly up for it but managed to stay out until closing, accompanied home by Blue Eye's, I made him tea and toast again (shocking I know!) and we spent a few hours in the afternoon cuddled up on the sofa, which I've got to say was really nice, we're still in the can't keep our hands off each other which is quite cool, even sitting on the sofa he'll sit holding my hand etc, something I'm really not used to, we eventually had to move as we'd promised we'd go out for Messy Sunday, however the whole of the normal Messy Sunday Squad lamed out quite early so we unusually left before closing and came back here.

He commented when we were in bed that he would have quite happily spent the afternoon here rather than going out and how nice it had been, I joked that when I was on Christmas Shutdown I'd be getting him over every night and making sure he didn't get any sleep, he said I was horrible and I commented that all he had to do was say no, he said he thought being able to say no to me was very unlikely!

Have heard from him everyday I think but I don't think I'll see him this weekend as he's out of the village on Friday and I'm working on Sunday which means I can't go out on Saturday and it's unlikely that I'll be back in time for Messy Sunday (I know, can't say I'm too pleased about that bit to be honest!)

I went out for dinner with the Best Friend last night, curry club as usual but I also went to see his rather lovely new house, we had some deep and meaning full's which we normally try to avoid, he's a bit bored with the girlfriend again but he thinks he'd get bored with anyone so isn't really looking into it too much, he asked what was going on with me and had the shortened version of the Blue Eye's story, it seems he thinks it can't go on being fun forever and that the time will come when we'll have to work out whether to call it a day or it become more than it is but the question is, is this really necessary? Can't it just carry on until it's not fun anymore and then that be it and us go back to just being friends? And if not why?

Should we stay with someone that bores us because that's normal and it's what everyone else does? Can you really not have it all?

I want it all and I honestly think I'd rather stay single until I get it but Best Friend say's it's impossible and we can't have it all, what happened to change him? Is he going to end up settling in front of my eyes?

Car Salesman and Night out mark two and date......

A night out on 10th September with the Best Friend, Car Salesman and three of my good girly friends (one of them dated the BF for several years) so I suppose there was a fair chance for things to go wrong, one of the girly friends left by about 11, leaving the five of us, the other girly friend's boyfriend works as a DJ in the club we ended up in.

I got chatted up in the cocktail bar as soon as we walked in which was nice, in fact he was chatting me up when the BF and Salesman walked in, which I think was good, the Salesman is always amazed that he gets jealous when he's around me, something he says doesn't happen with anyone else, there was a lot of flirting going down, when we got to the club, he spent a lot of time telling me how much he liked me etc, etc and the short story is that we ended up kissing, I was to be fair absolutely leathered, my mum picked me up as she does when I go out over there and gave him a lift home, he spent the whole of the journey telling my mum and youngest sister that I should give him a second chance and go on a date with him, my sister tells me he spent the journey home stroking my hair (he was sat behind me!) and we kissed when we left him.

So I quite obviously got the p**s ripped out of me the next morning by the family, however what no-one know's is that the BF went home with the girly friend and they well, went back in time a bit, I'm not supposed to know apparantly!


Salesman text telling me that he loved kissing me and fancy's me loads still, my mum and sister were lovely and they'd both said he could take me on a date, we arranged to go out on the Tuesday but that was thwarted by me needing to leave for work at 4 AM the next day and him still being at work at 7 that evening so he called me and we rearranged for Friday, which I didn't expect to happen as we'd not done well with it so far.

However 17th September arrived and he text asking what I wanted to do, he offered dinner and cinema and I said that just cinema would be fine, he booked tickets and we met up, it was kind of weird in a comfortable sort of way, he walked straight up and kissed me, the film was his choice and I really wasn't that keen, which he realised, as we came out of the cinema he put his arm around me and we went for a drink, again more kissing when the goodbye came which felt weird as I think it's probably the first time we've kissed when we're both sober!

He told me what a great time he'd had and that he couldn't wait for the next date, kept in touch via text and then he asked about going out on the 24th couple of weeks later, I said I was free and that was the last I heard, despite a couple of texts asking if he was ok etc, we were supposed to be having dinner on Wednesday, me, the Best Friend, his ex and the Salesman, I told the girly friend that Salesman wouldn't show, I didn't expect him to after ignoring me, the BF told me that it was going to just be the three of us, so I sent the Salesman a long text saying that I assumed I'd done something but I didn't know what, he said I'd not done anything and that he'd been going through some stuff and switched off from people, apologised a lot, I told him that he was a bit of a weirdo which he didn't take well, it was kind of left there but I'm not sure whether I'm hurt, upset or angry with him, he even talked my mum, my sister and one of my friends around into giving him a second chance!!

My luck really doesn't seem to be in with the male species at the mo does it?!

The night out

I grew up in a lovely town, a town of dreaming spires and boat races, oh and drinking, lots and lots of drinking, so Saturday night was the night back home, staying at my mum's and meeting a few people that I used to spend a lot of time with, the Best Friend, Car Salesman, First Love, The one who left his wife (who needs a separate entry on here I realise!) Two Northern Lads (friends of the Best Friend) and Best Friends Ex who is a good mate of mine and not forgetting Flowers Boy, who was out in town!

Well my little sister took nearly two hours to curl my hair which I'm told looked great, coupled with a little black dress I was ready to go out.

The Salesman greeted me by telling me I looked great, as did the First Love which is always nice to be honest, I got a fair bit of attention from the Northern Lads too, which was nice, it was a great night apart from my lovely friend having to be put in a taxi by 12 as she was too drunk to get in anywhere, so I popped her in a taxi and spent the rest of the night boogying with the boys!

I had a few choices of men, I'm not good with choice so I didn't go for any, by Sunday there was an influx of messages, The one who left his wife telling me that nothing had changed in the 13 years we'd been apart, I asked what he meant and he said that I am still beautiful and surrounded by men, a compliment in deed, he's been texting ever since.

The Car Salesman text and told me how he'd spent the night being jealous of the attention I was getting and asking if he could take me out on a date, what I didn't know at this point was that he'd been having a conversation with my friend who had mentioned the fact that she thought I'd looked 'hot to trot' on Saturday and he'd agreed lol! I am apparantly going on a date with him this week!

Had a few texts from one of the Northern Lads too and Flowers boy, so pretty successful I think!

Spent a lovely day at my mum's with the family and my friend who had been put in a taxi the evening before!

This week we have Squaddie date and whatever else occurs?!

Dinner with the Best Friend and the Car Salesman

Last night was the night for dinner with the Best Friend and the Salesman, I'm really glad to say it didn't feel like it had been 10 years since we'd seen eachother last, a big hug started the evening and plenty of banter followed, including abuse about him going out with my friend which caused him a bit of embarassment, this is something he tells me that he very much regrets!

We had a nice indian (it's always indian with the Best Friend, it just is!) we then went to the pub, where the conversation continued to flow, I saw someone I know from my ex, incidently someone that I can't stand and we had many arguments over, he said hi and I responded (it hurt though I must say!)

A couple of minutes later he walked back in, followed by my ex, who I've not seen since he collected his stuff 18 months ago and not spoken to since I found out he was sh*gging someone else a few weeks later, it was odd, really odd, he didn't look any different, in fact he was even wearing the same shirt as he'd worn when we were together! He'd obviously been wared that I was in there and didn't even look in my direction!

The boys asked if I wanted to go somewhere else but I said no, I'd done nothing wrong and I thought that however uncomfortable I was feeling, he would be feeling worse wondering if I would shout at him in front of his friends!

We had a couple of drinks and then left just before closing, before I got home I had several texts saying how I'd not changed and that he'd love to take me out on a proper date, so that's something I need to make a decision on, we had a lovely evening and it was great to see him again but is there any real attraction and is going back a good idea?

Friday's Date with Mr F1

It's been a tough week for the family and I've had to dart over to be with them and dread everytime the phone rings.

The Salesman didn't happen on Tuesday, he text asking if we could do another night (I nearly did this but suspected that he would) I said no but if he wanted to come out one night when I'm out for dinner with the Bestfriend then I would see him then, this has fairly effectively stopped the texts for the last few days.

Last night it was the date with Mr F1, I didn't feel any of the usual pre-date nerves and went to meet him at the pub where I'd first met the Space Cadet, I felt a little bad about this but it is the only place I know in the middleish. He text to say he was there and I responded that I'd be about 5 minutes.

As soon as I got out of the car I could see that he wasn't my type at all, I knew he was about 5'10 which is about 4 inches taller than me but had kind of forgotten how short that is compared to the 6 foot plus guys I've been spending time with, he looked a bit like his photo's but kind of more scrawny!

I'm pretty sure the barman recognised me from when he was asking us to leave at midnight on a Sunday when we were the only one's in the pub, I had a joke with the barman as we ordered drinks and we sat down.

The whole conversation felt like hard work, he kept asking questions and I answered firing questions back at him but in all honesty I don't think I was really interested in the answers, even his job which I expected to be really excited about was a bit of a flop, it turns out because of what he does he's only ever been to one of the Grand Prix's, they don't even see the full size car and the only time he meets the race team is at the Christmas Party!

He's been single for a long time, he likes Bonsai tree's (WTF?!) he drinks John Smith's (Old!) and gin, it appears that he doesn't do much because he doesn't have many friends here and those that he does are all settled, I honestly think that the boy would bore the life out of me, he does however own his own house and have a new car, as per usual those things really do nothing to attract me!

When he went to the toilet I took the opportunity to sneak a look at my phone to see a couple of messages from a couple of friends and two messages from the Space Cadet, one about his game today and one an hour and a half later with one of his you've not answered messages, so I replied (he obviously didn't know I was out on a date) He also asked if I'd like to go and see a film that we both want to see next week, which as we've not even done tonight yet I found a bit odd, normally he's hard enough to pin down for one night let alone arranging the next first, I said yes and then behaved when date arrived back.

I kept subtly (I'm not good with subtle if I'm honest!) looking at the time on my watch and thinking that it was too early to leave but it got to a point where I couldn't bear it anymore and said I'd better get off, he asked the time and I said 10.15 which is what my watch said, I went to the loo and saw on my phone that I'd not put the clock forward (I don't wear a watch often!) I could have escaped earlier!

We walked to the cars, he was standing a little close so I backed away and said nice to meet you and goodbye, there was nooooo way I was doing the whole kiss goodnight thing, I can honestly say it's the worst date I've had this side of 30!

Texting with the Space Cadet continued until late, he's being very sweet, he reckon's he will have finished Cricket, home and sorted by about 9 tonight, he's been so very sweet this week with all that's been going on in my life and I do feel that the table's have turned a little bit, I'm still skeptical that it's going to happen to be honest but we will see later won't we?

I did say that if Friday went badly I felt that Saturday would and vice versa, tomorrow you and I will both know if I'm right!