Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Cake Destroyer – Date Three

The date that I didn’t think was going to happen did and much faster than I expected.

On Monday I had a stream of messages, rather than the one that I’ve been used to getting (and getting annoyed with) he came back to me saying that his week is looking busy but if it wasn’t too later notice he could possibly do Tuesday, I had no plans anyway and agreed as I really felt that if it was going to happen it needed to happen sooner rather than later.

We have kind of made plans for the weekend after this one, however obviously, it will depend on leave so I didn’t want date three to be a maybe in another two weeks’ time.

He asked what I wanted to do and I suggested the cinema and a drink, he suggested IT which has just come out. I can’t (and didn’t) pretend that I wasn’t apprehensive, I don’t like scary movies when I have to sleep alone, I’m always paranoid that I’m going to need to check under the bed etc at every sign of a noise! I told him that if it was scary he might end up with me on his lap and he said that was probably the best outcome and that he would protect me.

I felt terribly nervous yesterday, I think I’ve built him up in my mind which is never good really is it? I was talking to my friend at work yesterday about it and said that he seems almost too perfect which I find terribly scary, look what happened last time the only fault I could find was how far away he lived.

So we met about half way, he was a little late, not massively though (I think this might be his thing, however it was around rush hour) kiss and hug and we walked across to the cinema, I again warned him that if I was screaming it was his fault, he said that he was happy to see something else if I wanted, I said that I was only joking, when we arrived at the cinema he’d already brought the tickets.

The film wasn’t as scary as I expected, I love programs such as criminal minds but I had expected this to be much more gratuitously scary, it wasn’t and I jumped a little once, spending much more of the film laughing than being scared, the scene’s I found most disturbing were the ones with Beverly and her pervert father and I buried my head in his shoulder when one of the boys held the cat up as target practice but thankfully they didn’t shoot at it.  I guess my idea of disturbing is different to a lot of people’s, I found the kids film; Big Hero 6 quite disturbing as it contains a lot of death for a kid’s film, including a little boy’s family being burned to death and that’s made for children!

It did give us a good excuse to get cuddled up in the cinema though, which was nice, however that’s maybe where the problems started? I had my hand on his leg, my arm was rested on his pocket, I assumed his wallet initially but part way through the film it vibrated, at which point I realised it was his phone, a few minutes later it vibrated again. Now call me cynical but all that went through my mind was wondering if they were Tinder notifications, or other dates.

We all know what the world is like these days, not even socks are monogamous (well not in my house anyway) dating is tough, often people are having Tinder dates night after night, he could be on another one tonight, so could I (I’m not, I’ve been putting people off) it just makes you think, especially if you kind of like someone.

The film finished and he’d found a bar a short walk away, it was pretty wet out which wasn’t fun but the bar was lovely, he tried to pay again but I was quite firm in my ‘No, I’m paying’ this time, I do love a gentleman but there is no need for him to pay for everything, even more so that I know how little he will be earning currently.

We found a table and sat down opposite each other, he mentioned that the table was massive and we were really far apart so I moved round to sit next to him, they had live music and he has a sore throat so hearing each other would have been a struggle from across the table.

As soon as I’d moved his hand moved to my knee again, he’d kissed me as the film finished, when we’d gone to collect my coat from the car and several times during the time that we were in the bar and it was nice. I think that we both spent most of the evening smiling or laughing, he is great company.

We’d talked in the evening about him coming over for this alcohol cupboard emptying, as well as more general stuff and work, he’s got more holiday coming up so we talked about how much I dislike that fact and he had the audacity to say that I had an easier job as mine is much more flexible, I mentioned that he’d get a quiet life when I didn’t message him anymore and he said he definitely didn’t want that and tried to take the comment back.

We walked back to our cars and he kissed me and asked me to let him know when I got home, he waited for me to drive off and followed me out.

I guess that’s where the problems continue. I had about 40 minutes in the car where I could think, me and thinking isn’t good.

So, when I’d first seen him my first thought was that he didn’t look as nice as date two, obviously, he’s got the squaddie hair cut back so looks a bit thuggish and he had a bit of stubble this time (not full on facial hair though) he also has some facial expressions which remind me hugely of a friend of mine, he doesn’t look like him but in some ways he does, if that makes sense?

There is definitely something I like about him, our sense of humour is totally in tune, if a little warped and we genuinely seem to get on and make each other laugh. The facial twitches were back and I’m not a fan, they’ve been apparent on two out of the three dates now, I found him much more attractive on date two than one or three, I love that he’s so gentlemanly, he opens doors, always wants to pay, checks that I’ve got home, won’t sit down until I have and there is something about him that makes me feel safe.

I got home and text him as requested, saying that I was home and thanking him for another lovely evening, he messaged back saying that he was home and in bed, was glad I was home safe, thanked me for a lovely evening and said well done again on not being a scaredy cat. I responded simply saying that I was quite pleased and that was our last message.

I’m not sure I think another one will come but I don’t really know why, there was nothing yesterday to say that it wasn’t a good date, apart from the fact that on dates one and two we’ve had a conversation by message following the date but we did get back a lot later than we have on the last two.

Today I feel totally conflicted, I’m unsure of where I am, unsure of what I want, unsure of where he is with things. I don’t know if I’m doing the thing that I’m really good at and pushing back because we’re getting closer and I fear getting hurt so badly, so if I push someone away before we get too involved it saves me a little or that I’d built him up in my head to be something he’s not?

I had a massive smile on my face all day yesterday as I was excited to see him, today my head is in over drive, part of me thinks I’m being silly, the other part can’t help but think back to last year’s fiasco where I dared to involve my heart, look where that ended.

I highly recommend a listen to the new Sam Smith song; Too good at goodbyes, it really does nail some things!

Monday, 21 August 2017

A weekend of racing.........

So, Cake Destroyer has been in touch but not with the regularity that we have been, he's been in touch every day but one day was only once and he committed the cardinal sin of not responding until the next day, he did apologise, saying he was at a beer festival and didn't want to drunk text me, however it was 24 hours after my message so I took over 24 hours to respond, apologising that I was at racing and the signal was bad, which wasn't a lie but I could have messaged, had I felt inclined, oh who am I kidding I was inclined, I just didn't want to message back quickly so stopped myself. 

He responded really fast, saying that was ok etc and he was heading up to Norfolk to see more family and then text in response to my reply last night,  I don't really know where we are, I went out on Thurs with the Best Friends Ex and when talking about it I said that I wasn't sure that you could date this early on and not see each other for weeks at a time, we’ll be on a month this weekend coming from date one and you can’t get by on talk alone.

We’ve mentioned meeting on Saturday on his way home, however he might be taking others back to camp, so if that happens we won’t be, I’m going to leave the meeting up thing now, I’ve asked about it once and made my point of you actually need to see each other for things to develop so we’ll see, the lesser contact probably isn’t a bad thing, it’s weaning yourself off a bit at a time I guess?

Cunt Face messaged Thursday ‘Hey sexy lady, you ok? x’ I’d love to tell you I’d not responded but I can’t, however my messages were pretty light, no great long ones, no x’s on them, it didn’t last long and then he disappeared like the ghost he is.

The one I went on a couple of dates with earlier in the year keeps reappearing and asking me out, I don’t think I even gave him a name, he was pretty unreliable so I gave him the heave ho, he keeps asking for another chance and asked me to go for a drink on Sunday, I said ok, if he came my way and chose somewhere, he text Saturday saying he’d ‘look now’ I didn’t respond and no further message came, however I had my arm twisted to stay over at racing and made no effort to get home early for a non-existent last chance date with a flaker, so I didn’t race back and he didn’t get in touch, no shock there then? From now on I’m just going to ignore his messages completely, instead of indulging his ego with responses.

The vet has been in touch too, it’s a funny story really, we matched on Bumble in December, I can’t say I wasn’t pretty excited to match with a vet, either a farmers wife or a vets wife would suit me down to the ground, however he was very honest, he said straight away that a relationship wasn’t what he was looking for, however if I was after fun he thought we’d have a great time together, I politely declined, however at the time I had a very pregnant cat that was giving me issues so we chatted a bit about that and he asked over a couple of days how she was doing (we’d had a C-Section and I was pretty much hand rearing two hourly) so I was shattered, I nearly lost them all but four of the 6 survived (1 had been born sleeping, one got to two weeks old and then died just as I thought we’d turned a corner and broke my heart) and eventually went on to be superstar’s in their new homes, he was quite sweet, asking about how they were doing and we’d chat intermittently, then we matched on Tinder, started chatting again, still he and I were looking for different things but swapped numbers, I put his number in my phone and within a few weeks he came up in my Facebook suggestions, which is kind of annoying and kind of good, however I noticed his surname which is fairly unusual.

Not only is it unusual, it’s also the surname of someone that works for the same company as me and although he wasn’t living there at the time the area of his ‘home’ area is similar, for her age my immediate guess would be either a Mum or Aunty.

Anyway the person I work with is a manager that works for one of the MD’s that my boss is CEO for, so I don’t work directly with them but still see them in the office and she used to be here quite a lot, I also knew that she had three adult children, he is 28 (yes, I do know I’m 39 and no, I’m definitely not old enough to be his mother)

So, I mentioned that I worked with someone of the same name, he skimmed over it and never really gave me an answer.

A week or so later she was in, we chatted as normal and she told me that she was going to be a grandmother and that her daughter who is a vet has got engaged, what do the other children do I asked, she told me and ……….. is a vet, boom, it was his mum! I mentioned it, he said he didn’t want me to be embarrassed and that she doesn’t approve of dating apps, he also asked that I didn’t tell her (like I would!)

Anyway, he’s quite sweet but as we are looking for different things it’s not worth us meeting us, however he pops up every few weeks/months to see how I am, ask after the cats and see if my minds changed……… it hasn’t and even if his had the whole Mum thing would make it even more difficult!

So, that’s all of my ‘old’ people updates, so a few weeks ago at racing we had a new mechanic join us, he’s not new to the team as they’ve worked together for years, although we have had different mechanic/s for the 5/6 years that I’ve been going, however he’s new to me as we’d not met before the last round, although I’ve heard him mentioned.

He’s a little taller than me, probably 5’10ish I’d say, he’s alright looking but nothing special, he’s a smoker, which is a massive no, no for me and on my deal breaker list but he’s pleasant and funny, we got on ok but I was only there for one day last time and we also had a visit from another old mechanic, who has FB flirted with me on and off for a while and who has been quite ill with cancer (and has just got the all clear which is fab news) he looked really well and I was struggling to take my eyes off of his biceps which looked pretty bloody awesome, anywho…. He slated the new mechanic a little to me, which I didn’t feel was strictly necessary as I’d heard good stuff from the rest of the guys, I even said ‘you don’t like him then’ to which he backtracked and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t like him it was just that he thought he could be a bit of an idiot but to be fair I think all men are.

We didn’t get much time to chat but he seemed nice enough, I went up on Saturday to the racing and as soon as I got there I was told that when they asked who was coming to get me they said I was coming with cake and boobs and there was a whole host of offers to come and collect me! Cheeky sods! Anyway we had a good couple of days and all had dinner together, the chat was wrong on so many levels, I hear a lot of things but even I was a little shocked at some of it! HAHA! However on chatting about it on Sunday he was told that I was the worst of all of us, a little unfair I thought.

A couple of times in the day when he’d thanked me etc he’d added ‘beautiful’ to the end which I hadn’t really noticed until later in the day when one of the boys had ribbed him for it.

One of the other guys always flirts with me (actually most of the team do but I am a flirty sort of person so I don’t help it) he mentioned in front of the new mechanic that I’d not taken up his offer of a spooning partner for the night before, I said that I’d not had the invite, it was mentioned that all I’d had to do was say and that I could have had the choice of at least three places to sleep that night, we continued joking about, as the older mechanic rode off, he was gesturing for me to go with him (it’s all in jest, he is happily married, although he’d never admit that and I think if I said yes he’d run a mile!) and the new mechanic caught sight of it and started laughing.

Anyway, we all had a nice day of joking around and the horrible bit of breaking down (it takes hours and everyone has had enough by that point) he then came and gave me a cuddle and left, I hugged everyone about half an hour later and left too as we’d finished.

When I got home I added some photos to FB and thanked them for the weekend as usual, I also added him and a couple of others that I’ve been getting to know as friends, there is a young lad who is about 19, his 17 year old brother, his Mum and Dad that have been joining up with us and are really lovely, so I added the 19 year old and his Mum too, we’ve known each other for most of the year now, they all accepted and we all liked posts, photo’s etc.

Later in the evening I got a pm from the new mechanic, telling me thank you for a funny weekend and saying he’d not realised I lived where I did as he used to spend loads of time up here, turns out he and I used to work for a major car manufacturer that have a college in the area and both did courses there (different obviously but would have been at a similar time) so we chatted a bit and eventually said goodnight, quite some time after I’d planned on going to bed.

It’s the funeral of the friend that died racing today, I am glad I’m not as I’m not good with things like that but I’ve not stopped thinking of them all today, especially his family and those closest to him, I know it happens to us all but in this case it was way too early.






Thursday, 10 August 2017

The week is nearly over......

It's been a long week, a very long week...............

Cake Destroyer is doing my head in a bit, still long messages but they are more infrequent now, a couple a day probably, usually one first thing (although there wasn’t one today but he’s not been online since he sent me the last message last night) now, I don’t know if I’m being paranoid because of what’s happened in the past or that I’m not being paranoid and I won’t hear much more from him.
Now there was no chemistry on date one, so I shouldn’t really be too bothered, what bothers me most is when someone is so keen and then it drops off, although the messages have still been really involved and I know that basic training is a killer, so it could be that but he’s not suggested a day to see each other again yet.

So, last night I was trying on my outfit for the party this weekend, it’s a 1880’s Western themed murder mystery and my part is a saloon girl.

So, my outfit is a red corset (it’s simply beautiful and fits amazingly well) a skirt (as yet undecided) a pair of stunning shoe boots, that I just won’t be able to wear for very long as they will kill me but they are going to be worth it, patterned fish nets, it looks great but I can’t decide between the final two skirts, one is shorter, one longer, same sort of style.

Before you think I'm getting dressed up because there will be lots of men there, there won't, certainly no single one's but I do take getting dressed up very seriously!

I get a message from the Best Friend to say that he’s out with the Car Salesman and about the Ex, he wants us all to do dinner, which I’m cool with, I sent him a photo of the shoes (he likes a girl dressed up) he says he likes them so I ask him to help me choose a skirt, he likes the shorter one, no idea why I bothered asking if I’m honest, I should have known.

A little later I get a message on FB from the Car Salesman, saying he’d been out with BF and we need to talk and that he loved my shoes, I asked why we needed to talk and that he’d ducked out of dinner, he said that BF is in bits which is why we need to talk and he would be more help with outfit choices than BF, he said we have joint custody of them.

Anyway, he offered to help me choose a skirt, so I sent him photo’s, one of the short and one of the longer (both in heels, fishnets and corset) he chose the shorter outfit but said that I looked hot and that even 18 years later I still look incredible, apparently I have an amazing smile and boobs!
He went on to say how I suit a corset and that I am a ‘walking fantasy with attitude’ I think he was pretty impressed with the outfit overall!  He sent me his number and said to text him.

I brought up (as I always do) the him shagging my mate thing, it’s not even a skeleton anymore, we literally laugh about it, he again told me it was the worst decision he’d made and what a twat he was. He talked about the date we’d been on five years ago and how good it had been, he said that things around that time were crazy and he’d tell me when we met up, but I said I wanted to know, anyway turns out he’s had a one night stand a month before we’d met and she’d called the next day telling him she was pregnant with twins, it was all messy and it kept getting worse, a cancer care, a new boyfriend, losing one of the twins, death threats which is why he pulled back from me at the time. He told me how much he’d loved that evening although he knew I’d hated his film choice. He said he’d remembered how good a kisser I was and described it and he’d wished we’d sorted our acts out 18 years ago when we first met.

He talked about the day we first met and how he remembers it, that I’m still hot now only have better taste in corsets but that he remembered I always had excellent taste in underwear (he’d obviously caught me on the right days or when I was prepared!) his last message to me (I went to sleep) was that he was ‘Lastly, I’m sorry for being a cunt, a massive cunt’ which to be fair I don’t think he was really.

We were both young, I didn’t know what I wanted, he thought he did, I couldn’t decide, I was 21, in a new job, surrounded by some pretty hot men and I didn’t know what I wanted, however sleeping with my then best mate was obviously taking it too far, although in fairness we were never actually going out, just seeing each other so really he wasn’t in the wrong for sleeping with someone else, just for doing it so close to home.

Sometimes I think familiarity can do funny things to you, he’s safe for me because it’s old and familiar, it’s like the cuddly toy I’ve had since I was a baby, I know I can always go back to it for comfort but then I know I can leave it in a cupboard for 5 years and not think twice about it too.
The four of us have always had such good banter together, so although I can’t imagine curry will happen it would be nice for it to, it’s been years since we’ve seen each other, life is a funny game, he’s asked today why I don’t have a man in tow and if I still have very little time for knobheads, which yes I do still have little time for knobheads!


Mr Bumble keeps popping up, nothing exciting to report, Cunt Face as ever pops up and disappears, I hope his rash itches like fuck! 

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

A tough night...............

Did the message come? Of course it didn't, I knew, really deep down that it wouldn't but that doesn't mean that I didn't desperately want it to.

So, the evening was spent with some tears, feeling rather sorry for myself to be honest, if I checked my phone I checked it a million times but the message didn't come, I know he'd been online as he'd updated his Instagram (I know, I know!) 

Mr Bumble has been quiet but to be fair I have brought back a rule of mine that I have been neglecting for some time now.

In December I saw this little picture and on seeing it I decided that instead of not making a New Years Resolution like normal that this year I would make one, that resolution was to #bemorerudolf which essentially means that I will try to treat people how they treat me, if they take ages to respond I do the same, if they look after me when I need it, I'll do the same, if they don't treat me very well, I'll do the same. It's been a bit of an eye opener really and it's making my circle a lot smaller but is that a bad thing? 
Some examples of how #bemorerudolf work are the Evil Twin, she wasn't around when I needed her in December, you'll note this is a theme, I'm there for her, she's not there for me, so I've not messaged her since Xmas and guess what? She's not messaged me either, so six months along and we've not spoken, funny that eh? 

In January, I arranged to go to the cinema and for dinner and catch up with a friend, she then invited other people (that I didn't know) so when she asked about tickets in a group chat (I hate group chat anyway) I private messaged her and told her I wasn't going, she didn't seem to get the idea and we've spoken very little since, had she asked I would have been fine with it but people seem to have no manners these days. 

Anyway, back to Mr Bumble, I sent the last message (unread) so when he messages I will ensure that I don't do my usual and message straight back, to be fair one of the reasons I message straight back is because I forget about it if I don't. 

I still feel a bit down in the dumps today to be honest, I wish I was brave enough to take myself off on holiday by myself but unfortunately I'm not, I kind of want to escape myself and my head but sadly it's the thing that you can't get away from. 

Will another message come? Maybe, who knows, maybe when he needs something, or someone? Maybe when the new girlfriend bins him? Will I run to him? Time will tell I guess.