Showing posts with label New Mechanic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Mechanic. Show all posts

Monday 18 September 2017

Where do they get their timing from?

After two weeks of no conversation at all, when I was hurt and upset as I came out in the interval from the show we were stood in the foyer and a message popped onto my screen ‘Cunt Face’ was the name staring at me.

All the message said was ‘How’s you trouble’ but it made all sorts of feelings bubble, it also made me smile, which by this time was very much needed and maybe a little growl.

Had it arrived a few days earlier I don’t think I’d have replied but a few hours later I did, if anything I was a bit off with him but we chatted a bit via message, it came up that I was meant to be going up that way the next day.

At that point I felt like I ought to go, for one I needed to be kept busy so I didn’t wallow and for two our rider had fallen off the day before, he does it every time I don’t cuddle him before he goes out, so I’d got a bit of a ribbing about not going from the team, including New Mechanic.

I was fairly surprised when I got a message saying ‘If you do come up let me know I’ll come and see you or something x’

I guess I’m fairly used to me saying I’m around and him saying he’s not, I was a bit surprised to say the least.
I woke up at 6 on Sunday morning and decided that I would go, so I made the two and a half hour journey up, New Mechanic came out to meet me with my pass, kiss, hug, as usual.

I had a nice day but despite being surrounded by a lot of people I felt quite lonely, lovey dovey couples seemed to be out in force to rub my nose in it and I continued (and continue) to beat myself up about what I did wrong, how I couldn’t tell he was a shit in gentleman’s clothing etc, I was a little more subdued than normal, I didn’t really realise until my friend text me later to check if I was ok.

I messaged Cunt Face saying ‘I take it you aren’t popping over then?!’ around 4:30 and didn’t expect to hear anything else, he had told me that he was having the car on a rolling road so I was expecting an excuse, when I got ‘Just near home welcome to pop in for a brew if you want’

I JUST GOT INVITED TO HIS HOUSE………………………

I asked how far it was in relation to where I was, he said about half hour, however it was in the wrong direction, now here is the dilemma…………………

If I go to his house we know where it’s likely to end up don’t we? I’m upset, feel like shit about myself, have been beating myself up for days, had I not been out all day and was wearing better underwear I might just have gone but it was probably for the best………….but I wanted to go to his house, I wanted to see if there was any sign of a girlfriend, I’d only been half-heartedly invited before but this time he’d sent his postcode, I could investigate……..

Acting on my better judgement I suggested he come down to where I was and we meet in a pub, I expected a ‘no’ I didn’t get one, instead he asked where I wanted to meet, I let him chose a pub and instead of picking one that I needed to go miles to find he picked one within five minutes of where I was, at that point I was grateful to have my makeup bag and some perfume in the car.

I am pretty sure he has a girlfriend now, following some digging but I can’t prove that, I’ve not asked but every time I’ve seen him he’s volunteered that it’s not the case and he is single, normally this would bother me and it was on my list to possibly bring up that night, dependent on where the conversation took us.  

When I got to the pub he was waiting in the car, I’d already felt the nerves on the way there, didn’t know what I was heading into, however I’d spent the last few days feeling pretty numb and I wanted to feel something, I was pretty sure he’d make that happen, one way or the other.

I wasn’t wrong, we walked towards each other and he immediately wrapped me in his arms and kissed me, on the mouth but not a proper kiss, we probably both held on a little tighter and longer than we should have, he holds me so tight that I can feel the stress coming out of me.

We spent the next three and a half hours laughing and talking, at points during the evening he held my hand, kissed my hand and at one point held onto my wedding finger, which I didn’t get until I was on my way home later. In the good old days before I knew about the girlfriend that he said was his lodger he used to refer to me as his wife, I can’t believe I’d forgotten especially after all the times I’d jokingly sent him a photo of a set of divorce papers as a joke, if only I’d known back then.

He again apologised for his behaviour last year, at this point I nearly brought up the girlfriend, I think I was stopped by the fact that my weekend had been so shit and emotional I just wanted to enjoy what time we had together and would I get the truth anyway? I’m normally a girl that wouldn’t dream of touching someone else’s boyfriend but in this instance, I honestly didn’t feel like I cared, that’s his job, not mine.

He told me lovely things about myself all night long, said I was sexy, how he loved my company, I always make him laugh, always thinks I’m younger than I am, that I’m much more reasonable than anyone he knows, now you are sat reading this thinking ‘she knows from experience he’s full of bullshit’ and you are right, I do but what CD has been telling me for the last two months has been bullshit too, the only difference was that I didn’t know with him and I do with CF.

After two drinks, three and a half hours and a stupid amount of flirting we left, he walked me to my car (which was a bit mad as it was nearly opposite his!) He again wrapped me in his arms and I have to say it felt amazingly good, everything I felt bubbled back to the surface, even thinking about it now has given me goosebumps, he kissed me again and then we said goodbye, as he walked off he slapped my arse (fairly usual) and I turned and looked at him at which point he walked back to me and cuddled me again.

Normally this goes on for a while before we have a proper, old fashioned snog, however this time unlike every other there is no doubt that I kissed him.

It’s different with him, with CD it was quite slow, nice, gentle kissing with CF it’s we literally can’t keep our hands off each other, hot ‘I want you’ kissing, you couldn’t compare it, he pulled my hair a little and in return I put my hand down his back and to be fair I know exactly what that does to him.

He was getting a little out of hand in a public car park so I pushed him back just a little and said goodnight, I think we both left with a smile as he told me to message when I got home.

The attraction between us when we are together is off the scale, in fact probably so much so that I’m not sure it would be sustainable long term, we struggle to let go of each other when we are together, we always have but each time I’ve walked away from him it’s gotten a little easier – that’s got to be good right? I don’t think we’d work out long term, I’d never trust him for one.

I have very little doubt where we would have ended up had I gone to his for tea, maybe that would have been good, maybe bad, I don’t know, I’m not totally unconvinced that at some point in the future it won’t happen though.
I know he’ll go off radar soon and I’m not going to say I’m ok with that but I know it’s coming and I’ll deal with it when it does.

I felt a little power shift this weekend I think, he suggested meeting, he came to me, he was the last to send a message last night.

I sent him this today, it’s probably quite apt for where we are right now………………..



Maybe Cunt Face is my DuctTape? We all know that DuctTape probably won’t be a forever fix but it does have its uses for repairing things in the short term?

Tuesday 5 September 2017

Dating Suicide......

Well that’s what I thought it was anyway, do you think that stopped me? No, of course it didn’t, I’m definitely a dicing with danger kinda girl (maybe that’s why I’m still single?)

I was feeling a bit fragile anyway following the whole Cunt Face debacle which never helps with me, so in one message on Saturday I mentioned Tinder, asked when we were going to see each other again and asked if he was ok as he’d been quiet.

It was in the conversation and I wasn’t at all shirty with him (he’s done nothing to deserve that) it was a terribly long message but largely answering his last message, I even managed to swing the Tinder comment in as an answer to one of his comments.

I read it over and over again, it was long, even for us, I sent it unsure of whether I wanted to see the answer or not, I half expected a ‘fuck off’ I think, I guess I’m used to dealing with Cunt Face and him not responding for days isn’t unusual and then a ‘I’m just not sure’ or ‘I really like you but I don’t want to hurt you’ bollocks message.

Something had been said about not having offers flooding in, I used that to respond about tinder, I asked what sort of offers he was expecting and asked if he was hoping Tinder notifications would be off the hook.

 I asked when he thought we would get to do date 3 and added unless he’d changed his mind, kinda giving him an out, kinda making my position clear (maybe?) The message had opened with ‘all ok, you’ve been quieter this week’

The message took ages to come back (I know he’s busy and I appreciate that but it doesn’t stop me wondering)

Later that day I saw ‘typing’ appear on the screen, my heart was firmly in my mouth at that, part of me wanted to see what he was typing, part of me didn’t want to see it at all.
When it came in it did take me a little while to open it, he started by saying he was fine, just busy in the lead up to graduation and there have been some issues with some people on his course getting into trouble (not him)

He said that he was only waiting for offers coming from my directions and that he doesn’t really fancy Tinder going wild, so far so good (however he didn’t say that he wasn’t using it)
On the date three, he said that funnily enough he was actually going to ask for Thursday as although they’ve not heard anything official yet their Cpl thinks that they’ll let them go for some post graduation down time before his first posting on Monday and said that hopefully we could do something then.

I was rather pleased with the response, he seemed totally cool about it, answered like it was no big deal at all, it’s kinda one of the things I like about him, he seems really open but Cunt Face sits in the back of my mind nagging at me to think that everyone is a wanker, I hate it.

He has been quieter but we’ve had at least a (very long) message a day, he graduates today which is pretty exciting, he’s excited and I feel excited for him, his Mum, two brothers and one of his two sisters are down for it so I’m sure it will be lovely for them all and hopefully they’ll get some nice photo’s of him in uniform (for me!) it is, however absolutely pissing down, so that won’t be so nice, which is a shame.

We’ve talked even more in depth since then and the messages have got even longer, not sure that I thought that was possible, we’ve talked about all sorts of stuff, including what we like about each other and he’s been very complimentary.

Fingers crossed he’ll be released on Thursday and we’ll manage this date three, it’s only two weeks since we’ve seen each other but feels like ages.

New Mechanic has been in touch a bit this week, I’m working at our Manchester office and he messaged yesterday to ask how it was going which I think was quite sweet, I’ll see him this weekend, however it’s looking like it’s going to be wet, which is never promising.

I have been chatting to someone else on one of the sites, he’s asked me out, he seems nice but it puts me in a bit of a predicament really, what do I do? I don’t really want to go on a date with someone else at the moment but do I put it on hold? What if he isn’t putting things on hold. He seems nice, he lives up this way (Chester, yep I’m not sure we should trust anyone from Chester after the last one) but his parents are down by me and he coaches Rugby there of a weekend, he’s quite keen and has already offered a lot of options for a date, here, there, this week, this weekend.

So, this week is my first week working in Manchester, the journey up yesterday was fine, without the roadworks and on a good run it’s 2.5 hours door to door so I think it’s going to be doable, will I want to do it every week though, that’s the question!

I’ve had a nice welcome, one of the guys that works on our second tier team (two below my boss) works here and flirts with me regularly! Came and took me out for lunch yesterday and is again today, his girlfriend works here and she turned up yesterday as soon as he came down to take me for lunch, apparently she’s not keen on blondes!

As we were walking back from lunch yesterday he informed me that my trousers were see through, I didn’t believe him as they are new and from Next, Next don’t make see through work trousers, surely? However he did describe my knickers, however could black and lacy be a fluke? I went out to dinner with a couple that I used to work with, they are LOVELY but he was very boring last night, kept telling me about his new policeman friend and how I would like him, however his new policeman friend is married, so I’m not sure what the idea behind that was, he was also describing all of their interactions in great detail, you know the kind of thing where you had to be there? Well I wasn’t!

I made excuses about 9, as I really wanted to go to Ikea (I have never used those words before and promise never to again, I hate that place) to look at storage and they close at 10, made it with half hour to look around, it wasn’t long enough, disappointed massively that I’ll have to go back.

The motorway was closed, as was the exit to my hotel and everything I needed, it took ages, I’m shattered today and my thoughts are elsewhere!

A friend of mine was flaunting her 'amazing' new man on Facebook at the weekend, it pretty much summed up the reason why I am still single, I'm not convinced that when she finished scraping the barrel she didn't pick it up and scrape under it, I'm not just not ever going to be ready for that. I'm probably going to die alone because of it, on a positive note I already have the cats and won't need to buy any! 


Monday 21 August 2017

A weekend of racing.........

So, Cake Destroyer has been in touch but not with the regularity that we have been, he's been in touch every day but one day was only once and he committed the cardinal sin of not responding until the next day, he did apologise, saying he was at a beer festival and didn't want to drunk text me, however it was 24 hours after my message so I took over 24 hours to respond, apologising that I was at racing and the signal was bad, which wasn't a lie but I could have messaged, had I felt inclined, oh who am I kidding I was inclined, I just didn't want to message back quickly so stopped myself. 

He responded really fast, saying that was ok etc and he was heading up to Norfolk to see more family and then text in response to my reply last night,  I don't really know where we are, I went out on Thurs with the Best Friends Ex and when talking about it I said that I wasn't sure that you could date this early on and not see each other for weeks at a time, we’ll be on a month this weekend coming from date one and you can’t get by on talk alone.

We’ve mentioned meeting on Saturday on his way home, however he might be taking others back to camp, so if that happens we won’t be, I’m going to leave the meeting up thing now, I’ve asked about it once and made my point of you actually need to see each other for things to develop so we’ll see, the lesser contact probably isn’t a bad thing, it’s weaning yourself off a bit at a time I guess?

Cunt Face messaged Thursday ‘Hey sexy lady, you ok? x’ I’d love to tell you I’d not responded but I can’t, however my messages were pretty light, no great long ones, no x’s on them, it didn’t last long and then he disappeared like the ghost he is.

The one I went on a couple of dates with earlier in the year keeps reappearing and asking me out, I don’t think I even gave him a name, he was pretty unreliable so I gave him the heave ho, he keeps asking for another chance and asked me to go for a drink on Sunday, I said ok, if he came my way and chose somewhere, he text Saturday saying he’d ‘look now’ I didn’t respond and no further message came, however I had my arm twisted to stay over at racing and made no effort to get home early for a non-existent last chance date with a flaker, so I didn’t race back and he didn’t get in touch, no shock there then? From now on I’m just going to ignore his messages completely, instead of indulging his ego with responses.

The vet has been in touch too, it’s a funny story really, we matched on Bumble in December, I can’t say I wasn’t pretty excited to match with a vet, either a farmers wife or a vets wife would suit me down to the ground, however he was very honest, he said straight away that a relationship wasn’t what he was looking for, however if I was after fun he thought we’d have a great time together, I politely declined, however at the time I had a very pregnant cat that was giving me issues so we chatted a bit about that and he asked over a couple of days how she was doing (we’d had a C-Section and I was pretty much hand rearing two hourly) so I was shattered, I nearly lost them all but four of the 6 survived (1 had been born sleeping, one got to two weeks old and then died just as I thought we’d turned a corner and broke my heart) and eventually went on to be superstar’s in their new homes, he was quite sweet, asking about how they were doing and we’d chat intermittently, then we matched on Tinder, started chatting again, still he and I were looking for different things but swapped numbers, I put his number in my phone and within a few weeks he came up in my Facebook suggestions, which is kind of annoying and kind of good, however I noticed his surname which is fairly unusual.

Not only is it unusual, it’s also the surname of someone that works for the same company as me and although he wasn’t living there at the time the area of his ‘home’ area is similar, for her age my immediate guess would be either a Mum or Aunty.

Anyway the person I work with is a manager that works for one of the MD’s that my boss is CEO for, so I don’t work directly with them but still see them in the office and she used to be here quite a lot, I also knew that she had three adult children, he is 28 (yes, I do know I’m 39 and no, I’m definitely not old enough to be his mother)

So, I mentioned that I worked with someone of the same name, he skimmed over it and never really gave me an answer.

A week or so later she was in, we chatted as normal and she told me that she was going to be a grandmother and that her daughter who is a vet has got engaged, what do the other children do I asked, she told me and ……….. is a vet, boom, it was his mum! I mentioned it, he said he didn’t want me to be embarrassed and that she doesn’t approve of dating apps, he also asked that I didn’t tell her (like I would!)

Anyway, he’s quite sweet but as we are looking for different things it’s not worth us meeting us, however he pops up every few weeks/months to see how I am, ask after the cats and see if my minds changed……… it hasn’t and even if his had the whole Mum thing would make it even more difficult!

So, that’s all of my ‘old’ people updates, so a few weeks ago at racing we had a new mechanic join us, he’s not new to the team as they’ve worked together for years, although we have had different mechanic/s for the 5/6 years that I’ve been going, however he’s new to me as we’d not met before the last round, although I’ve heard him mentioned.

He’s a little taller than me, probably 5’10ish I’d say, he’s alright looking but nothing special, he’s a smoker, which is a massive no, no for me and on my deal breaker list but he’s pleasant and funny, we got on ok but I was only there for one day last time and we also had a visit from another old mechanic, who has FB flirted with me on and off for a while and who has been quite ill with cancer (and has just got the all clear which is fab news) he looked really well and I was struggling to take my eyes off of his biceps which looked pretty bloody awesome, anywho…. He slated the new mechanic a little to me, which I didn’t feel was strictly necessary as I’d heard good stuff from the rest of the guys, I even said ‘you don’t like him then’ to which he backtracked and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t like him it was just that he thought he could be a bit of an idiot but to be fair I think all men are.

We didn’t get much time to chat but he seemed nice enough, I went up on Saturday to the racing and as soon as I got there I was told that when they asked who was coming to get me they said I was coming with cake and boobs and there was a whole host of offers to come and collect me! Cheeky sods! Anyway we had a good couple of days and all had dinner together, the chat was wrong on so many levels, I hear a lot of things but even I was a little shocked at some of it! HAHA! However on chatting about it on Sunday he was told that I was the worst of all of us, a little unfair I thought.

A couple of times in the day when he’d thanked me etc he’d added ‘beautiful’ to the end which I hadn’t really noticed until later in the day when one of the boys had ribbed him for it.

One of the other guys always flirts with me (actually most of the team do but I am a flirty sort of person so I don’t help it) he mentioned in front of the new mechanic that I’d not taken up his offer of a spooning partner for the night before, I said that I’d not had the invite, it was mentioned that all I’d had to do was say and that I could have had the choice of at least three places to sleep that night, we continued joking about, as the older mechanic rode off, he was gesturing for me to go with him (it’s all in jest, he is happily married, although he’d never admit that and I think if I said yes he’d run a mile!) and the new mechanic caught sight of it and started laughing.

Anyway, we all had a nice day of joking around and the horrible bit of breaking down (it takes hours and everyone has had enough by that point) he then came and gave me a cuddle and left, I hugged everyone about half an hour later and left too as we’d finished.

When I got home I added some photos to FB and thanked them for the weekend as usual, I also added him and a couple of others that I’ve been getting to know as friends, there is a young lad who is about 19, his 17 year old brother, his Mum and Dad that have been joining up with us and are really lovely, so I added the 19 year old and his Mum too, we’ve known each other for most of the year now, they all accepted and we all liked posts, photo’s etc.

Later in the evening I got a pm from the new mechanic, telling me thank you for a funny weekend and saying he’d not realised I lived where I did as he used to spend loads of time up here, turns out he and I used to work for a major car manufacturer that have a college in the area and both did courses there (different obviously but would have been at a similar time) so we chatted a bit and eventually said goodnight, quite some time after I’d planned on going to bed.

It’s the funeral of the friend that died racing today, I am glad I’m not as I’m not good with things like that but I’ve not stopped thinking of them all today, especially his family and those closest to him, I know it happens to us all but in this case it was way too early.