Monday, Monday………….

So, it’s been a busy few days here.

I finally bit the bullet and joined the gym after noticing that I’d been missing the signs of depression creeping in, in the past I have found that exercise really helps and also if it gets me out of bed and through the front door it can’t be a bad thing, it’s also at one of my favourite hotels, so it is a really nice one, hopefully as I’ve now signed up for a year I’ll keep going!

I was a bit of a let down last week, it was Cake Destroyer’s birthday and late that night when I couldn’t sleep I sent a Happy Birthday message, I was fairly surprised when he responded if I’m honest but I’ve been good and not sent a further message since.

Cunt Face hasn’t been in touch, he is away in Germany with his Mum, however I’ve been watching his Snap Chat story and there is blonde hair in one of the Snaps, honestly I’m sure he thinks he is clever, he doesn’t have a clue that I know what he’s up to, bloody idiot!

Saturday I had a date, with the guy that still lives with his wife and is currently working his way through divorce. They have been split up since January and have an 18 month old son together.

We met in a pub between us, I think we are about an hour and a half from each other, I think he is probably a bit younger in his photo’s and I’m sure he has a bit more hair in most of them than he does now, he was nice enough though, I didn’t feel any sparks though but we did get on, in those circumstances what do you do?

He messaged that night and said it was nice to meet me and nice to meet someone that looked like their photo’s as his last date hadn’t (I never get that) he has asked me on a second date, what do I do? Do I go with it and see if any feeling develop in time? I’m not sure they really do, the person I’ve had the most connection with in the 7 years I’ve been dating is Cunt Face and I felt it from minute one, there was a bit of electricity between us from the moment we laid eyes on each other and shortly into the date when he touched my hand across the table I felt a jolt of electricity but looking back now, although we have the big bang fireworks I know what we have isn’t sustainable.

I am going to have to make a decision though, so I should probably get on with that one, also the situation could be difficult, do I want to be around through a messy divorce?

I do hope I was able to educate him a little bit on our date, when talking about letting the other girl he’d had two dates with down he said that he had just left it with less and less contact, I told him that I thought this showed really bad manners and wasn’t the way to do things, that actually although it seems harsh to tell someone they aren’t for you that it is really the best way, hopefully he won’t become a ghoster to women in future!

I matched with someone on Bumble on Saturday, he was the closest match I’ve had in online dating that showed any promise, he seemed really keen and now I’ve not heard anything since, what is wrong with these people?

Tonight I have another date, from what he said yesterday I’m already thinking that I’m going to be disappointed, he mentioned something last night about being ‘chunky’ so I’m wondering how old his photo’s are. 

Where do they get their timing from?

After two weeks of no conversation at all, when I was hurt and upset as I came out in the interval from the show we were stood in the foyer and a message popped onto my screen ‘Cunt Face’ was the name staring at me.

All the message said was ‘How’s you trouble’ but it made all sorts of feelings bubble, it also made me smile, which by this time was very much needed and maybe a little growl.

Had it arrived a few days earlier I don’t think I’d have replied but a few hours later I did, if anything I was a bit off with him but we chatted a bit via message, it came up that I was meant to be going up that way the next day.

At that point I felt like I ought to go, for one I needed to be kept busy so I didn’t wallow and for two our rider had fallen off the day before, he does it every time I don’t cuddle him before he goes out, so I’d got a bit of a ribbing about not going from the team, including New Mechanic.

I was fairly surprised when I got a message saying ‘If you do come up let me know I’ll come and see you or something x’

I guess I’m fairly used to me saying I’m around and him saying he’s not, I was a bit surprised to say the least.

I woke up at 6 on Sunday morning and decided that I would go, so I made the two and a half hour journey up, New Mechanic came out to meet me with my pass, kiss, hug, as usual.

I had a nice day but despite being surrounded by a lot of people I felt quite lonely, lovey dovey couples seemed to be out in force to rub my nose in it and I continued (and continue) to beat myself up about what I did wrong, how I couldn’t tell he was a shit in gentleman’s clothing etc, I was a little more subdued than normal, I didn’t really realise until my friend text me later to check if I was ok.

I messaged Cunt Face saying ‘I take it you aren’t popping over then?!’ around 4:30 and didn’t expect to hear anything else, he had told me that he was having the car on a rolling road so I was expecting an excuse, when I got ‘Just near home welcome to pop in for a brew if you want’

I JUST GOT INVITED TO HIS HOUSE………………………

I asked how far it was in relation to where I was, he said about half hour, however it was in the wrong direction, now here is the dilemma…………………

If I go to his house we know where it’s likely to end up don’t we? I’m upset, feel like shit about myself, have been beating myself up for days, had I not been out all day and was wearing better underwear I might just have gone but it was probably for the best………….but I wanted to go to his house, I wanted to see if there was any sign of a girlfriend, I’d only been half-heartedly invited before but this time he’d sent his postcode, I could investigate……..

Acting on my better judgement I suggested he come down to where I was and we meet in a pub, I expected a ‘no’ I didn’t get one, instead he asked where I wanted to meet, I let him chose a pub and instead of picking one that I needed to go miles to find he picked one within five minutes of where I was, at that point I was grateful to have my makeup bag and some perfume in the car.

I am pretty sure he has a girlfriend now, following some digging but I can’t prove that, I’ve not asked but every time I’ve seen him he’s volunteered that it’s not the case and he is single, normally this would bother me and it was on my list to possibly bring up that night, dependent on where the conversation took us.  

When I got to the pub he was waiting in the car, I’d already felt the nerves on the way there, didn’t know what I was heading into, however I’d spent the last few days feeling pretty numb and I wanted to feel something, I was pretty sure he’d make that happen, one way or the other.

I wasn’t wrong, we walked towards each other and he immediately wrapped me in his arms and kissed me, on the mouth but not a proper kiss, we probably both held on a little tighter and longer than we should have, he holds me so tight that I can feel the stress coming out of me.

We spent the next three and a half hours laughing and talking, at points during the evening he held my hand, kissed my hand and at one point held onto my wedding finger, which I didn’t get until I was on my way home later. In the good old days before I knew about the girlfriend that he said was his lodger he used to refer to me as his wife, I can’t believe I’d forgotten especially after all the times I’d jokingly sent him a photo of a set of divorce papers as a joke, if only I’d known back then.

He again apologised for his behaviour last year, at this point I nearly brought up the girlfriend, I think I was stopped by the fact that my weekend had been so shit and emotional I just wanted to enjoy what time we had together and would I get the truth anyway? I’m normally a girl that wouldn’t dream of touching someone else’s boyfriend but in this instance, I honestly didn’t feel like I cared, that’s his job, not mine.

He told me lovely things about myself all night long, said I was sexy, how he loved my company, I always make him laugh, always thinks I’m younger than I am, that I’m much more reasonable than anyone he knows, now you are sat reading this thinking ‘she knows from experience he’s full of bullshit’ and you are right, I do but what CD has been telling me for the last two months has been bullshit too, the only difference was that I didn’t know with him and I do with CF.

After two drinks, three and a half hours and a stupid amount of flirting we left, he walked me to my car (which was a bit mad as it was nearly opposite his!) He again wrapped me in his arms and I have to say it felt amazingly good, everything I felt bubbled back to the surface, even thinking about it now has given me goosebumps, he kissed me again and then we said goodbye, as he walked off he slapped my arse (fairly usual) and I turned and looked at him at which point he walked back to me and cuddled me again.

Normally this goes on for a while before we have a proper, old fashioned snog, however this time unlike every other there is no doubt that I kissed him.

It’s different with him, with CD it was quite slow, nice, gentle kissing with CF it’s we literally can’t keep our hands off each other, hot ‘I want you’ kissing, you couldn’t compare it, he pulled my hair a little and in return I put my hand down his back and to be fair I know exactly what that does to him.

He was getting a little out of hand in a public car park so I pushed him back just a little and said goodnight, I think we both left with a smile as he told me to message when I got home.

The attraction between us when we are together is off the scale, in fact probably so much so that I’m not sure it would be sustainable long term, we struggle to let go of each other when we are together, we always have but each time I’ve walked away from him it’s gotten a little easier – that’s got to be good right? I don’t think we’d work out long term, I’d never trust him for one.

I have very little doubt where we would have ended up had I gone to his for tea, maybe that would have been good, maybe bad, I don’t know, I’m not totally unconvinced that at some point in the future it won’t happen though.

I know he’ll go off radar soon and I’m not going to say I’m ok with that but I know it’s coming and I’ll deal with it when it does.

I felt a little power shift this weekend I think, he suggested meeting, he came to me, he was the last to send a message last night.

I sent him this today, it’s probably quite apt for where we are right now………………..

Maybe Cunt Face is my DuctTape? We all know that DuctTape probably won’t be a forever fix but it does have its uses for repairing things in the short term?

Cake Destroyer – Autopsy Edition

So, last update I was debating my feelings for Cake Destroyer but I was trying to allay them with the fact that we appeared to get on really well. I was concerned that I had maybe built him up to be something he wasn’t, I was in fact right about this. 

He was quieter, although the messages were still really long, I can read into anything to make it that they are interested but the last one even I couldn’t read into(attached) however something still felt off. I was battling with how I felt anyway but I had decided that maybe I spend too much time worrying about the aesthetics and that maybe I had more of a chance with someone that maybe wasn’t what I normally go for in looks but that had his moral compass pointing in the same direction as mine and that I got on well with, they do say looks don’t last forever don’t they? 

The last message I had from him appeared quite positive and would indicate he wanted to see each other again?

I got this message on Friday morning and I have to say that I was a bit miffed at this, not that he wouldn’t have time to message me, I’m totally fine with that and with him being busy but that he’d read the message I’d sent 18 hours previously and he’d been online since, my response wasn't meant as snotty, it was a 'I really don't know what's happening here' 

The message remained unread for 24 hours, I kept checking if he’d been online, he hadn’t, felt a bit shitty all day if I’m honest and I probably have RSI from checking my phone, to be honest if you send a message like that you probably know the answer. 

I went to bed early, I was feeling hurt already, I woke up at 7 andhe'd been online in the middle of the night (I assume when he'd got home) my message remained unread, to me it was the kind of message that if you were bothered and you'd have seen it you would have responded immediately, I went back to sleep. 

When I woke up again I could see that he’d read it but again no response, 27 hours after it was sent I saw typing and my heart was in my mouth, the response was both what I was kind of expecting and what I didn’t want it to be. 

 It seemed like a bit of a bullshit response to me if I'm honest. 

I was upset, upset because if he was the person he had spent two months telling me that he was he would have sent the message before I had to push him into it. I spent Saturday pretty upset if I’m honest, upset at myself for letting my guard down, upset at him because I don’t feel what he has said is true, upset because I’ve wasted another two months, upset because my radar is obviously so badly wrong. 

I'd like to say that I didn't respond, however being me, I did, I also called him out on his actions and the fact that from day one we had talked about honesty and that he hadn't been. 

A day of crying ensued, I didn’t leave my bedroom until late afternoon, sat down to lunch, couldn’t eat it. I had plans with a friend that evening, which may in fact be a stroke of luck, if you remember he’d asked for us to meet that evening, that’s when date three should have been but I’d had plans, otherwise he’d have been coming to spend the night at mine and this could be a whole lot messier. 

The friend I was going out with knows the story, I’d only told her recently as she had joined Tinder and I said they weren’t all bad, ha, how far wrong can a girl be?! It took a lot of will to get me out of the front door, I wanted to cancel but we had tickets and I didn’t want to let her down, I told her I’d do my makeup at hers as I had that awful swollen crying for hours face, I cried as I left, on the way and when I got there, she’d got me flowers, which made me cry again! 

We had a nice evening, the show which was a Dirty Dancing Tribute was good, dinner was good, I welled up a couple of times but held it together. 

So, you’re wondering why I feel so hurt after just three dates? I get that I totally do. 

However, when I got in the car that evening I looked at the date and it had been going on for exactly two months, in this time I have seen him through most of RAF basic training, I’ve picked him up when he’s down, I’ve cheered him on when he didn’t think he could do it, I’ve been super patient between dates, I’ve been understanding, mostly I’ve been kind, really kind, I guess I feel that I’ve fulfilled my purpose for him now. 

We’ve exchanged messages each and every day, sometimes lots, sometimes just one, all long and involved, not your normal one liner text messages, at least 10 sentences, often telling me what he liked about me and how much and how he was looking forward to me testing his limits to ensure that he was actually a diamond instead of a twat in tinfoil. 

In the last 6 weeks, we have exchanged 425 messages, plus two weeks of Tinder messaging before that, all of his messages are long and when I say long I've done a work count and they average about 250 words a message, below is an example (it was far too long for screenshotting):

Yeah I've come to learn that over the years, and wished I'd dodged sooner. 

Rest assured that they definitely aren't. Excellent, can't wait to experience this 🤗

They'll be ready and waiting for you, no worries about that.

They grew some tomatoes in their garden so she did home made tomato soup for starter, which was insanely good, then a roast for main and apple pie for dessert.

Really? You do bring the glamour, that's a certainty. That's okay, you know I love cats so I'm happy with them joining in. I'll bring along some suitable movies too.

You wouldn't have to sleep alone though, I'll solve that issue. There isn't much by way of equal distance between us- places like Stratford and Warwick seem to have cinema shortages! Shall I just head your way instead?

Please do, they're yours to enjoy.

So winters for you are normally spent filling the voids left by superbike season? What do you normally do with yourself?

I'm sure they won't be, but you can practise your skills on me nonetheless, I'll happily volunteer for that. Pretty certain I'll feel 100% better once I seen you in that outfit, so I'll soon be wanting to rip it off of you 😉

Ah yeah that's his name! Knew I'd heard it before. How's work going so far today? X

They don't seem to be the messages of someone that is lacking in interest, would you understand how I'd got the wrong idea?

His good points were: his sense of humour, he was funny and chatty and I’m pretty sure I could have left him with a bunch of friends and he would be fine, I liked that we seemed to get on really well, never an awkward silence between us and he seemed genuinely interested in me, he never pushed the boundaries too far, never send dodgy photos and remained respectful,  I liked that he was an animal lover and liked cats in particular, he was totally unfazed by me having them, which a lot are, I liked how gentlemanly he was, probably more so than anyone I’ve dated before. 

His not so good points were: at 5’11 he was taller than me in heels but not massively, I decided I could probably live with that but if we were going for perfect it wasn’t, I really didn’t find him terribly attractive on dates 1 and 3, but I did on date 2, I put this down to the hair cut/facial hair, the look of a friend that I wasn’t sure about and the weird little facial twitch that he has I found rather off putting. The fact that he’d joined the RAF as he’d been thrown out of Police training after getting arrested for an altercation with his (ex) girlfriend, the honest, say it how it is person that he told me he was, obviously isn’t the person he really is. 

They say that you learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than you do in a relationship, although we weren’t in a relationship this is definitely true, he’s certainly shown an arrogance I hadn’t detected since I pulled him up on his behaviour. 

He told me that he was looking for Mrs Right, however one of his excuses was that getting involved with someone while unsettled isn’t a great idea, however he is still on Tinder, maybe he just wanted to get laid? That’s absolutely fine but be upfront about it?!

I have spent a lot of time going over this in my mind, what I said wrong, what I did wrong, if I should have gone out the day after my hair cut, not the day before, what's wrong with me, why can't I get it right....... 

Largely the men I meet tell me that they would like a strong woman that is honest and tells it how it is, however they soon change their mind when the strong woman is honest and tells THEM how it is. When we saw IT last week one of the quotes in it was ‘Ain’t nothing like a little fear to make a paper man crumble’ only a few days after seeing the film, the paper man did, indeed crumble.

On Saturday night when I was out a message arrived 'How's you trouble' it was from Cunt Face, two weeks after we'd last spoken and just when I was at my most vulnerable. 

Had it arrived a couple of days before I wouldn't have answered but I did and that will be the next apart of the blog!.

Cake Destroyer – Date Three

The date that I didn’t think was going to happen did and much faster than I expected.

On Monday I had a stream of messages, rather than the one that I’ve been used to getting (and getting annoyed with) he came back to me saying that his week is looking busy but if it wasn’t too later notice he could possibly do Tuesday, I had no plans anyway and agreed as I really felt that if it was going to happen it needed to happen sooner rather than later.

We have kind of made plans for the weekend after this one, however obviously, it will depend on leave so I didn’t want date three to be a maybe in another two weeks’ time.

He asked what I wanted to do and I suggested the cinema and a drink, he suggested IT which has just come out. I can’t (and didn’t) pretend that I wasn’t apprehensive, I don’t like scary movies when I have to sleep alone, I’m always paranoid that I’m going to need to check under the bed etc at every sign of a noise! I told him that if it was scary he might end up with me on his lap and he said that was probably the best outcome and that he would protect me.

I felt terribly nervous yesterday, I think I’ve built him up in my mind which is never good really is it? I was talking to my friend at work yesterday about it and said that he seems almost too perfect which I find terribly scary, look what happened last time the only fault I could find was how far away he lived.

So we met about half way, he was a little late, not massively though (I think this might be his thing, however it was around rush hour) kiss and hug and we walked across to the cinema, I again warned him that if I was screaming it was his fault, he said that he was happy to see something else if I wanted, I said that I was only joking, when we arrived at the cinema he’d already brought the tickets.

The film wasn’t as scary as I expected, I love programs such as criminal minds but I had expected this to be much more gratuitously scary, it wasn’t and I jumped a little once, spending much more of the film laughing than being scared, the scene’s I found most disturbing were the ones with Beverly and her pervert father and I buried my head in his shoulder when one of the boys held the cat up as target practice but thankfully they didn’t shoot at it.  I guess my idea of disturbing is different to a lot of people’s, I found the kids film; Big Hero 6 quite disturbing as it contains a lot of death for a kid’s film, including a little boy’s family being burned to death and that’s made for children!

It did give us a good excuse to get cuddled up in the cinema though, which was nice, however that’s maybe where the problems started? I had my hand on his leg, my arm was rested on his pocket, I assumed his wallet initially but part way through the film it vibrated, at which point I realised it was his phone, a few minutes later it vibrated again. Now call me cynical but all that went through my mind was wondering if they were Tinder notifications, or other dates.

We all know what the world is like these days, not even socks are monogamous (well not in my house anyway) dating is tough, often people are having Tinder dates night after night, he could be on another one tonight, so could I (I’m not, I’ve been putting people off) it just makes you think, especially if you kind of like someone.

The film finished and he’d found a bar a short walk away, it was pretty wet out which wasn’t fun but the bar was lovely, he tried to pay again but I was quite firm in my ‘No, I’m paying’ this time, I do love a gentleman but there is no need for him to pay for everything, even more so that I know how little he will be earning currently.

We found a table and sat down opposite each other, he mentioned that the table was massive and we were really far apart so I moved round to sit next to him, they had live music and he has a sore throat so hearing each other would have been a struggle from across the table.

As soon as I’d moved his hand moved to my knee again, he’d kissed me as the film finished, when we’d gone to collect my coat from the car and several times during the time that we were in the bar and it was nice. I think that we both spent most of the evening smiling or laughing, he is great company.

We’d talked in the evening about him coming over for this alcohol cupboard emptying, as well as more general stuff and work, he’s got more holiday coming up so we talked about how much I dislike that fact and he had the audacity to say that I had an easier job as mine is much more flexible, I mentioned that he’d get a quiet life when I didn’t message him anymore and he said he definitely didn’t want that and tried to take the comment back.

We walked back to our cars and he kissed me and asked me to let him know when I got home, he waited for me to drive off and followed me out.

I guess that’s where the problems continue. I had about 40 minutes in the car where I could think, me and thinking isn’t good.

So, when I’d first seen him my first thought was that he didn’t look as nice as date two, obviously, he’s got the squaddie hair cut back so looks a bit thuggish and he had a bit of stubble this time (not full on facial hair though) he also has some facial expressions which remind me hugely of a friend of mine, he doesn’t look like him but in some ways he does, if that makes sense?

There is definitely something I like about him, our sense of humour is totally in tune, if a little warped and we genuinely seem to get on and make each other laugh. The facial twitches were back and I’m not a fan, they’ve been apparent on two out of the three dates now, I found him much more attractive on date two than one or three, I love that he’s so gentlemanly, he opens doors, always wants to pay, checks that I’ve got home, won’t sit down until I have and there is something about him that makes me feel safe.

I got home and text him as requested, saying that I was home and thanking him for another lovely evening, he messaged back saying that he was home and in bed, was glad I was home safe, thanked me for a lovely evening and said well done again on not being a scaredy cat. I responded simply saying that I was quite pleased and that was our last message.

I’m not sure I think another one will come but I don’t really know why, there was nothing yesterday to say that it wasn’t a good date, apart from the fact that on dates one and two we’ve had a conversation by message following the date but we did get back a lot later than we have on the last two.

Today I feel totally conflicted, I’m unsure of where I am, unsure of what I want, unsure of where he is with things. I don’t know if I’m doing the thing that I’m really good at and pushing back because we’re getting closer and I fear getting hurt so badly, so if I push someone away before we get too involved it saves me a little or that I’d built him up in my head to be something he’s not?

I had a massive smile on my face all day yesterday as I was excited to see him, today my head is in over drive, part of me thinks I’m being silly, the other part can’t help but think back to last year’s fiasco where I dared to involve my heart, look where that ended.

I highly recommend a listen to the new Sam Smith song; Too good at goodbyes, it really does nail some things!

Manchester, Racing and a pickled brain…….

Tuesday’s update already seems like a lifetime away, although there isn’t a great deal to report really.

I spent the three days in Manchester as planned and went out on Tuesday with my friend that I used to work with, she was the one having man trouble last time and it seems to have sorted itself out, which is good news, we had dinner and a drink in a new cocktail bar which was nice.

I think I may have got asked out by one of the guys that works there, that was a bit odd, I brushed it off, he’s not my thing but I think we could probably be friends.

Cake Destroyer graduated last week, he sent me a photo of him in uniform and I have to say that he looked really good, although so did his mate who was also in the photo and a few inches taller, only he was smiling in the photo though and he does have a lovely smile.

I have a funny feeling that date three isn’t going to happen, Cake Destroyer’s messages have stuck at one a day, it’s been over a week now since I’ve had more than one, they are all really long still but I can’t say that I’m not finding it hugely frustrating and off putting but then I get a message and for a few minutes all of my reservations disappear.

Thursday’s date didn’t happen, he’s now not starting Phase 2 today, he’s being held until October, which means he didn’t get sent home on Thursday (so we could meet) but it means that he’s now been given a week’s leave, so he’s not around again, which seems to be becoming a bit of a habit. He says this is good as he’ll be around for a bit longer, I’m not so sure.

So, he suggested that we do something this weekend coming (we’ve talked of him coming over and us having a whirl at emptying my alcohol cupboard which is hugely overstocked for someone that doesn’t drink at home unless she has guests and she doesn’t generally) however I’m busy, so that won’t work, I’ve now suggested that we meet up this week when he’s off, he’s suggested Wednesday, guess what? I’m busy Wednesday……… I’m starting to become really frustrated with it, does he actually want to see me? And if he does why isn’t he making it happen?

His messages don’t tell me he’s not interested, they are in the same vein, only now there are less of them, if he’s not interested any more would he not just tell me? Well no, because that’s not how dating works today, today people just string you along and keep you as a back up plan, in case whatever else they are up to doesn’t work out because that is dating in 2017.

We’ll see I guess? I’m trying not to answer this morning’s 09:30 message, as I know it means that I probably won’t get a response until tomorrow, which will annoy me a bit more but I struggle with it being sat there on my phone, I want to answer it, I’ve now started typing, which means that I won’t be able to not send it, ah man I need to have a word with myself.

So, I spent a fair bit of time this weekend with New Mechanic (and the rest of the crew obviously) not sure he’s really my thing looks wise (although he is tall and dark) but I won’t have seen him at his best as when I see him he’s working and in team gear, however the smoking is pretty much a deal breaker for me. Saturday was a bit odd, I was outside as they were setting off for the race, he came and gave me a hug as I’d picked up something for him on the way after he’d messaged me that morning, as he went off to the grid he then came and kissed me on the cheek, thankfully not many of our lot were around to see it as I’m not quite sure what they would have thought of it!

He came and gave me a hug goodbye as we were all leaving yesterday and said ‘I’ll message you’ and he has today, just general stuff that we were chatting about at the weekend. There is more racing this weekend but it’s back in Cheshire, I could only go Sunday due to being out Saturday night and already I feel like I can’t be arsed, however being busy keeps my mind off my phone.

Dating sites are off the hook and my Whatsapp looks like the ghosts of dating past, this is down to (apparently) the fact that it’s ‘Cuffing Season’ which is the time between summer and winter when everyone wants to find a mate for the winter, it certainly seems to be the case.

Prince Harry is obviously back from Block Leave as he sent me some messages last week asking if I’d like to meet up, I told him that in the four dates we’ve had it’s not worked out, so I don’t see that changing, he’s told me he’s now closer (less than 20 miles) and he’s stationed here for the next two years, I’m totally not sold on seeing him again, he’s hotter in his photos than in real life and his personality leaves a lot to be desired, I’m not sure he’s ever made me laugh on any of the four dates that we had so I think I can probably leave that one without worrying that I have made the wrong decision.

Car Salesman got in touch last week, saying his wife had told him to sort his shit out or they'd be getting a divorce, he say's he's trying. We chatted a bit, told him about CD, he say's I should give him a chance and it's really nice to hear me talk about him like that, I did say he's doing my head in. He said that he thinks he's a very lucky man if I like him, he said he feels like the 'defender of the buff 29 year old RAF man' which made me laugh as it's not how I'd describe him at all (he's not seen photos, this is just what he's made up in his head) he also said 'You are fucking amazing, I hope he can see that' which is really kind but the fact that it's coming from him sours it a little, he couldn't see it back then, he couldn't see it before he went off and fucked my mate, if he couldn't see it 18 years ago, when I was younger, prettier, thinner then why should CD be able to see it now, after two dates and a load of messages?

Cunt Face hasn't been in touch but does keep posting stories on SnapChat, never with someone else in them, but two slices of cake, two pizza's, who's that twat trying to kid?! I want to scream 'I know, I fucking know, stop lying' but I know it's not worth it, like with W@nk Bag sometimes you need to realise that you'll never get the answer you deserve, you'll never get the truth, just another twisted version of the lies you've already heard, learning to give it up is the hardest part. I spent ages trying to get W@nk Bag to be honest but eventually I faced the reality that it was never going to come and then started to move on, it was a long and painful process, thankfully with CF it won't take as long, five years of my life and two dates are massively different time periods, just a shame that he spent the best part of 18 months fucking with my feelings and even then couldn't do honesty. 

I’m definitely not short of offers but it’s very much like my wardrobe, plenty of choice but still nothing to wear, pretty fed up of it to be honest, I don’t see why I can’t find someone half decent, I keep getting told I’m too picky but is it really picky to have things that I want in another person?

So, I’ve not put any makeup on this morning (couldn’t be arsed, don’t usually for work) and now our fit (although more floppy haired posh boy than big shouldered classically my thing) lawyer has turned up and I wish I’d made an effort this morning. I’m weird in that I’m brilliant at flirting with people I’m not interested in but absolutely rubbish with people I am.

We’ve known each other for a few years now, I don’t see a lot of him as he works at another office, a couple of hours from here but he definitely brightens my day when he’s here, however we can’t manage to string a conversation together as when we try to talk we are both a bit dumbstruck, my friend that works in the office says it’s very funny to watch.

I ensure he's always within easy viewing when we have our conference, I decided this year I couldn't really put him on my table for the third year in a row, so he went on the table opposite me, I let the MD's do their seating plans for those I'd chosen for the table, when I found he wasn't in an easy view I may have swapped him with someone else.........

I have no idea where this week is going to take me, my concentration is right off the boil today that’s for sure, oh and yes I only made it two hours before sending my response, so I imagine now that Weds or Sat are the only nights he can do and that I won’t get a response until tomorrow, just to irritate me a bit more, maybe I should just bin it? It’s just not very often I decide I do actually like someone. I half decided on lunch today that if he comes back telling me he can’t do anything else this week I’m going to send him a message just saying if he has a free evening in the next couple of weeks to get in touch and to have a nice week off, is that being harsh or giving him a get out or simply saving myself?

Monday sucks, men suck, work sucks. 

Dating Suicide......

Well that’s what I thought it was anyway, do you think that stopped me? No, of course it didn’t, I’m definitely a dicing with danger kinda girl (maybe that’s why I’m still single?)

I was feeling a bit fragile anyway following the whole Cunt Face debacle which never helps with me, so in one message on Saturday I mentioned Tinder, asked when we were going to see each other again and asked if he was ok as he’d been quiet.

It was in the conversation and I wasn’t at all shirty with him (he’s done nothing to deserve that) it was a terribly long message but largely answering his last message, I even managed to swing the Tinder comment in as an answer to one of his comments.

I read it over and over again, it was long, even for us, I sent it unsure of whether I wanted to see the answer or not, I half expected a ‘fuck off’ I think, I guess I’m used to dealing with Cunt Face and him not responding for days isn’t unusual and then a ‘I’m just not sure’ or ‘I really like you but I don’t want to hurt you’ bollocks message.

Something had been said about not having offers flooding in, I used that to respond about tinder, I asked what sort of offers he was expecting and asked if he was hoping Tinder notifications would be off the hook.

 I asked when he thought we would get to do date 3 and added unless he’d changed his mind, kinda giving him an out, kinda making my position clear (maybe?) The message had opened with ‘all ok, you’ve been quieter this week’

The message took ages to come back (I know he’s busy and I appreciate that but it doesn’t stop me wondering)

Later that day I saw ‘typing’ appear on the screen, my heart was firmly in my mouth at that, part of me wanted to see what he was typing, part of me didn’t want to see it at all.

When it came in it did take me a little while to open it, he started by saying he was fine, just busy in the lead up to graduation and there have been some issues with some people on his course getting into trouble (not him)

He said that he was only waiting for offers coming from my directions and that he doesn’t really fancy Tinder going wild, so far so good (however he didn’t say that he wasn’t using it)

On the date three, he said that funnily enough he was actually going to ask for Thursday as although they’ve not heard anything official yet their Cpl thinks that they’ll let them go for some post graduation down time before his first posting on Monday and said that hopefully we could do something then.

I was rather pleased with the response, he seemed totally cool about it, answered like it was no big deal at all, it’s kinda one of the things I like about him, he seems really open but Cunt Face sits in the back of my mind nagging at me to think that everyone is a wanker, I hate it.

He has been quieter but we’ve had at least a (very long) message a day, he graduates today which is pretty exciting, he’s excited and I feel excited for him, his Mum, two brothers and one of his two sisters are down for it so I’m sure it will be lovely for them all and hopefully they’ll get some nice photo’s of him in uniform (for me!) it is, however absolutely pissing down, so that won’t be so nice, which is a shame.

We’ve talked even more in depth since then and the messages have got even longer, not sure that I thought that was possible, we’ve talked about all sorts of stuff, including what we like about each other and he’s been very complimentary.

Fingers crossed he’ll be released on Thursday and we’ll manage this date three, it’s only two weeks since we’ve seen each other but feels like ages.

New Mechanic has been in touch a bit this week, I’m working at our Manchester office and he messaged yesterday to ask how it was going which I think was quite sweet, I’ll see him this weekend, however it’s looking like it’s going to be wet, which is never promising.

I have been chatting to someone else on one of the sites, he’s asked me out, he seems nice but it puts me in a bit of a predicament really, what do I do? I don’t really want to go on a date with someone else at the moment but do I put it on hold? What if he isn’t putting things on hold. He seems nice, he lives up this way (Chester, yep I’m not sure we should trust anyone from Chester after the last one) but his parents are down by me and he coaches Rugby there of a weekend, he’s quite keen and has already offered a lot of options for a date, here, there, this week, this weekend.

So, this week is my first week working in Manchester, the journey up yesterday was fine, without the roadworks and on a good run it’s 2.5 hours door to door so I think it’s going to be doable, will I want to do it every week though, that’s the question!

I’ve had a nice welcome, one of the guys that works on our second tier team (two below my boss) works here and flirts with me regularly! Came and took me out for lunch yesterday and is again today, his girlfriend works here and she turned up yesterday as soon as he came down to take me for lunch, apparently she’s not keen on blondes!

As we were walking back from lunch yesterday he informed me that my trousers were see through, I didn’t believe him as they are new and from Next, Next don’t make see through work trousers, surely? However he did describe my knickers, however could black and lacy be a fluke? I went out to dinner with a couple that I used to work with, they are LOVELY but he was very boring last night, kept telling me about his new policeman friend and how I would like him, however his new policeman friend is married, so I’m not sure what the idea behind that was, he was also describing all of their interactions in great detail, you know the kind of thing where you had to be there? Well I wasn’t!

I made excuses about 9, as I really wanted to go to Ikea (I have never used those words before and promise never to again, I hate that place) to look at storage and they close at 10, made it with half hour to look around, it wasn’t long enough, disappointed massively that I’ll have to go back.

The motorway was closed, as was the exit to my hotel and everything I needed, it took ages, I’m shattered today and my thoughts are elsewhere!

A friend of mine was flaunting her 'amazing' new man on Facebook at the weekend, it pretty much summed up the reason why I am still single, I'm not convinced that when she finished scraping the barrel she didn't pick it up and scrape under it, I'm not just not ever going to be ready for that. I'm probably going to die alone because of it, on a positive note I already have the cats and won't need to buy any! 

Alice went down the rabbit hole………….

And we all know what happened to her, I’m not sure why Princess Frog thought it was a good idea to follow, when I’d not even had a drink but I obviously did.

It’s quite unusual that I do two blog posts in two days but a lot has happened since the one I did yesterday and if I wait my little blonde head will forget or implode and I’m not keen on either.

So, last night I sent the Dr a LinkedIn message, it was very general and pretty short (as in words, not my temper) just saying I’d been to Oxford and the friend had mentioned him, I hope all was well and it had been years, I said nothing that needed a response and I didn’t really expect one, however I got one.

He said that it had been ages and he couldn’t believe anyone was asking about him, he asked if I’m working in London (there is a photo of me by Tower Bridge) said he’d worked there for about 3 years and said he hoped all was well.

I did quite a lot of eeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk’ing and called the friend/mum up and told her, she was also doing a lot of the same noises! She also told me not to phone her again without texting first, I use the phone so little that she thought it was either the paramedics telling her I was in an accident, or the police telling her I’d been arrested, which to be fair pretty much sums me up, if you can’t say it by Whatsapp or Facebook message do you really need to say it at all?

I responded saying that I do some work there but travel a fair bit for work and that I’d done some work in Belfast a few years ago, I asked if he was back home these days following the London comment.

He said yes, that he’d taking up a Consultant post two years ago, he’d have stayed in London but went back for the kids, who are there with their mother, he said that they are going through a pretty unpleasant divorce, that gave way for another little squeal, which is bad really as I don’t believe in divorce at all, I know it’s quite common now but I think if you get married you do it once (yep, that’s why I haven’t)

I asked how old they were, he’s got a 15 year old, I find that hard to believe, I guess I still think of him in his early 20’s, he’s a bit older than me but only by a couple of years I think. I was quite excited to speak to him, who doesn’t like a walk down memory lane? He told me he still gets over to London a bit for work and to see friends.

I had a bit of a Facebook stalk, like you do (you do right?) he looks older than I would have thought but as I said before I remember him 20 years ago and a lot can happen in that time can’t it?

I got a message from Cake Destroyer last night and I still don’t know how I feel about it.

Before we met I knew that he was going to be posted and I knew where to, it’s somewhere that I used to go to regularly with an old job that I did about 11 years ago, it’s about 80 miles from home and takes approx an hour and a half in the car, so I was cool with it and obviously thought it was do-able.

He is currently 35 miles away but it’s still over an hour as there is little motorway in between, in the time we’ve known each other (we matched on 16^th July) we’ve managed to see each other twice, once when he was given a days leave and once when he was on his two weeks leave and we met in the middle but Phase 1 training means he is completely at the RAF’s disposal 24/7 so I know they are keeping him really busy.

He had been told that his Phase 2 wouldn’t start until January, which he wasn’t particularly happy about but I was kinda hoping that they would leave him where he was which would have hopefully have given us the chance to work out how we felt and if we intended to go forward. We had discussed it last week and he said he was annoyed at the fact that he didn’t want his career to be put on hold for the rest of the year, so I’m really pleased for him that won’t be happening but a little sad for us that he’s going to be so much further away so soon. He graduates next week and his posting starts the week after so it’s only 10 days away now.

He hoped he would get leave this weekend and had said on our date that he’d like us to see each other but I’ve not heard anything so doesn’t sound likely, which is a shame as I have a rare free weekend. If he gets the following weekend off then it’s a race weekend and I’ve got plans for all three days, including the Friday which I have booked off.

I just feel a bit like it’s game over, it may not be the case but I guess we’ll see, the message came in quite late last night, just before midnight and I made the mistake of reading it, I then couldn’t sleep so I’m pretty tired today.

He’s not yet been on Whatsapp since last night so there is no response as yet, maybe we’ll have more blogs this week?

I find it really weird when it all goes wrong that you get used to hearing from someone every day and then all of a sudden you don’t, I guess you get used to it though.

Cunt Face knows I’m there next week, I don’t expect to see him though.

The Vet’s Mum is in today, that made me laugh!

Cake Destroyer Date Two....................

Sooooo, Wednesday night was the second date that I didn’t think was going to happen with Cake Destroyer, he sent a message on Tuesday inviting me to his for dinner (maybe half joking) so I responded saying it was too late for me to get there in time for dinner, he said he’d extend the offer to the next day.

I had quite a long think about it, I wanted to see him again to see if there was anything there between us but I wasn’t keen to go to his house on a second date, I wasn’t sure there if there was a lot of chemistry although we’d got on really well and I thought it might be uncomfortable, certainly if we didn’t have a lot of chemistry and secondly in someone else’s home that soon.

I suggested that we meet in the middle, he said yes, found a restaurant and we arranged to meet.

Messages winged back and forth and then he sent me a message saying ‘Just so you know I’ve grown a gay little moustache and beard, just for these two weeks off, so I apologise in advance’

I responded with ‘erm, I think I might be busy tonight now!’

‘I think maybe I should have a shave..’ was the next message to which I responded with a laughing smiley.

I HATE facial hair, it gives me a rash for one and I don’t think it looks nice either, so that gave me a bit of dread about the date, I was already a little nervous I have to say, I wondered if we’d have much of a connection after a month and I think I think it’s quite a long time between first and second dates, we’ve talked loads though in between, every day apart from the week he was on exercise.

The restaurant looked nice, a gastro pub, I was concerned about what to wear, I still feel pretty fat and horrible, I emptied my wardrobe and tried loads on, couldn’t find a top I wanted to wear with my jeans, in the end I wore the cold shoulder dress that I’d worn the last time I saw Cunt Face, it’s pretty much a smart/casual summer dress, not too dressed up but had the weather not had been on my side it wouldn’t have worked, straightened hair, makeup (more than the last time I’d seen him as that was a Sunday afternoon) sandals with a heel (had to do the heel test at some point so why not today?)

I arrived and he’d literally pulled in just before me, I put the top up on the car and he said that I was showing off, I got out and he gave me a hug and said that he was a bit underdressed (he wasn’t, maybe I was a little over dressed but I wasn’t dressed up) he had jeans, shoes and a light jumper, he looks better with more hair, however that will be gone today or tomorrow, I did think that he looked nicer today than on our first date.

He had shaved, my first words to him were asking what had happened to the facial fungus, he said he’d thought it was a bad idea so had shaved and that it also looked crap but they were all doing it.

We went in and sat down and the conversation was really easy between us, a fair bit of ribbing and we are both fairly warped in sense of humour, which always makes the conversation interesting, we had starters and main course and I turned down pudding, I couldn’t have eaten anymore.

I was right about the weird little facial movements, they must have been nerves as they were certainly a lot less frequent this time and he was better on eye contact, although he could have done with a little more still but hey no one is perfect and dating is hard.

We continued to chat and I did wonder there was something developing between us, we got the bill and he insisted on paying, which I thought was nice, it’s not something I’d accept with someone I didn’t expect to see again either, he’d also held the door open when we arrived and left and I think that there is a lot in gentlemanly behaviour.

We walked to the car and stood chatting, we have a bit of a joke about him and young boys (he took one of the 17 year old recruits to the cinema on his birthday and said it looked very wrong and it’s gone on from there) he asked if he could prove to me that he wasn’t into boys!

I said ‘I don’t know, can you?’ so he kissed me and it was nice, really nice. There was definitely something there by this point for me, he’s a decent kisser too which always helps, he asked when he could see me again and I asked when he wanted to, he said literally the next time that they let him have leave.

He thinks they may put him on leave the weekend after this one but doesn’t know for sure, rarely I have nothing on that weekend, so if they do it could just work.

He asked me to message him when I got home, I always think that’s a good sign (however Cunt Face did that too)

He eventually said ‘I’ll put you down now’ I wasn’t overly bothered about being put down by that point to be honest, as we left he thanked me for coming to meet him again and was generally really sweet.

I messaged when I got home, saying thank you for dinner and a really lovely evening, he thanked me for joining him and said I looked fantastic, he was very complimentary about the date and how well we’d got on again, I told him I’d had reservations and he said that he has wondered too, he apologised for not being around as much as he should have but said that he thinks the conversation flows really well between us and that I am massively in credit with him. We agreed that speaking by text has helped keep us in touch and feel like we know each other.

I told him he had to send me the face fungus photo’s so he set his alarm this morning so that they were there when I woke up, I told him that he should definitely put them on Tinder as they would certainly get him left swipes and weirdo’s and thanked him for shaving, he responded saying that he was ‘alright ta, thinking I’m alright with you abusing me’

So we’ve kind of covered Tinder a bit, when do you have that talk of dating sites? We’ve spoken quite a lot today, he said that he wishes I’d binned the day off at work today and I do too, and that I could have then had the message he keeps promising me.

I was a bit eeeeeekkkkkkkk on the way home and yesterday which worries me a bit, last time I felt like this it was ruined within 48 hours with the girlfriend/lodger revelation.

I know we shouldn’t tar everyone with the same brush but I don’t want to get hurt again and I don’t want to get involved with something that isn’t going anywhere, he’s saying all of the right things but do I believe him? I need to give him some trust and I can’t punish him for something that someone else has done but I still hurt from Cunt Face, over a year on.

Last night is the first date I’ve been on since him where I’ve not been upset on the way home because there wasn’t any chemistry or thought that it was a waste of makeup because the date was rubbish, so that’s good.

I don’t know when we’ll see each other now until they tell him about leave but I would like to see him again and he says he’d like to see me, so we’ll see what happens I guess?

Spoken to Mr Bumble this week, he’s now dating the married woman (who split up with her husband less than 8 weeks ago!) but seems happy, which is good.

Not heard from the new mechanic for a couple of days, which with things how they are at the moment isn’t a bad thing.

I don’t really want to meet anyone at the moment, I’m happy getting to know CD at the moment but I don’t want to take myself totally ‘off the market’ particularly if he isn’t but I don’t want to have a proper conversation about it when we’ve only had two dates, in an ideal world he’d bring it up!

This weekend I’m off to a baby shower (not looking forward to that to be honest) and meeting up with someone I met on holiday three years ago, in the hope that we can at some point go on holiday together, so hopefully a nice weekend, not too busy but with things to do.

A weekend of racing.........

So, Cake Destroyer has been in touch but not with the regularity that we have been, he's been in touch every day but one day was only once and he committed the cardinal sin of not responding until the next day, he did apologise, saying he was at a beer festival and didn't want to drunk text me, however it was 24 hours after my message so I took over 24 hours to respond, apologising that I was at racing and the signal was bad, which wasn't a lie but I could have messaged, had I felt inclined, oh who am I kidding I was inclined, I just didn't want to message back quickly so stopped myself. 

He responded really fast, saying that was ok etc and he was heading up to Norfolk to see more family and then text in response to my reply last night,  I don't really know where we are, I went out on Thurs with the Best Friends Ex and when talking about it I said that I wasn't sure that you could date this early on and not see each other for weeks at a time, we’ll be on a month this weekend coming from date one and you can’t get by on talk alone.

We’ve mentioned meeting on Saturday on his way home, however he might be taking others back to camp, so if that happens we won’t be, I’m going to leave the meeting up thing now, I’ve asked about it once and made my point of you actually need to see each other for things to develop so we’ll see, the lesser contact probably isn’t a bad thing, it’s weaning yourself off a bit at a time I guess?

Cunt Face messaged Thursday ‘Hey sexy lady, you ok? x’ I’d love to tell you I’d not responded but I can’t, however my messages were pretty light, no great long ones, no x’s on them, it didn’t last long and then he disappeared like the ghost he is.

The one I went on a couple of dates with earlier in the year keeps reappearing and asking me out, I don’t think I even gave him a name, he was pretty unreliable so I gave him the heave ho, he keeps asking for another chance and asked me to go for a drink on Sunday, I said ok, if he came my way and chose somewhere, he text Saturday saying he’d ‘look now’ I didn’t respond and no further message came, however I had my arm twisted to stay over at racing and made no effort to get home early for a non-existent last chance date with a flaker, so I didn’t race back and he didn’t get in touch, no shock there then? From now on I’m just going to ignore his messages completely, instead of indulging his ego with responses.

The vet has been in touch too, it’s a funny story really, we matched on Bumble in December, I can’t say I wasn’t pretty excited to match with a vet, either a farmers wife or a vets wife would suit me down to the ground, however he was very honest, he said straight away that a relationship wasn’t what he was looking for, however if I was after fun he thought we’d have a great time together, I politely declined, however at the time I had a very pregnant cat that was giving me issues so we chatted a bit about that and he asked over a couple of days how she was doing (we’d had a C-Section and I was pretty much hand rearing two hourly) so I was shattered, I nearly lost them all but four of the 6 survived (1 had been born sleeping, one got to two weeks old and then died just as I thought we’d turned a corner and broke my heart) and eventually went on to be superstar’s in their new homes, he was quite sweet, asking about how they were doing and we’d chat intermittently, then we matched on Tinder, started chatting again, still he and I were looking for different things but swapped numbers, I put his number in my phone and within a few weeks he came up in my Facebook suggestions, which is kind of annoying and kind of good, however I noticed his surname which is fairly unusual.

Not only is it unusual, it’s also the surname of someone that works for the same company as me and although he wasn’t living there at the time the area of his ‘home’ area is similar, for her age my immediate guess would be either a Mum or Aunty.

Anyway the person I work with is a manager that works for one of the MD’s that my boss is CEO for, so I don’t work directly with them but still see them in the office and she used to be here quite a lot, I also knew that she had three adult children, he is 28 (yes, I do know I’m 39 and no, I’m definitely not old enough to be his mother)

So, I mentioned that I worked with someone of the same name, he skimmed over it and never really gave me an answer.

A week or so later she was in, we chatted as normal and she told me that she was going to be a grandmother and that her daughter who is a vet has got engaged, what do the other children do I asked, she told me and ……….. is a vet, boom, it was his mum! I mentioned it, he said he didn’t want me to be embarrassed and that she doesn’t approve of dating apps, he also asked that I didn’t tell her (like I would!)

Anyway, he’s quite sweet but as we are looking for different things it’s not worth us meeting us, however he pops up every few weeks/months to see how I am, ask after the cats and see if my minds changed……… it hasn’t and even if his had the whole Mum thing would make it even more difficult!

So, that’s all of my ‘old’ people updates, so a few weeks ago at racing we had a new mechanic join us, he’s not new to the team as they’ve worked together for years, although we have had different mechanic/s for the 5/6 years that I’ve been going, however he’s new to me as we’d not met before the last round, although I’ve heard him mentioned.

He’s a little taller than me, probably 5’10ish I’d say, he’s alright looking but nothing special, he’s a smoker, which is a massive no, no for me and on my deal breaker list but he’s pleasant and funny, we got on ok but I was only there for one day last time and we also had a visit from another old mechanic, who has FB flirted with me on and off for a while and who has been quite ill with cancer (and has just got the all clear which is fab news) he looked really well and I was struggling to take my eyes off of his biceps which looked pretty bloody awesome, anywho…. He slated the new mechanic a little to me, which I didn’t feel was strictly necessary as I’d heard good stuff from the rest of the guys, I even said ‘you don’t like him then’ to which he backtracked and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t like him it was just that he thought he could be a bit of an idiot but to be fair I think all men are.

We didn’t get much time to chat but he seemed nice enough, I went up on Saturday to the racing and as soon as I got there I was told that when they asked who was coming to get me they said I was coming with cake and boobs and there was a whole host of offers to come and collect me! Cheeky sods! Anyway we had a good couple of days and all had dinner together, the chat was wrong on so many levels, I hear a lot of things but even I was a little shocked at some of it! HAHA! However on chatting about it on Sunday he was told that I was the worst of all of us, a little unfair I thought.

A couple of times in the day when he’d thanked me etc he’d added ‘beautiful’ to the end which I hadn’t really noticed until later in the day when one of the boys had ribbed him for it.

One of the other guys always flirts with me (actually most of the team do but I am a flirty sort of person so I don’t help it) he mentioned in front of the new mechanic that I’d not taken up his offer of a spooning partner for the night before, I said that I’d not had the invite, it was mentioned that all I’d had to do was say and that I could have had the choice of at least three places to sleep that night, we continued joking about, as the older mechanic rode off, he was gesturing for me to go with him (it’s all in jest, he is happily married, although he’d never admit that and I think if I said yes he’d run a mile!) and the new mechanic caught sight of it and started laughing.

Anyway, we all had a nice day of joking around and the horrible bit of breaking down (it takes hours and everyone has had enough by that point) he then came and gave me a cuddle and left, I hugged everyone about half an hour later and left too as we’d finished.

When I got home I added some photos to FB and thanked them for the weekend as usual, I also added him and a couple of others that I’ve been getting to know as friends, there is a young lad who is about 19, his 17 year old brother, his Mum and Dad that have been joining up with us and are really lovely, so I added the 19 year old and his Mum too, we’ve known each other for most of the year now, they all accepted and we all liked posts, photo’s etc.

Later in the evening I got a pm from the new mechanic, telling me thank you for a funny weekend and saying he’d not realised I lived where I did as he used to spend loads of time up here, turns out he and I used to work for a major car manufacturer that have a college in the area and both did courses there (different obviously but would have been at a similar time) so we chatted a bit and eventually said goodnight, quite some time after I’d planned on going to bed.

It’s the funeral of the friend that died racing today, I am glad I’m not as I’m not good with things like that but I’ve not stopped thinking of them all today, especially his family and those closest to him, I know it happens to us all but in this case it was way too early.