Showing posts with label Evil Twin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Evil Twin. Show all posts

Tuesday 7 July 2020

The Ex Best Friends Ex.............

The Ex Best Friend and I shared a lot in common, including our birthday, although she is five years older than me, we met on a night out, she suggested swapping numbers and we were best friends through a lot, then I stopped making the effort because it felt like it had got one sided when she got a new boyfriend and it confirmed that it was the case, the last real conversations we had were in late 2016.

She had a long term boyfriend when we first met, they rarely went out together but I can remember walking into the pub to meet her one night and thinking the guy at the bar was quite good looking, tall, dark haired, my type, she then introduced me to her boyfriend...... you guessed it!

He came out with us on probably a handful of occasions over the years, birthdays, Christmas etc and we saw each other when I went to the house.

We were all going out for New Year and I was seeing Blue Eyes at the time, who she'd introduced me to. I was having a rubbish time with neighbours being absolute arseholes and I was nervous to be on my own that Blue Eyes had not far off moved in, which worked out great for him but I wasn't as involved as he was.

As I was getting ready to go to the party that night I discovered they'd put a brick through my car window and I was an absolute wreck, I really wanted to go though and I didn't want to let the people I was going with down.

We arrived at the local club to find that the neighbours were there, which meant that I was on edge the whole time, Blue Eyes got drunk and decided he was going to fight the neighbours which made me quite angry, as I tried to explain, it was ok him causing trouble but it was me that would pay for the repercussions, already I was scared to be in the flat on my own and scared to leave as all I did whether I was there or not was worry about what they'd do, I'd also sent the cats to live with my family for a few weeks to see if it would die down as I was terrified something would happen to them.

This turned into a big argument and he stormed off on the way home, to have a go at the neighbours who had also left, by the way he likely couldn't have fought his way out of a paper bag, so even if he'd confronted them it would have been pretty useless!

He stormed off, the Ex Best Friend went after him to try to talk some sense into him and told her (now) ex to take me back to theirs.

He walked me back and told me that Blue Eyes was no good for me, I knew this already and even when we'd started seeing each other I told him that I wasn't looking for anything serious. Just as we got to the front door he said 'you should have had me' which I was a little taken aback by if I'm honest, we went in, got drinks and the comment was never mentioned again (in fact I'd completely forgotten about it until a couple of months ago) everyone arrived back, including Blue Eyes and we continued drinking despite Blue Eyes being blatantly in the dog house (EBF's now boyfriend was also with us)

I finished things with Blue Eyes shortly after, it was going nowhere and I needed to finish it before he got more involved.

The Ex Best Friend (EBF and formerly Evil Twin on here) and I saw each other at least weekly but it was quite rare that there were just the two of us, more often than not it was us two and a group of the guys, we used to do messy Sunday weekly and more often than not meet up in the week too.

EBF often joked about how much better suited the (now) Ex and I would be, as she said we had a lot more in common, I always used to wonder about the references as they were happy and appeared to get on, even though lot of the time they did both do their own things.

Around five years ago she told me she was moving out and asked me to go and look at a house with her, all I knew before that was that things weren't amazing but I was fairly surprised, they were really amicable about it and he helped her move out, it was an easy split as the house was his anyway.

Time moved on and a few months later she told me she was seeing one of the guys that we regularly spent time with, at this point I should probably tell you that his wife had finished it a few months before and moved out of their house.

I asked some questions at this point and discovered something that I found quite shocking, it had been going on for YEARS, while they were both with partners and I always had an inkling she liked him but would have never guessed that something had been going on that long.

The year before she'd been 40 and I'd turned 35, she was adamant that she was going away on her own for 'our' birthday and I was a little put out by it, as was EBFX. I also thought it was really strange, two nights in a hotel, on your birthday, just up the road, on your own. Well she wasn't on her own was she, it all came out. I'd always thought it was strange that she was quick to judge the wife for moaning when I thought (and voiced to him!) that she was justified.

During this time he was a bit of a dick, wanted her, didn't want her, didn't know what he wanted and she was hurt, we were out one night and a new guy to the village came over and started chatting, she went home and slept with him because she was feeling a bit unloved and unwanted.

Then things started to get messy, she was between the two, it's a small village, she didn't want them to meet, let alone talk and I guess I was the shield between them, it wasn't long after this that I started to realise our friendship was a little one way and backed away, as I backed away she didn't come forward.

Another friend works where she does and regularly tells me what she's up to, says she always asked about me and due to that I'm careful what I tell her, I've heard a few times during that time that they've broken up and got back together, I know when we were still friends that she was annoyed after the lease ended in her flat that he said no to her moving in.

I moved last summer, into my dream house and she'd obviously been told by the mutual friend, she sent me a text the day I moved saying she was happy for me and good luck, I responded and said thank you.

A few weeks later I got a friend request from EBFX who I'd not spoken to since before they split (about four years) I accepted and sent a 'how are you' pm, he responded and we had a bit of a catch up, he said we should meet for a drink, I'd not long moved and said I didn't really want to go out but he was welcome to pop up, he said he'd message me the next day and I didn't really expect to hear anything else.

On the Sunday I got a message saying he'd be up in half hour if that was ok, it was a lovely weekend and we sat out in the garden with a drink and caught up on the last four years, he said he was selling the cottage and looking at a new build, one was where I am and one on the site next door, TBF's daughter lives on the next road to me with her bf and was telling me that he still sees her occasionally, they keep in touch which I thought was nice, he did say that TBF's bf doesn't like her seeing him so they just say hi now if they bump into each other as he doesn't want to cause issues.

We chatted about dating, that neither of us meets anyone with any spark and that we're both useless cases and too fussy, we both said if we don't feel a connection we're out before we've ordered a drink!

As he left he gave me a hug and said that he'd have to get me actually out of the house one night for a drink.

We speak by message intermittently, he finally managed to sell the cottage and buy the house he wanted, I got a message one weekend asking if I'd go and help him choose flooring, which I did.

When he moved in he had a bit of time between completing on the house he'd sold and the new one so he used one of my spare rooms for storage for a month or so.

We continued to speak weekly or so and every so often he'd message and pop up for a drink or invite me over, we'd chat about all sorts, work, dating etc, he'd give me a hug and leave and I never really thought much of it.

We joked about TBF seeing him coming out of my house, it happened one day while he was moving out.

I knew she was moving (onto my road believe it or not) but I didn't want to send her a text and open up dialogue again, I knew which house it was, worked out the door number and sent her and the new boyfriend a new home card - that'd be it I thought.

That was the Friday before lockdown, that same day EBFX had messaged saying he'd had a crap week and did I fancy a bottle of wine, I was stressed out too and said yes, I'd love one.

His tone changed a bit that day, he was talking naked twister and we both laughed about it, when he arrived he seemed different in his manner, he also mentioned he'd not been able to get hold of naked twister but we could make it up as we went along.

The alcohol went down fast and we were a little merry.

We chatted as usual about dating and all sorts, he always says that we're both too fussy, which is why neither of us has found anyone, I'm not totally convinced he isn't right.

I can't really remember how it happened but he kissed me, which developed a little, I made it clear that he wasn't staying, which I think he was a little disappointed about, the thing is when he kissed me it wasn't great, I didn't feel anything, I certainly didn't feel I wanted to drag him into my bed but it's quite rare I meet someone that does make me feel like that.

The next day EBF messaged me thanking me for her card and saying that we should catch up at some point, I felt all the guilt in the world, I'd kissed her ex the night before.

A few weeks passed, EBFX was in touch intermittently, nothing about that Friday night, we'd gone into lockdown the Monday after so we couldn't see each other but there were no signs of him initiating anything else.

Time went on, I spoke with both EBF and EBFX and then lockdown rules relaxed a bit and EBF came to look at something at mine after we'd bumped into each other, it was awkward, we were like strangers, instead of the two people that had been so close.

During the lockdown I dropped off some baking a couple of times to EBFX and we chatted at the door.

Facebook had released a new 'care' emoji and as much as some people seem to love lockdown I'm feeling pretty affection starved, I'd seen or touched no one in what felt like forever but was likely about 10 weeks (since the kiss)



Shortly after posting that, this arrived....................



I put it off for a couple of weeks and then he came over for the evening, we talked about EBF and me seeing her, he said we'd be best friends again soon, which I didn't think would be the case. 

He went to leave and said 'I'd better give you that hug' which he did and that was that, totally different to the last time.

So, that was that, EBF and I saw each other again, over a couple of drinks this time, it was much more relaxed than it had been before and definitely had a feeling of how things used to be, I'm keen that we don't become best mates again as I don't like allowing myself to get bitten twice in a row but it's hard when we used to get on so well. 

He came over again a couple of weeks later and we had a couple of drinks, he asked if I was going to give him a cuddle and I did, he kissed me and it felt different to last time, I did feel something, it wasn't fireworks but definitely something. It escalated a little but not massively. 

We speak by message intermittently in between times, he's not much of a talker by message though so it is limited. 

It wouldn't be me if it weren't complicated and most people would think that their ex best friends ex would be complicated enough but not for me, EBFX works with someone that's an important part of this blog................................................ Knight in Shining Leathers. 

A couple of weeks ago I got a message from Knight, telling me that he had something he wanted to show me and could he come up, it was a nice evening and we had a cup of tea (and his much loved hobnobs that I usually have a packet of in the cupboard for him) in the garden as he showed me his new (vintage) bike, I'm pleased that I'm still the first person he comes to when something exciting or upsetting is happening to him. 

I have always loved him in leathers, so I did wonder if it would give me that feeling that I'd had for so many years when we were doing the FWB thing, he took his helmet off revealing his long, unkempt lockdown helmet hair that looked much more grey that last time I saw it and I felt nothing but friendship still, so that's positive right? 

I was doing lots of baking (mainly to stop me from drinking with work being so stressful) and XBFX had doorstep deliveries a couple of times, he suggested that next time I was bored I might like to make chocolate brownies that are his favourite, so next time I fancied baking I did. 

He was meant to come over on the Saturday to collect them but he cancelled as he wasn't feeling well, I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing him and baking takes effort, he messaged the next day asking if I was around for him to collect the brownies, I said I was but only for an hour so he popped in, he had a migraine and to be fair he looked rough. 

He made a comment when he was here about us always drinking, I'm not totally sure that he doesn't think I'm always drunk when something happens and that's the reason - it isn't but we all know that a drink gives us a bit of courage!

He came over, was here for an hour and then left before I went out, we had general chat but I made sure I mentioned that Knight had popped up, if it came up I didn't want him to think I was trying to hide anything (although I don't think he knows that we haven't always just been friends but we are now and anything else is in the past)  

As he left he said 'Come and give me a hug then' I hugged him and he kissed me, more than a friendly kiss but less than anything else and off he went. 

Then we were due to see each other again (I did offer tea but he said he doesn't drink it!) and he cancelled again, I was a bit pissed to be honest - he said he 'had stuff to sort' 

My heads been quite confused during this time, I don't know if I want anymore from this, I don't know if he does, I don't know if we're just friends but the lines have definitely been blurred. 

EBF and I have got closer and she has been in my thoughts a lot, whether she'd feel betrayed if she knew we are friends, how she'd feel about it, what if she bumps into him coming or going from here and I do feel totally torn between them, I like them both. 

I decided that I was going to tell her we're friends, I mean currently that's all we are, she came round on one of the heatwave evenings, sat in my pool drinking vodka, it was nice but it was definitely playing on my mind and then she gave me an opening, as soon as I saw the opportunity I went in and took it. 

She was talking about the new housing estate and mentioned the houses looking really small, I casually said 'EBFX bought one of those and its huge' she said she knew he had (he still sees her daughter) which opened up the dialogue, I then told her we see each other, he'd done a couple of bits around the house for me etc, she said they'd still be friends if it weren't for her boyfriend being so jealous about it. 

I also said that for my birthday I'm having two friends staying but for 3-4 local friends I'd be inviting them for a drop in across the evening, so there is a chance they'll run into each other, she said she was totally fine with it, so..... that's all out in the open - I only have a couple of really close friends that know anything outside of the friendship bit so it's no different here (ok, well maybe a little) 

Then a couple of weeks after that we said we'd get together on the Saturday, I said I'd go to his as I've not been there since December and he's been here a fair bit, after the last two occasions I was half expecting him to cancel and if he did it was last chance saloon, he messaged asking what time I was going over.

I'd gone through lots of scenarios in my head of what 'stuff to sort' could be and was expecting it to be something really trivial that would annoy me or that he'd met someone, it wasn't either, it's some quite serious work stuff that's really playing on his mind and I totally understood why he'd cancelled, so all was forgiven.

We chatted for the evening, from separate sides of the sofa (he has a much bigger sofa than I do!) it started hammering with rain, he said that I could stay if I wanted and he'd drop me off in the morning (I live a five minute walk away) I said I'd be fine, it's only water, he offered to drive me home, again I said I'd be fine. 

I could have stayed but I didn't want to stay because it was raining, if I stayed I wanted it to be because that's what we both wanted. 

We said goodbye and I gave him a hug, he kissed me but properly kissed me and I left. 

I messaged him when I got home, saying I'd got soaked, he said that he'd offered to bring me home. I said I kinda felt like we are tiptoeing around each other a bit and I don't really know why, he said he knows what I mean and that is currently where we are.................




















Wednesday 21 June 2017

A tough night...............

Did the message come? Of course it didn't, I knew, really deep down that it wouldn't but that doesn't mean that I didn't desperately want it to.

So, the evening was spent with some tears, feeling rather sorry for myself to be honest, if I checked my phone I checked it a million times but the message didn't come, I know he'd been online as he'd updated his Instagram (I know, I know!) 

Mr Bumble has been quiet but to be fair I have brought back a rule of mine that I have been neglecting for some time now.

In December I saw this little picture and on seeing it I decided that instead of not making a New Years Resolution like normal that this year I would make one, that resolution was to #bemorerudolf which essentially means that I will try to treat people how they treat me, if they take ages to respond I do the same, if they look after me when I need it, I'll do the same, if they don't treat me very well, I'll do the same. It's been a bit of an eye opener really and it's making my circle a lot smaller but is that a bad thing? 
Some examples of how #bemorerudolf work are the Evil Twin, she wasn't around when I needed her in December, you'll note this is a theme, I'm there for her, she's not there for me, so I've not messaged her since Xmas and guess what? She's not messaged me either, so six months along and we've not spoken, funny that eh? 

In January, I arranged to go to the cinema and for dinner and catch up with a friend, she then invited other people (that I didn't know) so when she asked about tickets in a group chat (I hate group chat anyway) I private messaged her and told her I wasn't going, she didn't seem to get the idea and we've spoken very little since, had she asked I would have been fine with it but people seem to have no manners these days. 

Anyway, back to Mr Bumble, I sent the last message (unread) so when he messages I will ensure that I don't do my usual and message straight back, to be fair one of the reasons I message straight back is because I forget about it if I don't. 

I still feel a bit down in the dumps today to be honest, I wish I was brave enough to take myself off on holiday by myself but unfortunately I'm not, I kind of want to escape myself and my head but sadly it's the thing that you can't get away from. 

Will another message come? Maybe, who knows, maybe when he needs something, or someone? Maybe when the new girlfriend bins him? Will I run to him? Time will tell I guess. 





Tuesday 5 January 2016

Life gets in the way................

Seems ages since I posted, it is ages since I posted.

The last post was about the boy that after date three decided that he wasn't ready for serious, despite him being the one that was driving things.

Well it's now January and we have continued to see each other, which seems surprising I guess, however when I responded to the text I pointed out that serious hadn't entered my head and as far as I was aware we were both at the early stages of getting to know each other, why do men always think that we are the one's that want to do the serious thing? While I don't want to get into something that I know is going nowhere, neither do I want to get serious with someone I'm not nuts about.

He said he liked me and enjoyed spending time with me, so we carried on with the cinema date as planned, he was normal, we went to the cinema and even through the film he had to keep touching and kissing me, not what I would say was the behaviour of someone that didn't want it to continue.

Have I been a fool? Maybe. We have now done 9 dates (it would have been more if it wasn't for me putting a bit of a halt on it)

We've done dinner, he's stayed over, more cinema etc and are going out again tonight.

I found out some interesting facts, like he's allergic to cats (we didn't know this until he had stayed over) he wasn't at all phased by it and went to the Dr to get medication which seems to have solved the problem. He is definitely more keen than I am, I don't know if that's because of the 'I'm not ready for serious' text or just because I'm not feeling it or he's not for me.

I'm rubbish with Christmas etc, it tends to give me a huge case of the blues and depression, this year has been no different for me, I've hardly seem anyone over the break so he's been put off too (although we didn't have anything arranged) I told him before Christmas that I wasn't doing presents for anyone as the car had gone wrong, which solved any issues there.

We've still spoken by text everyday, he still makes the first contact 99/100 times.

Things got a bit more complicated the Saturday before Christmas, the Space Cadet had arranged for us to go to the cinema to see a film that was on a limited release, there were five of us going, SC and I went for lunch and a catch up before picking up one of the others that was coming with us, we were then meeting the other two in Leicester.

I walked into the cafe and wished I'd made a bit of effort with the hair, make up and what I was wearing! One of SC's friends was quite nice!! We had a general chat before the film about what we did, where we lived, he also mentioned the GF had moved out  in general conversation with the others and then went our separate ways after, SC suggested I add the boys on FB as they are into cars and we'd been talking about a project that I wanted to look at, so I did.

A few hours later I got a message saying it was nice to meet me and he'd enjoyed the film, I should get SC to organise more things, I said that it would take a braver and more stupid woman than me to put up with SC, he then clocked my profile picture where I am dressed as a vampire and the outfit conversation started and continued for several days, until New Years Day actually, he's been a bit quieter since we went back to work, he thinks it would be a good idea if I were dressed in a PVC nurses outfit and he were to turn up at the door, I have honestly thought about this idea, in fact I'm still thinking on it, if I'm not ready for serious maybe it's the way forward? Although I'm not sure I could do that with a stranger, I've not even done it with someone I know, although maybe that makes it easier?

Evil Twin is back in the dog house but that seems to happen quite a lot, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised there, she's been as supportive as usual. I ran into 22 on Christmas Eve while out for a drink, as usual he came to talk to me, one the way home he was walking up (he lives round the corner now, really?!) with his best mate, he was asking what happened with his mate, I said nothing, he said his mate had said it was a lot more than that, he asked why him and not the mate, he asked if he could come back for tea, I said no, we text a bit that night, he asked if he could come round, I said no, don't get me wrong, it's not that I wasn't tempted I was but I don't want to be done over twice by the same person, we've continued to talk, including today.

I text ET saying I'd seen him and how alone I felt, she pretty much didn't bother with me over Christmas and New Year and didn't turn up when she was supposed to, sometimes I think friends just aren't worth the hassle they cause, it's not like it's the first time!

I had a friend point out a few days ago that I've never got over w@nk bag and to be fair it's probably true but how do you get over the only person that you have ever loved? I knew it wasn't sustainable, I knew we couldn't stay together and I knew we wouldn't get through life together, that doesn't mean I woke up one day not loving him any more, in all honesty I wish that had happened but it didn't, don't get me wrong if he turned up at my door tomorrow telling me he'd won the lottery and begging me to take him back I still wouldn't but that doesn't mean that somewhere in my heart I wonder if he was the only person I will ever be truly in love with.

Life is a funny old game, I don't know what else to say about it really!!





Thursday 23 July 2015

The Birthday came and went.......

It’s been a funny old time since the last post.
Since my last post a lot has happened, 22 kept in touch, he was due to come out for a drink for my birthday the weekend before last, he text me during the evening on the Saturday, said he would come into town, we saw him from a distance but Evil Twin threw a strop with a ‘he’s 22 for gods sake’ (she has been seeing two 32 year olds and she’s 42 btw, yes there is 15 between me and 22 but....) she threw a strop about going up to the club (where they were and the only place open after 1) so we went home, in a taxi, in silence.
I got a message from him at 3:30 that morning but didn’t answer it when I received it that Sunday morning (there was nothing really to answer)
Sunday came with no more messages but as I’d not replied I’d not necessarily expected one, had another rubbish evening out, including an Indian and DVD with Uniform and Evil Twin (who I’m a little annoyed with still)
Monday (Birthday) arrives and I have lunch and shopping planned with ET and her daughter and dinner with another friend, I wake up to friend’s voicemail saying she can’t go out for dinner because she’s ill and has been for four days (she never bothered to warn me) at about 11 I get a text from ET, telling me that the accident that shut the road yesterday involved 22.
I was frozen, I responded asking if he was ok, for an hour and a half I wondered if he was dead or alive, I then sent another message asking, to which she replied ‘sorry we were getting ready’ REALLY?! They were an hour late to pick me up (I hate late with a passion) and by the time they arrived I was just about ready to not go and spend my birthday sulking at home alone.
When I got in the car she said that he’d had to be cut out (her ex is a retained fireman) and that she thought he had a broken tib and fib and pelvic damage, she went through all of the ‘he was probably drinking’ etc and appeared to have no regard for how I would be feeling. I got through the day but felt pretty awful.
I blamed myself that I’d not gone to the club, that I’d not replied and many other things, I looked up the news that night and there was an article about the accident, if I’d not already heard it I’ve have known straight away from the car, it said that he’d been taken to the big hospital 40 miles away and was serious, I called ET who didn’t seem concerned by the panic in my voice and told me not to worry (REALLY?!)
I spoke to another friend who said she would call the hospital at 9 the next morning, the next morning I was back at work and in meetings, I waited for the call, then got a message to say she’d overslept (my friends aren’t looking great here are they?!) She eventually called around 2 to tell me that he was in Intensive Care following surgery and was stable, I felt better but to be honest I was still completely out of my mind with worry.
I sent his sister a message (we’ve barely spoken since the incident of pouring a drink over her blokes head) but she appeared grateful of my offer of support (she obviously knows no detail here, or at least I hope she doesn’t) we exchanged a few messages over the coming days, she told me he was in a bad way but stable and making slow improvements, I felt happier but was desperate to know he was ok and to hear from him
We exchanged a few messages that week about how he was doing and how she and the kids were but I was very upset when she said he needed another operation but that his body was too swollen and his sats were too low.
I thought about going to the hospital, sending cakes, sending a card, all of the options I could think of, I also thought about bumping into his parents, his sister and all of the questions that would be asked if I did.
I also tortured myself over the conversations that we had had over the past few months, when he’d told me what car he was getting and I’d warned him that it would be too much for him and offered to give him lessons in driving it properly, or when I’d spoken to him the previous week about drink driving and how stupid it was, or why I’d kept saying no when he asked to come over and about a million other things, I’d tried to call his phone but it went straight to voicemail
I felt totally muddled, my brain wasn’t working properly, I went and brought a card (well two actually) with the plan of taking it to his sisters the following week.
I was going to Brands Hatch for Superbikes on the Saturday and decided that I was going to try and take my mind off of it, at least for a day, my friend was racing at 9:40 so I had to be there early but spent most of the journey down there worry and over thinking, I got there and it was lovely, they are lovely people that should really be prescribed on the NHS.
22 was still very close to my thoughts and at 9:39 just as we walked out to watch the first race my phone pinged, I picked it up and a very familiar name appeared, I think I looked at it about four times prior to opening it and I’m pretty sure that a couple of tears of relief sprang to my eyes.
The message was the same as the one that I’d got a lot over the past few months ‘you ok x’ is what it said, I replied asking if he was shitting me, we had a conversation where he told me he was ok, I still don’t know how the accident happened and I’m not sure I really care to be honest but I do know that he has two broken feet, broken legs, broken ribs and a broken nose, so all in all you could say he’s a bit broken!
I had a great day that day, the whole world looked brighter and the bike friends are amazing, a great cheer up mechanism.
When I walked into work on the Monday one of the girls in the office said how nice it was to see me happy again and to be honest I really felt it. Monday got better as the disciplinary I’d been asked to support was for the hottest guy that works for us, that sadly doesn’t come into the office anywhere near enough, so I got to spend an hour with him and I guarantee that there was no way in the world that they were sacking him!
22 and I had continued to speak a bit on the Sunday and the Monday brought the normal ‘hows work x’ message to which I responded. We talked a bit during the day while I was at work and into the evening. I asked if he wanted me to go over and cheer him up, it took a lot for me to ask that if I’m honest he replied saying no, it’s ok, I can’t pretend that it didn’t hit me like a smack in the face because the truth is it did, I’d wanted nothing more from the moment I’d heard about the accident but to go and see him. I replied in the vein of how he normally responds to me and said Charming, don’t say I never offered, to which he replied that he has too many visitors.
And that is where we are now, it’s now Thursday, I’ve not responded. I want to but I can’t, I’m hurt, I need some time to lick my wounds, I don’t know what to say, there was nothing to respond to really in that message, I guess I feel like I need to take a step back from it, I do feel like I need to protect myself, mainly from my own feelings, I’m feeling things that I never expected to, I’ve always had my sensible head on with this one, how did anything else creep in there and ruin that?
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lacking in support from my friends, had it been ET in my position I guarantee that I’d have gone to the club that night, I’ve never judged her even when I thought she was in the wrong and I’d have been checking that she was ok, I guess we have to accept that not everyone is like us or behaves like us, I pride myself in being thoughtful but it seems not everyone is prepared to go the extra mile.
My head is a messy place right now, someone at work yesterday asked me the name of the four year old (Baggage Boy’s son) and would you believe it my mind was totally blank, I had it again today (several times actually) I had the attendee’s at a meeting and when I typed it up the initials of one person I couldn’t place at all (they are also 22’s initials that pop up on the screen of my phone) it was however someone that I deal with very regularly and wouldn’t normally forget. I don’t know how to pull my head out of this deep, dark place.
I guess on a positive note there is no chance that I will see 22 for months as his recovery will be long, if he had been drinking he’ll also lose his licence which means the months may become years, I still keep looking at my phone and wanting his name to pop up, it isn’t currently but I guess when he has too many visitors he won’t be worrying about me.
Things on my mind currently are why for the past four months has he text me most days, asked to come to see me more times than I could count (it’s obviously not just about getting his leg over as we did that over three months ago!) but he doesn’t want to see me when I am frankly desperate to see him (he probably doesn’t realise I’m desperate to see him thankfully)
Well, that’s my woes out onto the page, maybe writing down how I feel will make my head stop playing these games with me, I wonder if it’s like a computer when you have too many applications open? The computer just freezes for a little while to let itself catch up?

Thursday 17 November 2011

Blue Eyes Update

I've not seen him but heard from him a couple of times this week, he's also apologised a few times this week about keeping me up and waking me up on Monday!

I had a really long day at work, starting by having to get up at 3 AM and getting home about 8 PM, I'd responded in the morning to a text he'd sent the night before and added that my Sat Nav had broken on the way and that it was a miracle I'd actually got there, I got a message from him on my way home saying 'Hi, how was the long day of work? Because you said your sad nav had packed up I've been a little worried. Didn't know if you would be able to find your way home' I have to say the message definitely got an awww out of me! It made my day!

Well Evil Twin today asked if he'd been invited out at the weekend and I'd said no, so I got talked into inviting him and he's coming out tomorrow, I still don't know where the ground lies with this one to be honest, I guess time will tell eh?

See if we can stop behaving like a pair of teenagers?!

Monday 14 November 2011

Messy Sunday........

Well Messy Sunday was indeed errr messy! I got there and Blue Eyes, Evil Twin and Mr Modest were already there as usual as they play poker in the afternoon, Evil Twin text me this morning asking for the goss and commented that 'you wouldn't have got a piece of paper between you two last night' I didn't think we'd been that obvious but apparently I was wrong! I did notice at a couple of points he had his hand on my knee but I don't think he even realised it!

He'd told me he was going home early but we left at closing as ever and he walked me home which is becoming a bit of a habit, he commented as we left that he was going home to his and I was going home to mine, which I was fine with, when we got near his he said he'd walk me around to mine, I said I'd be fine as I always have been in the past but he insisted, he hovered saying he was going as he had to get up for work but came in anyway!

He also stayed (again!) and I somehow agreed to set my alarm for 5.30 for him, he had to be at work at 8.00 but still didn't leave until 7.30, total nightmare to get out of bed but to be fair I don't think I helped much!

He is sooo sweet, undeniable chemistry between us but I still had cold feet this morning, after being hurt I'm not really sure I'm ready to have a man in my life, although I'm not sure that's really what it is, maybe it's just a bit of friends with a bonus?

I've quite liked being single, been having a great time although at times it would be nice to have someone in my life, I keep going back to 'he's not really my type' but when's that helped me in the past?!

A Messy Evening.....

Hadn't heard from Blue Eyes all week, which to be honest I'd not expected too (he had my number to get me a printing quote but had said his boss would ring me) as I was getting ready to go out last night there was a missed call on my mobile (I'm terrible with it, the service where I live is bad and it's on silent most of the time, I rarely do phone calls on it and just really use it for texting) but when I clicked on the number  I'd had three missed call's from it, one on Wednesday and two yesterday, I rang it purely because there had been three calls and Blue Eye's answered, he said he'd called about a couple of things, firstly to apologise for being 'shamefully drunk' on Sunday, I told him he had nothing to apologise for and that we'd all been in the same state and he also had the quote for me.

I have to admit I was concerned by the 'shamefully drunk' it kind of said to me that he regretted Sunday.

I asked him if he was coming out (it had kind of been arranged last Sunday and Evil Twin was due to be knocking for him) he said probably and we left it there.

Evil Twin arrived and said she'd knocked for him but he'd not answered so she rang him and he'd not heard her, so he came over too and we had a couple here before going out.

I brought the 'shamefully drunk' comment up with him when we were out and he said I'd got the wrong end of the stick, that he'd been concerned that he'd said or done something to offend me, especially as I'd ignored his calls,  I pointed out that as I didn't have his number I didn't know it was him and we talked about the fact that neither of us wanted it to be awkward.

Much drinking took place, much flirting went along with it, he ended back at mine and spent the night here, he did remark at one point that we were acting like 'lovestruck teenagers' which I thought was fairly funny! He's a hell of a kisser, I even made him coffee and breakfast this morning which is almost unheard of. 

I was feeling rotten this morning (all day in fact!) which he found rather funny, he eventually left around 11 as he had family coming over, I was ready to die quietly by this time anyway.

He text about 7 to tell me that he has a love bite and all of his mates are laughing at him and to ask how my head is, so we've had a couple of texts between us.

We should all be out again tomorrow for messy Sunday, I think I'll be getting grief tomorrow for the love bite from everyone and the spanish inquisition from Mr Modest (as Blue Eyes had last night about Sunday!) 

The Knight in Shining leathers was out, nice to see him as always and have a catch up.

A very funny and good night in all, even if I can't remember getting home or going to bed, we only worked out this morning we'd carried on drinking before bed when we found glasses and shot glasses in the kitchen this morning.

We had lots of conversations about the fact that it had taken him three days to phone me, he said he'd thought about it before but had been really busy and then thought I was ignoring him, a little bit of crossed wires I think!

Will anything come to it? Who know's, I would though like to keep him as a friend at least.




Wednesday 9 November 2011

Busy Times!

Well it's been busy but not really in the dating field! I took a huge leap on the job front and went for something that came with massive opportunity but also massive responsibility and a big change, the job is similarish to before but the industry is entirely different to anything I've ever done but a bit of a dream for a petrol head like me!

The dating fronts been quiet, I've really not done anything to push it and you can probably see from my last post, I keep getting messages from Artboy and Intel but I really don't think I want to go down either of those avenues, Car Salesman has fallen off the planet and the Space Cadet is, as ever in daily contact!

I don't want to tempt fate but I did, however meet someone a few weeks ago, he's not from a dating site, he lives in the village but isn't from the village and was introduced to me by a friend, the thing is, when we go to Messy Sunday we always read our star signs in the Sunday magazine (we were born on the same day!) it said that a friend was going to introduce you to someone significant, we joked about it, she said she didn't know anyone decent enough (fairly normal in the village!)

A little while later her and one of the boys that is a Messy Sunday regular with us, introduced me to one of the guys they play Poker with, nice but not really my type and neither me or the Evil Twin were either drinking or out for long (I know very unusual and I'll make sure it doesn't happen too often!) We played a couple of games of skittles and then went home.

The next time I saw him was at a charity night a week or so ago, we were talking and he was saying he'd just moved, it turns out he's literally opposite my place! Now Evil Twin normally walks me part of the way home but decided that he was responsible enough for the job, so he walked me up but I left him at the corner of his and said goodnight.

We were all out again on Sunday and Evil Twin and Mr Modest (ha, hardly!) lamed out about 10 and went home but I was determined that being my first Messy Sunday for ages there was no way I was leaving before closing, so he (I think we'll go for Blue Eyes for him for now) stayed out with me and we continued drinking and talking, as we walked home we were having a discussion about why we were both single and I was telling him how I didn't want to settle for second best or spend my life with someone but not being really happy, he said it was the same for him.

When we got to the corner where his is he said he couldn't work out where I lived (which is easy done from where he is to be fair) so I showed him and he came in and we continued drinking and talking, until that was that he kissed me, which pretty much continued for the rest of the evening, well until about 7 AM to be honest when I decided it was time for him to go home so that I could at least try to get a couple of hours sleep in before starting work at 10! He said he was going to phone in sick which I thought was a little lame!

It was a really nice night, he's a pretty good kisser and the only reason I put it off going any further was that I actually do like him and I'd hate to make the whole friend thing become awkward if it goes wrong or only turned out to be a one nighter it could make the Messy Sunday Awesome Foursome all a bit awkward!

Talking to Evil Twin last night, she was really happy about it, she can't help but sing his praises, whether for one or both of us it was just the drink talking I don't know but I had a HUGE smile on my face all day Monday and a fair bit of the old Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkk, for anyone that know's the Space Cadet story when I feel Eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkky it normally leads to disappointment because it never works out. Evil Twin said I looked like the cat that had got the cream last night, so now it's time to get ready to come back down to earth and I'm very much hoping it's not awkward at the weekend! :-(

For the 'records' he's about 6' tall, dark, curly hair, very lovely Blue Eyes (hence the name!) and is really not my type at all.............., oh and he's also a smoker which is on my never again list!