Showing posts with label Mr Bumble. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr Bumble. Show all posts

Monday, 14 August 2017

Another weekend gone...........

In a flash, this weekend was the Western style Murder Mystery party in Lincs for a friends hubby's 50th birthday, it was good apart from me having a rather big headache that is now into day three and seems pretty unshiftable currently, I am however at work (and debating whether that's the best idea I've ever had or not.

So, Cake Destroyer has been hassling for photo's of me in my outfit, I ignored it a couple of times but I did say I'd send some after the party, so after many asks I sent some through this morning, I was wearing a red corset (a proper corset not the sort you buy from amazon with tiny, thin little bits of wire that only work if you are a C cup (I'm a JJ so that sort of thing doesn't work on me!) a Saloon girl type skirt, just above my knee at the front and long at the back with lots of layers to it, flower patterned fishnet tights (that looked much nicer than they sound) choker, etc. The message back said that I looked absolutely fantastic, it was worth his persistence, bloody gorgeous and I was the best dressed person there. I said that it was his turn now and he sent me a photo of him dressed as a rather hot Sperman, I have to admit to being impressed!

Nothing from Cunt Face apart from a Snap Chat in response to my outfit but have had some others in touch, such as Mr Bumble, nothing exciting though.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

The week is nearly over......

It's been a long week, a very long week...............

Cake Destroyer is doing my head in a bit, still long messages but they are more infrequent now, a couple a day probably, usually one first thing (although there wasn’t one today but he’s not been online since he sent me the last message last night) now, I don’t know if I’m being paranoid because of what’s happened in the past or that I’m not being paranoid and I won’t hear much more from him.
Now there was no chemistry on date one, so I shouldn’t really be too bothered, what bothers me most is when someone is so keen and then it drops off, although the messages have still been really involved and I know that basic training is a killer, so it could be that but he’s not suggested a day to see each other again yet.

So, last night I was trying on my outfit for the party this weekend, it’s a 1880’s Western themed murder mystery and my part is a saloon girl.

So, my outfit is a red corset (it’s simply beautiful and fits amazingly well) a skirt (as yet undecided) a pair of stunning shoe boots, that I just won’t be able to wear for very long as they will kill me but they are going to be worth it, patterned fish nets, it looks great but I can’t decide between the final two skirts, one is shorter, one longer, same sort of style.

Before you think I'm getting dressed up because there will be lots of men there, there won't, certainly no single one's but I do take getting dressed up very seriously!

I get a message from the Best Friend to say that he’s out with the Car Salesman and about the Ex, he wants us all to do dinner, which I’m cool with, I sent him a photo of the shoes (he likes a girl dressed up) he says he likes them so I ask him to help me choose a skirt, he likes the shorter one, no idea why I bothered asking if I’m honest, I should have known.

A little later I get a message on FB from the Car Salesman, saying he’d been out with BF and we need to talk and that he loved my shoes, I asked why we needed to talk and that he’d ducked out of dinner, he said that BF is in bits which is why we need to talk and he would be more help with outfit choices than BF, he said we have joint custody of them.

Anyway, he offered to help me choose a skirt, so I sent him photo’s, one of the short and one of the longer (both in heels, fishnets and corset) he chose the shorter outfit but said that I looked hot and that even 18 years later I still look incredible, apparently I have an amazing smile and boobs!
He went on to say how I suit a corset and that I am a ‘walking fantasy with attitude’ I think he was pretty impressed with the outfit overall!  He sent me his number and said to text him.

I brought up (as I always do) the him shagging my mate thing, it’s not even a skeleton anymore, we literally laugh about it, he again told me it was the worst decision he’d made and what a twat he was. He talked about the date we’d been on five years ago and how good it had been, he said that things around that time were crazy and he’d tell me when we met up, but I said I wanted to know, anyway turns out he’s had a one night stand a month before we’d met and she’d called the next day telling him she was pregnant with twins, it was all messy and it kept getting worse, a cancer care, a new boyfriend, losing one of the twins, death threats which is why he pulled back from me at the time. He told me how much he’d loved that evening although he knew I’d hated his film choice. He said he’d remembered how good a kisser I was and described it and he’d wished we’d sorted our acts out 18 years ago when we first met.

He talked about the day we first met and how he remembers it, that I’m still hot now only have better taste in corsets but that he remembered I always had excellent taste in underwear (he’d obviously caught me on the right days or when I was prepared!) his last message to me (I went to sleep) was that he was ‘Lastly, I’m sorry for being a cunt, a massive cunt’ which to be fair I don’t think he was really.

We were both young, I didn’t know what I wanted, he thought he did, I couldn’t decide, I was 21, in a new job, surrounded by some pretty hot men and I didn’t know what I wanted, however sleeping with my then best mate was obviously taking it too far, although in fairness we were never actually going out, just seeing each other so really he wasn’t in the wrong for sleeping with someone else, just for doing it so close to home.

Sometimes I think familiarity can do funny things to you, he’s safe for me because it’s old and familiar, it’s like the cuddly toy I’ve had since I was a baby, I know I can always go back to it for comfort but then I know I can leave it in a cupboard for 5 years and not think twice about it too.
The four of us have always had such good banter together, so although I can’t imagine curry will happen it would be nice for it to, it’s been years since we’ve seen each other, life is a funny game, he’s asked today why I don’t have a man in tow and if I still have very little time for knobheads, which yes I do still have little time for knobheads!


Mr Bumble keeps popping up, nothing exciting to report, Cunt Face as ever pops up and disappears, I hope his rash itches like fuck! 

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Another Week...............

Is halfway through.

No news from Cunt Face since Saturday (No surprises really) No news from the Cake Destroyer since late Sunday eve, however he is on exercise so I didn't expect to as I'm pretty sure that they aren't allowed phones (he's not been on Whatsapp since 5am Monday morning which seems to fit with me thinking they aren't allowed phones) so we'll see if I hear from him over the weekend when he's back, he was terribly complementary on Sunday after the date, so I've got no real reason to think he won't, however you know how this internet dating thing is these days, you are the best thing in the world one day and ghosted the next!

The sites are pretty busy with messages but I can't really be arsed at the moment, I'm totally bored of small talk and boring questions, maybe time to take a break? However when I take a break I kinda feel like I'm waiting for CF to get in touch and maybe I am a bit, I like having someone that messages me each day, the Cancerian in me needs to feel needed and it saves me making it all up in my vivid little imagination!

I've found it a bit odd not hearing from CD each day, as I have since we first matched, not messages all day like CF and I used to do but one first thing and then a couple more once he finishes work, however our messages are rarely short, they are always long and with substance which makes such a nice change (I did also check the Tinder distance and it's not moved so he's not looked on that since he left either) dating these days makes you a bit paranoid I think.

Mr Bumble has been in touch, he popped up saying that the serial dater needed some help, basically he's been chatting to a woman who's 'currently married' I said I'd need further details but turns out she's only been split with her husband a month ago, on that I said I wouldn't touch it, it's too soon and I think that anyone that can't have a bit of space in their lives after relationship (even more so a marriage) has issues but that I'm not like most and I regard marriage very highly and something that you should take seriously.

Anyway he's going for dinner with her tonight, she's suggested a posh seafood restaurant which he says he finds a bit odd, he also messaged last night to say he had a 'Whatsapp Date' I'm not entirely sure what that is but he says he'll fill me in and she'd asked what his favourite colour was (we joke that this is the most awful dating question ever, unless you are five years old) however I don't know if this is the same woman or a different one! He says the married woman is hot so he's going to see what happens, she also has a toddler and a lot of baggage so we'll see how that one goes.

He asked a question yesterday and it's kind of played on my mind a little bit, he asked if CD was a bit young for me (he's 29, 30 next months and I'm now 39) so it's 9 years between us. Mr Bumble is 31 so I asked if he felt I was too old for him, he said not at all, so I'm not sure why there is such a difference between someone who is 29 and someone who is 31? Is he too young for me?

Works been slow this week, which has given me rather a lot of time in my own head, which realistically is never good when you are me, I fell asleep on the sofa last night, I'm constantly tired, I do wonder if it's down to life just being so stressful in general, with work happenings the week before last and the rollercoaster that is my lack of a love life?





Tuesday, 4 July 2017

My Week..........

No, of course he didn't rock up on Monday, he said that he'd had to book an earlier ferry, I told him that being friends was difficult when only one of us was participating, he said 'I know' and I wanted to punch him in the face with a chair.

Was a busy week with work, I was away in Manchester for two nights for meetings, so here's a funny story for you.

The Exec team that work for my boss get paid around £2m between them a year, sooooo I dragged £2m worth of staff from all around the country (Essex, Bristol, Scotland, Midlands) to a meeting in Manchester because I had hoped to see Cunt Face while I was there, however he was in France so I couldn't see him anyway, on top of the staff I booked two nights in a nice hotel, in the hope of getting to see him at some point in those three days, on top of that the hotel cost around £2000 for all of the rooms and another couple of thousand in planes, trains and cars, oh and dinner and did I get to see him? No, no I fucking didn't! 

Anyway, while I was in Manchester I caught up with a friend that I used to work with, we used to talk everyday at work and have kept in touch, she lives near Manchester. 

When we met she told me about her man troubles, why are they such idiots? She's seeing someone that can't make time for her regularly but thinks it's ok to go away for the weekend with his friends (and a single divorcee) I honestly don't know what is wrong with these men! 

On the subject of men being idiots, another friend had posted on Facebook this week that she had been speed dating and had a very similar experience to what I had when I tried several years ago, 18 decent looking, well turned out women with 18 men and not a decent one among them, one even told her after one minute that she wasn't 'his thing' and sat in silence for the next three minutes. 

So, in one week myself and two friends have experiences that totally echo mine on dating, now all three of us are women in our late 30's, all I would say fairly attractive, with good career's, not even jobs, real deal career's and yet still we can't find a decent man between us, two of us have no children, one has a great little girl, does it really need to be this hard?

We had a lovely evening in Manchester, largely taken up with discussions about men, she knew about Cunt Face from last time around and it was such a relief to finally tell someone and get it out of my head, we swapped a bit of advice (largely this was 'don't text him', 'you aren't mad', 'yes, I know you shouldn't but sometimes you just can't help it')

When we were talking advice I said that last year I'd have probably advised her differently, last year I would have told her to walk away and forget it but things have changed massively in this last year, I now realise that despite my mostly walking away from every thing and everyone that didn't tick all of my boxes, I'm not fussy, I've even walked away from my mother (it's a very long story and not for today) but I just can't do it, I want to but currently it's just not happening.

I know I give people too many chances, look at the Evil Twin for one, she's had more than anyone deserves really but that is the person I am and I can't change that, although I'm trying to get better and #bemorerudolf.

Mr Bumble had a little ginger flash, he had messaged me last weekend saying that he was in Northants on Monday so did I want to meet up, as I wasn't doing anything I agreed, he said his meeting should finish around 3:30 and then he'd wait around, cool I said. 

Monday lunchtime I got a message saying that his meeting had finished way early so he was going to head home, I was a little annoyed about this, largely because I had things to do after work, that I hadn't brought in with me as I thought I was going to have to rush straight off, so I didn't respond to him until Weds, when he suggested that we 'try again' I said that if we couldn't manage it in the same county then we probably didn't have much of a chance of making the distance work (he's in Surrey) he pretty much said he agreed, so that's that done, however he did get a bit stroppy with me this weekend, so I told him to get a grip, seriously men seem to have totally missed the dating etiquette part of the book!

So, I came back on Friday, I can honestly say that I spent most of the time I was up there being annoyed that I was up there when he wasn't and still I wasn't going to get to see him, men are bloody annoying! As I went up I passed the place we'd had our second date, which caused tears, mainly angry one's I think, I went out for dinner with our senior team on the Weds night and spent it largely angry, thinking what ungrateful brats they were when they were talking about their bonus etc (it's a big one and when you earn what they do it's pretty massive!) I pushed through it and the meeting and eventually getting home at around 7 on Friday night, exhausted. 

On Saturday I was due to go to the Superbikes to see my friends race, was struggling to decide on which day to go and had decided on Saturday so that I could have Sunday to do nothing at home and had told them I wasn't staying so that I could have Sunday without having to wake up. 

I felt rubbish on Saturday morning, it took me ages to get going (my Dr thinks I have CFS and we've been discussing it for years now, I struggle massively with tiredness and could sleep for days) and I eventually got there about 1, I opened my Snapchat to take a video and in the stories was his, a photo of him with a packed car, heading home from France. 

I debated messaging him, thought no, you are nuts, don't do it, no, message him, don't do it, what have you got to lose apart from your dignity, which you have obviously already lost with this one, no, don't do it, ah fuck it, whats the worst that can happen? 

Realistically the worst that could happen was for him to not respond or to respond saying no but as they say; you've got to be in it to win it. So I messaged him:

'Fancy stopping for a drink on your way through?' 

Within 15 minutes I had a message flash up, that heart stopping feeling of knowing that they are about to shatter your dreams, the I don't think I can read that because I know what it's going to be. 

Well, it wasn't, it wasn't what I expected at all, it was a bit weirdly worded but not what I expected, I got

'where would you like to meet you lovely big breasted chum of mine' 

I wasn't really sure how to take it, so I kind of took it that he got 'chum' in so I knew it was as friends, however there was part of me that was hoping that we'd meet and I would feel nothing for him, in the last year we have been through a lot and it's been an emotional roller coaster.

Messages went back and forth over what time to meet, he said he thought about 10:30 as it was around 2.5 hours from the ferry terminal, I obviously needed to leave the racing a bit earlier than planned (I wished I'd made a bit of an effort for racing that day, put a bit of makeup on, done my hair but I was tired and I hadn't! so I wanted enough time to get home, shower and change and get back out, all while appearing like I had come straight from racing ;-) 

I decided to leave at 6 to be home by around 8:30, giving me a little time to sort my act out, I was on edge all day after that, still not certain he'd turn up, in fact I expected him not to and to fob me off later. 

As I was walking out of the circuit I got a message from him saying that he'd not been allowed on his ferry as it had left 40 minutes early so was driving to Dunkirk to get on another one as the next one at Calais wasn't until 11pm, I thought that was his get out, it will be too late but he just said it would be later and about midnight, I don't think I cared terribly about the time, I just wanted to see him. 

We messaged a lot of the journey home, a bit matey, a bit flirty. 

I got home and sorted my act out, I tried on about four outfits and decided on a black cold shoulder dress, which looked like it could have been suitable for spending a day racing (when actually for racing I'd worn a denim skirt, vest top and flip flops, hair scraped back and no makeup) a bit of makeup, although that bit wasn't easy as I'd been burned in the day. 

I'm not feeling very happy with myself at the moment, I'd lost nearly two stone last year and looked pretty good, however it's all been going back on and I'm now over a stone back up and I look at myself and just see a fat, horrible person, I really do eat my feelings and it's not good, so I'm not feeling as confident as I was when I saw him in August, not helpful but it is what it is. 

Even on the journey I didn't know that he would show up, lets be honest, he's not exactly Mr Reliable is he? I pulled into the car park, at the services where we had first met nearly a year ago and I spotted his car, he was there, I couldn't really believe it and the nerves were all over the place, I pulled up with a space in between us and got out of the car, the first thing he did was cuddle me, I mean a proper cuddle, the kind of cuddle I've been needing for so long, he's a really good cuddler, it's a skill missing from a lot of people these days, they tend to do hugging and hugging and cuddling are two very different things. 

We walked into the services chatting away, got a drink and sat down, the conversation was pretty general, something was said about lying and he said he'd made that mistake with me once before and wasn't heading there again! I said I wasn't going to bring it up he said he thought he'd get in first.

A girl was mentioned a couple of times, not a girlfriend he said but a girl friend, that had gone to Le Mans with them, I knew there had been as I'd seen a photo of him, with a girl behind him, blonde which seems to be his thing, definitely less weight on her than me, he talked about her as a friend but you don't know do you? Especially with someone that has lied to you before.

I don't think he totally believed me that he was stored in my phone as Cunt Face, so he sent me a message and it popped up, he believes me now! 

It was nice, I didn't feel quite the pull that I had on previous occasions but there was still something rather big there looming, I just want to touch him, looking at that it makes it sound weird, but that's not how I mean it. I did look at him several times and think that looks wise he isn't my thing but I guess like with W@nk Bag before him that's how it happens, the person that isn't your type to look at is the one that ends up being the only person to ever break your heart, surely it should be the hotties breaking your heart?

We walked out to the cars and he asked if we were friends now, he again apologised for what he had done,  I agreed that we were and he put his arm around me as we walked to the cars, he kept hugging me, we kept saying goodbye and then walking back towards each other, it was a bit ridiculous really if you'd had been there people watching. 

And then he kissed me, or I kissed him maybe? I think he kissed me but one of us kissed the other one and everything I had been trying to block out flowed through every bit of me, I literally wanted him so much. He's a pretty shit hot kisser too. 

Unluckily (or luckily maybe) my period had arrived that morning (10 days early, maybe someone was trying to tell me something?) he obviously doesn't know that is the reason. I dread to think what might have happened (and I'm equally quite gutted that we didn't get the chance) it all got a bit heated, he was quite surprised when I'd remembered the thing that makes him go a little crazy and I slid my hand down his neck, well it still works! 

It all got a bit heated, it does between us I guess, it's all good until he touches me and then it's game over, we eventually left (a load of caravans had arrived at the car park, if they were people watching like I do they would have definitely thought we were having an affair, two cars in a car park and two people that can't keep their hands off each other!)

He took my hand and popped it onto his groin, his body was pretty obviously reacting in the same way that mine was, I mentioned that always seems to happen when we are together and he blamed it on the 'hot blonde standing in front of him!

As soon as I left, before I'd got out of the slip road he'd messaged me with an emoji which according to google is the no emotion emoji! I responded with a ?? to which he said I was a tease, a whirl of messages went back and forth along with a whirl of emotions (my end for sure, who know's about his) it was gone 3am when we stopped talking and he said goodnight, I left it with him sending the last message but I had hoped he'd send a further message on Sunday, yeah he didn't.

When we were talking he said he was at the car show in Peterborough on the weekend and he might pop in on the way back if he wasn't too tired, I can't imagine he will but I can always hope to be surprised can't I? It was the same car show that let him out last year, when he said he didn't know where it was but he did and the girlfriend was going with him, I don't let myself forget what he's done, or the lies that he's told but that doesn't make shutting him out any easier.

I spent Sunday in a happy little bubble (still waiting for messages but a happy bubble at that) thinking back to the night before and those feelings that I just can't let go.

I've been pretty good really, I didn't message him today, just a casual message asking how it was to be back at work, he said shit and sent a meme, not heard from him since, I hate seeing that screen without a message on, it really does drive me a little bit bonkers, but to be fair I'm pretty limited in what I can do apart from wait. 

On Saturday he'd told me that he was going to a Trackday at one of my favourite tracks, I saw which company were doing it and knew that it was likely that one of my old members of staff might be working it, I dropped him a message and asked him if he'd go and give him some instruction on the day, which he says he will, I'm maybe too nice but I really do like doing nice things for people when I can, it's a small thing but if it was me I would be delighted to get some free instruction from a really amazing instructor like my friend is (he is one of my top three, not an easy place to get to!)

I did joke with my friend that the friend I want him to instruct spends a lot of time on my kill list and therefore I may want him to aim the car at the barrier and then jump out sending Cunt Face (he doesn't know that's his name!) through the barrier!

Happy is probably going to stop any time soon, I'm fully aware of that, maybe, just maybe it will be different this time?































Wednesday, 21 June 2017

A tough night...............

Did the message come? Of course it didn't, I knew, really deep down that it wouldn't but that doesn't mean that I didn't desperately want it to.

So, the evening was spent with some tears, feeling rather sorry for myself to be honest, if I checked my phone I checked it a million times but the message didn't come, I know he'd been online as he'd updated his Instagram (I know, I know!) 

Mr Bumble has been quiet but to be fair I have brought back a rule of mine that I have been neglecting for some time now.

In December I saw this little picture and on seeing it I decided that instead of not making a New Years Resolution like normal that this year I would make one, that resolution was to #bemorerudolf which essentially means that I will try to treat people how they treat me, if they take ages to respond I do the same, if they look after me when I need it, I'll do the same, if they don't treat me very well, I'll do the same. It's been a bit of an eye opener really and it's making my circle a lot smaller but is that a bad thing? 
Some examples of how #bemorerudolf work are the Evil Twin, she wasn't around when I needed her in December, you'll note this is a theme, I'm there for her, she's not there for me, so I've not messaged her since Xmas and guess what? She's not messaged me either, so six months along and we've not spoken, funny that eh? 

In January, I arranged to go to the cinema and for dinner and catch up with a friend, she then invited other people (that I didn't know) so when she asked about tickets in a group chat (I hate group chat anyway) I private messaged her and told her I wasn't going, she didn't seem to get the idea and we've spoken very little since, had she asked I would have been fine with it but people seem to have no manners these days. 

Anyway, back to Mr Bumble, I sent the last message (unread) so when he messages I will ensure that I don't do my usual and message straight back, to be fair one of the reasons I message straight back is because I forget about it if I don't. 

I still feel a bit down in the dumps today to be honest, I wish I was brave enough to take myself off on holiday by myself but unfortunately I'm not, I kind of want to escape myself and my head but sadly it's the thing that you can't get away from. 

Will another message come? Maybe, who knows, maybe when he needs something, or someone? Maybe when the new girlfriend bins him? Will I run to him? Time will tell I guess.