So, here goes………………….
I didn’t want to do an update the week before last because I’d
read a message on a forum he uses (he doesn’t and won’t know I can see that)
saying that for the event he was going to he ‘didn’t have a girlfriend this weekend’
which I read as not having a girlfriend for the weekend, not, not having a
girlfriend…………………. Which made me wonder what he’s up to again, does he have a
girlfriend, I know he did earlier in the year, I know he took a girl to the 24
hour, I even said in my post that I was suspicious of it when he told me, will
I ever know? Probably not to be honest.
It hurt, it always does but wasn’t the total crash of
heartbreak that it has been in the past, maybe his magic is wearing a little?
So, last week was my birthday, it’s officially my last year
in my 30’s, which is a bit of a shocker if I’m honest, how did I get that old?
Thankfully I’m always being told that I look younger, however I’m conscious
that I’m running out of time now (if I’d like a family, which to be honest I’m
not sure about but the thought of writing it off forever, however my age could
take that option out of my hands)
I had arranged to go out on the Saturday night in Oxford (my
hometown and best loved places for a night out) with a few of my closest
friends and was meeting up with some of the boys I used to go out with in my
teenage years, which I was really looking forward to.
So out were two girl friends that I’ve known since I was a
teenager, one has my goddaughter and I see regularly, the other I get on really
well with but only really see each other a couple of times a year, on nights
out largely, also out were the Best Friend and his ex (out separately for my
birthday not with each other) who is also a good friend of mine, we had a good
laugh and a giggle about the past and a nice catch up, I could see the Best
Friend and his ex getting closer, she admits that she has always loved him.
However she is now married (to the man that cheated on her
first time around and I can’t stand due to that fact) Best Friend still has the
girlfriend that he doesn’t love but sees a couple of times a week out of
convenience, of the two girl friends, one is married, one is single.
Eventually we met up with the boys, which were made up by a
guy I used to snog for most of the two years I was at college, at least on a
weekly basis (it never went any further) his brother, who dated one of the
friends briefly, their cousin, who apparently used to like me, a mate of theirs
who used to be a right player but always nice and a friend of theirs that I
didn’t know, all of them in relationships or married.
Sooooo, we had a great night, I danced until 3am, may have
had a little snog ‘for old times sake’ with the mate from college but that’s
that, yes, he is married but I didn’t initiate it and it was literally a snog
and then off I went to dance with someone or the bar or something, it meant
nothing and I imagine that is what he does all the time, it’s certainly the
impression I got.
Anyway, excellent night, quite a substantial hangover on the
Sunday, we went for breakfast at 10 and all I could manage was toast, I couldn’t
even finish that. I woke up and realised I’d messaged Cunt Face the night
before, it took me about two hours for me to read the message that I’d sent,
you just never know what is going to happen when drunk Princess takes over
town!
Anyway on the journey home I was thinking about the night
before, of six men that had been out, all were in relationships, of the six one
had behaved and done nothing, five of the six hadn’t, lets be honest, that’s
not good odd’s is it? It’s really made me think about things, if I were to meet
someone, what is the chance that they would be that one in six?
So, back to the messaging of the Drunk Princess, to be fair
she doesn’t get drunk massively often, which is good and when she does she
tends not to text people because she knows she is a bloody liability and
regrets being a twat the next morning but we all know I have this little piece
of invisible string that ties me to him.
So, in the head of the Drunk Princess it was a good idea to
send him a message asking if he was stopping in on the way home from the show
and telling him that sometimes it’s better to have someone in your life in
whatever guise that takes, which is totally true but normal Frog Princess
probably wouldn’t have told him that and if she had would have almost
definitely worded it better, surely you know though if you get a text like that
at 2am that there is a Drunk Princess somewhere holding her throbbing little
head and wishing she’d not sent it?
When I saw a message flash up on my phone on the way to
breakfast I have to admit to not really believing he’d responded and if I’m
honest not wanting to read the message, oh Drunken Princess whatever will we do
with you?
It was a long message, first saying that he had to read it
several times as he thought I’d called him Cunt Face, then saying that he’d
realised I had, that he wouldn’t have time to stop as he had to pick his Mum up
from hospital.
The long bit was that he was torn, he really wanted to
progress things but isn’t sure he wouldn’t as he doesn’t know if it would work
and isn’t ready for anything serious, he didn’t want to fuck me around after
last times, enjoys my company, I’m lovely, blah…………………………. Probably one of the
longest messages I’ve had from him.
Anyway I was feeling very hungover so left it for a bit,
until I’d got home, got myself showered, in PJ’s and plonked myself on the sofa
and then I put together a response.
I basically said that Cunt Face was now pretty much a term
of endearment (my best friend/surrogate mum is called Slut Monster and calls me
Bitch Monster) and that I was a bit drunk, fairly glad that he didn’t want to
meet up as I was feeling pretty hungover and obviously hadn’t worded it very
well but I meant that I would really like us to be friends, I’m glad we cleared
the air and put the past behind us and that I’m likely to be doing trips up
north quite a lot so it would be nice to meet up if he fancied it, another long
message.
He responded saying ‘you tit I’ll ring you in a bit’ and I
asked if that was meant for me, I didn’t expect him to ring, I’m used to him
not doing what he says he will so I popped my head down and went to sleep (I
often to that to stop myself staring at the bloody phone and ease my pained
little heart a bit) I woke up to a missed call and a voicemail, saying he’d try
later, I tried him and he didn’t answer.
Sooooooo, that was it for a week, I was good, never sent
anymore messages, got on with things quite well, I’d love to say he doesn’t
cross my mind, but he does and I’d be lying but it’s not all the time and
really painful currently, it’s still too often and hurts though, more a bone
ache than I just got stabbed in the fucking leg kinda hurt.
In that week I went on a date, he told me 20 minutes before
meeting that he was hard of hearing, he then arrived at the pub and even
walking up to me I couldn’t really recognise him, I reckon his photo’s are a
good 10 years out of date, although with his hearing I struggled to understand
him, it wasn’t easy, I was put off by him not looking how I expected and there
was masses of silence, I lasted 40 minutes before telling him I wanted to miss
the traffic, he asked if we could meet up again and I said no.
So, the birthday week was nice, I went to see some friends
and people that I used to work with, which I loved but made me miss my old
life, I had a couple of days at home and a fab day at a spa which was lovely, I’ve
got to say that on my birthday I still had the pang of having no one special to
spoil me but I have to say that some special people in my life did a brilliant
job, I was getting dressed when the doorbell rang and a massive bouquet
appeared from my boss, then flowers from another friend, followed by the friend
I was going to the spa with arriving with flowers, getting home to flowers from
another friend and then more turning up, my living room looks like a florist,
however I absolutely love flowers, just a shame that they couldn’t have been
spaced out to a bouquet a week!
The Spa day was amazing, it’s beautiful and some of the best
treatments I’ve ever had at one of my favourite hotels followed by a brilliant
little find of a pub for a lovely dinner.
He’d played on my mind a little, so much so that I’d had a
nap on Friday afternoon to stop myself messaging him, however by Friday evening
I wasn’t able to stop myself any longer and I text saying wasn’t he going to
ring me, within about two minutes my phone rang and we had an hour long
conversation.
General chat, flirting, etc, then he asked if I knew what he
meant by his message, I played Blonde Princess, so he had to go over it, he
said he really liked me blah, but he’s not sure if it would work with the distance
I’d never trust him (not untrue that) he didn’t want to hurt me after what he’d
done last time etc. I played like it was all ok, very cool.
I knew he was going to the Grand Prix on the Sunday (Don’t
ask how I knew, I just did!) so I casually asked what he had planned for the
weekend (expecting him to lie as the GP is VERY close to where I live)
He didn’t, he told me that a friend had given him a ticket,
excellent I said, tell me how it goes as I’ve never been sure I wanted to go,
he was probably a bit taken aback as I never mentioned meeting, he said he
thought his mate might have invited him as he wanted a lift home but said that
if he didn’t he’d pop in if that was ok, I told him that I was out Saturday but
would probably be back so let me know.
As soon as we put the phone down he started messaging me and
it all got a bit heated (as per) we messaged until around 2am again, he
messaged me the next morning saying he hoped I’d slept well and I resisted
responding until that evening, I kept it quite light hearted and jokey.
I went out Saturday night, in Leicester, with the person I’d
been on holiday with last year, was the first time we’d seen each other after
not getting on very well last on holiday, I hoped as it was one night it would
be better but to be honest it wasn’t.
Again she was totally self absorbed, totally wants everyone
to think she’s much younger than she is (she’s 53) and she turns into a total
nightmare when she’s been drinking (she drinks a lot and probably has an issue,
like everyday!)
So we sit down in this club, these guys come and sit down
and one introduces himself to me, he notices my eye roll and tells me that he’s
not chatting me up as he’s married and show’s me the ring, oh I think, maybe it
won’t be so bad, they have several more friends come in and we chat a bit,
where are you from, what do you do etc. Then they play the how old are you
game, he tells me I must be much younger than him (he’s 37) and guesses I’m in
my early 30’s, nice but you know boys, so they then guess hers and say early 40’s
so she makes everyone guess and makes a big deal of how young she looks, does
what she did on holiday, shows them photos of the kids and grandkids (that she
hardly see’s) tells them way too much information and starts snogging one of
them, now, one of them described her to me as going from 0-Slag in 20 minutes
which is an apt description, there was nothing and no one she didn’t grind up
against, it was a bit of an embarrassment really, the blokes (particularly the
married one) kept touching and I kept moving away so she groped him as well as
his mates, we got back to hers and I’d well and truly had enough of her and
went to bed.
Got up four hours later with no hangover (probably because I’d
not had a great time) I’d not intended to go to the racing but kinda needed
cheering up and wasn’t keen on spending any more time with her, she was telling
me how she keeps getting blocked on match…….. hmmmm, I wonder why! She’s also
still telling everyone that she is shy and lacking in confidence, funny it’s
not what I see! She’s still seeing her married boss, who’s married to her
friend and continues to give her payrises and bonus’ but she thinks that’s ok,
she is massively money oriented, when I found out what the man she snogged does
I knew straight off she’d not be interested in him outside of lobbing herself
at him that night, he’s a barman so he’s way beneath her and won’t earn enough,
bearing in mind she works in accounts, had a big pay off from her ex husband
and fucks her boss to make a living it’s a bit of double standards there!)
Anywho……. Sitting there Sunday morning I went through my
options for the day, which were to go straight home (and wait to see if he
messaged) to stay where I was then go home (and wait to see if he messaged) or
to bugger off up the country to go and watch some bike racing with friends (and
potentially miss him if wanted to meet) so, I couldn’t really be arsed to spend
five hours in the car but knew I’d be disappointed if he didn’t turn up, which
I thought was likely, so I used the ‘Fuck it’ analogy, which basically meant
that I was going to watch the racing and if he did text it would be good for
him to know that I wasn’t waiting around for him, so I told her I was going and
asked if I could get a lift to my car (I had offered to drive to save us paying
for two taxi’s) she said she’d just have a quick shower and she’d take me, she
carried on talking, then had a shower, then washed and dried her hair and then
straightened it, then she did her make up, it took forever to get to my car, I
was getting a bit grumpy.
No, he didn’t message if you were wondering (not unexpected
but still sinks the heart a bit, back to the dull aching of having sore bones!)
but I had a great day, the sun was shining, it’s one of my favourite tracks
(where he is going this week for a trackday) I got to see Guy Martin race,
which is something I have wanted to do for years, he’s really too short, too
hairy, too dirty for me but when you lob it all together it seems to make him
really attractive! So it was all good really (well it was and it wasn’t, you
know what I mean!)
While all this has been going on the Best Friend and his ex
have been getting themselves into a bit of a mess, she still loves him and
always has and now he’s decided that he might still feel the same which is all
a bit messy, I got a bit angry with him on Sunday, partly because I think men
are arseholes maybe, partly because I love them both and partly if I’m brutally
honest because to see him get his Happily Ever After before Frog Princess does but
that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to be happy because I do and I love them both.
I worry that over the 10 years they were on and off that it didn’t work and
that he wasn’t enough for her, he’s pretty non committal and very like me, she’s
now settled with a man she says she loves, I honestly feel for her, he has
nothing to lose, she does.
I messaged him this morning, saying that I love him and that
I’ll support whatever decision they make together but asked that they thought
it through and didn’t rush in before decision making as he has little to lose
(a gf he’s not bothered about) and she has a lot, he agreed that I was right
and thanked me, before we had quite a long messaging conversation. I guess she
was also my hope that you can get over someone and move on with someone else,
but that’s obviously not true and the fact that someone who states they are
happy and has only been married just over a year can cheat on her husband and
allegedly the man she loves, oh it’s all so confusing for my little Frog
Princess head, I kinda prefer Drunk Princess, she thinks fuck the consequences
much more than Frog Princess does!
