Catching Up..... it's been a while............

I’ve said it before, life really does get in the way, the guy I’d been seeing before Christmas re-materialised and contacted me on the dating site again (I was out and photo’s didn’t show up so I’d responded before realising who it was) we chatted for a bit, he asked if I fancied doing something and I have to admit I wasn't sure, conversation continued on and off for a little while but we’ve still not seen each other.

The Space Cadets friend is still on the scene, a night in a hotel just might happen yet but I’m still not sure (I'm such a ditherer with these things!) we talk probably weekly or so, he’s nice because the talk never gets to the ‘wrong’ stage like a lot of guys these days take it to, he knows when to stop which I like, I've seen Space Cadet a couple of times since and his name always comes up, but I’m sure he doesn't know that the friend and I still chat.

I'm not sure I've mentioned SC’s brother? We met a few years ago at a race and have kept in touch since, he flirts terribly with me (he has a GF) sends me snapchats (yes, that kind!) and we catch up occasionally for dinner, movies, kitten cuddles etc but it has been a while since I've seen him, he suggested coming over a couple of weeks ago and came over last week, in a vest type top with his very lovely shoulders out and smelling amazing, he was definitely trying to impress but he’s not got so much flirtation in person, we had a really nice evening, turns out our cars also match!!

The dating sites are much like hard work, the only other dates I’ve been on this year are with a trainee Prison Officer who was really  nice but we had nothing in common with and a guy that works in my building, we met online, discovered we both worked in the same place, he left me flowers at the door, we went for a drink but he obviously thought that a bunch of supermarket flowers was going to be the path into my knickers, how wrong he was, we never saw each other again and I’m always hopeful that I don’t bump into him as I come and go at work.

Baggage Boy, what can I say? Another very lucky escape there, he is madly in love with yet another woman (in the time since we stopped seeing each other he has literally had more women than I have clean pants and I have a lot!) he introduces them all to his poor little confused boy, which makes me mad, kids don’t need to grow up thinking women are disposable or that Daddy introduces him to every woman that walks but there is nothing I can do about it, no wonder his Mum is so stroppy!

Oh I have been on two other dates (terrible to forget really) he is an engineer and works a month in the UK and a month in China, we met twice when he was in the UK last, we have a lot in common and he races cars which obviously had my interest but I just don’t find him particularly attractive and that is a problem he is due back from China tomorrow and I’m not sure I want to go to date three but we do have kittens due so I won’t be going anywhere for a bit now, he’s been in touch every few days while he’s been away but I don’t think that is enough to sustain things at the stage we are at currently, I kind of like the thought of someone not being here all the time but he did try to high five me on a date and that felt kind of weird if I’m honest.

So, I’ve been having a crappy time at work, a big restructure has been going on and it’s not nice not knowing whether you have a job or not, the last few weeks have been particularly taxing, so much so that the Friday night I was so fed up that I went out and got wasted beyond all sense, only for the second time this year to be honest but it just happened to be on a night that 22 was out, yep you guessed it, a repeat performance, what I didn’t realise until about a week later was that it was May Day weekend, so I repeated the same mistake, on a the same weekend a year later, just brilliant, I excelled myself, now why wasn’t the mistake made with SC’s friend? That would have been at least a half sensible decision, however I have decided to look at the positive of ‘sometimes you need to get under it to get over it’ and I am certainly over that one!

I seem to have this thing about May Day, every year if I’m going to get into trouble that is when it happens, I turn into a total monster and can’t control myself, hey ho, it’s done now, I’ll try to remember not to go out next year!

The friend that would like me to have his baby is still around, he still mentions it probably weekly, I’m still not saying yes!

Dodo Hunter still pops up from time to time, tells me how much he likes me, wants to see me, disappears! I think it will always be like that. 

Something has thrown me a little bit though w@nk bag is due to have a baby, part of me is devastated as I was ready to settle down, have babies and he said he never wanted to, I know time changes things but I still can’t help to feel done over, in another way I feel like once it’s happened it is the final stab to the heart, there is nothing else that he can do to hurt me after this and I’m glad about that but it’s overdue and I just want it to be over, I was his nephew to announce it so that I can have 24 hours to lick my wounds and then get on with life, I have to admit though that I do hope it is ugly, I don’t mean a little bit, I mean hit every branch of the ugly tree and got both of it’s parents genes, I know you’ll think I’m mean but I guess that’s just the way it is, maybe I am but I’ll live with that, I know you should forgive but I’m not sure I can.

Little to report.........

There is little to report.

The Dodo Hunter has been in touch (he does every month or so when he's single, this has been going on for the last four years pretty much) 

Usual story, FB messages, tells me I have too many barriers that are too high, which is why I'm still single...... we should get together, he likes me, he always did, I should stop being scared and let my barriers down, blah, blah, blah. 

What am I doing Monday, nothing says I, he'll call me to arrange a drink, ok, but if you don't ring tomorrow I won't be available Monday, did he ring? Of course he didn't. I don't imagine that will be the end of that one but neither do I believe that we will meet up again!

Few on the website app's but they all seem to be after one thing and I can't say that I really am! 

In spin mode...............

My little world has lurched between spin and reel for the last week.

On Friday night I went out with Baggage Boy, that was an experience, we went to a car show first, a nice warm evening, a walk in the sunshine, it was good, we then went back to his to get ready, I was getting in the shower when he said 'I'll be in, in a minute' to which I laughed, it wasn't quite so funny a few minutes later when he got in the shower with me, that was rather unexpected.

We had a good night out, cocktails, drinks, gay club following my 'I'm turning lesbian' comment (more straight people than gay I reckon) danced, laughed, noticed how much he looked at women despite having a girlfriend, we got home, went to bed and again he spent all night cuddling me, every time I moved he  moved and got hold of me again, somewhat a strange old situation if you ask me. It certainly confuses matters, I do however now know that I wouldn't go there, I couldn't cope with someone that thinks it's ok to blur lines like he does.

Dodo Hunter has appeared a few times in recent months, usually late at night and I assume after a few drinks, we apparently 'will get it together' at some point, as I was out in his town I sent him a message, he said he wanted to meet up but wasn't prepared to go to the gay club (which I thought was quite funny) he said about meeting for lunch on the Saturday, it of course never happened and to be honest by Saturday I was feeling rather hungover!

On Saturday 22's sister posted a photo of him and her at the pub which has made the chances of running into him all the more real, as soon as  I saw it, it sent me into downward spiral mode, which I have to say isn't a place I'm terribly keen on, 

On Wednesday he sent me a Facebook message, I'd been convinced that I'd never hear from him again, this brought on another complete spin moment, I know I shouldn't have answered, I knew that at the time and I know that now but I wanted him to tell me his 'news' he asked how I was etc, said he had a new phone so hadn't got any message, sent me his new number, I said I'd heard he had some news, he went silent but answered something else, what can I say?! You can lead a horse to water they say......

On Friday I  was sitting at work, at my desk when I decided to have a little Facebook browse, what jumps out, straight in my face? A scan photo, 22 is obviously tagged in it, it's official - the baby has been announced and is due in February, it has so far brought up a few feelings, the first was feeling sick, hurt, anger, wanting to punch him and wanting to cry have all appeared in quick succession, I imagine thinking myself fortunate and the calm will also come soon and hopefully stay longer than the others, thankfully none of those feelings could come out because I was sat at my desk at work.

Half of me wanted to go out and get drunk beyond all recognition, the other half wanted to go home, lock the door and curl up into a little ball, I did however have  date with my god daughter for a girlie night in so I did that instead.

I was meant to go out on Saturday night with ET but to be fair I really wasn't in the mood, when she text me Sat afternoon saying she was already out with one of the two blokes she's been 'seeing' I decided that I really couldn't bear being third wheel (a term she'd used when I had asked her if she wanted to come out with Baggage Boy and I the week before) so I tucked up on the sofa and got stuck into some more movies, my head is literally like a phone at the moment when you have too many apps open and it freezes, everything is jaunty and not functioning as it should.

I'm definitely at 'shut myself away from the world' stage again, I know it's not healthy and I shouldn't do it but currently when I'm out all I want to do is get home, lock my front door and not have to put on the happy face any more, I also don't know what I would do currently if'/when I come face to face with him which I  know will happen sooner or later, I guess me not going out lessens the chances significantly though.

It's now Monday and there are five more days to get through, I'm hoping work will be busier this week to give me less time to think about things.

It just keeps getting better...................... :-(

So, I never replied to the message that made me feel hurt, I never stopped thinking about it though or hurting, a few times I've closed the front door and the tears have come with the relief of finally being on my own and able to feel as upset as I do.

Had plans to see ET at a Beer Festival on Saturday night, can't say I was terribly looking forward to it but when I say I'll do something I usually do. I was picked up by ET's ex, a lovely guy, on the way to the Beer Festival he talked about 22's accident, showed us where it had happened (which makes me think he was drunk as it's probably the straightest bit of road along that stretch) it turns out he had apparently been taking people home after a night out in town (we knew about the night out bit already as I'd seen him in town) I would say he was going home, the conversation was rather awkward, especially when ET's ex said that he was probably going back to town to get laid, uncomfortable that one!

We got in the pub and walked straight into his Mum, who doesn't like me, that was fun.

We went outside watching the bands, when ET said she had something that she had to tell me but didn't really want to.

Her daughter is 21 and had been round her Nan's the night before, her Nan had been telling her about her Aunt's friend who had been seeing this 'poor lad' who had been involved in a terrible accident two weeks before and who was, wait for it, here is the killer.......... 12 weeks pregnant with his baby.

He apparently asked her to have a termination and told her that he doesn't want it but she is going ahead anyway and is very happy about it, she already has two kids, she has also, been to the hospital to see him.

I was a bit gobsmacked if I'm honest, I've spent the last two weeks hurt and worried sick and then this news lands, I'm not sure it has really 'landed' with me yet if I'm honest, I think it will, probably at some point soon but at the moment it's still sinking in, I'm still hoping it's really someone else, although I obviously know it's not, so I guess there endeth this story.

Dodo Hunter keeps making a Facebook message reappearance saying that something is meant to happen between us, bless him.

I said to Baggage Boy yesterday that if you put 1000 men in a room and 999 were nice, I would still pick the one that was a cunt, I'm not sure that's an exaggeration, that does seem to be how life works for me.

I don't know where my luck comes from, I'm not sure what I feel at the moment but it's certainly not a very happy, fluffy place, I could happily shut myself away from the world and sleep forever at the moment, work is hard going, I don't want to be there and some idiot is never far from my mind at the moment, why do I do this to myself?!

Am seeing the Best Friend for curry tonight, much needed but I don't really want to do people at the moment!

He's back........

Uniform arrived home today, I woke up to a message asking if I could pick him up but I didn't get it until it was too late, then I got a message telling me to pop round and let myself in as he was getting in the shower, he was out of the shower by the time I arrived, a big hug and kiss and catch up and he tried to get me to the pub but I had an appointment so said I'd meet him after, went to the pub for one and then back to his for takeaway and he promptly fell asleep on me on the sofa for a couple of hours before I left and came home.

See that's what I like, the snuggly, cuddly bit! :-)

He smelt divine......... even now I'm home I keep getting a whiff of it...........

I keep hearing from Dodo Hunter, he says getting any kind of commitment from me is like drawing blood, I'm not totally saying I don't agree!

All quiet on the home front........

It's all a bit quiet at the moment, the Dodo Hunter is busy throwing strops because I was busy again at the weekend (when he asked me to do something at the last minute!)

A new guy has contacted me from one of the dating sites, I'll not go into it too much unless I'm going to meet him, there is also another guy, really fit but went onto sex within a couple of messages, however when I said it wasn't going to be that easy he was very nice and said he would still like to see me, whether it happens or not who's to tell?

I'm at the point where I think I'd quite like someone in my life, I think however though that this is down to the fact that the weathers changing and winters setting in so I want someone to snuggle up to and keep me warm, probably not the best reason in the world but it's my reason!

Hmmmm, not much else to report.........

Dodo Hunter Mark 2

God he's a stroppy one this one, after him giving me shit about not meeting him but going out with other people, it was mentioned that I was having dinner just up the road from where he lives on Saturday, so I agreed to meet him for a drink after dinner.

On Friday night he called me at around 3 AM when he came back from drinking, I wasn't impressed but I was up talking to someone else from internet dating (who may or may not get a mention later!)

When he said he was feeling too ill on Saturday I told him not to have a go at me again for not having time for him to which he said he'd still like to meet me, I met him around 10 for a drink in a local pub for an hour and as ever he was quite sweet.

The thing is I've been thinking about it and wondering if I really want another piss head in my life, he keeps trying to convince me that he's not normally like that but I have to say I'm skeptical, I'm sure I've been told that before, he did however want a 'proper kiss' so that on a second date is out of the way I guess!

He threw another strop yesterday and I don't think I'm up for it so I don't think you'll be hearing much more of him!

Intel date two and broken boundaries

Intel after much trying finally managed to get me out on my first date two (Well there was obviously a non-date two but as we now know apparantly that doesn't count!) this is my first date two in over a year, I kind of knew before I went there wasn't going to be a date three, just had that feeling and in a couple of conversations we'd had I'd found him a bit jealous, including one about Squaddie (which incidently he didn't and doesn't know was a date)

I had a call from Dodo Hunter just before I went out and a couple of messages, he asked if I was going on another first date to which I replied I was going on a second, his response said 'oh so you found your second dater...........  I feel a little bit gutted hope you have a good night'

To be honest he's been a little sporadic in his contact and I wasn't going to wait around for ever.

The date was ok, he talks a lot, infact I didn't have much chance which was probably good as my head was maybe elsewhere, I won't be going on a third, he bored me a little (this is becoming a habit it seems) and I kind of wish I'd not overcome being a one date wonder with him, I kind of wanted it to be with someone that was great and he probably is but not great for me.

Have heard very little from Squaddie today, a paltry two text messages in fact so I'm fairly certain that a second date invite is not going to come now, I have a friend saying I should find out to see where I stand but I'm not sure my confidence could take that much of a kick to be honest?

A bit of a disappointment to be honest.........

Messy, Messy, Messy!!!

As I said in my last entry I think my world could start to get messy in the near future, so I thought I'd best give you the full story........

Normally as you know I am a one date wonder, currently we have two dates that are going to date two stage (one this evening) which probably sounds like a good thing?!

Now until earlier in the year and the Space Cadet incident where I found out he was dating (or non dating in his case) other people I was under the impression that if you were dating someone you should just date them until you worked out whether it was going to go further or not, this incident changed my opinion to dating several people is ok as long as it's not serious, so this is what I've been doing.

On Tuesday I got an email on POF saying 'I knew I recognised that face' it took about an hour for me to place him as someone who we had our mobile phone contract with in the old company, I remember meeting him for the first and subsequent times and thinking how fit he was but it was obviously a bit unprofessional to do anything about it (especially as I gave his company the business and one of the reasons possibly was because he was fit!) We always used to have debates about whether he was gay or not because of the way he talked about his 'business partner' he is definately not gay!

Anyway a conversation on POF and then swapped numbers, heard a fair bit from him Wed but not much yesterday, he is one I would definately like to hear more from, I'm not sure telling him we thought he was gay was a good idea to be honest!

I had an email from Squaddie yesterday asking if I'd like to stay at his next Thursday as we are going to a track day together next Friday and his is nearer, he said that I can have his bed and he will have the sofa bed and that he'll take me for dinner, so we have a first date on Thursday, I'm a little nervous about staying over to be honest!

GP is in daily contact and I was supposed to meet him for a drink this afternoon, however I cancelled due to being shattered and the fact that I'm going out tonight, we are going to meet up a week Monday.

Now we have a night out in the home town tomorrow, with not one but three exes attending (including the one I slept with last year and the Salesman who is always asking me out!)

Can you see why I think life is going to get messy?! Oh deary me!

Intel Date amongst other things

Well we finally got around to it but only after me being made redundant for the second time in eight weeks as the company hasn't got enough work in my area (you would have thought they would have already known that to be honest!)

He was there before me and nicer looking than his photo, very easy conversation and generally a nice evening, he could talk for England mind and he does have a five year old.

I do think from the conversation that he could be a little possessive, which I'm not sure would go down very well with me, I have lots of male friends so we will see.

He texted me before I got home to ask if I'd like to do something tonight but I said I couldn't (What I didn't say was that I have date two with Dodo Hunter this evening!) but we are going to do something next week sometime.

I have a feeling that my world is going to get messy shortly!

Dodo Hunter Date

Well no sooner had I done the last update than Dodo Hunter asked me if I'd like to go out on a date the following evening, to which I said yes, he said he'd never spoken to anyone on the phone from internet dating so I asked him what made him ring me, he said he didn't know!

He did moan that I wouldn't let him take me for dinner but I don't really do dinner on first dates, I don't like eating in front of strangers and I don't like to feel that I can't escape, which I explained, he also told me about his last date who took him to an Ann Summers shop and expected him to pay for what she had chosen, apparantly a friend had an emergency and he had to go rather quickly!

I told him I was a one date wonder and he asked why, I told him that I just didn't have the 'I'd like to see you again' thing with them so hadn't bothered to take it any further, he said he was sure that I'd want to go on a second date with him, I like a little bit of cocky without the arrogance.

We met up on Friday evening, I have to say he's a bit shorter than I'd choose at 5'10 he's really at the bottom of the scale, he wasn't bad looking but nothing amazing, however we had a really nice evening, a fair bit in common and had quite a few laughs, we were the last to leave the pub and he text to make sure I'd got home ok, he also sent a rather sweet message saying what a nice time he'd had and how comfortable he'd felt with me, he said that the challenge of getting a second date with me being a one date wonder would only be a bonus to the date.

Have heard from him since, both days so far.

Have a date with Intel tomorrow if I get home in time and am still alive, I've had a really busy (but lovely) weekend with friends and I'm shattered!

I am still getting daily texts from Space Cadet, Squaddie, Software Boy and very regular e-mails from GP who is at the Hungary GP this weekend, so all is busy on the dating front!

Current boys this week!

Right now onto the real stuff, the dating front!! No dates as yet but we have a few that are looking like they may end up going that way, in fact so many that I am getting confused myself!

We have Dodo Hunter a 28 year old from about 30 miles away who is a 5'10 project manager, started talking on POF Monday, switched to texting from Tuesday and he rang me out of the blue last night, which was both nice and a bit odd, nice conversation and he has a good bit of cheek and humour without going too far, as well as a bit of innuendo without being dirty if that makes sense? He rang me again this morning on the way to a meeting, it's been quite nice to have someone a bit proactive but not too fast in moving from the dating site to something more normal, without being too quick, two days from first contact to telephone calls is a record I think, see if it leads to a date now!

Next we have GP and I mean in the Grand Prix sense not Dr! He is 29, 6'2 GP Engineer from about 20 miles away, currently in Hungary for the GP this weekend but has been e-mailing for over a week since contacting me on POF, seems nice, I can't actually see me fancying him but I am very taken by his job! He is back from the GP on Monday so we will see if it develops further, I imagine it could get to first date stage but couldn't see any more than that.

Next is the Software Boy, who is 29, 6'2 from about 20 miles away (he probably lives next door to GP knowing my luck!) he writes software, have been e-mailing for a little while, it's now gone to texting and he had asked me out tomorrow night, I said I wasn't sure due to new job and Squaddie may have been up this Friday and I'm away for the rest of the weekend but now I can make it he's busy this Friday, so we will maybe make it another day, he texts most mornings and a couple of times throughout the day.

Next is Intel, who is 37, 6'1 and again lives about 20 miles away, he works in Intelligence for the Police, we made contact on a different dating site and have been texting for a couple of days, I accidently rang him yesterday as my new phone keeps a weird contact log, I didn't even realise until after and neither did he, he's asked if he can ring tonight and I've said yes, so we will see if he does, the major down point of this one already is that he has a son, we have arranged to go on a date next week.

Well that's about all that I'm talking to (apart from Musicman who is still on the scene but I've not managed to fit in a date!

The e-mails keep coming but I'm weeding them out to the one's that I think may be suitable and ignoring the rest, one, incidently is a Super Bike Rider but he lives too far away unfortunately, shame he's cute!