The long weekend went quickly, I went to a baby shower on
Saturday for the girl I really like at work, I wasn’t sure about going really
as I can’t say they are ‘my thing’ although I’ve never been to one before.
I’m a bit of a quandary with my personality, I suffer and
have for nearly half of my life from depression but I am now at the stage where
I manage it really well and haven’t been medicated for years, I can quite often
feel when it’s coming and stop it from falling so deep that within a couple of
weeks I can’t dig myself out of it. I also suffer from a bit of anxiety, not
terribly and I’ve only ever had one really bad attack, where I thought I was
going to die but I find it kicks in before events.
I don’t think that most of my friends would know or believe
that I suffer with either, most that were there at the time it was really bad
probably think that I suffered at the time but now it’s gone, little do they
know that it never goes, it just gets better or worse. I’m life and soul of the party once I’m there
but I don’t always get there because very occasionally I let those things stop
me, I try very hard not to and once I’ve said I’ll go it’s very rare that I don’t.
So I went along and was pleased to see two girls that I used
to work with there, so I at least knew someone, I was right, it wasn’t my thing
but it was sweet, I got her a very cool present of a ‘dream sheep’ which I got
as I love sheep and it was cute, little did I know that it’s the bee’s knees of
baby presents and it the most coveted present of new parents as apparently it
settles babies really well.
Sunday I went to my home town to meet up with someone I met
on holiday three years ago, we kept in touch on Facebook and are both single,
so we’ve talked about a holiday together. We went for a day of being tourists.
Oxford is a beautiful place, it isn’t called the dreaming
spires for nothing. I lived there for 23 years and then spent a further 5
living on the outskirts before heading across the county border but in all of
the time I spent there I don’t think I ever really appreciated how beautiful it
was.
We did lots of touristy things, including the bus tour which
I wouldn’t recommend, it spent far more time at bus stops than I would have
liked, maybe better for people that don’t know the area at all?
One of the things we did was to visit the college that I
used to waitress at when I was at college, it’s a beautiful place, arguably the
oldest of the Oxford University colleges.
I had a little reminisce of a little summer romance with one
of the students, he was a medical student that used to work with us, he’d
always been lovely but one summer after he’d graduated he came back to work
with us as we had American students in for the summer.
He was tall, ginger with the most gorgeous
Northern Irish accent, he was also generally a nice guy.
We spent most of the summer flirting, however I’m a little
dumb with things like that, quite often I don’t notice until it’s pointed out
and it was by my best friend/surrogate mum.
They’d walk in during the break in the evening and he’d be
sat behind me massaging my shoulders or walk past and touch me as he did, I
have no idea why it took me so long to catch on but it did, I was probably put
off knowing that it wouldn’t be long before he’d be flying back off to Belfast
to start his career.
However as the summer moved on, just before he flew home we
were going on a night out straight from work, he and some of the other students
were coming with us, our connection was pretty obvious to most people by this
point, even me.
So we went out, we showed them the proper Oxford (all the
places that the students didn’t know about!) and then he kissed me, it was like
20 years ago so I can’t say I remember much about it.
He took me to see the Shelley memorial after we’d been to
the club, he had the keys so we could go into the enclosure which was pretty
exciting, although I wouldn’t have appreciated it at the time (I was also drunk
so even less likely) I stayed the night in his room (in the masters lodgings!)
we didn’t have sex, even then I didn’t just sleep with anyone and although I
liked him I’m sure I’d have been concerned about him going home a couple of
days later, I did spend the night in his bed though.
The next thing I knew was hearing the key turning in his
door the next morning, he was late for work and one of the girls was obviously coming
to get him, his body went flying across his room to stop the door opening, we
then heard that it was not only the girl that liked him but also that her Mum
was our boss, a bit awkward, he however managed to ward her off and told her
that he’d been in soon.
He came back to bed, we said our goodbyes and I snuck out,
leaving him to go to work, nothing like the walk of shame through Oxford and on
the bus in the morning in last nights clothes (It wasn’t the first time, nor
the last though)
That evening I went into work as normal, in the break when
we all sat and ate someone said ‘he was late in this morning, ……….. thought he
has someone in his room when they went up’ neither of us said anything or made
eye contact, although I’m sure we were both blushing, my friend was doing her
best not to laugh. I think we thought we’d got away with it, until someone said
‘I’m sure I saw you early this morning, you weren’t on breakfast were you?’ No,
I said, it won’t have been me…….. likelihood is they knew all along, I imagine
they’d spent the summer predicting it, however I’m sure they would have all
thought more happened than it did.
He left the next day, I think we were both a little sad, I
saw him a couple of times after that, when he was back for a day or two but
that’s all really, this weekend was the first time I’ve thought about him in
ages, I had a smile on my face for the whole of the college tour, particularly
when we were looking at the Shelley Memorial and the Masters Lodgings, my
friend saw the photos and messaged me, mentioning him and that summer, so I had
a little look on Linkedin and there he was, he is still a paediatric surgeon,
still based in Ireland, I added him and he’s accepted, it’s nice to have a
little venture down memory lane, however you must remember not to do an Alice
and go back down the rabbit hole.
So, Cake Destroyer is back on base, which means messages are
limited again, he took his main exam yesterday and passed so he was pleased
about that, still no idea when we will see each other again however he seems to
still be keen on meeting, he asked what I was doing yesterday and I explained
how I needed to get rid of a load of clothes, he responded saying he hoped I
was keeping the dress I wore on our last date (I am) he seems really lovely but
it is hard when you don’t see much of each other, which is an incredible thing
for me to see coming out of my own mouth!
I’m still not sure whether it’s ok for me to be swiping, or
going on dates with other people but I don’t really feel that I want to at the
moment (I am a bit of an old fashioned girl I’m afraid and believe that if you
like someone after 2/3 dates you should only be dating them until you’ve worked
your feelings out) however if he is I don’t really want to stop.
The New Mechanic has been getting in touch still, he kept
asking what I was doing yesterday and I was a little nervous that he was going
to ask me out, I don’t think I’d have known what to do then, he didn’t though
so all was ok, he did tell me he needs a winter girlfriend to take up his time
when there is no racing, unsure as to whether or not that was a hint, there are
only three rounds left this year and I’ll only be at one of them for one day
(maybe not at all)
I’m up in Manchester for work next week, yep, right by Cunt
Face himself, I’ve said I’m there but I don’t think he’ll make himself
available, if he did what would I do? That would confuse things even more but
it won’t happen so it’s all ok right?
I’ve turned most of the app’s find me things off and deleted
OKCupid because I don’t really like it to be honest, I’m a bit half hearted at
the moment with it (because of CD) and I’m just not a half hearted kinda girl,
I’m an all or nothing kinda girl, all in or all out, I don’t want to be flakey
or not quite there because it’s pointless and I just hate pointless.
Anywho, time to get back into a meeting……..
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