Tuesday 28 November 2017

Women, Friends and Bikini Photos!

This post was inspired by a recent Twitter post about a girl that was alone in a bar, a guy started talking to her, she ended up chatting to the group he was with, both male and female and when she came back from the bar she got the cold shoulder, it seemed the girls had told the guys to give it a rest, seriously, is that how we want to treat other women?

I hope and I’m pretty sure that; if I’d have been in that position instead of being like that I’d have welcomed her into the group, regardless of whether I had a boyfriend or not, it’s hard being female you know, however even our friends can be really bitchy at times.

I’ve done this on holiday twice now, a girl on her own has been there and she’s joined us, both times we’ve stayed in touch, one of which I’m off to a cheese festival and winter wonderland with soon, they were welcomed into the group and I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving them the cold shoulder.
Women seem to see other girls as a threat when in actual fact many of us single girls are single because we can’t find the right man, that doesn’t mean we want to steal someone else’s, in my case I’ve waited far too long to ‘settle’ and want some that when I do need to compromise it is only on the small stuff, I have tried to change myself to be what someone else wanted and I have to say that the only thing it did was to make me miserable.

One day Prince Charming will sweep me off my feet but you know if he doesn’t I’m cool with being eaten by my cats when I die, for me that is still preferable to settling.  

Recently I spent a day with a friend of mine, we don’t spend a lot of time together but met about 13 years ago, at this point we were both in relationships and now both single.

I went on holiday this time last year and some photos of me in a bikini were put on Facebook, they weren’t posy or posed shots, they were taken by the friend I went with because the sea was really brutal and you weren’t supposed to swim in it (it also had sharks in it)

I’m neither little or large but still bigger than I’d like to be, largely because I like eating (especially cheese) but I also go to the gym and swim regularly in an effort to counter that, I am the kind of girl that looks in the mirror and only ever sees a fat girl staring back at her, no matter what size I am. I am however not the kind of girl that worries about wearing a bikini in a foreign country when it’s boiling hot and no one I know is going to see me. There will always be people that are smaller than me but there will always be people that are bigger than me too and if people don’t like it I’m not forcing anyone to look.

I met some lovely people out there. I’m a Cancerian and apparently, we are drawn to the sea which for me is totally true. I was a miffed at seeing I couldn’t get in it and spent each day longing to go for a proper swim.

The friend I went with wasn’t the type that liked to get her hair wet in the pool, let alone the sea (I wasn’t told that before we booked the holiday) Having a chat with one of the couples he said that his wife wouldn’t go in either but he’d be happy to have a swim out with me, another of the couples we met said she’d love to go too but her hubby wouldn’t, we a plan forming here and the wife in the first couple said that she’d give it a try if we all did.

So we waited until the next morning, checked it didn’t look too rough in comparison to normal and thought sod it, we’d give it a go, it seemed fine, we walked in had a paddle and headed out, managing a good swim, once you had got in it was amazing out there, then the first wife tried to get out, that wasn’t easy and she ended up rather bruised, then after a while the rest of us headed out onto the beach, that was an experience!

I’m not a particularly fast swimmer but I’m happy to go fairly far out as long as it’s under my own steam, I don’t like my head being under the water though. Even though I’d timed it pretty well I didn’t expect to be so violently barrel rolled as I went to get out, thankfully I remained really calm, tucked in my arms and legs and I was fine, as were the others. I got that bikini out recently though and despite being washed several times it’s still got sand in places that sand should not be and I was very much like that bikini for several showers after!

It was amazing though and we were all glad that we’d done it.

When we had arrived at the hotel the first thing we’d done was to walk along the beach and as we did the fishermen were pulling sharks out, I was totally mesmerised to see sharks out of an aquarium (I love animals and wildlife) and we got chatting to them, each night after that we got some beers from the bar and walked to sit and watch them fish for a bit, each time we got there they caught sharks, no matter what time we went, they said we were lucky and called it Shark’O’Clock! We were welcomed into the group by both the fishermen and their wives.

That night the group were pretty horrified that I’d gone in after seeing them pulling sharks out every evening and told us stories of people being airlifted to hospital from going in and a YouTube video of someone getting bitten by a shark on that very beach, would it have stopped me? Probably not if I’m honest, from some of the men I’ve dated over the years it’s quite apparent that I love a challenge!
Now, back to those photos, they are of a bunch of people enjoying the sea, in a variety of beachwear, laughing, paddling and having fun together.

I don’t think I look that bad in them, I’m pretty busty and if I was really skinny I would look like boobs on a lolly stick, believe me I’ve tried it.

She said that she thought that I was ‘brave’ for putting a photo of me in a bikini on Facebook and I have to admit that I took offence to that comment. Why is it brave to put a photo up in a bikini? Would that be questioned if I was posing on the beach at a size 6? No, of course it wouldn’t.
I had lots of comments to the contrary on this, it’s funny isn’t it, that a female friend saw a fat girl in a bikini but that’s not what the majority of my male friends saw, they saw a normal girl having a good time in the sea, there were obviously some females that also had this view and others of both sexes that just kept their mouths shut.

I had numerous nice comments, messages and likes on the photos, one in particular messaged me the day I got back, saying that he’d missed me (we talk a couple of times a week or so) but was glad I’d been away as he got to see me in a bikini and he thought I looked great in it. I am using this friend as an example as he is gorgeous, the kind of guy that I’d probably get whiplash walking past if I didn’t know him (he’s very happily married to a lovely girl, we are just friends) but if someone that looks like that can’t see a problem with it, why should she?

Perception is a funny thing isn’t it?

It came to light later that she was with her then boyfriend when she saw the photos and had mentioned them, she was annoyed that shortly after that he had added me as a friend on Facebook, which she assumed was to look at those photos; so there it was, her annoyance had nothing to do with me at all, it was her distrust in the boyfriend that had cheated on her before they had been together a year, she says she’s forgiven him for it but while she may have forgiven him she is happy to take his actions out on her friends, who have done absolutely nothing wrong.

She also made a point of saying that he had told her in the past that he preferred girls that were more my size to hers (several sizes larger than me, but is that really important?) but his preferences aren’t my choice or my fault, even if I’d not have met him as my friend’s boyfriend I wouldn’t have had any interest in him, he wasn’t my type and there is no way I’d have taken the shit from him that she did.  
Is it ok to say things like that to your friends to make them feel uncomfortable or like they’ve done something wrong to make yourself feel better? I am the kind of person that would be the first to tell my friends that something doesn’t suit them or that they are being an arsehole (believe me they rely on me for this!) but I would never try to make them feel shit about themselves and I would be horrified if I thought I had.  

On the day out with that same friend she also spent the day criticising every little thing from getting to where I live (pretty much the middle of nowhere if you live in a town) my car was noisy on the road on the way back (I love my car, it is also convertible which means it is more noisy than some cars) despite that I had done her a favour in taking her with me, had saved her an extra hours drive, a £20 parking fee and brought her breakfast.


I have to say that I was pretty fed up with it by the time we got back to mine, oh and when we did she didn’t offer any help to get everything inside, just got in her car and said goodbye, I think its safe to say we won’t be seeing each other for a while! 

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