It’s been a total…………..

Shitter of a week this week, works been mental with wall to wall meetings and the Director that I hate has been in, I think he’s gathered now that I don’t like him, which is positive. He’s annoyed one of the other PA’s this week with his demands, probably as he doesn’t think that we are important, however have you ever tried to get something you need from PA’s that you’ve pissed off? Yeah, good luck with that one!

I’ve been suspicious of him for a long time now, when he started he told me that his wife had died from cancer and that he is now seeing his best mates wife, after his best mate died in a climbing accident, what a terrible set of events I thought, although I did wonder about swooping in on the wife and children, a few months later one of his staff was chatting to me, saying how awful it was that his wife had committed suicide, hmmm I thought, that’s odd.

A few days ago one of the other directors came up to me and told me that he had now told her two different stories about his wife’s death, one the suicide, one the car crash, so this is now three stories I’ve heard, you can’t tell me that’s not weird? If you are going to lie, at least get your story straight eh?

It’s been a tough week for me dating wise, Cake Destroyer messages have been few and far between, although at least one each day, I’m torn with it if I’m honest I know that he graduates next week and that he’s really busy but if I see him online I think he’s got time to respond?

I found out this week that Cunt Face does have a girlfriend that he told me he didn’t have, now it shouldn’t be a great stretch as I know he’s a liar but he said that he wanted to be friends and that he was truly sorry for what he had done, which was obviously another lie, he’s obviously also cheated on her with me, that’s two girlfriends now.

It’s shaken my faith totally again (not my faith in him but sadly my faith in the male species) if he wanted to be friends then why didn’t he tell me about her? I would have been upset but I’d not have told him that, I’d have had a little time to get myself through it but I’d have been fine and we could have actually tried being friends, now we can’t because I gave him another chance and he lied again.

I stupidly feel hurt and I know I shouldn’t, I’ve known what he is like for a year now, when I found out. We can’t be friends, I can’t be friends with a liar, I just don’t know whether I’ll tell him what I know or just ignore him from now on.

I often wonder if people realise what effect they have on other people’s lives, he probably doesn’t think that not telling me he had a girlfriend and lying to me about his ‘lodger’ were a big deal but the ripples of those lies are still evolving here and it’s affecting what I do and think now.

For example when I don’t hear from CD I immediately think it’s because he’s lying or he’s found someone else (which it could be) but before CF that wouldn’t have entered my head, I know they aren’t all like that but I’m not sure that many good one’s exist anymore, I certainly don’t seem to come  across them.

I don’t know if it’s normal but I have a lot of male friends that are pretty shitty when it comes to girlfriends, the Best Friend for example he’s cheated on most of them and when he hasn’t it’s only been because they haven’t been together long enough, the 5/6 guys cheating on my birthday night out, seriously what does that say about them?

I desperately want to ask CD if there is anyone else but I don’t have the right to, I also don’t want to scare him off or project my insecurities caused by someone else onto him because that’s really not fair, can I really ask that question after two dates? I personally don’t want to go on dates with anyone else at the moment as we do have a bit of connection and some chemistry, so a date with someone else will either be a disappointment or make the water murkier, neither which I want.

The New Mechanic hasn’t been in touch a great deal this week, which is fine but I’ll see him next weekend at racing, even that’s a bit of a water muddier really.

Have had a few more messages from the Dr. 

Currently I don’t want to swipe but feel that I should, in case he is and I’m wasting my time, what kind of person does that make me and what sort of world does this make it?

I honestly think dating in this century sucks.

Feeling pretty depressed at the moment, which is totally the opposite of how this week started, I have no plans at all this weekend which is rare for me and maybe not good with how I feel currently.