Monday 8 August 2016

Thinking about thinking.....................

I had a great day out at racing with my boys at the weekend, the sun shone, race fuel smelt amazing and I was around people that should genuinely be prescribed on the NHS for depression. I still thought of him but definitely less than I have done, mainly because we were having a nice time I think. I made some decisions on Friday, that I was going to message him today giving him two options, option a was that he meets me on Saturday when I am in Chester to discuss things, option b was that I send his non girlfriend, girlfriend copies of his Tinder profile and every message that he ever sent me. including the one of his lying on her bed with his hand down his pants telling me he was 'ready and waiting' so this morning at 10:30 that's exactly what I did, I also gave him a two hour deadline to respond, which I thought was fair. He read the message straight away and I got a message back within minutes saying that he was off work on Friday and could meet me then if that helped. I responded saying that I was only there for the day Saturday and it needed to be before I left so he said he finished work at 4:30/5 which would fit in with what I'm doing so I said that was fine, I asked that he find somewhere to meet and it wasn't a pub, he asked if I was going to throw a pint over him and I said I don't believe in wasting alcohol but that I wanted to be able to talk to him without anyone over hearing or having to watch what I say (I swear a lot at the best of times) I then suggested that we meet in another forest so that I wouldn't have to drag his body too far, I'm only half joking to be honest, I'd quite like him dead.......... Do I feel better? No, but I hope I will. In an ideal world I'll see him on Saturday and due to the lies and deception I'll feel nothing for him and be able to walk away with my head held high and the answers I need. I'm not really sure what the questions are yet though but I have a few days. I now have a little dilemma for Saturday, I'm going to be stewarding all day so it's an early morning, followed by a long drive, followed by a long day where my head and body will both be worked, I then have to be ready to see him in half an hour and I want to look great, I want to walk away and him to think 'fuck' I screwed that one up! Not really sure how I'm going to pull that one off but I'll try. Now, I've lost a bit of weight recently, just under two stone in 16 weeks but suddenly everyone is noticing and keep telling me how great I look, one of the Directors I work for emailed me last week and told me I was 'looking well yesterday and must have had a good holiday' I was a little embarrassed, responding thank you and that I'd only been to Stoke, his response was that I am a 'fine recommendation for Stoke' I wore a Black Dress to work today and one of the girls I work with (the only one that know's the situation) said that she thinks I look amazing and ought to go in this on Saturday, it's been a week full of compliments which is nice but there is still that nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I'm not good enough (for him) I guess. I've been talking to my old school friend today (that asks me to have his baby) he says that he doesn't appreciate what he's missing and he's nuts, in fact I think a lot of the boys think he is, oh what happens when they lob a chemistry set at you, if only it happened with some of the decent guys I know.

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