They say life is a roller coaster..........

They aren't lying!

Baggage boy arrived back from working away on Thursday, I got a message as soon as he landed and I called him when I finished work, we talked for half an hour, it started as a rather weird conversation, he told me how his ex had been telling him how much of an arsehole he was, I asked and he gave more details, still found it a bit weird though. 

That was that, on the Friday I got the usual Morning message and then a call as I left work, we spoke for about an hour, he asked if I'd go over and take some photo's of his car which I said yes to, I spoke to his little boy on the phone and he told me what they were doing for the weekend, at the end of the conversation he asked if I wanted to go over on Sunday, which I said yes to. 

We spoke by text on Sat and I went over on Sunday evening, expecting him to ask me to photograph the car, part of me thought that's why he'd invited me to be honest, I got there armed with camera, we talked about photographing the car but doing it that night wasn't mentioned. 

The moon looked amazing and I mentioned it as I walked in, he said we should go out for a look and we went up into the Forest, it was freezing but really nice, we went for dinner on the way back (he insisted on paying again, saying I'd travelled over there) I'm not going to parents for Christmas, it's a long story but he said about me going to his parents with him and for the first time I wasn't totally horrified by the idea. 

As we were having dinner he told me a story about his family that sounded rather far fetched, so he called his Dad to ask him to tell me the story, which he did, although he did say 'I'm out for dinner with a friend' I guess that makes alarm bells ring a little? His Dad told me the story and to have a nice meal when we said goodbye. 

We went back to his and cuddled up on the sofa in front of a movie, it was lovely, my hands were still freezing from the star gazing so he put them just down his trousers, he said that was the hottest part! 

He was telling me how he had a great view of my amazing cleavage!

It was lovely, perfect evening, towards the end he asked if I was thinking the same as him, I asked what that was and he said that he was torn between us being friends as we get on so well and wanting to get it further, I said that we get on so well that I almost thought it was a shame not to take it further, about two minutes later he kissed me and it went from there, it all got a bit heated although we never had sex. 

After I said well that's friends fucked them to which he laughed, more kissing continued before I left for home, eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkk'ing all the way. 

He sent me a 'Morning' on Monday and phoned Monday evening, on Tuesday he called but I was out with friends so called him back later, his words were 'I'm in the car with my Mum' to which I answered 'oh' his Mum started laughing as I was on the phone saying 'no swearing, no abuse' to which she was laughing, we didn't talk for long but all three of us were laughing on the phone, it was nice and felt normal. Messages carried on into the evening. 

Good Morning came again today and messages of his little boy at the Nativity, the new camera he'd brought, I need a hug messages, I spoke to him after work, he was a little distant on the phone but I wasn't too concerned, things have been going so well, I can't remember the last time I was this happy, he literally makes me smile almost constantly, people at work are even commenting on it.

I noticed he'd been on Tinder a bit which bothered me, I've kind of decided you only log in regularly when you are talking to someone. 

I guess it had to be done, so I sent a message asking him if he is currently chatting to or dating someone else, he replied really quickly saying he was on 'them' but not gone on any dates, why, I responded saying it was useful to know where things were, to which he replied yes without doubt. 

I then replied saying that I think we are at the point where if we are to carry things on we should be doing it without Tinder etc, as yet there is no response. 

'Them' had made me think so I did a POF search (handy when you have their postcode!) and lo and behold he's on there, I think one of the photo's is from his trip to Greece (we'd had two dates by then) and one is the photo he sent to me of him and his little boy at his first Judo lesson. 

Personally I don't think I'll get one and I think it's a massive shame. 

He told me last night that he'd told his Mum that I make him laugh all the time, we get on great, there is obviously chemistry, I'm seriously thinking it's time to give up on finding my Prince, I don't think they exist anymore and I have to say that makes me terribly, terribly sad, I've spent the last 20 years of my life trying to not find Mr Perfect but Mr Perfect to me and I just don't think he's out there, this is my second bad experience with men in the last 6 months, both due to them not being able to do something without there being other people involved.

It seems as soon as I like someone this is what happens for me, maybe I'm just not meant to be lucky in love, it hurts. 

Baggage Boy.......

Baggage Boy appeared in my life courtesy of Tinder on the 7th October he appeared with 'How u doing? I looked at his profile and thought he looked alright, really nice in some of his pics, not so nice in others. I responded and we went on for some time chatting on Tinder on a pretty much daily basis. 

I didn't realise until recently that he'd actually asked me out on there a few times but I'd pretty much ignored him, I'm not really sure I know why to be honest, he'd also given me his number but I'd not used it. 

I was away for a few days on a conference with work on the 20th and 21st October and the wifi was rubbish so I sent him my number, within minutes a text appeared and we carried on talking. I left to come home and when I got home the phone rang, it was him, it's quite rare these days for a man to pick up the phone from online dating and I was pleasantly surprised, we had a nice chat for about half an hour, we'd both had rubbish days and both felt we'd cheered each other up. 

Baggage Boy is called that because he has been married twice and has a son, who is now four, he has also been ill recently.

This carried on, talking and texting everyday, we planned to meet for a date on November First, however on the Friday he went quiet, I was actually a little upset as we'd got on so well, I had a couple of texts but I felt that the tone had changed. The date never happened. 

I left it and he rang on the Thursday evening, saying he'd been ill and hadn't moved, I thought it was time to sort it so asked if we were going to meet up, we agreed to meet up on the Sunday, I wanted to have a look at camera's and he lives near a big shopping centre, so decided I should go to his and we'd go from there, as parking is a nightmare. 

After the last episode I expected to be fobbed off, Sunday morning came and I got a message asking what time I was coming over, he asked me if I could make it earlier as he had the Dr's at 3, I was really nervous as I wasn't prepared as I'd not expected it to happen. 

I travelled over to his and as soon as we met it felt like we'd known each other for ages, we had a good giggle walking around and ended up in the pub, he asked if I would go to Dr's with him so we could carry on after but that turned to be a bit of a disaster and I went home, we spoke that evening and he said how much he'd enjoyed himself and didn't want it to end, I'd very unusually felt the same, before the date had finished he'd asked if I wanted to do something the following week, to which I'd said yes. 

The week very much carried on in the same vein, daily calls and texts and on Saturday I got a call to say he'd pick me up and we'd go from here, massive cleaning commenced, I don't know if you know this but I breed cats, I have five and have a litter of six kittens, he knew that but I think 11 pairs of eyes staring at him was still a bit of a surprise 'there are a lot of them' he said, he did great, played and cuddled them and then we went out, with the intention of the cinema but we actually went for dinner (me going for dinner, I know, amazing) we had a lovely time, many giggles again and ended back at his for an hour, before he brought me home, we had a little kiss too. 

The week carried on as before again, until Friday, when he went quiet, I knew I wouldn't see him as he was away the following week and then off to Greece for 9 days with work (where he is now) the silence prevailed until Monday when he rang to say he'd managed to get the phone stuck in the car and had had to have it dismantled in order to get it back, he was due to go to Greece on the Weds, we talked for an hour and a half and it was normal, same again on the Tuesday and then he went to Greece, day one was good, got a message to say he'd arrived safely and then more messages in the evening and the same yesterday, I even got one saying 'miss ya' 

We now need to see what happens, I like him, he say's he likes me but boys are different these days, they seem to gain and lose interest at the drop of a hat, I would love to see him again, will it happen? Probably not! 

A little about him, he's 6'2 (my perfect height) well built, a Judo Black Belt, does Gymnastics (imagine the body!) dark hair, cute, decent job, lives alone (apart from when he has the four year old) and makes me laugh a lot and maybe my heart race a little. 

Lets see if this one brings anything further, it's almost unheard of for me to want to go to date three, chances are it won't happen! It's nearly 8 and I've not heard from him yet today, will he be able to not annoy me this time? I've got a rather emotional weekend coming up, which he know's about, will he be there like he says? Lets see......

Mr Nearly There

I was 17, he was 20, I was young and naive and fell for him on sight, he had a girlfriend but he didn't seem to think that mattered.

We met through mutual friends and spent a lot of time together, I can't remember how it started, he said he liked me from the moment we met and had my number off his mate in minutes. 

We spent every possible moment together, he'd pick me up to go to the pub, drop me off last, his days off were spent with me, he'd often phone into my evening job sick so we could have some extra time together. 

He always knew how to get to me, it went on for a couple of years I think but we never slept together, I think I was worried about being hurt (sound any different to now?) We were always being disturbed, generally by our mutual friends (a good thing maybe!) so much so that we used to go and lose ourselves in some special little places, one with my lovely dog, that he also adored and another was a pub that we could hide at with no one to find us, we had some blissful afternoons and evenings. 

He had this amazing way of calming me down (although I'm not saying that he wasn't often the one that got me to boiling point) he used to cuddle me so tight that I couldn't move until he felt me relax, it worked, he's the only person that's ever really been able to bring me down when I'm at rage stage, I could have done with him last Monday! 

One day I was ill and he walked from his house (a few miles away) in the snow with a bottle of lucozade and spent the day snuggled up on the sofa with me, we really did have some lovely times together but he did have a girlfriend, that he lived with, I'd not have asked him at any point to leave and I don't think we talked about it, did I want him to? I honestly can't remember, I do remember liking him a hell of a lot though! 

Well he's kind of come back on the scene or not, though the too soon thing (hmmm, that's far too nice to call him now!) his friend thought that I must have chucked a drink over him at some point (he did have an amazing way of pushing my buttons and rubbing me up the wrong way!) so I asked him (we've been FB friends for years and exchange the occasional email) he said no but he remembered me smashing a pool cue over his back and smacking his head into a mirror tiled wall, I'm pleased to say that my temper has got better as I've got older, I used to be much more fire!

He keeps telling me how much he'd like to see me but I don't want to mess with someone's husband, I think it would end up leaving me feeling empty, I wouldn't want it done to me and I will stay strong.

I've always had quite a soft spot for him, in a way I'd like to see if anything was still there but realistically I know it's a really bad idea! 

I'm off men!

Yes still!

Since the drink over the head thing I've had another set back, we hadn't even met yet, I'll write about him when I've got some more time.

I don't think it's meant to be, I do think I'm meant to be on my own and I cant believe I'm saying this but I would actually like someone in my life at the moment.

The blast from the last is still in regular touch and wants to visit.

Uniform is still around in small amounts.

Life goes on.......

.......................but I'm still reeling. 

I have no idea why things have hit me so hard, my confidence has taken a bit of a battering, I think it's probably just bad timing, work's been busy and hard work (especially some people) I can't stop beating myself up about missing the signs, I'm sure they were all there but I seem to have been totally blindsided on this one. 

I want to stop myself but I can't, I didn't even go out this weekend, I'm totally shattered and could sleep all day, I think the old depression is creeping in, I'm feeling fairly run down, I'm still so annoyed at myself and I can't help punishing myself with what if's, I wish it would stop. 

Last Monday as I got home he was pulling into the next road (yes he was going there) and I hit the red mist stage rather quickly, so badly that I had to get myself out of the house to stop myself doing something stupid, I feel like such a bloody idiot I really do and I still have to face him at some point in the future, at times like this I just want to move away! 

I've been in touch with a blast from my past, I'm not sure if he's been mentioned on here yet, he's from 20 years ago so I'll catch you up on him soon. 

We've still got the normal dating site men messaging but to be honest I'm really off of the whole idea of the male species at the moment, I seem to have no luck at all with them, seems if there were 100 men in a room and one was an arse I'd pick him out first I'm sure I would. 

Done up like a kipper!!!!!!!

Had a few more messages, it was his birthday on Wednesday so I wished him Happy Birthday, he said he wasn't doing anything and then I spoke to him on messenger in the evening, he said he'd had a shit day, he said he'd been asking me out for weeks and that there was playing hard to get and then there was taking the piss. He asked me out for dinner and finally I said yes.

Friday came and I was looking forward to seeing him, got to the pub early, I'd noticed something a day or so before, that he'd liked a load of things by a particular person, then she walked in, I obviously wondered on that, he arrived, said hi and then pretty much ignored me for the rest of the night, a friend of mine arrived that I've not seen for ages, she spent a lot if the evening talking to him but then I didn't think twice about that, he's best mates with the father of her youngest.

I sent him a message asking what had changed, no reply but he kept looking over, his Mum and Dad were there and spoke but they were quite keen on leaving early.

Next time I saw him I took the opportunity to ask him what his problem was, he said I'd made myself clear on Sunday that I didn't want him, I said I thought we'd spoken on Wednesday, it turned into a full on row where he was saying I wasn't interested and I was trying to explain the situation, he tried to walk away from me, he's quite a big bloke but I still grabbed his arm and made him stay at the bar, he commented that I must have muscles.

Then the friend came to the bar and asked why I was looking at her like that, I explained that I wasn't looking at her like anything, then the penny dropped and I said ' you too' yes she says, he'd been talking to her (I don't know what else) said he'd take her and her kids on holiday etc, so there were three of us in the pub, all being played. She and I walked into the garden where he was and he looked at us both and said 'I don't care' he handed his drink to a friend, I took it out of her hand and poured it over her head, much to the amusement of half of the pub, apparently he wasn't impressed!

Then she went home with him, what a mug!!!

I was fairly upset because I'd been made a fool of, I don't let anyone get close (not that he had) so I was in tears but out of anger at myself more than anything, his mate was lovely (the one that likes me) and I ended up staying at his (not like that) he slept on the sofa and spent the night telling me it wasn't my fault and I had no reason to know what was going on, I explained that I just feel stupid, I'm normally so switched on to these things, what a fool!!!!

Too Soon is far too much of a nice name for him!

Sunday

Sunday came and we were both due to be out again, we sat in the garden and he came and sat with us for a bit, he was telling my friend about Saturday and shopping, he left with his friends and we were meeting again later at the other village local where I see another friend of mine on a Sunday, I got a message from him asking if I was still coming down and if I wanted him to give me a lift, I said I'd be fine and walk down, I'm glad I did as I walked in and his parents were there, I was a little embarrassed to say the least, he came and joined me at the bar, we got paired up for skittles and when they said our names he said how nice it sounded and when I was trying to read my star sign he said he could tell me what my week was going to be like! He kept asking when I'd let him take me for dinner and dropped to my friend (that knew nothing) that we'd been shopping, it wasn't until later that she asked where I'd been on the Saturday and commented that he'd been to the same place!

Anyway, I fronted saying hello to the parents and making polite conversation, all the time wondering whether they knew anything or not.

We walked back to mine with the two people that normally walk me home and he came in, where he was telling me how much he liked me, I told him that I very much felt it was too soon for him and that I didn't want to get hurt, get cold feet easily (he told me to put socks on!) and that I felt he was rushing in, he disagrees totally and says it's over, he's never going back and he likes me so why should he wait, which I half get and half don't!

He went home saying it was up to me and maybe I ought to call him when I thought he should be ready, I spent the whole of Monday feeling miserable because he'd left with a face like a kicked puppy.

I went for dinner with my friend in the evening, she's known him all of their lives and said I should think sod everyone and what they think if I like him, again she has a point but it would without a doubt come with some shit!

She said one of the young lads that was out said about how much chemistry there was between us and that it wouldn't have been hard for his Mum and Dad to work it out as he'd been next to me from the moment I'd walked in, she also said that she'd never seen him quiet and shy before and it was quite sweet, you know me, I'm a nightmare, we'll see if he makes the next update in my discombobulated little world!

I got a message while we were at dinner, just a smiley face and a load of kisses.

She asked me if I found him attractive and I said that honestly I don't to look at but there is obviously something there (quite possibly smell)  I'm still not sure what to do if I'm honest, I am scared of being hurt and I do honestly think it's too soon for him and I'm not sure I really want to get involved in it all if I'm honest.