The one who left his wife...........................

This story is an old one but he sometimes crops up in the blog I thought I'd give him his own post. I was around 18 at the time so it would have been around 1996, god I feel so old saying that! 

When I was young I was a bit of a wild child, out at every opportunity, clubbing, drinking, getting in from clubbing at 7 and being at work or college for 8:30, what a time to be alive.

I grew up in Oxford, May Day is a Big thing, go out early, party all night, head down to the bridge to watch people jump off on May morning, have no intention of going into college the next day as you know you'll feel like death! 

We were all out as usual, it was a Wednesday night, which was probably our favourite of the week, we started drinking at college at lunchtime. 

After the nightclub closed we went onto another party on Port Meadow and some other people joined us, friends of school friends, one started chatting to me and we spent quite a lot of time together that night, the only thing I can really remember is a conversation about his necklace, it had a Z on, I joked asking if the Z was his girlfriend, he told me not to be silly, it was his daughter, I'm not sure if I was naive at the time but you know back that not many people I knew had wives and girlfriends, certainly not the ones that used to hang out with us week in, week out.

We started to see each other when we were out, we always ended up together at the end of the night, he worked nights so he wasn't out as much as us but often he'd come out and then go straight to work, he'd also come to see me on the way home from work, or on the way to work if I wasn't out, out. 

He wasn't out quite as much as the rest of us but he was out a lot, which is why I never suspected anything, like a wife. 

We were a few months in when I overheard a conversation (which looking back was likely intentional on his mates behalf) he joked about a wife, I thought he must have been joking and didn't raise it for a couple of days, until we were on our own. 

When I mentioned it I honestly expected it to be a stupid joke, it wasn't. He had a wife, the mother of the daughter I already knew about, he lived with her and I don't think at the time I had a lot of words. 

I always liked a bit of a challenge but I would have never gone near a man with a wife but we were several months in and feelings were already involved, we continued to see each other, he continued to be out all of the time, he continued to see me at every opportunity. 

It was months later when he came over with his wedding ring on and I asked where it had been that first night, he told me he'd been wearing it, I knew that was a lie, it was about 10 years later that he finally admitted to taking the ring off and putting it in his pocket, I knew he wasn't wearing it, I knew that I'd have noticed, he told me that he took it off as no one talked to him if he wore it, well duh! 

We continued like that for about a year (by the way I never slept with him in this time, I was young, a bit shy, lived at home, he lived with his wife) 

On Valentines Day I walked out to my car COVERED in roses, it was sweet and then later that day at work a bouquet of red roses, I love flowers but I was a bit embarrassed at having to walk through town with them. 

In that year we saw a lot of each other, his wife was even out one night, I avoided her, I felt sorry for her and I felt like a bad person and while it wasn't right, it wasn't me that was cheating. I never brought up him leaving her, I never expected him to, we just made the most of the time we had, I was out at every opportunity, he was too. 

I don't think from when I found out I ever wanted him to leave, I was too young to be tied down, I never wanted to meet someone, I wanted to carry on as I was and I guess in some ways him being married allowed me to do that. 

On a Saturday I was coming home from work on a bus and just as I got to my stop I saw him, walking along with an overnight bag, I was cold at that moment, I got off of the bus and my first words were 'what did you do?' he told me he'd left her and I didn't know what to say, I guess it's what the other woman is meant to hope for, genuinely that wasn't the case, I liked him and wanted to be with him but I thought it would fizzle in it's own time and that he and his wife would carry on like before. 

I was going out that night with my best friend, I rang and told her and she thought we weren't going out, I said we absolutely were and that he was coming to babysit for her, I very much needed to have a good think about what was to come and what I wanted, I knew he and I needed to talk about it at some point but it wasn't the time, for either of us. 

May Day came quickly and it was the first time we slept together, a whole year after we first met. The wife found out we were together and made four from 2+2 she quite rightly went mental and gave me shit for months, smashing my car, every time we were due to do something she'd tell him there was a problem with their daughter and he'd have to go round and get her. 

It meant constant cancelling of any plans, I always understood his daughter came first and I never had a problem with that, I also knew that she was doing it on purpose but there was nothing I could do about it. 

It was about four weeks later when I started feeling sick constantly and a day later I did a test, I remember doing it at my best friends house and being devastated. 

The timing was bad, the situation was bad, I wasn't ready, I'd had tests done a couple of years earlier and been told I had Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome and that I'd probably never have children, certainly not naturally anyway so it was quite a shock to be in the position I was in, just four weeks after sleeping with him for the first time, I guess after being given that diagnosis I didn't think I needed to be very careful, it was never going to happen to me. 

It didn't take much thinking through, I'd been brought up in a single parent family and didn't want to do that, I wanted a career, I wanted to have fun, I wanted to have my own house, I wanted to be married before I had children, I wanted to be in a stable relationship, there was so much I wanted, I really wanted it to be over. 

I had an appointment at the hospital, luckily it was early days so the procedure was relatively simple, I hadn't told him, I was struggling to communicate with him at all, apart from being miserable, we were out in the car and he asked me what was wrong, I told him and he said he's support my decision whatever it was, he asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, I was going with my friend. 

I honestly couldn't have taken any emotion, I was a wreck as it was. 

Would him saying differently have changed my mind? I don't know. If the timing had been different would it have changed my mind? I don't know. Was it the right decision at the time. Yes, it was. 

The day came and my friend took me to the hospital, we both have a warped sense of humour and tried to joke about it, I remember the Doctor having a very hot Junior Doctor with him, they both had to do an internal and the Doctor asked who was the best, it was the strangest of situations. 

The day was painful, more emotionally than physically, I have never been so mixed up and emotional, I was a wreck but to be honest it was too late by that point anyway, you've already taken the first tablets and the job is done largely by then. 

I went through a terrible period of depression following it, in those days there wasn't counselling, you just did it, never told anyone and went back to work a couple of days later after a few days holiday. 

My body healed fast, my head didn't, I couldn't stand to think of him with his daughter and I distanced myself from him, we were still having sex (much more carefully) at every opportunity but I really tuned out from him. 

My second and very young sister had been born shortly after, we were all at her Christening and people were saying how she could be mine, I'd literally just had the termination and it hurt, it really hurt, they were right, there was that much of an age difference that she could have been, little did they know how much their jokes hurt. 

My 20th birthday came he was keen for us to do something together, all I wanted to do was go out with my friends (and him) get drunk and forget the world, it was then I learned that he had a hang up about his penis size (I'd never even really noticed until that point that it was a little on the small side but I wasn't very experienced and he was great in bed, he well and truly made up for any size with everything else he did, I assume it had been an issue with the wife and he really did have a hang up about it. 

It came up a lot (the hang up!) but things were falling apart, I was depressed and didn't know that, I used to take it out on him and the whole thing started to come apart. 

We were about another six months in when I told him that I couldn't do it anymore, it wasn't working out and we split up. 

It was hard, we hung out in the same group, he blamed me for ending his marriage, I blamed me for everything. 

We still saw each other as we were out in the same group, then one night we were out and he lost his shit with me over a birthday card I'd sent him (I've spent ages choosing it so that it couldn't be misconstrued but I'd added 'love from' he pinned me up against the wall of the nightclub and asked why I'd written love when I didn't love him, I'd obviously not thought that bit through as much as I thought. 

One of his best friends; P pulled him off me, threw him out of the nightclub and told him not to not to be such a dick, he then came back to see how I was, I was bleeding and a little sore and shaken but ok, he said he was taking me home to make sure I got home safely, he spent the journey telling me that his friend had been a dick and I'd done nothing wrong, we'd been finished a couple of months by that point - there is more to this story but P deserves a post of his own, so I'll carry him on there. 

I got a call the next day, apologising for being such a dick, he said that he didn't mean to hurt me (he genuinely didn't, I do believe that) 

I'm writing this many years later, he still keeps in touch, probably at least monthly, a lot of time went past when we didn't but along came Facebook and changed that, even all these years later, if he knows I'm out in Oxford he'll still meet us for a drink. 

He's remarried, to the Ex of one of his best mates, she apparently hates me, I've no idea why, I wouldn't know her if I fell over her and if I hadn't let him go she'd never have had him, you'd think she'd be pleased really! 

All these years later you know I still think about it, not so much him but the termination, what might have been, that I lost my only chance that day. It was the right thing at that time. 

I will one day make choices purely for me and not give a shit what anyone else thinks, I promise I will!

There isn't a great deal to report since my last post, a marriage proposal on POF and lots of messages, probably only one that I have any interest in but after an initial flurry of contact he's gone quiet (I don't understand that unless they find out something they really don't like which he's not had the opportunity to do as yet) anyway, no great loss but he is a policeman and I do like my uniforms....

On that note Uniform turned up to collect something the week before last, in his fireman's uniform and yes it was good, however last week he turned up to collect something else in his Army uniform and I have to say I was left a little speechless, the uniform definitely did it for me and he also smelled nice, not a great combination for me, made me a little weak at the knee's and I'm fairly sure it was visible!

I saw Looby yesterday, BIL is still playing around with the ex, it kind of gives me a reprieve so it's not such a bad thing, they'll probably break up when I meet someone, that's how we seem to work it.

I think that is all!

What a line........

My inbox today brought this little gem.....

Hi there gorgeous im a submissive crossdresser wana chat 

Well, as you can imagine I jumped and replied straight away, oh no actually I didn't! 

Messages like this make me realise why I'm single! 

It's been a while but I'm back!

Well it's been a while since my last post but I'm back, Blue Eyes and I lasted about a year, he was lovely, if anything too lovely for me, I also think he had a few issues with alcohol, well after finding several empty bottles stashed around the place that's what I can deduce from it! I've been single again for almost a year now and loving it as always, I've been on three dates, not worth seeing again, one was too short but nice, one was nice looking but had more to say by text than in person and I think the other was using photo's from about 20 years earlier!

A quick sum up of the last year......... enjoying being single far too much to actually bother looking, decided it's time to find Prince Charming (who will now be referred to as PC!) back on POF, still generally full of idiots trying to send you naked photos.

I'm still in touch with the Space Cadet, not quite everyday now but at least weekly, he's still lovely and I still love spending time with him, however he's a bit wet so I'm glad it never happened and it would have been a waste of a good friend when it didn't work out!

Still speak to Intel, we spent a day together last year at Goodwood FOS, he's a nice guy, has bugger all luck with women though, desperate for someone to love (maybe a little too much so!)

Still speak to Squaddie, he's still fooling around with women that are far too young for him and it never lasts but he's a good laugh so we still speak and occasionally see each other at events.

Knight In Shining Leathers is still around, as is Billy Bullshit, who still keeps asking me out.

I've had a couple of blasts from the past appearing, one is current. Doorman and I first met when I was 17 and he was 16, we liked each other on sight but I was dating his friend and I thought he was too young for me (a year seemed a lot at that age!) When his friend (The One Who Left His Wife) and I split he didn't take it well and one night when we were out pinned me against a wall shouting at me, Doorman pulled him away and escorted him outside, coming to make sure I was ok and took me home to ensure I got there safely, I did and he didn't leave until the next morning, it is still one of the best nights I've had, he's said about coming to visit, he's in regular contact, although some of the messages aren't really my thing, I'm still debating the 'do I, don't I' it won't add to my numbers and could still be a bit of fun but I'm not sure fun is really what I'm after these days, will update with any news on it.

I have a good friend that I met about 18 months ago, Looby is a cake maker and I did a decorating course with her when Blue Eyes and I were together, she's lovely and we hit it off straight away, the first time we met she was telling me about her Brother In Law and how she thought we'd be perfect for each other, when Blue Eyes and I split up BIL was already seeing someone but every time I see her it's mentioned, I time her and it's rarely longer than 10 minutes before she mentions him and in more recent months it's been about how he and the girlfriend weren't well suited and I'd be better!
Just before Christmas I got a message saying 'shown BIL your photo and he thinks your fit' I pointed out that he has a GF and she said that she was just 'sewing the seed' well Friday I was at work and I get a call from Looby, first words were 'he's dumped her' 'who' I ask, BIL has dumped the GF, two weeks she tells me before she fixes us up on a date, will keep you posted!

Clark Kent is from POF and he's hot, funnily enough he looks like Clark Kent (in the little nerdy, glasses and is so going to be hot when he puts some nice clothes on (or gets them off!) he's suggested an 'audacious' outdoorsy date but works in the city so it needs to be a weekend.

Mr Amazon is from Match and sounds lovely, has a child though and lives a little too far away really for it to be a sensible option but we do speak daily by email, can't see that going anywhere though.

I have met someone in the village also but again I'm not convinced and think we'll end up being friends,  we'll call him Uniform, he is in the Army and has more uniforms than you could shake a stick at, he is also a retained Fireman (I know it sounds promising!) I first met him about a year ago but only briefly, I had dinner at a friends a couple of months ago and he'd been invited too, he then did dinner and invited me and we've done it a few more times since, I've been to his, he's been here, he loves the cats and wants one, he's nice but not really my type, not really tall enough, smokes (hate it!) probably drinks too much but on the other hand has his own home, a career rather than a job and works hard, as well as loving the cats, I don't think there is any real chemistry but he's nice to spend time with, he did make a kind of attempt to kiss me on boxing day morning when he left and when we are together he's always snuggled up to me on the sofa however I think we're going down the friends route, which sometimes is better than the other option as it doesn't have the chance of going horribly wrong!

I think that's about it for the catch up!

Blue Eyes Update....

He's become  bit of a fixture, I've joked a few times lately that he's moved in without telling me, we worked out the last time he slept in his own bed was two weeks ago!

Didn't have the best of weekends, I was working away Friday night, the thing with my job is that although I'm lucky enough to work from home a few day's a week the day's I'm out at work it tends to be 18 hour days, he stayed at mine on Friday while I was away to look after the cats, the plan was to get home Saturday night and spend some time together Saturday night and Sunday but it wasn't to be, my car broke down and I got home gone 1 AM Sunday morning and he'd gone round to his sisters as there had been somewhat of a domestic, he stayed there until 6 AM and then came round, Sunday was spent trying to sort my car out, borrowing a car and worrying about everything getting sorted out, really not the day we'd planned!

He met my mother! It wasn't planned, we had to pick the car up but couldn't really avoid it, he was really nervous bless him!

We're still getting on really well, I'm shocked that it's going so well, we still can't get enough of each other and I'm actually happy that he wants to spend so much time with me.

We have another weekend apart this weekend, I'm working tomorrow and he's at a wedding that I wasn't able to go to due to work, so I won't see him for a couple of nights this weekend.

It's his birthday the week after next and as part of his present we're going away for the weekend and neither of us can wait to escape for a couple of day's, I've had one weekend off in the last 9 weeks, the weekend he was on a stag do, so we're both looking forward to having a bit of time together away from everything!

I've got him a box of Haribo Frogs (amongst other things) for his birthday, although he won't know how their appropriate they are! ;-)

More messy nights......

I've been a little slack on my updates, Blue eyes is still appearing, he's stayed here at least once every weekend since the first time he stayed here, I've still not really got a clue what's going on, he's nice to spend time with, I went out with him on Friday but wasn't drinking as I had work early on Saturday morning, so I left early and came home alone for once!

I worked Sat and then went out to meet everyone once I'd finally got home, after an 18 hour day I wasn't feeling particularly up for it but managed to stay out until closing, accompanied home by Blue Eye's, I made him tea and toast again (shocking I know!) and we spent a few hours in the afternoon cuddled up on the sofa, which I've got to say was really nice, we're still in the can't keep our hands off each other which is quite cool, even sitting on the sofa he'll sit holding my hand etc, something I'm really not used to, we eventually had to move as we'd promised we'd go out for Messy Sunday, however the whole of the normal Messy Sunday Squad lamed out quite early so we unusually left before closing and came back here.

He commented when we were in bed that he would have quite happily spent the afternoon here rather than going out and how nice it had been, I joked that when I was on Christmas Shutdown I'd be getting him over every night and making sure he didn't get any sleep, he said I was horrible and I commented that all he had to do was say no, he said he thought being able to say no to me was very unlikely!

Have heard from him everyday I think but I don't think I'll see him this weekend as he's out of the village on Friday and I'm working on Sunday which means I can't go out on Saturday and it's unlikely that I'll be back in time for Messy Sunday (I know, can't say I'm too pleased about that bit to be honest!)

I went out for dinner with the Best Friend last night, curry club as usual but I also went to see his rather lovely new house, we had some deep and meaning full's which we normally try to avoid, he's a bit bored with the girlfriend again but he thinks he'd get bored with anyone so isn't really looking into it too much, he asked what was going on with me and had the shortened version of the Blue Eye's story, it seems he thinks it can't go on being fun forever and that the time will come when we'll have to work out whether to call it a day or it become more than it is but the question is, is this really necessary? Can't it just carry on until it's not fun anymore and then that be it and us go back to just being friends? And if not why?

Should we stay with someone that bores us because that's normal and it's what everyone else does? Can you really not have it all?

I want it all and I honestly think I'd rather stay single until I get it but Best Friend say's it's impossible and we can't have it all, what happened to change him? Is he going to end up settling in front of my eyes?

Blue Eyes Update

I've not seen him but heard from him a couple of times this week, he's also apologised a few times this week about keeping me up and waking me up on Monday!

I had a really long day at work, starting by having to get up at 3 AM and getting home about 8 PM, I'd responded in the morning to a text he'd sent the night before and added that my Sat Nav had broken on the way and that it was a miracle I'd actually got there, I got a message from him on my way home saying 'Hi, how was the long day of work? Because you said your sad nav had packed up I've been a little worried. Didn't know if you would be able to find your way home' I have to say the message definitely got an awww out of me! It made my day!

Well Evil Twin today asked if he'd been invited out at the weekend and I'd said no, so I got talked into inviting him and he's coming out tomorrow, I still don't know where the ground lies with this one to be honest, I guess time will tell eh?

See if we can stop behaving like a pair of teenagers?!